Summary: Set in late season 3, Marissa decides to go to Ryan's birthday party after all but she's hiding a tragic secret and as it comes to light, it pushes Ryan and Marissa's paths back together.

A/N: So quite a few people were asking for slightly longer fics so here you are, I'm going to try and attempt a chaptered fic. Although, it's not going to be too long. I have a general idea where I am going with this fic but I haven't decided how many chapters but I would think max 5.

Also, at the risk of giving too much away, there is a certain incident that happens to Marissa here (different from the show) and I'll admit it straight away, the facts of it probably aren't being upheld here but creative licence I guess :)

Reviews are always appreciated and I hope people enjoy this. Hopefully won't be too late for the next update, I'm going to get working on it straight away.

It hits her suddenly, the memories from a time gone by; feelings which had been lost along the way where coming back and brought with it a stinging dizziness. Marissa tries to grasp on to the railing of the staircase, she misses and her feet tumble against each other as her body collapses down.

She's still conscious, just. Her head's still spinning but she can't feel any pain. She thinks it might be the adrenaline but even so, she doesn't think anything is broken. She's fine. Then, she notices the distinct stain of blood on her jeans but before she can determine where it's coming from, her consciousness fades into a sleepy lull.

He's standing by himself, reading some sort of letter. She spots him quickly, somehow her eyes have a way of picking him out from even the biggest of crowds. There's a part of her, in fact a very big proportion of her mind is telling her to just bail right now. It would probably be the easiest thing to do – there's little doubt to that – yet as she runs a tired hand through her hair, she knows the right thing to do is at least honour his invitation. She takes her tentative steps forward, her hands clutching tightly on to the mix CD she's made him.

It doesn't take him long to finish reading the letter. Once finished, he quickly folds it back into quarters and shoves it into his back pocket. He loves his mother and although there was a time, he thought she didn't love him, nowadays he thinks otherwise but never the less, dwelling on her too much brings more frustration then it does relief and right now, he would really quite like to avoid the topic. After all, it's his birthday.

So, when he sees Marissa walking towards him, he doesn't hesitate to take up the very pleasant distraction being offered to him.

"Hey." As he walks up to her there's an undeniable bounce in his step and Marissa could swear that he's almost happy to see her. They've been basically avoiding each other since Valentine's day with most of their conversations taking place over the phone. She shudders a little, remembering the phone call not long ago cementing the end of their relationship but the coldness that she remembers to have existed, now seems wholly evaporated.

"Hey."

"I didn't expect to see you today." he says still smiling contently. He would like to tell himself that the reason he's happy right now is because he's glad to not be thinking about Dawn but the truth of the matter is, he's just really happy to have her here and see her again. The distance between them, the deliberation to invite her, it's been exhausting.

"Yeah, you invited me so it would be rude to not turn up." Reading the cautiousness in her manner, he thinks perhaps he ought to be more reserved too.

"No, it wouldn't have been rude, it would have made sense...since well, we just broke up. You shouldn't feel obligated to stay."

Noticing the hints of hurt in his voice she assures him, "I want to be here. I wanted to come, I just wasn't sure if that's what you wanted." Her eyes drop away from his and now it's his turn to reassure her.

"It's what I want." Their eyes connect united by the shared longing to be near each other and for a few seconds, it's like it once was; a shaking passion gripping them, relentless yet irresolute.

"Your present." Breaking out from the depths of their connection, Marissa remembers the CD she still needs to give him. "Here," she says lifting it to him and just as she does it, she realises the mistake she's made. An unmistakable bandage is wrapped around her right hand and not even her long sleeved shirt can hide it.

"What the hell happened to your hand Marissa?" He's completely ignored the CD and instead all his attentions are focused on the damaged hand holding it. Marissa groans inwardly, she did not want to be a burden on Ryan ever again and especially not on his birthday. "How did this happen?" His eyes are wild with concern and she really does want to bolt now. She can't bear to explain what happened this morning and she doubts whether she'll be able to contain all the details once she begins to tell him the minor ones. She knows then, that she will have ruined his birthday.

"I..." There's a voice in the back of her head which is pushing her to tell him everything. He deserves to know at some point and she could really do with talking to somebody. Ryan noticing her distraught demeanour decides aggressive questioning might not be the best tact right now.

"Hey." he says softly, his arms slowly moving around her drawing her into him. "You can talk to me, I'll understand or at least, I'll try to." She's been trying to hold it in all day but now as Ryan holds her, his arms as assured and dependable as they ever were, her defences go down and the dams burst open as she cries into his chest. Almost by instinct, his arms immediately wrap around her, he had figured something was wrong but for her to react like this, things must be badly screwed.

They stand for a while in that stance, his hands rubbing up and down her back to calm her, meaningless words being murmured into her ear to sooth her. Her sobs ease down quickly but even that minute felt like an eternity and as every second passed, the worry etched itself into his mind. Once she's a bit more composed, he guides them to a bench, a protective arm constantly holding on to her.

"Oh God, I'm sorry Ryan...for making this big scene and embarrassing you and ruining your birthday."

"Believe me when I say this, I'm really not concerned about all those things you just listed. What I am concerned about, is you." His free hand moves to her face lifting her chin so those glimmering tear stained eyes are staring right into his. Looking at her face he notices how tired she appears, how that shining glint in her eye, which he remembers so well, is practically non-existent and on further scrutiny, he spots the darkening bruise on the corner of her forehead stealthily hidden by a lock of hair. He's getting worried; the last time there had been such an ugly bruise on her body, she had just escaped from being raped. "What's going on Marissa? You're scaring me."

Marissa sighs deeply, quickly realising that she's going to have to tell Ryan everything.

"Firstly, you don't need to worry. I'm fine, I've even been to the hospital, got everything checked up. It's just some bruises and a sprained wrist, so you see, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine to me." Just as he says it, he bites down on his lip - that's probably not what a girl ever wants to hear, especially not when she's feeling down. "I mean you look great, you always look beautiful. That's not what I meant. Sorry." he adds sheepishly a little concerned about his remark but when Marissa just begins laughing at his verbal diarrhoea, he's simply glad to have lifted her spirits, even if it's for the shortest of moments.

"It's ok, I know what you mean. And I'm pretty sure all that crying has completely ruined my make-up and there's probably mascara everywhere so no doubt I look horrendous"

"No, you could never look horrendous. I really mean that, you still look as pretty as any other day, just...tired."

"Thanks" Her cheeks are undeniably blushing red causing Ryan to smile. After all this time, it still made him a little giddy seeing the effect he could have on her. There was something terribly rewarding about the knowledge that at that moment, he was the one making her smile or laugh or blush, he was making her happy.

So, being serious now, how did this even happen?"

"I...God it's going to sound really stupid but I, kind of, fell down some stairs or maybe even a whole flight of them."

"Stairs?" He's staring at her in disbelief wondering how on earth she finds herself in these scenarios. "Where did you even find a whole flight of stairs to fall down? I don't remember the trailer having any."

"No, the trailer doesn't." She's cringing on the inside, thinking about all the awkward explaining she's going to have to do. "Do you remember the model home, the one you burnt down or helped to?" Ryan nods silently, utterly confused of where she's going with this. "So, I was there today and when I realised, that it was that same model home, all those memories from before they came rushing back and I fainted and...kind of, ended up at the bottom of the staircase."

The incredulous expression is still on his face but the anxiety has gone down a bit with the knowledge that at least something as horrific as rape hasn't happened to her.

"What were you doing there?"

"I...was there seeing Volcholk."

"Volcholk?" His voice is stern and all he has to say his name but his tone alone lets her know how wholly disapproving he is of any interaction Marissa may have been having with him.

"It's not like it sounds, I'm not dating him –"

"I would hope so, the guy's a walking billboard for trouble."

"He's not that bad." she protests weakly but seeing the continued contempt in Ryan's expression, decides it would be best to drop any defending. "I just went to see him because I sort of got him muddled up into some trouble with Matt the other night and he didn't do anything wrong so I went to see him today, just to apologise. I felt bad, that's all."

He trusts her and knows her well enough to believe she isn't lying yet he can't help feeling it's always the same story with her and these various wounded guys.

"I don't get it. You could have any guy you want and out of all of them, you choose the most fucked up ones."

Marissa considers defending herself but given her track record, there's little chance on her giving a convincing argument.

"It's...complicated." They both know that they're no longer talking about Volcholk and one day, she hopes she can explain it all to Ryan. Oliver, Trey, Johnny but right now isn't the time for it.

"It's ok, you don't have to explain." He's practically read her mind, she thinks. There are times where it really frightens her, how completely exposed she becomes in front of him but at that moment, she's glad he can tell without her saying anything. More often than not, she's so very glad about this silent wordless bond that unites them and in those moments where all her faith is dwindling, the reminder that their connection still holds gives her immeasurable hope.

"Thanks."

Silence dawns for a while now and Marissa takes the chance to lean back, her head snug against Ryan's arm, and breath out a few gasps of relief. She closes her eyes and thinks she's managed pretty well. In fact, she's avoided having to tell Ryan the worst bit. Well, she thought she had.

"So, what else happened? That can't be it."

Her eyes are wide open now and her body language has once again become nervous and constrained.

"Nope, that's everything."

"Marissa, I know you, better than anyone even and I know that you don't cry over falling down flights of stairs. There's something you're not telling me." His voice is steady and encouraging. In a further effort, his hand drops down, taking her hand into his; the comforting heat of his fingertips pressing down on her, pushing her to open up.

"I..." she wants to tell him but doesn't even know how she would. She doesn't know if she's physically capable of articulating what happened, she's barely had a chance to absorb the news herself.

"Hey, there's no pressure, just go from the beginning."

"Ok." The tears are pricking at her eyes once again but she's determined to get through this. "At the hospital, they checked everything and I was fine, like I said. But they did some check-ups and it turned out that..."

Her eyes have turned ghostly once again and the tears have begun to quietly fall down, so Ryan squeezes her hand, holding it tighter, giving her the silent acknowledgement that he's still here, he's here for her.

"...and it turned out that I was pregnant, just a few weeks in but I was definitely pregnant. I was pregnant and then...just like that after one stupid accident, I stopped being pregnant." Her voice, in fact her whole body is shaking and she turns to Ryan, just in case it wasn't clear already, "I lost the baby Ryan, I lost our baby."

A/N 2: So the incident I was referring to before was Marissa's miscarriage and I don't know if that actually happened whether Marissa would be able to just walk around freely without having to rest for at least a day or something. Like I said I don't really know so I'm taking some creative license here. PS. sorry if there were some typos in this, I was a bit rushed checking and I'm too lazy to check again.