Loss

Summary: Jou unravels how Yamato and Takeru rekindled their relationship. Set during Tri part 4. Yamakeru, unrequited Joumato, ex-Sorato Many trigger warnings listed inside. Don't like, don't read!

A/N: More late night crack, sort of. I've never written a jealous lover before so it was weird for me. Enjoy? I did rewatch part 2 of Loss to see if I could fit my idea in; technically there isn't enough time, but fuck it. Literary license it is, so don't take this too seriously. (Yes, I've been enjoying the Yamakeru fujoshi a little too much in Tri.) Also, this was way longer than I intended... Yay?

Also, this can be read without having read some of the headcanon. I tried to imply enough so new readers wouldn't have to. It's an AU to that, anyway, so it really doesn't matter.

Warnings: Incest, Yaoi, Voyeurism, Solo, Rape, Hinted past abuse

Even as we all argued about Meiko and Meicoomon, I noticed them. Yes, standing next to one another wasn't unusual for two brothers... but I had to admit, when I last kept up with Yamato, even after he broke my heart into a billion pieces, the two barely said a word to one another. I guess you could dispute it as an age difference at the time... Yamato was becoming an adult and still with the Wolves, and Takeru still had growing up to do while saving the Digital World a second time.

I didn't have a right to be jealous; my insistance about my own girlfriend was real, although I don't think anyone would understand the circumstances. Those matters were better left private and despite my announcement years ago regarding my homosexuality, no one questioned me. I think they felt as if they were playing along because they knew how heartbroken I had been. They wanted to believe I was happy. The truth was I couldn't help but pine after Yamato, the only one to ever understand me completely and unconditionally. With Mimi only recently returning from America and Sora and I's friendship rocky at best; with Gomamon the way he was, I was undeniably alone.

But several things jumped out at me since I rejoined the fray. Takeru insisting on dates but never mentioning any girl in particular. I would have figured either Hikari or Yamato would have mentioned someone. I didn't picture Takeru as the kind to casually date, with the way his mother raised him. Then, the way Yamato coddled Takeru after our Digimon... disappeared. A reassuring hug, right? Was I overthinking everything?

I knew how Yamato always felt, from the first time we were in the Digital World. As far as I knew, I was the only one he told.

Then, on this sunset, at the campfire... my suspicions were pushed beyond curiousity to a reality. We waited for Taichi to return, discussing the entire Meiko matter once again. I sat myself next to Yamato. He'd hardly spoken to me except that time under the bridge, and even then, he left in a huff of anger before I could get my own words out. Since then, he'd sulked over his argument with Taichi and then things were spiraling out of control until now. I was almost able to relish a moment of peace, if not for the night to come.

"My number one will always be you-know-who," Takeru grinned.

Albiet, the teasing from Taichi making Yamato blush brought a smile to my face. I couldn't help but remember the time he thanked me for saving Takeru's life at the diner. So help me if he knew about the time Takeru almost drowned... he'd probably beg to take me back.

Then Sora got up and left. It was as if she couldn't stand to be there with Yamato. Their break up had been very hush-hush and seemed almost mutual... but again, I wondered.

Sora never came back. Yamato would tap his fingers against his knee, occasionally look into the forest where she had gone, then look back at the fire. We talked ourselves to exhaustion. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I had my own worries about a rabid Meicoomon attacking us and even now I was still the oldest. Still responsible.

I tried to sleep, then heard Takeru stir next to me. I waited a moment and watched him wander off somewhere. I would have thought, maybe a potty break, but the last time I thought that about an Ishida it nearly got us all killed. So, I carefully started to follow.

The smell of smoke was easy to pick up, especially after my on and off years with Yamato, waiting for him to tell me everything was alright, so we could tell everyone how we felt. But he never said anything. Then, that Christmas Eve with Sora:

"I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I said yes," he insisted.

I hated that. What about my own feelings? They were as gone as our Digimon's memories, I supposed...

Yamato took a long drag as his brother approached the small clearing.

"Something's bothering Sora," Takeru whispered.

Yamato nodded.

"Aren't you going to talk to her?"

"About what? I've already said everything I needed to say," Yamato replied. He crushed the cigarette between his fingers. "What are you doing up, anyway? You need your rest."

"I'm not a little kid anymore, Niisan."

"I'm completely aware of that."

Then, there it was. Yamato pulled his brother over gently by the wrist and kissed him. Like we once did. My heart sank and I settled against a nearby tree. I wanted to turn away, I wanted to believe everything Yamato once told me, but I couldn't.

Yamato had Takeru's hands entwined with his own, pressed into the bark supporting them. From a distance they would look like any normal, fairytale lovers under the light of the moon. I listened to them kiss for awhile, until the rustling of clothes signaled a shift in gear.

I should have left, but I didn't. I don't know why I needed to see everything to confirm this to myself; probably because in my wildest dreams I'd never imagine it. I pressed my fingertips into the dirt—how could the man I loved... still loved—give into something he swore on his mother's grave to fight?

Yamato cried out and Takeru put his hands over his lover's mouth. Instantly I remembered the same, beautiful voice calling out for me in the depths of a seedy boiler room after a long day of cooking and suffering. Once something that brought me comfort made me want to strangle him. It wasn't fair. Nothing he was doing was helping anyone, especially poor Takeru. He was still too young to know how to stand up to Yamato, surely. He couldn't feel the same way...

Takeru pulled Yamato's shirt back and buried himself in his brother's chest. Yamato's nipples reacted quickly to either the cold night air or the flick of Takeru's tongue. I didn't care. I just didn't want to be there. I couldn't force my feet to move.

For Yamato, aside the fact that this was his brother, sex was standard fare. Hell, by now, who knew how long this was going on, so this probably was too. Either way, Takeru seemed more anxious than his near-twin. He huffed like a child and struggled to undo Yamato's belt.

"School uniforms are a pain in the ass," he whined. I figured that wasn't the only thing.

Takeru freed the confined shaft, then worked his brother's cock in his hands. Yamato panted as he leaned his head back against the tree. All I could think about was how risky the entire thing was. Maybe for them it was more sudden (lustful), but we weren't that far from the campsite. I wondered, was I the only one left in the dark? Did everyone else already know? Is that why Taichi teased Yamato about it earlier? My mind swam with conspiracies as I tried to avoid listening to the goings-on. If Yamato didn't fight with everyone on a near-daily basis, I'd suspect him and Taichi's fight connected to this, too.

"Takeru..." Yamato whined, breaking my thoughts. He looked down and pressed his left palm into Takeru's hair. All at once Takeru took the remainder of Yamato's rationality in. He didn't even gag. Yamato wasn't as well endowed as others, but Takeru definetly had practice somewhere. The younger didn't yelp until Yamato tugged his little brother's head back. Takeru let his tongue linger to taste the tip more, but Yamato pulled away.

For a brief moment I had hope in him.

"Ugh, why'd you make me stop, Niisan?"

"Come on, I want this to last right now," Yamato argued. He twisted his lips into a pout. I officially let go of any hope I had left for Yamato, in some sweet irony, and listened: "Besides, you know what I really want..." That beautiful shade of rose crossed his cheeks. My eyes couldn't help but look to Yamato. He was already dripping and I thought back to the campfire again: how long had he planned to meet Takeru out here? How could he do this when there was so much else going on? But that was his way of coping; always had been. A part of me wanted to forgive him. This wasn't Yamato's fault, I told myself.

"Get down, then," Takeru laughed. "I know what a man slut you are, so go on."

Yamato got on all fours. He never seemed the type to be a bottom, but then, he would do anything for Takeru.

The younger sibling dropped down to the soft earth and squeezed the rear in front of him before pulling it slightly wide. Takeru lowered his head and stretched out his tongue to his brother's balls. Even from my distance I could see them pulled tight against Yamato's body, making them hard to reach.

Yamato made the most begging sound. When Takeru took one into his mouth, Yamato lost all strength in his arms and fell forward into the grass, and one elbow. Dirt stained the left side of his face. He tried to look back, but couldn't control each breath escaping his lips.

Seed dripped between Yamato's legs. Takeru teased the head of his brother's cock and Yamato squirmed to keep his balance. Or make things more accessible...

Then, Takeru pulled all of himself away to admire the state he put his brother in. It was strange for me. I hadn't not thought about how this scenario might go and never did I picture Takeru so tainted. I couldn't see him as a willing participant, but maybe someone under mind control. Takeru then parted his brother again and licked the now-sensitive opening.

"Nn, Takeru..." Yamato groaned. I knew he wasn't looking at me, but into the distance of the darkness somewhere past me. Still, I met his glazed, blue eyes before they squeezed shut as he groaned again. I listened as Takeru licked him and then probed deeper. Yamato raised his hips and begged further.

Takeru continued to twirl his tongue in the warm crevice, making his brother's voice crack in the stagnant night air.

Yamato's cock was dark and thick now. More precum spilled onto the earth.

Takeru stood, balanced himself with his left hand against Yamato's waist. He used a free hand to shove two digits deep inside his brother. He cycled each finger and stretched the blond from the inside out.

I couldn't help but imagine myself in Takeru's place. I may as well have been Yamato's first love. I still remembered that warm, untempered heat around the tips of my fingers, how they tingled from the numb tightness.

That should have been me. All thoughts of risk or the moral consequences of what was conspiring left me. It had been some time since I'd been with any man. I undid the first button of my pants, then the next. I placed my hand against the sensitive muscle between my legs, held back a sharp gasp, then realized what I was doing.

"Takeru, I said tease me, not drive me insane, you bastard," Yamato hissed. He seemed to compose his temper—something I had never seen. "Please..."

I positioned myself comfortably against the tree and continued where I left off. I was harder than I thought, my length extending above my waistline now. I pulled back my soaked underwear and pushed aside the guilt of everything. I steadily pumped my hips towards my hand and continued to stifle each breath.

Takeru unzipped his uniform and readied. I took some pride that he was half as big as me, but being the downer I am, reminded myself he had growing to do. I didn't want to focus on that brat anyway. Yamato grasped handfuls of dirt as Takeru carelessly shoved himself in. I wanted to chastise him for wasting such a precious moment, another opportunity to tease the beautiful man under him.

Yamato let out a low growl as his breath was taken away.

Takeru leaned over him, pressing his youthful form into his brother's back. He dug his nails into each hip and whispered something I couldn't hear.

I stroked gently, delaying what was now inevitable. I looked at Yamato's face as Takeru thrust into him, one of absolute bliss. His bangs started to stick to his forehead as the humid night began to catch up with them.

Takeru looked pained as ecstasy welled in the corner of his eyes. Yamato, from my experience, was probably tighter now. Soon, he would start to throb and I bit down on my free hand at the thought. I recalled each grasp of the blond's body around mine, on one of those nights I'd been afforded the same luxury. I squeezed tightly down on my own sex as I listened to Yamato call out over and over.

"Takeru, Takeru... Takeru!"

The younger brother huffed over him, toes firm in the ground as he picked up the pace. "Niisan... you're so needy. I can feel your heartbeat on my dick."

"More... hit me deeper," Yamato pleaded.

I fastened the pace of my hand, cursed myself for being as weak as Yamato. I could no longer hate him for giving in.

Takeru reached one hand around and jerked Yamato as quickly as I did myself.

The older blond buried a scream of pleasure into the crook of one arm. If he hadn't, everyone at the campsite would have surely heard him. A heavy shot of cum littered the ground and Yamato collapsed into it. He tried to get back on his knees, but it was as if the hot, sticky substance pulled him back down. He lay, panting over the edge of his arm. It was more than enough to send me over the edge.

Takeru made a ferocious noise and pounded into Yamato, in ways I had only dreamt about, too nervous to be so rough on such a delicate human being.

I turned away, hopefully hiding my own exhaustion in the direction of the fading embers. No one would hear me anyway over the several grunts of Takeru's climax. Something about it was primal and sickening, but I turned back. White stained Yamato's thighs. Phantom urges and youthful vitality kept Takeru going again and I forced myself to watch and listen to the skin-slapping dark. I told myself I was as guilty as them. Yamato made hushed grunts between and eventually, Takeru came again.

I cleaned myself up with the glasses cleaner from my pocket. I'd worry about the consequences of that later and buttoned up silently.

Takeru stood, enciting one last cry from Yamato as that wonderful, full feeling left him. He collapsed completely and rolled over. He was a dirty, sad mess, like always.

Takeru, fairly clean, zipped up and sat back on the ground to admire the fallen angel in front of him.

"Well?" Takeru insisted.

Yamato waved him off. I couldn't blame him; what kind of romantic afer thought was so demanding?

"How are you going to clean up?" the little one continued to tease.

"I-I don't know," Yamato breathed.

"I could go get a towel from the campsite," Takeru offered. "I think Jou-san packed a few. Who knows how long we're staying, after all?"

Don't you dare.

"No," Yamato insisted. "I can't risk you waking anyone up. Seriously, I hope no one heard us..."

So, they hadn't told anyone.

"There's a river nearby, I think," Takeru offered. So, Yamato left. I managed to stand on wobbly legs. Yamato returned shortly, redressed and fairly clean, aside the specs of dirt embedded into his cheek. The two brothers exchanged embarrassed glances. I wondered if they pushed the entire act from their minds, like I was trying to. I could only hear Yamato's desperate cries to feel good echoing with the blood rushing back to my brain. The desire to feel better. To rid him from that constant tingling.

"I'll, um... I'll go, talk to Sora..."

"Right," Takeru replied.

The two let their hands slip away and Yamato slunk into the forest. I waited a moment before forcing myself to walk over to Takeru. I brushed back a tree branch and watched my step. I pretended not to notice the pooling white stains on the ground.

"Hey, I was looking for you," I greeted. Forced a smile.

"J-Jou?"

"Are you alright? Couldn't sleep?"

"Y-yeah. I was worried about everything and all."

It was such a bullshit answer. Luckily, thanks to my father's beatings, I was used to displacing my anger and with the hand sunk in my pocket, gently pinched my outer leg.

"I didn't see Yamato at the campsite, either. Have you seen him?"

Takeru shook his head.

"It's just... things never go well when he wanders off, you know?" His mind wanders to you.

Takeru sighed. "Yamato says you know. I could see you from where I was."

"It's not a hard thing to miss when you're looking for it," I spat. So, he knew and watched me the entire time they... "I'm not proud of myself and you shouldn't be, either," I said. My voice was probably more cold than need be. I couldn't help it. I was so angry I wanted to end Takeru's life then and there, but instead I asked for answers. "Why?"

"I..."

"Did he force you?" I put it bluntly, despite already knowing the answer.

"No."

"Then, why? There's better options than this."

"You mean you, with my brother," Takeru hissed. "I think he's made his decision, Jou."

"That's not what this is about. This is about your well being."

"I'm fine," Takeru insisted.

"...how did he tell you?" I had to know.

Takeru hesitated a moment. He looked to where Yamato had gone, to his own feet, then back to me. "Sora told me."

My eyes widened. "S-Sora?" I blurted.

"I believed her. She said the night of the break up, they argued about it."

Yamato did tell me Sora wanted sex. I thought it was about his mother and the flashbacks like before, but no. He had called Takeru's name instead.

Takeru continued as my thoughts overlapped his words: "I think I always knew. I confronted Yamato... the entire thing wasn't easy... and he was insistent that I reconsider. I can see how accusing you are. Sora was the same way. Yamato never wanted to hurt anyone, so you can't stand there and look so accusingly at us."

You can't tell me what I can and can't do. You're just a child. I'm the oldest here. I know what's best for everyone.

"Did Yamato tell you everything, Takeru?" I snapped.

"...everything? What do you mean?"

I pursed my lips. I wondered if I should tell him the truth. Like Mr. Ishida had agreed, it was something best left for Yamato tell Takeru, but at this moment I wasn't sure. If I hesitated now, Takeru's life could stay on this rough road. This couldn't be what he wanted. No one would choose a life of such isolation, secrecy, and hardship. Or, I was jealous and would rather make the two lovers miserable. I had no true qualms with their decision outside my own need and how it would effect Takeru. Yamato promised me, damn it. He promised me he'd never-!

"Takeru, do you know why your brother wants you this way? Why he has always wanted you this way?"

Takeru tried to hide the fear he found from my allusion. "He loves me."

"I'll never deny that," I explained. "But what he's doing is for all the wrong reasons. He may love you, but he's not doing this because he loves you, Takeru."

"I don't understand!"

"I know you don't, because you're too naive to see your brother has ill intentions and has been lying to you."

"He wouldn't," the brat said with a raised nose.

"Yamato is just repeating the cycle your mother taught him," I stated. Takeru raised an eyebrow, clearly unaware of what I had said. His eyes darted the ground as he tried to put it together. I'd make it easy. "She raped him and now all he's doing is raping you."

"You're just jealous," Takeru growled. He even had the gall to raise his fists at me. I'd faced worse and his puny, dirtied hands didn't scare me.

"Think about what you're going to have to live with. How will you tell your mother?"

"I... I don't care. She'll understand. Unlike you."

I couldn't help but cover my mouth and snort. "T-Takeru, you realize your mother is a stern Catholic? The fact that you even would have considered it... she'll condemn you to Hell herself."

"Fuck off, Jou. It's what you're good at."

Little bastard was beginning to push my buttons. "I'm only trying to help YOU, you spoiled brat!"

"I don't need your help. I love Yamato. He loves me. I don't care what happened; it doesn't effect how much he loves me."

"Not how much, but certainly how," I finished.

"I'm telling Niisan."

"Fine, but I'll tell everyone what's going on. They have a right to know. I can't believe Sora would even allow this."

"She understands."

"Takeru, are you looking at the same woman I am? She's miserable."

"I don't care. I have my brother back, Jou... I finally have my brother back."

And that was it. The root of Takeru was always an eagerness to please, to end suffering. He just wanted to meet his own end, for a change. I knew I wasn't going to change his mind.

"Please, Jou-san, don't tell them."

I stormed off towards the campsite. Takeru pleaded after me at first, but he knew there was a chance I wouldn't tell and screaming and berrating me would wake everyone up and cause a scene.

I lay here next to him now as we pretend to sleep and wonder if I should tell. Yamato, Taichi, and Sora are off somewhere. Who knows what they're talking about. I look over at Takeru and he looks at me with the same baby blue eyes of his brother.

"Please, don't tell anyone, Jou. I'm not ready for them to know. Promise me."