Chance
author: Melby7777
Summary: On Kakuzu's ninety-second birthday, Hidan tries to get a chance to be with Kakuzu.
Disclaimer: Akatsuki is owned by Masashi Kishimoto
Note: this was a request from my deviant art 'pancake', Samurai-Kenshin.
Kakuzu sat in the living room of the base, reading a classic book—his favorite hobby. It was August fifteenth, otherwise known as his birthday. But it was not just any birthday; it was his ninety-second birthday.
Sighing, the miser glanced to the clock. It was exactly five in the morning, and Pein or Itachi should be up any minute now… Kakuzu found he couldn't sleep the night before, and left his room next door to Hidan's. The Jashinist was obviously sound asleep from what Kakuzu heard coming from the room.
The banker snapped his book shut after marking his page. There wasn't much to do except get something to eat. Pein hadn't sent the members out on any missions for the past week, and he wondered if it had something to do with the lack of trails to the jinchuuriki. Either way, Kakuzu was locked up in the base…
… with the homosexual couples—excluding Pein and Konan, the only hetero couple in this organization—and his wannabe-boyfriend.
Speaking of his wannabe-boyfriend, Kakuzu found himself sniffing the air from a good smell and looking to the kitchen. He would have had a nose bleed if it weren't for his self-control; Hidan stood in the doorway to the kitchen from the living room wearing a short maid's outfit. The dress was black with white trim, a little white apron around his waist. Hidan's torso was shown perfectly, the dress being extra tight around his top, and the black and white lace headband held his hair back instead of gel. The skirt of the short dress went to the top of Hidan's thigh, making his legs seem longer and the high heeled black shoes he wore made him taller. His hand was on his hip, the other holding up a tray.
"Morning 'Kuzu, and happy birthday!" The zealot sang happily, coming closer to the aforementioned man while carrying the tray of pancakes. "I hope you like pancakes, love!"
The grin never left Hidan's face, and Kakuzu almost twitched at the sight before him. The miser was obviously straight, and everyone knew it. But Hidan still tried, and right now seemed to complete Kakuzu's theory of Hidan never giving up. Though, Kakuzu did have to admit, Hidan looked hot in a maid's dress… especially since it was so short…
"No, wait… bad thoughts…" Kakuzu told himself, shaking his head. "Hidan… what the hell?"
Hidan twitched at that, a frown finally forming on his lips. "Well then screw all this, seriously…" He promptly threw the tray over his shoulder with a satisfying clank of the metal against the wall. "Look here ass hole, I'm going to make you gay today and you're going to love me."
It was silent between the two for a good five minutes before Kakuzu burst out in laughter. "Oh yeah Hidan, I'm totally going to love you by the end of the day…"
"You will, Jashin damn it!" Hidan cursed, face turning up into a scowl. Kakuzu's laughter was stopped abruptly as Hidan pounced on him, straddling him and pinning the miser to the couch. A sinister smirk curled over Hidan's lips then.
Kakuzu gulped from the closeness of their bodies—specifically their hips; or rather what was between them. In a way, this turned him on… but the memory of Hidan not being a woman just made him want to hurl.
So, instead of doing what Hidan obviously wanted him to, Kakuzu shoved the Jashinist off of him, jumped up off the couch and ran from the room; quickly forgetting his book.
The stitched man had made it all the way to the other side of the base—also known as the game room where the members would play poker, pool and things along those lines. He stopped to catch his breathe, surprised that he'd even need to. Kakuzu was obviously getting old…
"Good morning Kakuzu…" Pein's voice called from within the room, the sound of the q-ball hitting another ball reaching the banker's ears.
Kakuzu looked up, seeing Pein and Konan both up and playing pool. From the sight of a striped ball rolling towards a pocket and Konan bent over, Kakuzu knew who had which balls.
"Morning Leader, Konan…" The miser murmured, walking back to the door to look out it and down the hall.
"Hidan giving you trouble?" Konan asked simply as she bent over again to hit the q-ball.
Kakuzu nodded at her words. "Yeah… he's trying to make me love him by wearing a maid's outfit…" He looked over at the lone Akatsuki female. "You wouldn't happen to know where he got the dress, would you?"
Konan smirked as she stood tall, the ball she aimed for going into the pocket. "Me of course…"
The banker's eyes rolled. "Why do you do this to me Konan?"
"Because you're not even giving that poor kid a chance, Kakuzu."
"He's twenty-three, he can handle heartache."
The origami mistress stood tall again after another shot, looking over at him with a bored expression. "Not by you, Kakuzu; you're his first love."
"You've got to be kidding me…" Kakuzu muttered, running a hand through his loose hair. "What I really want to know is how he knew about my birthday…"
Pein chuckled, obviously not caring that his wife was beating him. "That would be me. He said he wanted to know your birthday so he could use the excuse of it being that day to get you to love him."
Kakuzu twitched at this. "So even you're helping him, Pein…?"
"Yep."
"Damn it…"
"Ka~kuzu~!" Hidan's sing-song voice sounded from down the hall.
"Shit…!" Kakuzu muttered, running to the window and jumping outside. Almost immediately after he had, Zetsu appeared in front of him.
"Get back in there and face your love…" He said, a glare on his two shaded face. "Or I'll eat you…"
Kakuzu shuddered at that bit, but ran away from the plant man as quickly as he could.
An hour later, he was back in the base and hiding in Itachi and Kisame's shower. The two were both still asleep—amazingly for Itachi—and the miser really needed the hiding place.
But luck was not on his side. The sound of two people awakening from the bedroom made Kakuzu tense. The shark and weasel were awake and, from the sound of the footsteps, were headed for the bathroom.
Suddenly, there was a knock on a door—obviously not the one to the bathroom.
"Itachi, I'll get the door; you go get in the shower." Kisame's voice called from the room, and Kakuzu shook with fear.
"Shit shit shit! Itachi's coming in here!" Kakuzu thought as the door opened to the bathroom. "Hn…" Itachi muttered before the door closed. The miser gulped at this.
He could barely hear out in the other room, but from the sound of things, Kisame was talking to Hidan. And it was more than likely about Kakuzu's whereabouts.
The silhouette of the Uchiha became smaller as the weasel came closer to the curtain. Kakuzu held his breathe and closed his eyes in fear. Why was he afraid? Because Itachi would kill him for being in his shower, and if it were any other member, Kakuzu wouldn't have been afraid.
"Kakuzu…?" The banker opened his eyes and calmed a bit, noticing the hint of concern in Itachi's voice. "Why are you…? Hidan's trying to get you to love him, isn't he?"
The miser nodded, and looked to the bathroom door. Hidan and Kisame's voices could still be heard. "Itachi… please don't turn me into the little freak…"
An eye brow rose at that. "Hidan, I found Kakuzu!" He called then. "He's hiding in our shower!"
A joyful cry was heard from the other room and Kakuzu winced. "Why Itachi, why…?"
"Because Hidan needs you…" Itachi stated as though he were talking about the weather. Kakuzu could only stare at the weasel as the door burst open.
"Thank Jashin; you're alright 'Kuzu!" Hidan's cheery voice sang, and Kakuzu looked over at the masochist. "I thought Zetsu really did eat you! Nice hiding spot by the way; never would have thought to look there! Oh, you sly fox you!"
The greedy man's shoulders slumped at that. From behind Hidan, Kakuzu could see Kisame pointing down at Hidan and nodding, mouthing the words "Love him, damn it!" Kakuzu would have hit the shark had the blue man been next to him.
"Hidan… just… no…" Kakuzu said, stepping out of the shower. "Learn what rejection is and live with it. You and me, we're never going to be."
Itachi and Kisame both shook their heads at the old man's words. Hidan could only stare.
"I… don't understand…" He looked down at his hands that had started to play with the hem of the dress Konan lent him. "Jashin said… you'd love me on your birthday…"
"Well Jashin must have been on crack or something, because I'll never love you…"
Those words made Hidan become tearful. "Don't say that… you motherfucking bastard…"
"Say what; that Jashin's on crack or that I'll never love you?" Kakuzu sarcastically asked, knowing the answer involved the zealot's god.
Hidan snapped his head up to glare at Kakuzu. "You know what I meant! Don't you fucking dare tell me you'll never love me!"
This of course caught the miser off guard. He could only stare at the smaller man in a dress, crying his eyes out. Hidan opened his mouth to say something else, but abruptly turned to run out of the room, passing Kisame easily.
"You're a greedy old man who only loves his money, Kakuzu…" Kisame muttered, glaring over at Kakuzu. "How could you say that to Hidan? You're treating his heart like trash, and you don't even care what happens to his feelings."
Itachi nodded in agreement. Kakuzu looked back and forth between the couple. "So now you two are trying to make me feel guilty for hurting the religious zealot?"
"No, but you do need to know that he probably wants to die right now." Itachi alleged calmly while Kisame nodded.
Kakuzu scoffed at that. "He can't die, so there's no point in worrying."
"Maybe, but he will make himself pass out multiple times from blood loss. He's going to cut himself." Kisame stated, backing up his boyfriend.
The miser growled. He hated to admit it, but he was a bit worried about his wannabe-boyfriend. "Shut up, both of you…" And with that, he stormed from the room.
Kakuzu didn't see Hidan for the rest of the morning, and right through lunch. Of course, Tobi and Zetsu were both now awake—Zetsu having already been up—and were nagging Kakuzu about Hidan.
The orange masked man shook his head. "Tobi just doesn't understand you, Kakuzu-san. Hidan-san is a good man, albeit a bit psycho, but he does mean well. Tobi wishes you could just love Hidan-san like Zetsu-san loves Tobi."
Kakuzu sighed from this. "Just shut up, Tobi… Zetsu just wants to eat you…"
"Don't you dare talk to Tobi like that." Zetsu growled, an arm going around the smaller man's waist. Kakuzu dropped his sandwich before standing and leaving the room.
When he was back in the first room he had been in that day, Kakuzu looked around. The first thing he found was his book, and the miser sat down calmly to continue reading.
Only to be interrupted by a certain red head.
"Kakuzu, you do realize Deidara is trying to keep Hidan from cutting himself right now, right?" The puppeteer asked, walking into the room and sitting beside the older man.
Kakuzu sighed, closing his book. "Yes, and it's my fault… but I don't care."
"Hidan has been trying to get you to love him?"
"Yes…"
"Is it working?"
"No…"
"Bullshit it isn't. I see guilt in your eyes."
"Shut up…"
It was quiet between them. Neither said a thing.
But then Deidara came storming into the room. "Fine Hidan, pass out from blood loss again over that stupid, greedy, motherfucking old man! See if I or Kakuzu care, un!" The blonde humphed and crossed his arms before walking into the room fully. His gaze landed on the two men sitting at the couches. "Oh… it's you, un…"
"Nice to see you too, Deidara…" Kakuzu muttered, rolling his eyes.
"Why don't you do anything about him, un? He's hurting himself over you!"
Sasori looked around Kakuzu at his dear sculptor. "He claims to not care."
Deidara scowled at this. "Like hell he doesn't care! Kakuzu, you go to Hidan right now, un! Tell him how you feel!"
"So you want me to tell him he's an idiot?"
"No, damn it! Sasori-danna, tell him he loves Hidan, un!" Deidara whined to his lover, who groaned at this.
Sasori looked back to Kakuzu, a bored expression on his face. "You love Hidan, go tell him…"
"I don't love him."
"What about that time you made sure he wasn't going to get hurt by getting a hotel room, un?"
"Or that time you gave him your cloak because his was ruined and it was raining?"
"Or that other time you—"
"SHUT UP!" Kakuzu screamed, glaring at the artists. "I hate this entire organization! You all seem to think Hidan and I are meant for each other!"
"But you are, un…"
"Yeah; deviant art said so." Sasori said, pulling a laptop out of nowhere. The webpage showing was of the aforementioned website, and pictures of Kakuzu and Hidan kissing were all Kakuzu could see. (Haha, the forth wall was just broken)
"I'm just going to pretend I didn't see that…" He muttered when the laptop disappeared.
"Anyway, you and Hidan are meant for each other—I can feel it, un!" Deidara cheered with a smile on all three visible mouths.
Kakuzu sighed and stood. "I'll just… go talk with Hidan…"
"That's the spirit, un!" Deidara said, a smile forming on Sasori's face as well.
"After I balance my check book…" Kakuzu murmured as he walked out of the room thoughtfully, making the artist's smiles fade.
The miser sighed from outside the room. The sun had set hours ago, but it was still his birthday. His mind had been full of Hidan the entire time he tried to balance his check book, and Kakuzu had gotten absolutely no work done.
But he did figure one thing out…
Kakuzu knocked on the door in front of him. No answer came, just the sound of someone moving in the room. Rolling his red and green eyes, the banker swung the door open.
He would have hurled at the sight. The room looked like multiple sacrifices had been made, and bloody murder was in order for each sacrifice. The only thing not completely covered in blood was the man trying to stand in the middle of the floor—Hidan.
"What did you do; actually try to kill yourself?" Kakuzu muttered, walking over to the heap of his partner. Hidan's eyes opened slowly, and he stared at Kakuzu. He opened his blood covered mouth, but Kakuzu shushed him. "Don't talk Hidan, not until I have stitched up your wounds…"
The masochist didn't say a word as Kakuzu's threads came out from his sleeves and to Hidan's body, stitching up the Jashinist's self-inflicted wounds.
"What possessed you to do this to yourself? You look like you'll pass out any minute." Kakuzu murmured, looking back to Hidan's pale face. It looked paler then usual.
"Ka… kuzu…" Hidan murmured, but Kakuzu placed a hand on his mouth, shushing him again.
"Stay quiet until I'm done Hidan…" The zealot tried to nod, but failed to lift his head fully. The miser noticed as he lifted Hidan by his shoulders, resting the younger man against him. "I'm sorry I was so harsh before… it's just, pushing love onto someone isn't a very good thing Hidan…"
Hidan gulped down some blood that got into his mouth, tying to nod in understanding.
"And… well… I'm not sure how to say this, but after a whole day of thinking about it…" Kakuzu looked at Hidan, who looked as though he were struggling to remain awake. "I… love you Hidan."
A small smile formed on Hidan's lips. "I… love you too… Kakuzu…" Kakuzu titled his head down and placed his lips onto Hidan's bloody ones. The Jashinist did his best to kiss back, though it was a bit softer than he obviously wanted. Kakuzu pulled back and Hidan chuckled a bit, though it sounded airy. "Jashin… was right… you were to love me… on your birthday…"
Kakuzu smirked at that. "Maybe being on crack isn't such a bad thing for the guy…" He murmured, resting his head on top of Hidan's.
"Happy birthday… Kakuzu…"
Kakuzu watched the Jashinist pass out just as he finished stitching him up. Pressing his lips against Hidan's bloody forehead, the miser smiled again. "Thank you for this chance at love, Hidan…"
The rest of the Akatsuki all smiled to one another after watching what was on the television before them. "Good work, everyone… Kakuzu and Hidan are now together and Hidan will stop bitching to us." Pein stated, smiling up at Konan who sat next to his random throne.
Kisame frowned at a sudden thought. "But won't he now just complain about Kakuzu not spending a lot of time with him?"
The Akatsuki became silent. "Shit…" They all muttered simultaneously.