Title: Soothing the savage beast
Author: Loz
E-Mail: loz06@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Category: Toby/Andi
Series: Stand-Alone
Spoilers: Poss. early season 1 to B safe, none I can think of.
Archive (if applicable):
Feedback: The good, the bad and the very ugly it's all appreciated.
Summary: "I know, I understand, you never wanted to have children anyway." he wants to protest that's not true, he never said anything of the sort. But it's not the time to go six shouting rounds with her over something so trivial
Author's Notes: I realize the time 'thing' is probably off here, either way setting fits best within 12 months of the beginning of the administration.
Disclaimers: Ha! William belongs to me... sadly the rest belong to Aaron and other delightful ppl at WB.
~*~
"That went well I thought." CJ had just finished the crucial afternoon briefing and was now having a post-mortem in Toby's office.
"Always a good day when no one throws up any surprises at us." Toby agrees, less than warm about the entire conversation.
"Always helps when we break the story...." His phone starts to ring and a hand instinctively picked it up. "The story is new to them, they don't know anything...."
"Who is here to see me?" It's clear Toby isn't listening any longer but CJ continues regardless giving herself a pat on the back.
"We can be better prepared for questions later..."
"Andrea?" the name stops CJ talking, and she can hear the same surprise in Toby's voice as she felt herself.
"Toby I need you to clear me, I don't have access without your authorization."
"Where are you?" Toby questions clearly confused.
"I'm in the front lobby, please Toby I need to talk to you, can you come down and clear me with security?" Openly taken by the panic and desperation in her voice he hangs up the phone and stands up. CJ suspects however Toby would do almost anything for his wife, his ex-wife, she'd only have to ask.
"I'm going to take a rain check on this conversation CJ, good work today." Toby manages to spit all that out before heading out the door, leaving CJ a little confused.
~*~
Andrea looks terrible, Toby recalls even during the worst parts of their marriage when they would fight till 3 am before going to work at 5 she never looked this bad. There are pronounced dark circles under her eyes, she is pale, her eyes bloodshot and more lines had appeared around them he notices and it becomes obvious as he reaches her that her skin is a blotchy pink from crying.
It crosses Toby's mind she might be sick or someone has died. He doesn't know what else to say but her name Andi, the way he used to when they were married. What's most frightening is her strong yet feminine exterior, which is ever present even when she called him the most horrific of names, has been lost. Her long red hair is a rain-wet mess and gone is the poise and precision she carries with her as a congresswoman.
"Is your office empty?" she asks as people begin to stare at the hysterical wet woman who knows the Director of Communications.
None the wiser as to what was going on Toby only nods in reply, putting a comforting arm around her, shielding her from scrutinizing glares as they head in that direction. Those who know who Andi is to Toby turn and stare, those with more tact looked away, pretending she was just another person on the White House payroll or visitor.
"You're starting to scare me," Toby confesses as he watches Andrea go about closing all of his blinds and locking the door. When she is done she stands in front of his couch looking at him.
Her hands are shaking violently, tears are springing into her eyes, her bottom lip was quivering and she tried three times to speak before sounds came out of her mouth.
"I got a call about an hour ago from a Virginia cop." her lip is quivering more, tears rolling down her cheeks now, she looks up to the ceiling to compose herself, taking in a deep breath.
"They arrived at a car accident on the side of the road somewhere..........." unable to finish the story she crumbles. Toby closes the gap between them taking her hand and squeezing it willing her to continue.
"Oh God Toby, Kristen is dead, so is Alex." saying it out loud is enough to make Andi crumble, Toby grabs her as she looses the will to stand up. He presses her close to his chest and guides them both to the couch where he holds her in the same spot as she sobs and cries all over his shirt.
Kristen and Andi were like twins who were born years apart. Andi would spend hours on the phone to her and Toby was sure she had helped Andi through their breakup. He was grateful for that, wishing he could have had someone there to comfort him, other than the Southern kind. There were no secrets between the two of them and as children when their mother had died they looked out for each other, as substitute guardians.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to dump all this on you, I didn't know who else to turn to...you were the only one who knows...who knew what Kristen meant to me." soft sobbing bubbles over again and Toby makes gentle soothing noises rubbing her back through the fiery red hair he used to love tangling in his hands as they laid in bed on a lazy Sunday morning.
"What about William?" Toby asks, remembering Alex and Kristen's only child. He looks for tissues; he has none being his office is not usually the scene of tense emotional moments. Opening his office door he points to the box of tissues on Gingers desk and she throws them at him before he disappears behind the locked office door again.
"He survived." their matching brown eyes lock and Toby releases the breath he'd been holding in anticipation of an increasingly tragic outcome. "But he's lost both parents." she adds hoarsely.
"When's the funeral?" he offers a peach coloured tissue, treading delicately on the questions he asks.
"Wednesday." she shivers but has run out of tears for the time being.
"Would you like me to come and stand next to you?" he searches her eyes for anything but grief.
"I'll need someone to hold me up." she nods gripping the tissue again, bottom lip trembling, however managing to ward of another shower of tears.
~*~
If anyone thinks it's strange that Andi's ex-husband is standing next to her at the funeral and now at the burial, nobody says anything. While it's a large gathering there are precious few people that he recognizes. Both Andrea and Alex' parents and grandparents have passed away, there are no other siblings or extended members of the family, as only children Andrea remains, along with William the last remaining family members.
A fact Toby suspects isn't lost on her.
She maintains her composure throughout the service but as the caskets are lowered side by side into the ground she cries again, her body shaking so much Toby is forced to lunge for her before she collapses to the ground.
He's now the only thing holding her up and probably holding her together.
~*~
The dark blue car does five circles of the block before stopping in one of half a dozen parking spaces out the front of her building.
Though he cares not to admit it, he feels a little bad about the fact he went back to work that afternoon, declining an invitation to the wake and leaving her to stand-alone.
Now he stands outside her door, arm lifted partway to knock; it takes him another five paces of her hallway before he knocks.
It strikes him as she opens the door, without makeup she is pale and gaunt, the suit she wore today has given way to some thinning cotton shirt and pants that a charity would probably decline.
"Hi." her expression conveying mild surprise to see him perched on her doorstep.
"I wanted to make sure you were ok, after I left you." she opens the door for him to come inside, an 'I'm fine thanks' from her right now would be unconvincing and a downright lie.
He hovers inside the door as she closes it after him, it's been years since their divorce and this is the first time he's stepped foot in her place, it's strange to him, yet filled with so many of the nick naks that crammed the house they used to share, Toby never cared much for any of them really.
"I'm actually glad you here." an arm stretches out inviting him to sit on the battered brown couch that once occupied their living area, he'd need a calculator to count the number of times they'd made love on it, but now it looked as tired and as worn as he feels.
"Coffee?" she offers as he takes in the decor, each piece with it's own memory attached and it makes him wonder how she can live with it all, or has she never really gotten over him despite instigating proceedings, the furniture a constant reminder and a link, no matter how weak...Then who is he to judge when he still wears a ring.
"Black, thanks." he says softly, avoiding the couch choosing instead to stare out her window.
"I remember." she pads quietly into the kitchen while Toby circles the room, hands stuffed in his pockets not knowing quite what to do. He can't help himself but peer into her bedroom, not before checking that she won't interrupt him mid snoop. A small figure casts a smooth lump in the middle of the bed and Toby turns away, uncomfortable, realizing nothing in the room is any longer his business and the slumbering figure is a three year old boy who just lost both his parents in a horror car crash.
He sinks into the couch silently waiting for Andi to return.
~*~
"Thank you for standing next to me today." she carries one coffee mug to her bedroom doorway, looking in then closing the door gently. "I know you probably had a lot of better things to do."
The truth is Toby's desk is only full to work when it suits him. Today was not one of those days.
"It's Ok." he takes the mug gently from her, going out of his way to make sure his hands don't brush with hers.
The dark, rich liquid burns the back of his throat...too hot, but he keeps drinking, waiting for her to say something.
"There's something you need to know." her legs cross and uncross again in the deep chair, her tone indicative that this is what she wanted to speak to him about.
"You remember about three weeks after William was born." she plucks at the fluff, caught in the fabric of the chair. "We went over to Kristen's for dinner."
To Toby they had eaten countless meals at Andi's sisters house, in his work dominated life he could scarcely pinpoint any one incidence.
"We'd been arguing before we came, about my running for Congress." vague memories seep back to Toby slowly.
"We signed something that night..." she says slowly, hoping he'll catch up with her recollections.
He nods, remembering the will that Alex and Kristen had bought out, asking them to sign to be Williams's legal guardians in the event of their inability to care for him anymore.
Toby had been angry because Andi had picked up the pen right away, she wasn't in the least surprised by the request, having obviously discussed it with her sister before that night, the lines of communication were never continued down to him.
Never letting the sun set on an argument they had yelled and screamed at each other for half the rest of the night, till they were both to exhausted to be mad anymore.
"The reading of the will is the day after tomorrow." she pushes her red hair out of her face. "It hasn't changed Toby and I suspect everything will go into a trust for William."
"What are you going to do?" Toby's mouth suddenly dries, his tongue almost sticking on some words.
"I can't let him become a ward of the state." her head shakes, her voice rocky with the idea she could let the only other member of her family out of her grasp.
"What do you want from me." he rests the empty mug on the table next to him wondering what his ex-wife is going to ask of him.
"Nothing...or whatever you want."
"Andi, I can't suddenly become a full time father." he sighs thinking 18 hour days and a three year old don't fit on the same page as each other.
"I know, I understand, you never wanted to have children anyway." he wants to protest that's not true, he never said anything of the sort. But it's not the time to go six shouting rounds with her over something so trivial.
He lets her continue.
"Everything is different from when we signed that agreement and don't expect you to throw everything you've worked for in... I am but."
His head snaps up, eyes piercing hers.
"I'm not going to run for re-election."
"I can help you out with money if you need it." he offers and then mentally kicks himself because she's not pregnant with his child he doesn't want, she's more capable than most women he knows, especially when she wants something bad enough.
Her head shakes vigorously, independent streak flaring. "I'm going to go back to teaching."
Toby remembers not long after he first met her when he'd decided she was the one he wanted, he'd put an apple on her desk each morning as a joke. She'd always crunch away happily on it over lunch, giving him a smile, which told him she knew it was from him.
An anguished cry comes from her bedroom causes Andi to leap from her chair.
"Call me if you need anything." he touches her hand, the only physical contact they've had in years. "Bring him by to visit me at work sometime."
She goes to soothe the young boy and he leaves.
~*~
Late Wednesday Toby looks up from the speech he's writing to see three redheads in his doorway. Ginger who's no doubt come to introduce his guests, CJ who's been having a problem with the press core all day and Andi who's nursing a little boy on her hip.
"Thanks Ginger." he drops his pen, forgetting what he is writing.
"I can come back." CJ offers, walking in with Andi, William has her little finger tight in his clench and CJ is making cooing sounds with the biggest grin on her face.
"We'll stop by on the way out." Andi promises looking over her shoulder at CJ, satisfied she waves goodbye to William.
"Hi."
"Hello." she smiles, sitting in Toby's guest chair balancing William on her knee.
"Everything's sorted then."
She nods looking at the little boy on her knee who is regarding Toby with trepidation.
"This is Toby, say hello Toby." she encourages.
"Hello 'Oby." he says missing the T and burying his face in Andi's shirt.
Toby can't help but smile at the innocent voice and the loving way Andi strokes his dark hair.
"He's been good." Toby finds himself without anything to say.
She smiles kissing the top of his head and nodding. "I wanted to tell you why."
"Why what."
"Why I did this."
"You told me, because you couldn't let him become a ward of the state."
"There was that and...I've wanted to have a child of my own and William..."
"I understand." Toby's eyes drop to his lap.
"I actually came to ask if you could help us move house on the weekend." she bounces her knee, shifting back into an upbeat mood.
"Saturday?"
"Thanks." she sighs. " We'd better go and see CJ."
He watches her leave the office, stopping for the assistants who go clucky when she comes near them and he wonders just how something so wonderful could come out of something so tragic.
~*~
"You didn't tell me your ex-wife re-married and had a child." CJ pokes him in the hallways later that evening.
"She didn't." he says gruffly wishing sometimes people would just keep speculating rather than asking.
"Toby!" she says in disbelief he's not going to tell her more.
"I'm helping her move on Saturday, come round to my place early and I'll tell you before we leave for her house."
"Ok." she says unsure and stopping in the middle of the hallway.
"Bring a friend, the more hands the better." he calls to her as he keeps walking.
He prays a dozen clucky assistants don't land on his doorstep Saturday morning.
~*~
"Does he know what happened?" Toby stands with Andi in the doorway of Williams's new room. It's already blue and totally unpacked. The rest of the house is littered with boxes and furniture in various stages of assembly, Andi had insisted Williams be the room they concentrate on.
"He asks for Kristen and Alex sometimes and I tell him they've gone to heaven." Toby swears a tear escapes her eye.
"I guess the innocence of youth shields him from reality a little." Toby tries to be comforting.
"Small comfort to me." she whispers closing the door, cutting out the glow of the night lamp.
"Thanks for your help today." she says as he gathers his coat, really it was the clerical pool of the senior staff who had moved most of Andi's belongings, set up Williams room and argued where to hang the mobile from.
"I'm so sorry." he smiles, picturing them crowded around gooing and gahing.
"No it was good." Andi laughs.
"I've got to go." Toby says grabbing his scarf, the last decoration for himself the Christmas tree.
"Thank you." Andi takes him by surprise, closing in the space between them and pulling him into a tight embrace.
~*~
The following Friday when Toby comes back from the mess, Andi is waiting in his office, Ginger clapping hands with William.
"Hi." one hand subconsciously massages the top of his head.
"Could you help me out for an hour?" Gingers eyes light up at the prospect.
"Sure." Toby looks around wondering how he's going to entertain a three year old with legal books.
"Thanks." Andi kisses the toddlers forehead and says goodbye.
Ginger grabs the remote and changes Toby's TV to PBS, a large yellow bird filling the screen with a green monster that lives in a garbage can.
"You're staying." he looks across at Ginger who is helping William count his fingers.
Toby picks up his things heading into Sam's office contemplating that if this keeps up his office is in danger of being re-modeled as a day care center.
"I think you missed your calling." he says to Ginger on his way out.
~*~
"ELMO!" William grins when Andi comes back to get him. She smirks at the TV screen and Toby doing battle with his computer.
"It's PBS, I've made my position clear, I have nothing to hide." he bangs a key and the computer protests loudly.
"Let's go kiddo."
"I grew up on PBS." Toby continues to rant.
"Gotta go see CJ or we won't get out of the building alive." Andi takes the tiny hand in hers.
"Thanks Toby." she calls, but he doesn't notice, fixated on them walking out together.
~*~
"... and Andi wants to know if you want to have dinner tonight at her place with William." Ginger relays the phone messages while he's been on the Hill.
"What time?" Toby shuffles paper thinking about the rest of his afternoon and evening.
"Ahhh, 6... that's early." Ginger exclaims.
"William goes to bed at 7." Toby mumbles.
"Clear my schedule after four thirty and ring her back and say I'll be there."
~*~
Later that night Andi looks up from serving desert where Toby and William were sitting on the couch. She puts the ice-cream away, abandoning desert. William has crawled up onto Toby, curled over his middle-aged spread, looking like he's clinging on for dear life. Toby's chin rests peacefully on the top of the little boys' head as he snores so faintly it almost isn't heard.
She leans against the closest wall, content to just watch them sleep.
Eventually she carries William to his bed, bringing back a blanket for Toby who has spread out across the couch.
She kisses his forehead wondering if the savage beast is being soothed.
~*~
Andi came back from the movies with William the next weekend to find Toby hovering on her front doorstep.
Shrek was at hit but Andi suspects her ex-husband wouldn't be interested in the finer intricacies of a green man and his princess.
She invites him to stay for dinner, his visits becoming more frequent and longer and he's immediately put on bath duty.
William splashes around in the white tub that dwarfs him with toy warships, submarines and a waterproof Elmo while Toby watches from the wooden stool that has his towel thrown over it.
"Toby." it's the first time William has got his tongue around the T. "Call you dad?" the little boy asks and Toby is dumbstruck but at the same time washed with a feeling so indescribably wonderful.
"Just Toby." and even someone as hardened as Toby Ziegler feels terrible as he watches the happiness drain from William.
"Ready to hop out?" Andi peers around the doorway and Toby takes the opportunity to leave.
~*~
"I guess you'll be declining bath duty in the future." Andi swirls the Chinese chicken dish around in the box with her chopsticks.
He doesn't say anything, mashing his meal with the longer chopsticks.
"Toby what is it?" Andi picks up a piece of chicken, but it doesn't make it to her mouth, consciously aware that something is up. To most Toby is a constant dark cloud, only those who know him best recognize the subtle differences.
"It's been six months right." he abandons the cardboard carton in his lap.
"Almost to the day." Andi's meal forgotten also.
"He asked me tonight if he could call me dad." Toby avoids eye contact, missing Andi's brilliant smile.
"What did you say?" she asks cautiously.
"I wasn't sure so I said no." he looks desperately at her, hoping she'll tell him it was the right decision, her eyes betray disappointment.
"I told him he could call me his mother."
"You don't think that's self indulgent?" Toby picks up his meal again, speaking softly.
He follows her gaze to the photo of Alex and Kristen that's placed at eye level for William. "In a couple of years I'm all he'll remember, so I don't think it's self indulgent."
"I should go." abandoning the rest of his meal, he gets up and grabs his things.
"You'd make a good father Toby." she tells him, one hand on the door he doesn't turn, contemplating her comment for a moment before putting himself on the other side of the closed door.
Outside he leans against her door, banging his head back softly against it and sighing deeply.
~*~
His ringing phone arouses Toby from the light sleep he'd just fallen into. The only distinguishable figure in the room, his clock, reads two thirty and he wonders who could be calling at this hour because if it were anything to do with the President, his other phone would be sprouting the national anthem.
"Yup." he mumbles having spent moments fumbling for the phone in the dark and then putting it to his head upside down after dropping it onto the floor.
"I can't get him to sleep Toby, he keeps having nightmares." the mildly hysterical voice comes across to loud for his ears, which are just waking up.
"I'm coming." he mumbles, pressing the talk button and dropping the phone off the side of the bed again.
~*~
He arrives with an armful of paper, requesting coffee and something to eat and she goes about pulling something together like a submissive little wife would although it's a role she'd never play when they were married and one he didn't care to see her in.
She apologizes for the toasted cheese sandwich and the instant coffee. She looks almost as bad as that first day she's come to him about Alex and Kristen and he points her in the direction of the bath and tells her not to come out for at least forty five minutes.
William begs for another Dr. Suess book and Toby wonders how many more rhyming words he can gets his tongue around given his fatigued state...a change of tactics is needed.
~*~
When Andi comes out of the bathroom an hour later, wrapped in a robe, towel around her hair, William is sitting in Toby's lap, curled around him again, a lazy fist scrunching Toby's shirt and his runny nose creating a wet circle above the Y in NYU.
She doesn't miss Toby running his hands gently through the young boys hair
"You did it." she whispers, sitting gently down next to them.
Toby nods, shifting slightly to bring his limbs back to life.
"What were you reading him?" she picks up the paper next to her, the computer generated text is scrawled with Toby's scribble.
"The draft remarks for the Presidents speech to The American Heart Foundation."
"It's going to need some polishing." Andi grins looking over the sleeping toddler.
"And some punctuation." Toby mumbles. "He's a tough critic."
"Children always are." she nods, going to pick William up.
"You go to bed, I'll take care of it." Toby brushes her politely away with his offer.
Andi's slippers scuff along the carpet, it's three forty five and she wonders how much sleep she'll get, there's no wonder however, how William has climbed under Toby's skin and made himself quite comfortable there.
When she gets up a few hours later, they're both exactly where she left them.
~*~
"I'm back!" Andi's arms are ladened with the weekly grocery shopping, struggling her way through the door.
"Mommy, Toby bought Elmo." William dances in front of the television and a heartbreaking pain stabs Toby because Andi is mommy and he's just Toby.
"Did you say thank you?" Andi smiles and William climbs onto the lounge, all over Toby, pressing a sloppy kiss to his forehead.
"Thank you Toby."
In the wake of hurricane William, Toby straightens his notes on the new bill they're trying to pass and wipes away the kiss, sticky with orange cordial.
"You need a hand?" he offers, William content to bounce in front of the television.
"You've been coming around a lot lately." Andi advances on the observation she'd made a while ago, it had been a little over six months and Toby was spending almost all his spare time with them.
"Don't misinterpret the comment, I appreciate the help, I'm just saying you shouldn't feel obligated because you signed as well, there was no problem we my taking sole guardianship."
"I don't mind" Toby says absently, pulling breakfast cereal out of the bags.
"He asked me why you don't live here." Andi adds in passing, putting away milk.
"What did you say?" Toby stops unpacking.
"I said you didn't live here because we aren't like Kristen and Alex were."
It earns her no response, Toby stops unpacking and so does Andi eventually.
"Toby?"
"Yeah, good answer." he wanders back into the living room.
~*~
Now officially part of a lame duck congress, Andi has the small window of opportunity to take on full time parenting, before taking on a new teaching job in three weeks time.
Two weeks out she catches the flu.
"Can I go see mommy." William bounces on the couch and the words on Toby's page jump up and down.
"She's asleep William, maybe later, watch Sesame Street." frustration seeping into his voice, but he doesn't want to discourage him from seeing Andi.
Later after an Elmo movie marathon and the sugar high, from Mc Donald's, had worn off, William collapses asleep uncomfortably across Toby's lap.
"Toby." the hoarse whisper comes from Andi's room and he has little choice but to pick up William and come see what she wants.
"Hey." she smiles, her voice altered by blocked sinuses.
"I was going to put him to bed." Toby whispers.
"Let him sleep in my bed tonight." she protests.
"Andi you're sick." Toby reminds her, in the back of his mind he's not sure what would be worse, full of beans William or sick and crying William.
"He's probably already caught it Toby." she points out, welcoming him with opening arms. He sighs realizing he'll get a phone call next week because William is sick and so is Andi and she's not coping and feelings of obligation will drive him to her front door.
A protective arm drapes around the little boy as she sneezes again, Toby rolling his eyes knowing this wasn't a good idea.
"Are you going to stay?" she pulls the covers over William and Toby looks at her as if to say are you kidding.
"On the couch then, it's Saturday tomorrow, we're going to the park." Andi brushes Williams hair across his face.
That night Toby sleeps on the couch full of history.
~*~
"Toby, Toby." a little hand points into his side before dawn. Toby mumbles, turning over to face the back of the couch. The poking continues, this time in the lower back.
"Elmo, Toby." William requests.
"To early William." he squints at the toddler, his eyes still fused together by sleep.
"Elmo."
"Come on let's go back to bed." Toby throws off the green blanket and walks William back to Andi's room.
"Tell me a story." William requests once Toby has him tucked in next to Andi again.
"Once upon a time there was a great king Bartlet." Toby begins, perched on the edge of the bed wondering how few presidential trivia questions he'll have to recite before William drops off to sleep again.
"Lie down, tell me 'bout Prince 'Oshua." William tugs on Toby's hand.
"Ok." Toby sighs lying down and making it three in the bed. "Prince Joshua said some very silly things to Queen Mary one day..."
~*~
"How'd you end up here?" Toby opens his eyes again later directly onto Andi who is bemused to find Toby sleeping across from her. In the distance he can hear a chuckling Elmo.
"He wanted to hear the Joshua Lyman fairytale." Toby rubs his eyes. "It was about five thirty and he wouldn't go back to sleep.
"The Josh Lyman fairytale, is that the one where he gets fired for Mary Marsh."
"God no, that's my fairytale." Toby groans and Andi laughs.
"He likes you." Andi says softly and Toby's head immediately flicks over to look at her.
"I know." Toby smiles locking eyes with hers, a wayward hand reaching out to brush the flame coloured hair.
Supported on one elbow his head advances slowly in to kiss her.
"Oh God Toby don't." she says, not moments ago having looked like she was all for it.
~*~
"I know you want more." Andi watches William digging in the sand. "I can see it in your eyes, he's gotten right under your skin Toby and made himself at home and you're not the least bit worried."
Toby is silent, eyes surveying the older kids that are passing a football around.
"I know you want to be more than a part time father, for lack of a better expression." she sighs.
His eyes tell her all that is true.
"It doesn't start down the path you took this morning, that's the road to disaster, never worked then won't work now."
"How do you know?" Toby defends.
"Because we're even more different now than we were then." Exasperation creeping into her voice.
"We're going to need a bigger house." she sighs.
"What?" he says surprised.
"Three bedrooms and a study for you to work in." she envisions.
"We're going to live in the same house."
"Nice big back yard, sandbox and swing set."
"Together."
"You practically live at my apartment now, one of your shirts is in my washing basket."
"William threw up on it." Toby says dryly.
"That's your initiation, welcome to the club." Andi grins.
"Your serious."
"Two parents under the one roof, do you think you can live with me again?" Toby places his hand over hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze, identical smiles transmitted to each other.
"William." Andi calls and the little boy comes tottering over, Tonka truck in hand.
"What are you doing kiddo?" Andi pulls him up to her lap.
"Digging." he says matter of factly.
"William pretty soon we're going to move house again." her tissue wipes away a leaking nose.
"Again." he perks up.
"We're going to live with Toby." Andi says brightly.
"Toby!" the little boys face lights up. Toby takes the Tonka truck distraction from the little boys hands.
"Daddy." Toby says.
~*~
Author: Loz
E-Mail: loz06@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Category: Toby/Andi
Series: Stand-Alone
Spoilers: Poss. early season 1 to B safe, none I can think of.
Archive (if applicable):
Feedback: The good, the bad and the very ugly it's all appreciated.
Summary: "I know, I understand, you never wanted to have children anyway." he wants to protest that's not true, he never said anything of the sort. But it's not the time to go six shouting rounds with her over something so trivial
Author's Notes: I realize the time 'thing' is probably off here, either way setting fits best within 12 months of the beginning of the administration.
Disclaimers: Ha! William belongs to me... sadly the rest belong to Aaron and other delightful ppl at WB.
~*~
"That went well I thought." CJ had just finished the crucial afternoon briefing and was now having a post-mortem in Toby's office.
"Always a good day when no one throws up any surprises at us." Toby agrees, less than warm about the entire conversation.
"Always helps when we break the story...." His phone starts to ring and a hand instinctively picked it up. "The story is new to them, they don't know anything...."
"Who is here to see me?" It's clear Toby isn't listening any longer but CJ continues regardless giving herself a pat on the back.
"We can be better prepared for questions later..."
"Andrea?" the name stops CJ talking, and she can hear the same surprise in Toby's voice as she felt herself.
"Toby I need you to clear me, I don't have access without your authorization."
"Where are you?" Toby questions clearly confused.
"I'm in the front lobby, please Toby I need to talk to you, can you come down and clear me with security?" Openly taken by the panic and desperation in her voice he hangs up the phone and stands up. CJ suspects however Toby would do almost anything for his wife, his ex-wife, she'd only have to ask.
"I'm going to take a rain check on this conversation CJ, good work today." Toby manages to spit all that out before heading out the door, leaving CJ a little confused.
~*~
Andrea looks terrible, Toby recalls even during the worst parts of their marriage when they would fight till 3 am before going to work at 5 she never looked this bad. There are pronounced dark circles under her eyes, she is pale, her eyes bloodshot and more lines had appeared around them he notices and it becomes obvious as he reaches her that her skin is a blotchy pink from crying.
It crosses Toby's mind she might be sick or someone has died. He doesn't know what else to say but her name Andi, the way he used to when they were married. What's most frightening is her strong yet feminine exterior, which is ever present even when she called him the most horrific of names, has been lost. Her long red hair is a rain-wet mess and gone is the poise and precision she carries with her as a congresswoman.
"Is your office empty?" she asks as people begin to stare at the hysterical wet woman who knows the Director of Communications.
None the wiser as to what was going on Toby only nods in reply, putting a comforting arm around her, shielding her from scrutinizing glares as they head in that direction. Those who know who Andi is to Toby turn and stare, those with more tact looked away, pretending she was just another person on the White House payroll or visitor.
"You're starting to scare me," Toby confesses as he watches Andrea go about closing all of his blinds and locking the door. When she is done she stands in front of his couch looking at him.
Her hands are shaking violently, tears are springing into her eyes, her bottom lip was quivering and she tried three times to speak before sounds came out of her mouth.
"I got a call about an hour ago from a Virginia cop." her lip is quivering more, tears rolling down her cheeks now, she looks up to the ceiling to compose herself, taking in a deep breath.
"They arrived at a car accident on the side of the road somewhere..........." unable to finish the story she crumbles. Toby closes the gap between them taking her hand and squeezing it willing her to continue.
"Oh God Toby, Kristen is dead, so is Alex." saying it out loud is enough to make Andi crumble, Toby grabs her as she looses the will to stand up. He presses her close to his chest and guides them both to the couch where he holds her in the same spot as she sobs and cries all over his shirt.
Kristen and Andi were like twins who were born years apart. Andi would spend hours on the phone to her and Toby was sure she had helped Andi through their breakup. He was grateful for that, wishing he could have had someone there to comfort him, other than the Southern kind. There were no secrets between the two of them and as children when their mother had died they looked out for each other, as substitute guardians.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to dump all this on you, I didn't know who else to turn to...you were the only one who knows...who knew what Kristen meant to me." soft sobbing bubbles over again and Toby makes gentle soothing noises rubbing her back through the fiery red hair he used to love tangling in his hands as they laid in bed on a lazy Sunday morning.
"What about William?" Toby asks, remembering Alex and Kristen's only child. He looks for tissues; he has none being his office is not usually the scene of tense emotional moments. Opening his office door he points to the box of tissues on Gingers desk and she throws them at him before he disappears behind the locked office door again.
"He survived." their matching brown eyes lock and Toby releases the breath he'd been holding in anticipation of an increasingly tragic outcome. "But he's lost both parents." she adds hoarsely.
"When's the funeral?" he offers a peach coloured tissue, treading delicately on the questions he asks.
"Wednesday." she shivers but has run out of tears for the time being.
"Would you like me to come and stand next to you?" he searches her eyes for anything but grief.
"I'll need someone to hold me up." she nods gripping the tissue again, bottom lip trembling, however managing to ward of another shower of tears.
~*~
If anyone thinks it's strange that Andi's ex-husband is standing next to her at the funeral and now at the burial, nobody says anything. While it's a large gathering there are precious few people that he recognizes. Both Andrea and Alex' parents and grandparents have passed away, there are no other siblings or extended members of the family, as only children Andrea remains, along with William the last remaining family members.
A fact Toby suspects isn't lost on her.
She maintains her composure throughout the service but as the caskets are lowered side by side into the ground she cries again, her body shaking so much Toby is forced to lunge for her before she collapses to the ground.
He's now the only thing holding her up and probably holding her together.
~*~
The dark blue car does five circles of the block before stopping in one of half a dozen parking spaces out the front of her building.
Though he cares not to admit it, he feels a little bad about the fact he went back to work that afternoon, declining an invitation to the wake and leaving her to stand-alone.
Now he stands outside her door, arm lifted partway to knock; it takes him another five paces of her hallway before he knocks.
It strikes him as she opens the door, without makeup she is pale and gaunt, the suit she wore today has given way to some thinning cotton shirt and pants that a charity would probably decline.
"Hi." her expression conveying mild surprise to see him perched on her doorstep.
"I wanted to make sure you were ok, after I left you." she opens the door for him to come inside, an 'I'm fine thanks' from her right now would be unconvincing and a downright lie.
He hovers inside the door as she closes it after him, it's been years since their divorce and this is the first time he's stepped foot in her place, it's strange to him, yet filled with so many of the nick naks that crammed the house they used to share, Toby never cared much for any of them really.
"I'm actually glad you here." an arm stretches out inviting him to sit on the battered brown couch that once occupied their living area, he'd need a calculator to count the number of times they'd made love on it, but now it looked as tired and as worn as he feels.
"Coffee?" she offers as he takes in the decor, each piece with it's own memory attached and it makes him wonder how she can live with it all, or has she never really gotten over him despite instigating proceedings, the furniture a constant reminder and a link, no matter how weak...Then who is he to judge when he still wears a ring.
"Black, thanks." he says softly, avoiding the couch choosing instead to stare out her window.
"I remember." she pads quietly into the kitchen while Toby circles the room, hands stuffed in his pockets not knowing quite what to do. He can't help himself but peer into her bedroom, not before checking that she won't interrupt him mid snoop. A small figure casts a smooth lump in the middle of the bed and Toby turns away, uncomfortable, realizing nothing in the room is any longer his business and the slumbering figure is a three year old boy who just lost both his parents in a horror car crash.
He sinks into the couch silently waiting for Andi to return.
~*~
"Thank you for standing next to me today." she carries one coffee mug to her bedroom doorway, looking in then closing the door gently. "I know you probably had a lot of better things to do."
The truth is Toby's desk is only full to work when it suits him. Today was not one of those days.
"It's Ok." he takes the mug gently from her, going out of his way to make sure his hands don't brush with hers.
The dark, rich liquid burns the back of his throat...too hot, but he keeps drinking, waiting for her to say something.
"There's something you need to know." her legs cross and uncross again in the deep chair, her tone indicative that this is what she wanted to speak to him about.
"You remember about three weeks after William was born." she plucks at the fluff, caught in the fabric of the chair. "We went over to Kristen's for dinner."
To Toby they had eaten countless meals at Andi's sisters house, in his work dominated life he could scarcely pinpoint any one incidence.
"We'd been arguing before we came, about my running for Congress." vague memories seep back to Toby slowly.
"We signed something that night..." she says slowly, hoping he'll catch up with her recollections.
He nods, remembering the will that Alex and Kristen had bought out, asking them to sign to be Williams's legal guardians in the event of their inability to care for him anymore.
Toby had been angry because Andi had picked up the pen right away, she wasn't in the least surprised by the request, having obviously discussed it with her sister before that night, the lines of communication were never continued down to him.
Never letting the sun set on an argument they had yelled and screamed at each other for half the rest of the night, till they were both to exhausted to be mad anymore.
"The reading of the will is the day after tomorrow." she pushes her red hair out of her face. "It hasn't changed Toby and I suspect everything will go into a trust for William."
"What are you going to do?" Toby's mouth suddenly dries, his tongue almost sticking on some words.
"I can't let him become a ward of the state." her head shakes, her voice rocky with the idea she could let the only other member of her family out of her grasp.
"What do you want from me." he rests the empty mug on the table next to him wondering what his ex-wife is going to ask of him.
"Nothing...or whatever you want."
"Andi, I can't suddenly become a full time father." he sighs thinking 18 hour days and a three year old don't fit on the same page as each other.
"I know, I understand, you never wanted to have children anyway." he wants to protest that's not true, he never said anything of the sort. But it's not the time to go six shouting rounds with her over something so trivial.
He lets her continue.
"Everything is different from when we signed that agreement and don't expect you to throw everything you've worked for in... I am but."
His head snaps up, eyes piercing hers.
"I'm not going to run for re-election."
"I can help you out with money if you need it." he offers and then mentally kicks himself because she's not pregnant with his child he doesn't want, she's more capable than most women he knows, especially when she wants something bad enough.
Her head shakes vigorously, independent streak flaring. "I'm going to go back to teaching."
Toby remembers not long after he first met her when he'd decided she was the one he wanted, he'd put an apple on her desk each morning as a joke. She'd always crunch away happily on it over lunch, giving him a smile, which told him she knew it was from him.
An anguished cry comes from her bedroom causes Andi to leap from her chair.
"Call me if you need anything." he touches her hand, the only physical contact they've had in years. "Bring him by to visit me at work sometime."
She goes to soothe the young boy and he leaves.
~*~
Late Wednesday Toby looks up from the speech he's writing to see three redheads in his doorway. Ginger who's no doubt come to introduce his guests, CJ who's been having a problem with the press core all day and Andi who's nursing a little boy on her hip.
"Thanks Ginger." he drops his pen, forgetting what he is writing.
"I can come back." CJ offers, walking in with Andi, William has her little finger tight in his clench and CJ is making cooing sounds with the biggest grin on her face.
"We'll stop by on the way out." Andi promises looking over her shoulder at CJ, satisfied she waves goodbye to William.
"Hi."
"Hello." she smiles, sitting in Toby's guest chair balancing William on her knee.
"Everything's sorted then."
She nods looking at the little boy on her knee who is regarding Toby with trepidation.
"This is Toby, say hello Toby." she encourages.
"Hello 'Oby." he says missing the T and burying his face in Andi's shirt.
Toby can't help but smile at the innocent voice and the loving way Andi strokes his dark hair.
"He's been good." Toby finds himself without anything to say.
She smiles kissing the top of his head and nodding. "I wanted to tell you why."
"Why what."
"Why I did this."
"You told me, because you couldn't let him become a ward of the state."
"There was that and...I've wanted to have a child of my own and William..."
"I understand." Toby's eyes drop to his lap.
"I actually came to ask if you could help us move house on the weekend." she bounces her knee, shifting back into an upbeat mood.
"Saturday?"
"Thanks." she sighs. " We'd better go and see CJ."
He watches her leave the office, stopping for the assistants who go clucky when she comes near them and he wonders just how something so wonderful could come out of something so tragic.
~*~
"You didn't tell me your ex-wife re-married and had a child." CJ pokes him in the hallways later that evening.
"She didn't." he says gruffly wishing sometimes people would just keep speculating rather than asking.
"Toby!" she says in disbelief he's not going to tell her more.
"I'm helping her move on Saturday, come round to my place early and I'll tell you before we leave for her house."
"Ok." she says unsure and stopping in the middle of the hallway.
"Bring a friend, the more hands the better." he calls to her as he keeps walking.
He prays a dozen clucky assistants don't land on his doorstep Saturday morning.
~*~
"Does he know what happened?" Toby stands with Andi in the doorway of Williams's new room. It's already blue and totally unpacked. The rest of the house is littered with boxes and furniture in various stages of assembly, Andi had insisted Williams be the room they concentrate on.
"He asks for Kristen and Alex sometimes and I tell him they've gone to heaven." Toby swears a tear escapes her eye.
"I guess the innocence of youth shields him from reality a little." Toby tries to be comforting.
"Small comfort to me." she whispers closing the door, cutting out the glow of the night lamp.
"Thanks for your help today." she says as he gathers his coat, really it was the clerical pool of the senior staff who had moved most of Andi's belongings, set up Williams room and argued where to hang the mobile from.
"I'm so sorry." he smiles, picturing them crowded around gooing and gahing.
"No it was good." Andi laughs.
"I've got to go." Toby says grabbing his scarf, the last decoration for himself the Christmas tree.
"Thank you." Andi takes him by surprise, closing in the space between them and pulling him into a tight embrace.
~*~
The following Friday when Toby comes back from the mess, Andi is waiting in his office, Ginger clapping hands with William.
"Hi." one hand subconsciously massages the top of his head.
"Could you help me out for an hour?" Gingers eyes light up at the prospect.
"Sure." Toby looks around wondering how he's going to entertain a three year old with legal books.
"Thanks." Andi kisses the toddlers forehead and says goodbye.
Ginger grabs the remote and changes Toby's TV to PBS, a large yellow bird filling the screen with a green monster that lives in a garbage can.
"You're staying." he looks across at Ginger who is helping William count his fingers.
Toby picks up his things heading into Sam's office contemplating that if this keeps up his office is in danger of being re-modeled as a day care center.
"I think you missed your calling." he says to Ginger on his way out.
~*~
"ELMO!" William grins when Andi comes back to get him. She smirks at the TV screen and Toby doing battle with his computer.
"It's PBS, I've made my position clear, I have nothing to hide." he bangs a key and the computer protests loudly.
"Let's go kiddo."
"I grew up on PBS." Toby continues to rant.
"Gotta go see CJ or we won't get out of the building alive." Andi takes the tiny hand in hers.
"Thanks Toby." she calls, but he doesn't notice, fixated on them walking out together.
~*~
"... and Andi wants to know if you want to have dinner tonight at her place with William." Ginger relays the phone messages while he's been on the Hill.
"What time?" Toby shuffles paper thinking about the rest of his afternoon and evening.
"Ahhh, 6... that's early." Ginger exclaims.
"William goes to bed at 7." Toby mumbles.
"Clear my schedule after four thirty and ring her back and say I'll be there."
~*~
Later that night Andi looks up from serving desert where Toby and William were sitting on the couch. She puts the ice-cream away, abandoning desert. William has crawled up onto Toby, curled over his middle-aged spread, looking like he's clinging on for dear life. Toby's chin rests peacefully on the top of the little boys' head as he snores so faintly it almost isn't heard.
She leans against the closest wall, content to just watch them sleep.
Eventually she carries William to his bed, bringing back a blanket for Toby who has spread out across the couch.
She kisses his forehead wondering if the savage beast is being soothed.
~*~
Andi came back from the movies with William the next weekend to find Toby hovering on her front doorstep.
Shrek was at hit but Andi suspects her ex-husband wouldn't be interested in the finer intricacies of a green man and his princess.
She invites him to stay for dinner, his visits becoming more frequent and longer and he's immediately put on bath duty.
William splashes around in the white tub that dwarfs him with toy warships, submarines and a waterproof Elmo while Toby watches from the wooden stool that has his towel thrown over it.
"Toby." it's the first time William has got his tongue around the T. "Call you dad?" the little boy asks and Toby is dumbstruck but at the same time washed with a feeling so indescribably wonderful.
"Just Toby." and even someone as hardened as Toby Ziegler feels terrible as he watches the happiness drain from William.
"Ready to hop out?" Andi peers around the doorway and Toby takes the opportunity to leave.
~*~
"I guess you'll be declining bath duty in the future." Andi swirls the Chinese chicken dish around in the box with her chopsticks.
He doesn't say anything, mashing his meal with the longer chopsticks.
"Toby what is it?" Andi picks up a piece of chicken, but it doesn't make it to her mouth, consciously aware that something is up. To most Toby is a constant dark cloud, only those who know him best recognize the subtle differences.
"It's been six months right." he abandons the cardboard carton in his lap.
"Almost to the day." Andi's meal forgotten also.
"He asked me tonight if he could call me dad." Toby avoids eye contact, missing Andi's brilliant smile.
"What did you say?" she asks cautiously.
"I wasn't sure so I said no." he looks desperately at her, hoping she'll tell him it was the right decision, her eyes betray disappointment.
"I told him he could call me his mother."
"You don't think that's self indulgent?" Toby picks up his meal again, speaking softly.
He follows her gaze to the photo of Alex and Kristen that's placed at eye level for William. "In a couple of years I'm all he'll remember, so I don't think it's self indulgent."
"I should go." abandoning the rest of his meal, he gets up and grabs his things.
"You'd make a good father Toby." she tells him, one hand on the door he doesn't turn, contemplating her comment for a moment before putting himself on the other side of the closed door.
Outside he leans against her door, banging his head back softly against it and sighing deeply.
~*~
His ringing phone arouses Toby from the light sleep he'd just fallen into. The only distinguishable figure in the room, his clock, reads two thirty and he wonders who could be calling at this hour because if it were anything to do with the President, his other phone would be sprouting the national anthem.
"Yup." he mumbles having spent moments fumbling for the phone in the dark and then putting it to his head upside down after dropping it onto the floor.
"I can't get him to sleep Toby, he keeps having nightmares." the mildly hysterical voice comes across to loud for his ears, which are just waking up.
"I'm coming." he mumbles, pressing the talk button and dropping the phone off the side of the bed again.
~*~
He arrives with an armful of paper, requesting coffee and something to eat and she goes about pulling something together like a submissive little wife would although it's a role she'd never play when they were married and one he didn't care to see her in.
She apologizes for the toasted cheese sandwich and the instant coffee. She looks almost as bad as that first day she's come to him about Alex and Kristen and he points her in the direction of the bath and tells her not to come out for at least forty five minutes.
William begs for another Dr. Suess book and Toby wonders how many more rhyming words he can gets his tongue around given his fatigued state...a change of tactics is needed.
~*~
When Andi comes out of the bathroom an hour later, wrapped in a robe, towel around her hair, William is sitting in Toby's lap, curled around him again, a lazy fist scrunching Toby's shirt and his runny nose creating a wet circle above the Y in NYU.
She doesn't miss Toby running his hands gently through the young boys hair
"You did it." she whispers, sitting gently down next to them.
Toby nods, shifting slightly to bring his limbs back to life.
"What were you reading him?" she picks up the paper next to her, the computer generated text is scrawled with Toby's scribble.
"The draft remarks for the Presidents speech to The American Heart Foundation."
"It's going to need some polishing." Andi grins looking over the sleeping toddler.
"And some punctuation." Toby mumbles. "He's a tough critic."
"Children always are." she nods, going to pick William up.
"You go to bed, I'll take care of it." Toby brushes her politely away with his offer.
Andi's slippers scuff along the carpet, it's three forty five and she wonders how much sleep she'll get, there's no wonder however, how William has climbed under Toby's skin and made himself quite comfortable there.
When she gets up a few hours later, they're both exactly where she left them.
~*~
"I'm back!" Andi's arms are ladened with the weekly grocery shopping, struggling her way through the door.
"Mommy, Toby bought Elmo." William dances in front of the television and a heartbreaking pain stabs Toby because Andi is mommy and he's just Toby.
"Did you say thank you?" Andi smiles and William climbs onto the lounge, all over Toby, pressing a sloppy kiss to his forehead.
"Thank you Toby."
In the wake of hurricane William, Toby straightens his notes on the new bill they're trying to pass and wipes away the kiss, sticky with orange cordial.
"You need a hand?" he offers, William content to bounce in front of the television.
"You've been coming around a lot lately." Andi advances on the observation she'd made a while ago, it had been a little over six months and Toby was spending almost all his spare time with them.
"Don't misinterpret the comment, I appreciate the help, I'm just saying you shouldn't feel obligated because you signed as well, there was no problem we my taking sole guardianship."
"I don't mind" Toby says absently, pulling breakfast cereal out of the bags.
"He asked me why you don't live here." Andi adds in passing, putting away milk.
"What did you say?" Toby stops unpacking.
"I said you didn't live here because we aren't like Kristen and Alex were."
It earns her no response, Toby stops unpacking and so does Andi eventually.
"Toby?"
"Yeah, good answer." he wanders back into the living room.
~*~
Now officially part of a lame duck congress, Andi has the small window of opportunity to take on full time parenting, before taking on a new teaching job in three weeks time.
Two weeks out she catches the flu.
"Can I go see mommy." William bounces on the couch and the words on Toby's page jump up and down.
"She's asleep William, maybe later, watch Sesame Street." frustration seeping into his voice, but he doesn't want to discourage him from seeing Andi.
Later after an Elmo movie marathon and the sugar high, from Mc Donald's, had worn off, William collapses asleep uncomfortably across Toby's lap.
"Toby." the hoarse whisper comes from Andi's room and he has little choice but to pick up William and come see what she wants.
"Hey." she smiles, her voice altered by blocked sinuses.
"I was going to put him to bed." Toby whispers.
"Let him sleep in my bed tonight." she protests.
"Andi you're sick." Toby reminds her, in the back of his mind he's not sure what would be worse, full of beans William or sick and crying William.
"He's probably already caught it Toby." she points out, welcoming him with opening arms. He sighs realizing he'll get a phone call next week because William is sick and so is Andi and she's not coping and feelings of obligation will drive him to her front door.
A protective arm drapes around the little boy as she sneezes again, Toby rolling his eyes knowing this wasn't a good idea.
"Are you going to stay?" she pulls the covers over William and Toby looks at her as if to say are you kidding.
"On the couch then, it's Saturday tomorrow, we're going to the park." Andi brushes Williams hair across his face.
That night Toby sleeps on the couch full of history.
~*~
"Toby, Toby." a little hand points into his side before dawn. Toby mumbles, turning over to face the back of the couch. The poking continues, this time in the lower back.
"Elmo, Toby." William requests.
"To early William." he squints at the toddler, his eyes still fused together by sleep.
"Elmo."
"Come on let's go back to bed." Toby throws off the green blanket and walks William back to Andi's room.
"Tell me a story." William requests once Toby has him tucked in next to Andi again.
"Once upon a time there was a great king Bartlet." Toby begins, perched on the edge of the bed wondering how few presidential trivia questions he'll have to recite before William drops off to sleep again.
"Lie down, tell me 'bout Prince 'Oshua." William tugs on Toby's hand.
"Ok." Toby sighs lying down and making it three in the bed. "Prince Joshua said some very silly things to Queen Mary one day..."
~*~
"How'd you end up here?" Toby opens his eyes again later directly onto Andi who is bemused to find Toby sleeping across from her. In the distance he can hear a chuckling Elmo.
"He wanted to hear the Joshua Lyman fairytale." Toby rubs his eyes. "It was about five thirty and he wouldn't go back to sleep.
"The Josh Lyman fairytale, is that the one where he gets fired for Mary Marsh."
"God no, that's my fairytale." Toby groans and Andi laughs.
"He likes you." Andi says softly and Toby's head immediately flicks over to look at her.
"I know." Toby smiles locking eyes with hers, a wayward hand reaching out to brush the flame coloured hair.
Supported on one elbow his head advances slowly in to kiss her.
"Oh God Toby don't." she says, not moments ago having looked like she was all for it.
~*~
"I know you want more." Andi watches William digging in the sand. "I can see it in your eyes, he's gotten right under your skin Toby and made himself at home and you're not the least bit worried."
Toby is silent, eyes surveying the older kids that are passing a football around.
"I know you want to be more than a part time father, for lack of a better expression." she sighs.
His eyes tell her all that is true.
"It doesn't start down the path you took this morning, that's the road to disaster, never worked then won't work now."
"How do you know?" Toby defends.
"Because we're even more different now than we were then." Exasperation creeping into her voice.
"We're going to need a bigger house." she sighs.
"What?" he says surprised.
"Three bedrooms and a study for you to work in." she envisions.
"We're going to live in the same house."
"Nice big back yard, sandbox and swing set."
"Together."
"You practically live at my apartment now, one of your shirts is in my washing basket."
"William threw up on it." Toby says dryly.
"That's your initiation, welcome to the club." Andi grins.
"Your serious."
"Two parents under the one roof, do you think you can live with me again?" Toby places his hand over hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze, identical smiles transmitted to each other.
"William." Andi calls and the little boy comes tottering over, Tonka truck in hand.
"What are you doing kiddo?" Andi pulls him up to her lap.
"Digging." he says matter of factly.
"William pretty soon we're going to move house again." her tissue wipes away a leaking nose.
"Again." he perks up.
"We're going to live with Toby." Andi says brightly.
"Toby!" the little boys face lights up. Toby takes the Tonka truck distraction from the little boys hands.
"Daddy." Toby says.
~*~