Note: Also This story is a little confusing in the first chapter but all will be explained in part two. But it will be clear Dean and Haley are deeply struggling right now. Enjoy!
We Were Made To Never Fall Away
Here it comes it's all blowing in tonight
I woke up this morning to a blood red sky
They're burning on the bridge turning off the lights
We're on the run I can see it in your eyes
If nothing is safe then I don't understand
It was a small quaint house that Dean called home. Nothing gaudy or big, nothing to brag about, but those walls held magic in their grasp. They reminded him of her, of their love, the good times before everything went bad. Those walls kept them together when everything in the world was trying to rip them apart. For that very reason that home had become his favorite place to be. To hide away with his love there. Where he could almost pretend they hadn't lost everything. Where he could almost convince himself they were going to be ok.
Silently Dean sat on a chair beside his wooden creaking kitchen table. His eyes hung on empty air, gazing at nothing in particular. It was barely after eleven, but a bottle already held in his hand before he took another big swig of the bitter substance. Trying to kill the ache in his heart. Trying to fill that hollow feeling in his chest that never went away. Even in his most cherished fleeting moments, where he finally felt like things were as they use to be between him and Haley, even then the emptiness dwelled somewhere inside. Reminding him, nothing is as it was before.
The bottle had become his best friend. It seemed like destiny and genetics that it would be what he turned to when he couldn't face his life and everything he lost in it. How everything had been ruined, because of him. Because he couldn't protect the things that mattered most in the world to him.
As another gulp of that warm harsh liquor slipped down his throat, Dean heard his front door open. He didn't need to go look to know who it was. Sam came by every day now. He stopped knocking when Dean stopped answering the door. All the family they had left, they were brothers who stood by each other through it all. There was no way Sam would let Dean face this by himself. Sure, Dean tried to push him away, keep him at a distance, but Sam wouldn't budge. Nothing could keep him from supporting his brother through this tragedy.
Entering the kitchen, Sam stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted Dean already getting drunk. Such a site had become common place as of late, but that didn't make it any less painful to witness either. To see such a strong man, broken on his knees before the world.
Putting his game face on, being strong for a brother who's strength was all but gone, Sam tried to carry them both. "Well aren't you up early, and I see Jack's helping you start the day off right." The truth slipped off Sam's lips. While he would support Dean through all of this, he'd never pretend like his rapidly evolving chronic alcoholism was a good thing.
"Shut it, Sam," Dean barked back instantly in no mood for Sam opinions. Today was particularly hard. Not for any exact reason. Just somehow the loss felt extra strong, extra lonely.
Instantly the tension drained from Dean's face as Haley entered the room. She looked beautiful almost as if she was glowing. Always a stunning radiant sight to behold even when he was disheveled at best.
Passing Sam, softly her hand reached out to gaze along his arm. "Morning Sammy." She welcomed her best friend and family with the sweet morning song of her voice, but Sam never acknowledged her. All his sense zeroed in on Dean. His eyes glued to his brother a few feet away, a look of concern consuming his orbs.
You call me your boy but I'm trying to be the man
One more day and it's all slipping with the sand
You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand
The back of my hand
Not dismayed by Sam's lack of recognition, Haley went to take a seat beside Dean. Scooting her chair in close, she softly laid her head upon his shoulder and for the first time all day Dean felt his pain ease in it's death grip upon him.
"Dean, I'm worried about you. I mean it's not even twelve yet and your getting drunk. You can't live like this, man." Sam explained himself, his approach softening in a way that let Sammy's big heart shine.
Dean's emerald eyes drifted to empty space, trying not to let his little brother's words sink in under his guard.
Softly Haley's cheek upon his shoulder nuzzled against him. "He's right you know. You should give the bottle a rest. You've had enough already." She whispered to her husband, and Dean's heart began to race as he could feel her warm breath upon his neck.
Shutting out Sammy, that was something Dean had gotten good at over the years, but Haley. She was something else. He couldn't block her out. He couldn't make her disappear even if he wanted to. With a deep breath of resignation, Dean placed the half empty bottle onto the table top, releasing it's hold upon him for now. "Fine," He conceded on a heavy breath.
"Come on, get up. We're going out. I saw some demonic omens on the news for a few towns over. Might be the lead we've been looking for. You shouldn't just sit in this house all day anyway." Sam instructed, having won a small victory with the bottle. He was now more determined then ever to try and distract Dean from the horrors of his mind and broken heart.
Dean sat in the chair for a moment. Tempted to just stay there and spend the day with Haley, but he knew Sam wouldn't take no for an answer. Letting out an audible grumbling just so Sam knew this wasn't his idea of a good time, Dean rose from his chair. He felt Haley grasp his hand from his side before he could step away. "I'll by here when you get home." Her words as comforting and full of love as the soft tone of her voice.
Dean stood there, soaking up the way having her near brought him a sick sense of comfort while also breaking his heart worse.
Without another word, Dean gave her hand a gentle squeeze of acknowledgment, then slipped his grasp from her, and went to grab his coat. The prospect of fresh air suddenly sounded like just what he might need.
Sitting in the chair where he left her, a subtle pleased smile lifted Haley's lips. "Have fun boys." She called in their departure.
Guess we both know we're in over our headsWe got nowhere to go and no home that's leftThe water is rising on a river turning redIt all might be OK or we might be dead
When darkness coated the sky and everything settled in for a good night, finally Dean returned home. When he entered the quiet little house all the lights were out. Shadows covered everything in sight, not a sound of life to be heard. His eyes scanned the living room and kitchen before despair sunk his heart. She wasn't there. He was all alone again. All alone like he always knew he was, but sometimes couldn't admit.
His steps dragged with a lack purpose as he made his way to their bedroom, his bedroom.
Carelessly he flickered on the light as he entered the room. Dragging his feet, tugging his jacket off as he went.
"Catch the monster?" She sweet voice that could fill his insides with such hope perked up suddenly.
Spinning around, his breath caught, a little startled. Instantly he spotted Haley on their bed, tucked half way under the blankets. Dressed for bed in a simple cotton nightgown that made her look like an angel in his eyes as she rubbed lotion into her delicate hands.
A pleased smirk slipped over Dean's lips with her presence. Thrill running through his veins that he had been wrong and she hadn't left. His heart began to feel alive again for the first time since he left her side that morning. Taking a seat on the edge of her side of the bed to be nearer to her, Dean pulled his boots off as he answered his beloved.
"Not yet, but we will." He retorted confidently. A sense of completion felt like waves crashing through him. As if things were like they use to be. As if the hands of time had actually rewound themselves.
"You always do." Haley chimed in, giving her faith for her husband. Believing in him completely. He was her hero and she never doubted him.
Dean's eyes flashed to her out the corner as something pained his heart like a sharp stab. Drifting, his eyes fell onto empty air as his mind traveled to a far away time where nightmares came true. "Almost always…" The words slipped tragically slow off his lips. His breath heavy and burdened with the memories that plagued this mind. With the guilt that would never go away. With the actions that may have been out of his control and yet he'd never forgive himself for letting them play out in such a way.
Seeing that look in his eyes. Knowing what it meant without him ever needing to say a word, because it was like she could read his mind, like she was a piece of him. Haley reached out and placed her delicate hand over his in a comforting supportive gesture. "Don't do this to yourself. Lets not think about that tonight." She spoke softly to him, trying to pull him back from the brink in his mind. Trying to bring him back to her where she wanted. Beside her, enthralled by her, his complete attention. Where they could drown in each other.
Dean's vulnerable emerald eyes darted to Haley's honey brown, their eyes holding in a gaze. Something in his orbs was tortured as he looked upon her as if a veil had been lifted and none of this felt real.
If everything we've got is slipping away
I meant what I said when I said until my dying day
I'm holding on to you, holding on to me
Maybe it's all gone black but you're all I see
You're all I see
Gently Haley's hand squeezed Dean's trying to reach him past the horrors of what his mind was doing to him. "I missed you." She whispered with such endless, undying love as she gazed lost into his piercing emerald eyes.
Dean could feel his chest tightening as it took all his strength to hold back the tears that wanted to form. To hold in the emotion and torment that was filling him up inside.
"I miss you." His thick husky breath let escape.
Connected at their hands, and eyes that are the windows to the soul, Haley needed to be near him. To let their closeness fill him and heal him in a way that only having her near could do.
"Do you want to hold me?" A sweet coy little smile danced across her lips and sparkled in her eyes, calling to him just where it got to him most.
Seeing that look in her eyes, the magic to her that always got to him, Dean couldn't resist. "More then anything…" He confessed, and no truer wish had ever been spoken from his heart.
Releasing his hand from her steady, but nurturing hold, Haley patted his side of the bed. Beckoning him to join her where they could bask in each other and get lost in a place that didn't hurt like this brutal world.
Not needing to be told twice, Dean joined his wife in their bed. Laying side by side the way they had for so many years, countless times. Beside her in their bed always felt like a refugee, their home even more then the walls of this house. Beside her, wrapped up in the warm blankets, tangling their limbs, it was as close to heaven as Dean had found on this earth.
Finding a comfortable spot in a mattress he had worn in over the years, Dean met his wife's stunning eyes that waited for his word. Extending his arms wide, he called to her to come in and get comfortingly close.
As if floating on air Haley went to him, her husband, and greatest love. Softly her cheek nestled a home on his chest, where the sound of his beating heart was the sweetest symphony she had ever heard. Haley's slender arm slipped over his taunt stomach, finding a place to take hold on the other side.
Dean sucked in a deep healing breath as he felt the love of his life settle in against him, around him, as if they were one. His strong arms wrapped around her with the dearest of care as his face turned to her, the tip of his nose brushing her hair. Her scent filtered up his nose, a scent cherished above any other smell, a scent he could never forget.
The walls are shaking, I hear them sound the alarm
Glass is breaking so don't let go of my arm
Grab your bags and a picture of where we met
All that we'll leave behind and all that's left
As the sweet smell of her filled his nose and the familiar feel of his love in his arms took hold, Dean felt his heart swell with a love so deep it knew no bounds, but his heart also began to rip open again. She was his solace, his joy, his peace, but after what happened between them having her close now destroyed his heart too. With everything he couldn't forget. With everything he should have protected her from. With everything he wished he could do over again. Thick clogging emotion choked his throat in a moment he couldn't escape from. His hands gripped her tighter as tears burned uncontrollably in his emerald eyes, and a few warm wet ones managed to slip free before he could trap them.
Haley felt his breath shutter beneath her. Felt his muscles tighten around her. He was breaking, she knew her love too well not to know it. She hated doing this to him. She knew he loved her as much as she loved him, but she also knew her presence now hurt him. After what they had been through, after what they had lost, a part of being near her killed him now.
Pulling back softly from their close embrace, Haley sought and found Dean's beautifully tragic face. Going to him, she reached out, her fingertips brushing away the few tears that littered his stubble riddled cheeks. Softly she ran her hand along the outline of his face until her palm held his cheek. "Don't cry. I'm here." Haley whispered to him, inches from his face as she gazed deep into his eyes with her love. The only gift she had left to offer.
Those words, her presence, those were the very things that saved him and killed him the most these days. Every day, especially in moments like this a piece of him told himself this isn't where she belonged, not anymore. And that it was him who was holding her here.
Seeing the broken shattered shards of his big breaking heart in his eyes, Haley leaned in and brushed her lips faintly across his own. Blessing him with her kiss. A kiss so full of love, Dean couldn't help but give it back to her.
The pain in his heart still lingered, echoing to him from the far reaches deep inside, but the moment she kissed him, Dean found himself desperate to taste her again.
If everything we've got is blowing away
We've got a rock and a rock till our dying day
I'm holding on to you, holding on to me
Maybe it's all we got but it's all I need
You're all I need
One hand glided up her body to cup her cheek as his soft full lips took hers captive in the sweetest embrace. His other hand held along the curve of her hip, holding her to him as his fingers dug into her cotton covered flesh for a better grip.
His gritty textured hand slipped from her cheek down along her neck as his warm seducing mouth followed. His lips trailed a dance along her jaw and onto her sensitive neck. Dean felt himself coming undone as his lips grasp her skin in a spot he already knew would make her squeal, and as her whimpered cry hit his ear he knew he couldn't stop.
His hand moved smooth and skilled as it reached her shoulder and slipped the strap of her nightgown off before his warm hungry mouth took it's place.
As her hands tangled into his soft dirty blonde hair, Dean took the lead and rolled her onto her back, pinning her beneath him.
Their lips collided in this new position, as his weight upon her connected them together in just the right way. Haley kissed Dean with just as much passion, her need for him and this now just as strong. As their lips moved against each other with a delirious intent and sensual goal, Dean's strong hand reached down to grab her thigh, before he hooked her leg around his hip.
In that moment Dean pulled back, breaking their kiss. His eyes blazed down on Haley's, his endless untouchable love for her pounding in his heart. His hot needy breath splashed her face as Dean gave her his heart for the millionth time. "I love you." His husky voice whispered as he gazed lost and wanting into his beloved eyes.
A smile etched at her lips as desire and love shot from her eyes into him. Her hand rose to touch his prickled cheek, their eyes never losing the hold of their passion.
"I love you too." She whispered, because she would always be his. Every piece of her, body and soul.
Dean felt it in his heart the words he so badly needed to hear her say. A grin briefly touched his lips before his hunger for her took over and his mouth fell back down to Haley's more insistent then ever.
And if all we've got, is what no one can break,
I know I love you, if that's all we can take,
The tears are coming down, they're mixing with the rain,
I know I love you, if that's all we can take.
Mat Kearney - All I Need