A/N So I'm back, although I wasn't exactly gone for long, was I? Well I tried to do some housework, but the laundry-folding turned into me having a tussle with the baby over a sock, and, honestly, it's easier to write about stuff than do it! So here goes. New story.

It's now June, so we've moved on about four months from Homecoming.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

EPOV

The first indication that something was up was the huge fucking truck parked in the driveway, preventing me getting my car in there. That was fucking annoying.

Then I saw the muddy boots left at the front door, and, as I stepped inside, heard a loud male voice with a fucking thick Kiwi accent say "It fuckin' sucks, eh?" That was the second indication.

But the third indication that I'd slipped into some kind of weird fucking alternative universe was when I heard Sookie say "It fuckin' sucks balls is what it does, Jase!" When the fuck did Sookie start talking like that?

I might have been tempted to go back out the door and check that I'd come to the right house, but Amelia appeared in the hallway and yelled "Uncle Jase is here, Eric!" before running off, so I guessed I was in the right place. And I also remembered that Sookie's brother was visiting. Well this should be fucking fun.

I walked in to the family room to find Sookie in the kitchen and some guy sitting at the breakfast bar. "Eric!" Sookie called. "You're here. Great. Come and meet Jason."

Jason turned around. I could kind of see the resemblance to Sookie. I went over to shake his hand and he just gaped at me like a fucking idiot.

"Wow, you're fuckin' tall, eh? Sooks, you didn't say he was that tall."

"Yeah, that's because that isn't the most interesting thing about him Jason. God, you're a dick sometimes."

Jason didn't say anything, he just sniggered. I wasn't sure what to say, he was kind of a dick. But I didn't think me agreeing with Sookie was going to win me any points. So in the end I just said "I'm going to get changed" and I headed off to the bedroom so I could get out of my fucking suit.

When I got back to the kitchen the kids were hanging around 'Uncle Jase' who was telling them some story about cows. Sounded fucking riveting.

Felicia trotted over to me clutching Sockie and held her arms up so I could pick her up. "Dard, dad, dad, dad" she said. She was getting better at saying dad, but it still sometimes came out dard.

I lifted her up she poked me in the cheek with Sockie, giggling as she did it. Sockie was wet and disgusting as usual, from where it had been sucked. I started to walk into the kitchen with her, but tripped over Bob who'd come in for dinner. "Fuck" I muttered under my breath.

"Yep. Fuckin' cats, eh" Jason commented. Sookie turned around from the stove and fixed us both with a glare. "No more swearing, you two! Alright?"

I nodded. I didn't really fucking want to be lumped in with Jason, but there was no getting around it. I put Felicia down and she immediately went after Bob, which got rid of that problem, and I went to give Sookie a kiss.

Sookie stopped what she was doing to put her arms around my neck and return the kiss, which would have been great. Except that fucking Jason decided to wolf-whistle. Sookie turned and glared at him again. "Honestly, Jason! Grow up" Sookie said.

Jason just pulled a face. "Yeah, you're not fuckin' Mum, Sook. Lighten up. And I'll have another beer, while you're in there, eh." I waited for Sookie to tell Jason to get his own fucking beer, but instead she stepped towards the fridge. I was closer however so I got there first, got one out and handed it to Jason, who said "Thanks, mate" before opening it.

"So, you're here until Sunday?" I asked. It was Friday. We could cope for two nights. Probably. There was a slight chance I might fucking punch him, but I really hoped for Sookie's sake it didn't come to that. After all, he was her only relative from what I could gather. Apart from the kids. And me. Yeah, she probably didn't need him that much.

"Yep. Gotta drive back Sunday morning. It's a fuckin' long way, eh? Wasn't so bad getting here from Mystery Creek though. State Highway 1's a lot better than it used to be."

"How was Fielddays?" Sookie asked.

"Pretty good. I bought a new ute. Should be ready to pick up in a couple of weeks."

"Why'd you need a new one?" Sookie asked. "The one in the driveway looks pretty new."

"Yeah, nah. If I don't replace it now it just loses too much value, eh?" Jason looked to me for agreement, but I didn't really fucking care about whatever the fuck a ute was, so I just shrugged. "What's for dinner, Sook?" he asked.

"Hamburgers" Sookie said.

"Choice. You got any beetroot?"

"Yeah, 'course" Sookie replied. "You want an egg in yours?"

"Yup" Jason said, before taking a swig of his beer.

Sookie turned to me. "I take it you don't want either beetroot or a fried egg?" I shook my head no. These people were weird, and I did not understand why they felt the need to put all that shit in their hamburgers.

I kind of hovered near Sookie while she cooked. She gave me a few glances but didn't say anything other than to tell me to shove over once or twice, so I guessed it was OK. Jason sat there and talked at us. Then all of a sudden he looked me up and down and said "Hey, Sook. Have you got yourself a toyboy?"

"Shut up, Jason" Sookie said, sounding only about half as annoyed as I was. I wished he would fucking shut up. Soon. But no, Jason decided to carry on.

"I knew you had a rich American, eh? But I thought it was more of a sugar-daddy type thing. That's a fuck-off big ring you've got there. But I didn't realise you were also robbing the cradle, eh?" Jason took another drink of his beer.

I looked at Sookie, expecting her to say something. But she didn't. She just carried on slicing tomatoes. I really fucking wanted to say something, but I wasn't sure what the rules were. He was her brother, so surely she had some loyalty there. But at the same time, the man was a fucking moron, and I was seriously pissed off with him.

So I just waited for a bit. Sookie put down the knife, walked around the other side of the breakfast bar and punched Jason in the arm, really fucking hard. I enjoyed watching that. A lot.

What I didn't enjoy watching was what happened next when Jason grabbed Sookie and attempted to put her in a headlock. I was about to intervene, when she managed to grab his hand and bend his fingers back, causing him to yelp in pain and let go of her. "Next time" she said, poking him in the chest with her finger "I'll punch you in the nuts. Hard. Then you'll be sorry. Now stop being such a dipshit, Jason."

Sookie started to walk back into the kitchen, but Amelia, who had been watching the whole exchange with interest suddenly asked "What's a toyboy?"

"Bugger" Sookie muttered under her breath, shooting a death-glare at Jason. Then to Amelia she said "Come on, let's go and wash your hands. Felicia, you too." And she disappeared off to the bathroom with the kids, leaving me alone with Jason.

"Shit, she's mean" Jason said, still grinning. "She fuckin' would punch me in the nuts too, eh? She ever do that shit to you?"

"Nope"

"Yeah, she probably likes your nuts though. She's fuckin' brutal with mine." He took another drink of his beer. "You have any sisters, Eric?"

"No."

"You're lucky. They're fuckin' evil."

"Um, I don't really think of my wife as…evil" I said. I didn't really want to say anything to him, but he was pissing me off.

"Shit, did you guys get hitched and I didn't get a fuckin' invite? Fuck, that'll be because Sookie's still pissed about the last wedding. I didn't fuckin' know it was Bill's sister, eh? And anyway, she fuckin' chased me around all fuckin' night, but no, I'm the one who gets it in the ear from Sookie because what's-her-tits goes fuckin' bleatin' to Bill. Fuck. What a fuckin' dick he was, eh?"

I guess we agreed on something then. "You didn't miss it." I said.

"Miss what?" Jason asked. Obviously following his own train of thought was not one of Jason's strongpoints.

"The wedding…or whatever we're doing." I was still a bit unclear, but it made Sookie happy. "It's November."

"Oh. Cool. I'll tell Crystal. Or maybe not, eh? That is a fuckin' big rock you got Sookie. Crystal might get ideas. How much does something like that cost, anyway?"

Just then Sookie walked back into the room. "Jason! You can't ask stuff like that! Jesus Christ, you don't get any better with age, do you?"

"Now you fuckin' sound like Gran, Sookie. Jesus, get over yourself, will you? I was just asking. Eric doesn't mind, do you mate?"

"Of course he minds, Jason. We both mind. Now just shut up. Dinner's nearly ready."

"Thank Christ for that, it's been a long day and I'm fuckin' starving."

"No you're not, Uncle Jase" said Amelia. "You're just a bit hungry." Then she took the knives and forks Sookie handed to her and skipped off to set the table.

Jason watched her go and then turned to me. "Is it just me or does that kid sound like a tiny fuckin' Sookie? Fuck that's scary, eh?"

He was right, but I wasn't risking my neck so I just shrugged.

Jason turned to Sookie. "He doesn't say much does he, eh? Your Eric. Is that why you keep him around?" Jason laughed at his own joke.

"Maybe" Sookie said, coming to stand opposite Jason, "He doesn't understand anything you're saying because you only speak moron?"

"Yeah, fuck off Sookie. Don't be such a fuckin' uptight cow."

"Don't be such a dumb-arse dickwad. Now go and sit at the table and I'll bring your dinner over."

That seemed to break the tension between the two of them and Jason did as he was told. When he'd vacated his seat I moved over to Sookie. "Is he always like that?" I whispered to her.

"Yeah, Jason never changes. He's always an idiot. OK, help me carry this over, will you?"

I picked up a couple of plates and headed over to the table.

SPOV

Jason coming to visit was nice. For about five minutes. Then I remembered that he's an idiot and most of the time he just annoys me. Still. You'd think we were 7 and 4 not 37 and 34.

I was kind of embarrassed about punching him but that whole robbing the cradle thing really annoyed the hell out of me. I knew exactly what the age difference was; I didn't need Jason pointing it out to me. And no one would comment if it went the other way. But Jason hadn't yet learned boundaries. I doubted he ever would. No wonder Crystal's dad didn't like him. Half the time I didn't like him and I was related to him.

He was right about Eric though, Eric was really quiet. I guessed he was just scoping Jason out to see what he did. At the best of times Jason gave off a kind of vibe that he was about to do something stupid and/or dangerous, and that was before he started talking. He was always hard to contain, especially as a kid. Thank God I don't have any boys, I thought. Imagine if they'd turned out like Jason.

I just hoped Eric didn't blame me too much for bringing Jason into the house. But I couldn't send him away just yet. Surely we could manage two nights. And he was going out tonight.

"So, Hoyt's coming over to pick you up, right?" I asked Jason.

"Yeah. That way I don't have to find my way around Auckland."

"Jason, you're from Auckland. You're hardly the small-town boy who can't cope with a roundabout and more than one set of traffic lights."

"It's better this way though, eh? 'Cos Hoyt's living in Chowick now, and that's fuckin' miles from here."

"Jason! Don't be flippin' racist! It's Howick, not Chowick. You wouldn't talk like that at home, would you?"

Jason shrugged. "Crystal wouldn't mind, eh?"

"I'm sure she would. Well this is my house, so my rules. No racism and no swearing. Got it?"

"Yes, mum!" Jason said smirking at me.

"You're impossible" I muttered and went back to my dinner. Jason took a bite out of his hamburger and a large chunk of beetroot fell out. Eric eyed it with disgust, but I couldn't tell if he was disgusted at the beetroot or my brother, or both.

It was probably the beetroot. But who wants a hamburger without beetroot?

Everyone was silent for a bit then Amelia said "Mummy, why are you so mean to Uncle Jase?" Jason burst out laughing at that. "Yeah, Sook. Go on, why are you so mean to me?"

Oh God, I thought. How do I describe the years of being at the mercy of my older brother without giving Amelia ideas that Felicia won't thank me for? "Um" I said. "I'm not mean to him. I'm just asking him to mind his manners, like I do with you."

Amelia looked thoughtful. "Are you his mummy, then?"

"No, I'm his sister. Like Felicia's your sister. We had the same mummy."

"Oh, but she's dead right? Like my first dad."

"Yeah."

"Are you going to die?"

Shit, fuck, hell. This was the question I had been dreading. How did I explain it when I couldn't use the whole 'but you die when you're old' speech, because nobody I knew was that old when they died? Except for Gran. But she was the minority. I looked at Eric, who was looking at me expectantly. Well, he was no help there was he.

However, Jason decided he'd tackle this one. "Nah, Sooks won't die, eh?"

"Why not?" asked Amelia.

"Well, not soon anyway. She's like my cows. The heifers that breed well, they never fuckin' just keel over, eh? Especially the really fuckin' difficult ones that kick up a fuss every time you try to milk them. They just keep going and going. Your mum's just like that. So, Sooks, she's fine. She'll fuckin' out-live all of us. Can I get another burger, Sookie? I'll need something to line my stomach for later on, eh?"

I stood up to get Jason more food and looked over at Amelia, who just said "OK" and went back to eating her dinner happily. Wow, I thought, Jason actually nailed that one. By comparing me to a heifer. I wasn't sure whether to hug him or actually carry through with my threat to punch him in the nuts. In the end I just gave him another burger.

We made it through the rest of dinner without any more awkward questions from Amelia or stupid remarks from Jason. Eric said almost nothing but just helped Felicia eat her food and gave her some of his.

Afterwards Eric bathed the kids and put them to bed while Jason watched me clear the table. He did carry one plate to the kitchen, but then he got involved in telling me some story about the farm and forgot to help after that. I'd forgotten how useless he was. I wondered if Crystal let him get away with it. Probably. We all did. That was half Jason's problem. Everyone let him get away with all sorts of crap.

About half an hour after the kids were in bed there was a knock at the door. Jason went to answer it. "Hoyt! You fuckin' homo, how the fuck are you?" we heard him yell. Eric looked at me and I shrugged. I didn't know how that whole use a derogatory term as a greeting thing worked. Eric was a bloke, surely he should know? I guessed maybe Jason and Hoyt belonged to a special sub-tribe or something.

So I went and said hello to Hoyt and caught up on his life a bit, introduced him to Eric and gave Jason the spare set of keys. I was tempted to find a safety-pin and pin them into the pocket of his jeans, like Mum had always done with his bus-pass, but he still lost most of his bus-passes anyway, so there probably wasn't any point.

"Well, we'll see you later on then" I said as they walked down the path to Hoyt's car. "Have fun! And be good!"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't fuckin' wait up, eh?" Jason yelled over his shoulder.

I closed the door and looked at Eric. "Thank Christ he's gone out" I said.

"So…you don't like having him here?" Eric asked as we walked back to the kitchen.

"Well, it's nice, um, briefly. Then he starts talking too much and I just want to take to him with a knife. I realise that probably makes me a terrible sister. But it's true. He's annoying. Don't you think?"

Eric turned away and started to make coffee. "Um" he said, obviously not wanting to give a firm opinion. "Um...he's not what I'm used to."

"I don't know that you ever get used to Jason" I said. "I think you just learn to put up with him."

Eric didn't say anything else, just handed me my coffee. "Come on" I said. "Let's go and watch another episode of Outrageous Fortune. It might help you understand Jason. Slightly." I'd been making Eric watch episodes with me from time to time, he kind of got it, well he got the nudity and the swearing, he was a bit lost at some of the in-jokes about names and places and I had to point those out to him. I think he enjoyed it.

"Can we watch in bed?" Eric asked.

"Yeah, 'cos it's cold. My feet are freezing!"

Eric looked down. "How can your feet be cold in those huge things?" I had my big Ugg boots on. But they weren't helping.

I shrugged. "They just are. I always have cold feet in winter. But luckily I have you now. You're saving us a ton of money because I haven't had to put the electric blanket on once yet this winter!" I said brightly. It was true. I might have moaned about Eric smothering me and making me all sweaty during summer, but at this time of year, it was lovely. It was also a slightly different story though, with a lot of me trying to cuddle up close to Eric, while he complained bitterly that I had no circulation and my feet were freezing.

"I'm so glad to be of use, Sookie" Eric said, taking his cup and walking toward the bedroom.

I poked him in the back. "Oh you" I said. "You know you love it when I need you for stuff."

"Mmmm" Eric said, putting his cup down on his bedside table. "I don't think replacement for the electric blanket is really the most glamorous role you could offer me."

I laughed. "I think you'll find Eric, that that's just another definition for husband."

I walked past Eric to go and find some pyjamas. After I'd changed I took off my necklace and my engagement ring and put them away. I loved my ring; I'd helped design it after all. It had one emerald cut diamond in the centre surrounded by lots of small diamonds to make a larger rectangle, with a few diamonds down each side of the band. It was awesome. And I didn't want to know how much it cost. Unlike my stupid brother.

I got changed and got into bed beside Eric, who'd switched the TV and the DVD player on. "So, he's going home Sunday?" Eric asked.

"Yeah, I guess the cows won't milk themselves, and he's only got someone covering for him until Monday."

"OK. We can last until Sunday."

"Without either of us having to kill him" I added, before reaching over for my coffee. Eric didn't say anything, but I'm almost a hundred per cent certain he was thinking the same thing.

We use ute for a smaller truck, especially one you'd have on a farm. Outrageous Fortune is a hugely popular NZ TV show. If you go to my profile I posted some links so people can hear Kiwi accents and the third one was a promo for it. And Jason is being horribly racist with the 'Chowick' remark. Quite a few immigrants from various parts of Asia settled in East Auckland and the suburb of Howick got that nickname for a while. Jason, being a South Auckland boy, would definitely know it. And think it's hilarious.

Thanks for reading!