Understanding
Katniss lay in her hospital bed, head pounding.
She should be crying, yet she lay there, quite still as doctors felt and rubbed the skin on her neck where the bruises were already starting to show.
The place Peeta had placed his hands when he tried to kill her.
When they were done, visitors came in.
Boggs telling Katniss she would be fine, Haymitch shaking his head and sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, not speaking. Finnick and Annie, Katniss wasn't really sure about the latter but she knew it would be a crime to separate the two. Prim, white faced yet calm holding her hand.
Katniss willed herself not to cry.
Finally her mother, who gave Katniss a sympathetic look, like she knew how this felt.
Then it hit her.
She did know. She had felt this pain too. This dull ache inside her heart had been in her mother's heart as well ever since her father's death.
Katniss felt horrible for hating her. And even though she wasn't supposed to, and the room was filled with people not exactly privy to her of her mother's situation, she spoke up.
"Mom...I'm sorry," she said as every head in the small room turned to her.
Before her mother could speak she went on," I...was always... so angry... after...dad...died. I thought...you just gave up...on me, on Prim. But I realize now...I was wrong. You couldn't have helped it".
"I could have, I'm sor-"
"No you couldn't...have. I know...I know what that feels like."
"What do you mean?" her mother asked, several others looking confused too, except Haymitch who held her gaze with a glint in his eye.
"To lose...to lose someone you love. To have that ache in your chest. I realize now...you can't help but shut out the world. To give up. Because...it's all you can do to survive. Because when you lose... someone who means that much...it's all you can do...to not...die right then and there. So I'm sorry."
Katniss looked up to see every person in the room with tears streaming down their faces. The doorway was crowded with staff and patient alike, all in tears. her mother approached her and took her hands.
"I swear to god Katniss, if it is the only thing in this life I do, I will get that boy back to you. I promise."
Katniss looked at her and whispered a tearful thank-you.
They all filed out of the room sans Haymitch, who stood before her, looking sad.
"I'm..."he started "so proud of you sweetheart" as he wrapped his arms carefully around her.
"We'll get him back. We'll get him back sweetheart."
"Thank you".
And finally the people of twelve and thirteen alike understood their Mockingjay, not as a bright daring symbol of rebellion, but as a fierce albeit broken seventeen year old girl.
And she understood them.