A/N: This fanfic is linked to a previous one called The Broken Captain. I have tried to stay true to the characters but I do apologize if they seem out of character.
Warning: This fanfic contains suicidal tendencies, self-harm and depression.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, Marvel does.
He had never really concerned himself with the private matters of others, not because he was apathetic but because others never stayed long enough around him for him to grow attached. With the Avengers, it was different. He felt a strange sense of belonging when he was around them. Perhaps it was because they, too, were different in their own ways and perhaps because he knew that they would be able to neutralize him easily should he ever lose control. However, he still maintained a certain distance from them when it came to private matters. That all changed with the arrival of a man named Bucky Barnes.
Bruce knew that the long haired man had been Steve's best friend who had been brainwashed into becoming a merciless assassin for HYDRA. He knew that sometimes the Winter Soldier would resurface and Steve would have to subdue the man. Other than that, he did not know much about the man. All he knew was that since his arrival, Steve had suddenly become more open and caring and attentive towards them.
He had always known that behind that firmly-set jaw and piercing blue eyes, Steve Rogers was really a bit of a marshmallow but he had never expected the man to show it. Steve had suddenly started having movie nights with Tony, asked him about his inventions and scolded him about not getting enough rest. In return, Tony became more affectionate towards Steve by playing Monopoly with him and other things he had once called "old fashioned nonsense". Steve went shopping with Natasha if she asked, he helped Clint to choose between various bows, he listened to Thor's tales, he jogged slower beside Sam, he played video games with Wanda, he held frequent conversations with Vision about literature and art. And then it had been the doctor's turn to experience the newer, more caring Captain's behaviour. It had been odd.
It had been late one night and Bruce had remained in his lab for nearly the entire day, when he suddenly heard the doors opening. He smiled, thinly. "No, Tony, I am not going to leave this lab- not even for a trip to a strip club with you."
"Um..." Bruce turned around to see that it was Steve, not Tony, who was standing behind him. The blond man was holding a cup of coffee in his hand and his face was slightly pink.
"I thought you could use some coffee, doctor." Steve smiled and handed him the cup. "Don't worry, I asked JARVIS how you normally make it. I hope it's okay."
"Um, thanks, Steve." Bruce took the cup and eyed the man, awkwardly. "Is something wrong? Did something happen with Barnes?"
"No, well, yes." Steve smiled, sadly. "He had another nightmare and tried to attack me, but I managed to get him to calm down. He's asleep now. I actually came to see you, doctor."
"About what?" He had a faint idea. All of the Avengers knew that Steve had a knack for seeing things that others couldn't. Whether it was due to the serum or his empathic nature, the man could sense emotional distress from a mile away and Bruce was the very meaning of emotional distress.
"I-I don't want to be inappropriate, doctor, I know that it's probably none of my business. I am merely concerned because I saw-" Steve was cut off when Bruce suddenly rolled up his sleeves, revealing old and new scars on his wrists and forearms.
"Because you saw these, right?" Bruce said, frowning. "I understand that it may be a strange method, to you, for coping with emotions but I don't think I fit the profile of normal, do I? Sometimes the pain I inflict on myself is the only thing that reminds me I'm human, that I'm not just...him..." He gave a sad, hollow laugh. "And you don't have to worry, Steve, it's not like it will kill me..." Even though sometimes I wish it would, he thought silently.
The doctor was taken aback when he was suddenly pulled into a hug. The only two people who had ever hugged him were Tony and Natasha, and he still was not used to the feeling of such close contact with another person.
"I know it won't kill you, Bruce, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be concerned. And I don't think it's a strange method. I'm quite familiar with it myself." The blond man said as he released the other man, who stared at him with wide eyes. Steve gave him a sad smile. "Is it truly that surprising? That Captain America secretly hates himself for being nothing more than extra muscle to a team filled with extraordinary people?"
Bruce was speechless. He had known that the blond had been forced to adjust to the modern world far too quickly, that he harboured guilt over many things and that he felt out of place many times, but he had never thought that Captain America could feel the same horrid compulsion he did. And then he realised something. Captain America was a super soldier, the leader of the Avengers, but Steve Rogers was a man who had suffered for years. He did not bother to look at Steve's wrists, he knew the serum would have healed any cuts. He also figured that Bucky, unstable and broken as he was, probably knew and had prevented any incidents to the best of his ability.
"You are extraordinary, too, you know." Bruce smiled at the man. "Without you, I think Natasha may have killed Tony already and Bucky would have helped her. You're always looking out for us."
"Thank you. I think you are a very intelligent man, whose abilities are both a blessing and a curse. I know that therapy may not be of any benefit to you, Bruce, but perhaps speaking to a friend will?" Steve gave the man's shoulder a squeeze. "If not me, then Tony. He cares a lot about you, Bruce. He may act like a total jerk at times, but if you open up to him, he will listen with that big heart of his. Isn't that right, Tony?"
Bruce looked behind the Captain and saw Tony standing against the door frame, arms folded across his chest, by the lab doors. He felt his breath hitch in his throat and he tried to maintain his composure as the billionare walked towards him.
Suddenly, an annoyed Bucky appeared at the doors as well and glanced at all of them before turning his attention to Steve. "Did you really think knocking me out would make me allow you to stay up all night? Captain America or not, you need sleep, Steve."
The blond studied his friend carefully. Both he and Bucky knew that the latter felt more comfortable when Steve was asleep in the same room as him, even if Bucky never said it verbally. Steve laughed softly as he walked out of the lab and headed to his room with his motherly friend, but not before giving Tony a small glance.
"I'm assuming you heard our conversation?" Bruce sat down and took a sip of the coffee Steve had brought him. It wasn't half bad.
Tony frowned and sat on a chair opposite the doctor. "I heard enough. When were you going to tell me, Bruce?"
"Honestly? Probably never." He smiled, sadly. "You don't need my problems weighing you down."
"Did you ever stop to think maybe I like listening to you?" Tony flushed and looked away, awkwardly as Bruce raised a brow. "Isn't that what friends do? Listen to each other complain and stuff and cheer each other up? Or do we just acknowledge each other's existence and move on with life? If that's what a friend is then me and my dad were best friends."
Bruce smiled as the man rolled his eyes at the memory of his father. "Thank you, Tony."
"For what? You haven't told me what's wrong so I can help and then we can have one of those heartfelt moments that will solidify our friendship for like forever." Tony pouted, causing Bruce to laugh. The billionare was somehow always able to make him smile or laugh, no matter the situation.
"Thank you for being you." Bruce smiled. "When you're around, you always know how to make me smile and make me feel better. You don't have to listen to my problems to be my friend. You are my friend, you have been since the first time we met." He stared at his scarred wrists. "I suppose I should start looking for alternate methods. It's just hard..."
"It's like an addiction." Tony looked at his friend and smiled thinly. "I know all about those. They're hard to break and relapses can happen, but you know what? It's okay. We all have problems and we all deal with it differently...some of us in not-so-good ways..." Bruce silently wondered if Tony was referring to Steve as well, but Tony continued. "I know it sounds cheesy, like something Cap would say, but all that matters is that we don't give up on each other or ourselves, right?"
Bruce laughed, softly. "That does sound horribly cheesy...but I do agree. Steve was right, you do have a big heart."
Tony snorted. "Ever since Barnes showed up, the Dorito has developed a heart of sheer gold."
"Don't speak about him like that, Barnes will hear you." Bruce teased. "Remember the last time you spoke badly about Steve?"
Tony's face paled as he remembered waking up to a foreboding figure sitting at the edge of the bed, making a cut throat gesture with his metallic arm while whispering, "This may be your building, but if you ever talk shit about Steve again it'll be your remains in the meat grinder in the kitchen, okay?"
Bruce laughed at the billionare's expression and found himself giving the man a hug. Tony's face was pressed against the doctor's chest and he mumbled something about a heartfelt moment.
Eventually, Tony went to bed and Bruce decided he should probably get some sleep as well. As he lay in his bed, he smiled to himself and for the first time in his life, he felt content enough to close his eyes without fear because he knew that he was no longer alone. He had friends that cared about him, that he cared about, and it was the greatest comfort he had ever known.