Might Solve a Mystery
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
My apologies for going into "lecture mode" about pets, here.
The Triplets and Webby were worried about Gildie, the pet goldfish (1) they had bought for their "Unca Scrooge'. Gildie was acting funny. Gildie swum around in circles, fast. Gildie swum so fast that she'd leave puddles of water near her bowl.
"One of the reason I like a fish for a pet is it's not supposed to leave puddles around!" screamed Mr. McDuck.
"Something is scaring Gildie. But we don't know what it is, Unca Scrooge." Webby said.
"THAT'S no mystery. It's that stupid alley cat that's been hanging around the mansion. It's been trying to EAT Gildie. A goldfish isn't very smart, but it's smart enough not to want to be eaten!" Mr. McDuck said.
"Yes, but we've seen that cat. It looks like it was once well fed and well groomed. What's it doing hanging around alleys in the first place?" Huey asked.
"Unfortunately, people abandon pets all the time. They don't realize how much work they can be and they get bored." Mr. McDuck said. "Too many people think that a pet is like a toy- something to play with when you feel like it, then ignore it for as long as you like.
"You can't treat living things like that, they die or run away. That's why I didn't want a pet, I spend a lot of time away from the mansion and can't always be there to take care of one." Mr. McDuck said "But a fish Duckworth can handle while I'm gone- or even you four."
"Guess we shouldn't of bought you Lucky without asking. We found out the hard way it's a bad idea to buy a pet as a gift without asking." Dewey said.
"We're going to check out that alley cat. Maybe it's a lost cat." Louie said.
"Good luck! Cats don't have licences like dogs do!" Mr. McDuck said.
The triplets soon found out that their Uncle Scrooge was right. The cat did not even have a collar, let alone tags. But it had been declawed at one point and was friendly to "people"...unlike alley cats who often avoid them. (Often with good reason. People have been MEAN to them.)
"Oh, no wonder he's hungry! He can't even catch a mouse, not without his claws." Webby said.
"That's why he's after Gildie. She can't fight back or run away, being just a goldfish in a goldfish bowl!" Huey said.
"Well, I'm going to feed him. And put up posters saying "Have You Lost this Cat ?". His owners may be looking for him." Webby said.
"Let's ask Launchpad to help. He knows people all over the place and can drop off posters outside of Duckburg. A lost cat can travel a long way." Dewey suggested.
A very weird thing happened after they put up the posters. "People" tried to steal the cat. Twice! They set off the burglar alarms, meant to protect the mansion. THEN, the same people (2) tried to claim it was their lost cat. When the Triplets and Webby TRIED to tell the cops that, all the cops said was:
" Why would somebody want to steal a CAT?"
Then Launchpad came to see how "Mystery Cat" was doing.
"I'm glad you're here, Unca Launchpad. We've had problems with cat burglars. People have tried to steal our cat!" Webby said.
"Webby! That's not what "cat burglars" means!" Louie said.
"It does in this case." Webby replied.
Just then, the cat started to hack and hack like it was trying to hack up a hairball- only it hacked up a diamond, instead.(3)
"Did you see THAT?" Huey asked.
"Is it real?" asked Dewey.
"Sure looks real. Let's ask Unca Scrooge. He'll know!" Louie said.
"If it's real, that may explain why people have been trying to steal that cat. Somebody may have used that cat as a "mule". If so, they'll want it and the diamond back!" Launchpad said.
"Huh? It's a cat. How can they use it as a mule? It's too little to ride on or carry heavy stuff!" Webby asked.
"Sorry. "Mule" is a term used for an animal or sometimes even a human used to smuggle something into the country." Launchpad said "Somebody may have forced that cat to swallow that diamond to get it into the US."
They went and told Mr. McDuck what had happened.
"Yes, it's a real diamond, all right. I can tell. What's more, it's a stolen diamond. Somebody stole it from a museum in Mexico." Mr. McDuck said. " The police believed that the thieves would try and smuggle it into the US, to sell the diamond on the Black Market to a private collector. They told me about it in case somebody who doesn't know me too well would try to sell it to ME." . (4)
"Unca Scrooge...whoever made the poor cat swallow the diamond so they could smuggle it into the US doesn't know he spat it up. They'll STILL be after him." Webby said.
"That's right! We can use the cat as BAIT to trap them! Good thinking, Webby dear!" Mr. McDuck said.
"Is it OK if I call Sharan into this?" Launchpad asked. "If we're going to use the cat as bait, we'll want more eyes on the cat to make sure he doesn't get hurt. Besides, this sounds like it might make a good story for the newspaper and she could sell photos of the cat and a report of what happened to the Duckburg Daily News."
"Actually, that's a fine idea." Mr. McDuck said "She may be able to photograph them in the act. The photos the security cameras took were too blurry to use in a court of law. They would not prove anything."
So Launchpad called me up, told me what had happened and asked me to come over to the Mansion with my camera. I got to my Launchpad so fast that the air hummed.
"Yes, dearest Launchpad?" I asked.
So I can't help drooling over him. So sue me.
Launchpad explained the whole situation to me.
"We need to tempt the theves into trying to steal the cat again." Launchpad said.
"What if we took the cat outside the Mansion? There are so many security measures here. Now that the thieves know about them, they are unlikely to try stealing the cat from the Mansion again." I replied.
"Mr. McDuck, could you call up a vet and make an appointment to have the cat's health checked out?" I asked. " Tell him your nephews have become attached to the cat and you're thinking of adopting it as a pet, but want to make sure it's healthy, first. THAT should get the crooks to try again. Especially since they'll be scared the vet might find the diamond in examining the cat!"
"Hmm...I know a vet who works for a company I own, part time. They train guide dogs for the blind...he also works at an office, part time. He owns me a favor or two. I'll call Dr. Seuss,(5) right away." Mr. McDuck said.
The next day, Launchpad and I were waiting in Dr. Seuss' waiting room.
"Where did you find all these people? And all these cats that look just like Maestro?" I asked (6)
"The people are friends of mine. They're pilots- crop dusters. I searched every pound in the general area for the cats. These cats are different from Maestro in one detail- they have their claws. And my friends know farmers who can use a good mouser, so all these cats will have good homes when we're done." Launchpad said.
After awhile, two dog owners...who were SO Beagle Boys in disguise came in with some stray dogs. You could tell the "dog owners" were Beagles by the LOOK on their faces when they saw twenty-five cats who all looked like Maestro.
Then they saw Launchpad. And reconized him. Launchpad's been a thorn in the Beagles' side too many times for them not to know who he is. I don't know WHY they assumed the cat he held was THEIR "mule" (other than the fact that crooks are stupid), but they did and they tried to steal it.
But the pound cat in Launchpad's lap was NOT Maestro...and nearly clawed the Beagle boys eyes out. (7)
"Hey! OUR cat was declawed! The cat must be out of the bag! They must know about the diamond! No knowing which cat is ours- if any of them!" One Beagle said.
"Well, I ain't leaving here empty-handed. You, sister- hand over the money!" said second Beagle to the receptionist.
"But everybody pays by check! Or credit card!" the receptionist said, perfectly truthfully.
"Then empty out your purse! Same with everybody else! Hand over all your money, your jewelry...and you, sister (this to the poor receptionist) hand over the patents' files. We can make a fortune on identity theft alone!" Second Beagle said.
Just then the cops raided the joint. Mr. McDuck followed them.
"Hold it right there! Well, well, well. If it isn't Beans and Burrito Beagle! The Mexican Police have a stack of warrants out for you two as long as my arm and leg stiched together! And that was BEFORE the hidden cameras inside that museum in Mexico took such pretty pictures of you two robbing the place! Come along quietly, boys- you're outnumbered." Chief O'Hara (8) said.
The two Beagles did so.
"Launchpad! You're lucky these clowns are wanted by the police! If they were not and they had not tried to rob this place, we would have nothing on them!" Mr. McDuck said.
"Somehow I expected them to ACT like crooks" Launchpad said, shugging.
The End.
P.S: After reading about this in the Duckburg Daily News, Maestro original owner showed up and wanted him back. She thought the Mexican Beagles were honest folk who would give him a good home and felt a little guilty about that.
(1) That's the goldfish from the end of "Scrooge's Pet"
(2)Mr. McDuck's got security cameras all over the mansion. They got their pitures taken. Mystery cat couldn't claw them, but he yowled loud enough to wake the whole mansion.
(3) OK, so I swiped this idea from an ad for NY lotto. A cat hacks up a diamond and the tagline is :"This doesn't happen". Somehow, I think the odds are better for a cat coughing up a diamond than winning the lotto.
(4) It REALLY bugged me that in "The Pearl of Wisdom" Pete characterized Mr. McDuck as somebody who would buy a stolen pearl, no questions asked.
OK, so it's a pearl and somebody could have just dove for it and there might not be any paperwork...it stills sounds like Mr. McDuck would not care that it might be stolen and that ain't so.
(5) Sorry, couldn't resist.
(6)Did I mention I named the cat "Maestro"? We tried various on "mystery cat" and I came up with Maestro. If it were a girl, it would be Misty.
(7)What would YOU do if perfect strangers woke you up from a nap and tried to cart you off?
(8) That's the Two-legged Talking Dog from "Mickey Mouse" comics, NOT the human from the Batman TV show. I only read a few Supergoof comics (bought at thrift stores) because Disney (Whitman? Dell? Gold Key? Whatever.) did NOT sell their comics in the candy stores where I bought my Marvels and DCs. And I don't think they HAD speciality shops in the '60's. I thought Disney stopped publishing comics in the '50's because I never saw a NEW one.
Don't ask what Chief O'Hara from Mickey Mouse is doing in Duckburg.