Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.
Prologue: And then there was only one
The tears had run out and numbness overtook every fiber of her being. Susan stood before the graves of her entire family, her face devoid of any emotion. In her hand she held five dark, blood red roses. She gripped them tight as an errant thorn punctured her right thumb.
Susan stared at the blood that oozed out of the small wound. It dripped silently to the ground and she imagined how much more pain her siblings went through in that train crash. As the noise of the funeral service turned into static in her ears, she imagined hearing the screams from the accident. She could almost hear the groaning metal that crumpled easily around the bodies of her loved ones, taking all the lives that mattered to her. As she felt her own heart beating within her, she imagined every last moment of Peter, Edmund and Lucy. She wanted to scream and rage at the world, but even that did not come. Only silence reigned as the wound on her finger stopped bleeding.
She stood in front of the freshly lain tombstones unblinking as each of the mourners, friends and distant relatives, patted her or tried to embrace her. She ignored each whispered word of consolation and farewell. She could only focus on breathing and getting through each minute then move on to the next.
When she was finally alone, she went to the two graves to her left. Her parents had always tried to protect them and give them the best future they knew of. The brought her to America thinking she would benefit from it but all it really taught her was how to forget. In the middle of progress, she found distractions of all kinds until her memories felt like distant dreams. It was there she forgot how to miss what she almost had and whom she almost loved.
Susan moved next to place a rose on Lucy's grave. Even in death, her sister's face was unmarred by violence and showed only the innocence she had always held a lot of. Most of Lucy's bones had been left broken from the accident but not a scratch or bruise was left on her face. When asked to identify the bodies, Susan was only convinced of the reality of the situation when she saw her sister because no matter how peaceful she looked that moment, all the vibrancy was gone. It was only a body and nothing more.
She placed another rose on Edmund's grave. His body was one of the last to be found and was almost unrecognizable. They had almost given up as they weeded through the cadavers but in the end Susan was the one who found him. Even in the darkest hours, there was always a light that pulled Edmund out. She mourned for the loss of the brother who silently understood her pain and never judged her, even when she was foolish enough to call their childhood full of impossible games. In many ways, he was one of the last to still believe that she was still capable of believing again and loving again.
Before she could stop herself, she fell on her knees in front of Peter's grave, her breath coming in shallow gasps. With anger brewing inside of her, she threw the last rose on the tombstone in hopes it would break the chains of death on her family. The rose only fell neatly on the center of the slab of marble. Her right hand reached to clutch her chest as she rocked back and forth. She bit back a silent scream as she remembered being told how the rescuers found Peter. His back was burned and snapped practically in half as he crouched to shield Lucy from most of the impact. His effort yielded no life in return but only the untouched visage of his sister. In his last seconds, he was still trying to save them. Susan finally found her tears as she wept for the loss of the hero she had always depended on. She sobbed for the brother that would never remind her of who she was and what she had the potential of becoming. She cried as her thoughts exploded in her mind and she believed with finality that this time no one could save her. Her tears blurred her vision as she built up walls around her heart to preserve it.
Susan resolved that for today she would let herself go but tomorrow would be another story. She would not deal with the pain. She would bury it with them. If she managed to forget one of the greatest heartaches in her life then she can do it again. For now, she would cry until she fell asleep on the hard earth.
The young man stood by a tree and watched as Susan fell apart. His own heart also suffered the loss of a family he almost had. He wanted to comfort the sister who was drowning in her tears but he feared he was not enough. He was afraid that even though the magic was enough to bring him to this place, his love would not carry him through. But his feet moved on its own accord and took a step after another towards her, his eyes fixed solely on the girl that held his dreams in her battered heart.
Susan did not notice the man standing beside her even if she wanted to. She did not look up as she wallowed in her grief, letting it consume her entirely. She did not even feel the arms slowly wrap around her or hear the words he murmured to her. She failed to notice how he helped her up and led her deep into the forest. She merely continued to cry and remained oblivious to the man whose tears had begun to mingle with hers.
"I'm sorry my queen. I'm so sorry that all I can do is hold you," the young man whispered to her.
How they kept moving or walking is a mystery best left unsaid but somehow they made it through the woods just beyond the cemetery, her tears still streaming down her face as much as her wails pierced the silent night.
A small creature approached the pair, bowing deeply as a sign of respect.
"Your maje—" he was cut of by a look from the man who still held Susan close.
They continued to walk as Susan's cries calmed to a whimper. She remained ignorant and inattentive to the change in her surroundings. Her mind did not register that the sounds of the busy London had faded into a peaceful sort of silence she had only heard in one place before, another home she had cast off in a sealed box in her mind.
The man finally stopped in front of a large wooden door and turned the knob to open a most familiar room. Though Susan was tired her body still could not miss the feeling of arriving in the place it had once been so alive. Tears were still falling for her swollen eyes as she extricated herself from the arms of the man and walked alone to the bed she knew was there. She sat on the edge and rocked back and forth. Her hands found the pillows arranged neatly behind her and she threw them across the room one by one. She screamed when she found no more to throw.
Caspian could only watch as Susan fought with her grief. In all his fantasies, he never imagined their reunion to be this way. To call it bittersweet is a glaring understatement. He crossed the space between them and held her tight as she struggled against him. He felt his heart break even after she had calmed down and fell asleep from exhaustion. He laid her on the bed and traced the troubled features of her face, willing his touch to be enough to let peace come over her even just as she slept.
"Rest well my dear Susan." Caspian whispered softly before leaving her.
Susan turned to her side and curled into a fetal position, clutching her knees close to her. She cried again as soon as she heard the footsteps fade.
"This can't be real. This isn't real. My family is alive. I am in England. There is no Caspian. I do not love him. I can't…He can't…He'll die too. Everything I touch dies…" she whispered to herself until a dreamless sleep claimed her.
Stillness blanketed Narnia as it mourned for the kings and queens of old—for the three who have moved on and for the queen who was still gasping for air as she fought the dark undercurrent of her own grief and the love that she had been pushing away for so long.