What the Heart Remembers

It took a moment for Yuki's eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room, and several more to process where he was. His gaze took in the large bed hung with curtains, the richly covered walls, and the broad expanse of window, through which the soft glow of the moon penetrated. Oblong squares of light ran along the floor and crept up the bed.

It's a half moon tonight, he remembered, his logical faculties beginning to return, and I'm in my room at the Twilight Mansion.

It had been some weeks since he'd arrived at the imposing Gioh home, a place he had to admit he still found a bit lonely. For while Yuki's new family were all wonderful (yes, even Hotsuma), and he did feel an odd remembrance for the place, that didn't change the fact that for the whole of his life up to now he'd lived with many more people in a much smaller space. At the orphanage Yuki had slept in a single room with the other children, their futons lined up side by side on the tatami-covered floor – it had only been in the past few years that he'd been granted the privilege of his own bedroom; but that room, while private, had been tiny, and still close to the main sleeping quarters, so he could often hear the gentle murmurings of the sleeping children nearby through the home's thin walls. This room, his new room, was luxurious to be sure, but decidedly...lonely. That was the only word he could think of to describe it. A small pang twinged in his chest at the thought and he resolutely pushed it down – This is where I belong now.

But what had awakened him? Not a nightmare; it was that strange dream again, a dream that was becoming rather frequent. The one where he sat in a bed very like this – perhaps the very same one – while folds of white fabric pooled around him and long tresses hung down his back. The one where Luka came to sit by him, reached out to caress his cheek, and brought their lips close together. He always awoke before they touched. By now the details had become familiar, yet he was still left with the same feeling upon waking: intense longing. He felt it keenly now too, like a dull ache. It was at times like this, when he awoke to the silence of the cavernous room, while everyone else slumbered peacefully in far off wings of the house, that he felt utterly alone. A sensation so strong you could drown in it, cold waves whose surface you could all too easily slip beneath.

But there was something else he sensed near him, almost like a life line – a comforting presence. His eyes now accustomed to the low light, Yuki looked around the room once again and confirmed that it was indeed empty. Slowly he pushed back the covers and padded on bare feet to the mullioned glass doors that opened to the outside.

Yes, I knew it, Yuki smiled faintly to himself. On the balcony outside his window perched the elegant form he knew he'd find there.

"Luka."

Yuki spoke softly, but the other heard him, turning his head to meet Yuki's gaze through the window. Yuki smiled more widely and opened the door.

"I'm sorry I woke you," Luka said, stepping into the room. Yuki marveled as usual at how Luka managed to perform even such mundane actions as walking with such grace.

"You didn't," Yuki reassured him. "I wanted to see you anyway. I was..." How to phrase it? Dreaming about you?

"Thinking about you," he finished, a faint shade of red dusting his cheeks. Truth be told, he was almost always thinking about Luka. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," Luka answered, sitting on the edge of the bed where Yuki now sat, gesturing to the spot beside him. Yuki took in Luka's long-sleeved shirt and pants, all in black, and vaguely wondered if Luka wore pajamas to bed – he did sleep, after all – but couldn't quite picture it.

"I've been wondering about something for awhile." It was true, he had been. "And I wanted to know more about this...bond...between us. This contract," Yuki said.

"What would you like to know?" Luka asked, gazing at Yuki in his somewhat disconcertingly intense fashion. "You have only to ask me anything and I'll do it."

"That's kind of what I mean," Yuki looked down at the bed covering that he was absentmindedly plucking at with his fingers. "Is that why you're always so protective of me... because I'm your contractor?" Yuki disliked the word 'master'.

"That's part of the reason, yes," Luka replied.

"Part of the reason?" Yuki raised his head. "I'm not sure I understand."

"As my contractor, I must obey whatever you ask of me, and of course your safety is of vital importance to me. Because I violated the terms of the contract with my previous master, I couldn't continue to exist without you." He paused. "But that's not all you're asking, is it?" Luka's voice was low and soft, belying his perceptive words.

"Yuki, a master can command my actions, but not my heart. You command both." A simple statement, spoken with certainty.

Yuki gave a small gasp, his heart rate immediately increasing. He hadn't realized quite how much he'd wanted to hear those words. Luka reached out to him and Yuki leaned into his side, head coming to rest on Luka's shoulder, Luka's arm around his back. Yuki could feel Luka's comforting heat, despite the fact that he'd just come in from outside.

"Luka...what were we to each other before?" He had to confirm it. "Were we...lovers?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"But I don't remember anything about that life, except for a few glimpses in my dreams – I may never remember it. And," he hesitated, "I'm not a girl anymore."

"Hmm," Luka rested his head against Yuki's. "That doesn't matter to me. Yuki is Yuki. I'll be whatever you need me to be. Whatever you want me to be."

Luka's voice carried not a tone of doubt in it, and Yuki's body flushed with warmth at his words. Perhaps it was the unreal quality of the moonlight, or the strong connection he'd felt with Luka since he'd first met him, but Yuki was emboldened and spoke in an uncharacteristically direct manner.

"Luka," he said, turning his body more fully towards him and raising his head to meet Luka's eyes. "Will you kiss me?"

A flicker of surprise and something else crossed Luka's features, but he gave a small nod. One long-fingered hand reached out to brush the bangs from Yuki's forehead, then turned to coast down his cheek and jaw. Slowly, Luka leaned in and pressed their lips together.

Yuki had never been kissed on the lips before. He'd been raised in a caring environment at the orphanage, and he remembered hugs and caresses from the caregivers there when he was sick, or fell and skinned his knee. He himself had pressed small kisses to the foreheads of the very young children when he read them to sleep at night, or soothed away a bad dream. So, he didn't know what to expect, what to feel, let alone what to do. But Luka simply held his lips for a few sweet seconds, then pulled away. It was not enough.

Yuki drew in a few deep breaths before daring to speak. His voice sounded rather husky when he did.

"Mou ichido," he said. Again.

This time the flash of emotion in Luka's eyes was unmistakable. Yuki read hope, longing, and something much stronger deep within them.

A second later Yuki was drawn close by strong arms, low around his back, felt their eagerness through the thin fabric of his clothing. He met the softness of Luka's lips again, this time moving sweetly over his, gently coaxing his own mouth open, urging him to follow their rhythm. Yuki forgot to think, nearly forgot to breathe, as tingling waves coursed through him, all the way along his arms around Luka's neck, to his fingertips, now touching Luka's black hair.

Yuki had no idea how long they kissed this way, and then Luka as drawing slightly back again, resting their foreheads together, and stroking Yuki's cheek. Without any warning, a nameless emotion welled up in Yuki. Great, shuddering sobs shook him, and his voice caught in his throat. Soon he felt tears welling up in his eyes, spilling down his face, unable to stop or understand them.

Luka's response was immediate. "Yuki, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I'm sorry," he said, pulling away completely.

"No! Luka, please," Yuki managed to get out the words, surprised at their strength. "I didn't mean to cry – I wanted you to kiss me," Yuki said, roughly wiping his sodden cheeks on his sleeve. A moment or two passed as Yuki composed himself.

"I don't know why I reacted that way," he continued. "I guess it's just an overwhelming feeling when your heart remembers something that your mind does not. But I want to remember it."

And with that, it was Yuki's turn to reach out and pull Luka close, to soothe away any hurt he might have caused with his involuntary reaction. Somewhat reassured, Luka enfolded Yuki in his arms and buried his face against Yuki's neck as though he wouldn't let go. They stayed like that a long time before Luka finally stirred.

"You should sleep, Yuki," Luka said, concern still evident in his voice.

Yuki smiled a bit. "I will, if you stay with me."

Luka nodded and made to rise, perhaps intending to watch over him from the armchair near the foot of the bed.

Yuki reached for his hand to stop him, squeezing it lightly. "I meant stay here. Will you sleep beside me tonight?"

"Yes," Luka answered simply.

They stretched out facing each other, and Luka wrapped an arm around Yuki's back, stroking it lightly; he still seemed a bit hesitant. Yuki inched in closer and placed his hand on Luka's chest. He smiled again and closed his eyes when he felt the tension in Luka's body relax.

And together they slept, just like that, until long after the moon had set and the sun took its place in the sky.

FIN