EB: This story was made up by me and my friend Ahva. We're like Zim and Gir really and when we were playing badminton I sucked so freaking badly. Ahva said that I was her 'apprentice' and we had a freakish time. Anyways, because she's like Gir she made me think of this.
Myst: The birdies have a conspiracy! They're little ships that want to take over earth! By the way, for you stupid humans, we don't own Invader Zim. Anyone that would think that we did if we didn't mention this needs to be stapled in the back and have an umbrella shoved into the place where their spine will be taken from or have bubbling grease poured over his or her soft spot!!
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Zim, Irken of Badminton
Chapter one
"Really?"
The small, green creature nodded his greed head towards the screen. "I assure you it is very true. I saw the human do it with my own eyes." Zim smiled back at his superiors from where he stood in his base. His crimson eyes blinked innocently and, yet, deviously.
"Fascinating."
Purple, the violet colored of the almighty Tallest, popped into view on the screen, his hands full of bags of donuts. Red, the ruby one, turned away from Zim and took two of them. The violet Tallest glared at Zim from on the Massive ship while the Irken 'Invader' remained on Earth. "I still can't believe it. I want to see it with my own eyes before I do."
"Sadly, My Tallest," Zim said hanging his head a little bit. "I no longer have said human with me…"
Gir hopped down and looked at the screen. Zim stepped back a little surprised. "He got eaten by a shark!!"
"Well Zim we probably have to go now…"
"Wait! Don't you want to join me for a day of destroying the humans? I have a foolproof plan involving weasels, flamethrowers and 260 cases of mayonnaise. It will be very entertaining. I even had Gir prepare some Earth waffles." Zim held up two plates of steaming waffles and smiled at his superiors.
"They've got hair and eggshells in em!" Gir zipped across the screen.
"Uh… maybe later Zim… I mean…" Red gripped Purple's arm. His co-Tallest dropped his bags of donuts and looked at Red with dislike for that. The red Tallest held his friend's arm out for Zim to see. "Just look at Purple's arm! Do you see it? Do you?!"
"Yes…"
"Then obviously you can tell that something is wrong with it! He's in pain Zim! Pain!" Red nudged Purple.
"Huh? Oh! Uh… Yeah! Ow! The pain! The pain! Ow, it hurts!"
"Yeah, so we have to go now Z…"
"Ow! It's hurts! It hurts! Ow! What's with my arm?! Ow! Ow! The pain! It hurts! Ow, it's burning! Ow! Fire running through my flesh! Pain! Pain! Hurting! Hurting! Ow! Screaming in pain and no one's helping me! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Pain! Pain in my arm!!"
"Pur… I think you're overdoing it…" Red coked his head to the side as he watched Purple hop about the platform, clutching his arm in 'pain'. The fact that he was exaggerating so much was both strange and unnerving. He didn't know what to do but float there and watch as he zipped about and made a fool of himself, all the while crying out that he was in great pain and that his wound or sore needed to be attended to. It was actually quite entertaining. "Seriously, Pur. You're really over doing it." Red didn't even really realize that Zim was still watching, blinking innocently from his spot in the base far away on Earth.
Purple stopped and looked at him. "No, I'm serious. It really does hurt."
"What? Let me see that."
Red grabbed Purple's arm. He carefully turned it over and glared at the spot that purple had been tending to the whole time. It was all red around the side and looked swollen completely out of proportions. When red turned it a little more so that Purple had to actually turn around a bit he could see something else that wasn't meant to be there. There was a huge black and purple spot there and what he saw next made his eyes go wide. It was a black blob with two red eyes that stared back at him. Sort of like blood lust. To a human it would have looked cute. But Irkens did not have the luxury of thinking towards something as being 'cute'. So when Red looked at the small, black blob he knew it for what it really was…
"Space parasite!!"
Red and Purple began to panic. Purple flung his arms over his head. He aggravated the lichen and it started to cause him to loose color to his face. Red hurried by the drones to try and make them help while Purple panicked hysterically. All the while more and more life was drained and more and more poison was injected.
The screen went black.
Zim raised an invisible eyebrow. "My Tallest? My Tallest? Hey, My Talllleeeest. My Tallest? My-m-my Tallest. My Taaallest. Hey. Hey. Hey come back, My Tallest. My Tallest? My Talleeest. My Tallest! My Tallest! Hey. My Tallest. My Tallest. My Tallest. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. My Tallest. My Tallest! My Taaallest. My Tallest… My Tallest? Hey. MY TALLEST!! My Tallest. My Tallest. My Tallest. My Taaaaaaallest! Hey. Hey, My Tallest? M-My… My Tall…" The little Irken rubbed his chin. "Computer!"
"What?" asked the computer in a, less than, enthusiastic tone.
"Why are the Tallest not reconnecting the line with Zim?"
"Probably because the connection is lost…"
"Fix it!"
"You."
"Do not talk back to Zim! I order you to repair the connection with the almighty Tallest at this moment. I wasn't even able to tell them all about my weasel, mayonnaise, flamethrower plan before Tallest Purple was being eaten alive." Zim stopped… "Wait…"
"I think that, whether I reconnect or not, it won't matter."
"Eh?"
"Your robot just ate the last of the mayo."
Zim turned around quickly and saw Gir standing there. He had an awful lot of feathers around his mouth and a smile so wide he could have gotten a smile Charlie horse. But then Zim saw the mayonnaise that coated his body and he became quite angry. "Gir! How could you have eaten 260 cases of pure, human, egg waste mayonnaise in the few short minutes that I had my back turned?"
Gir shrugged.
Just as Zim was about to wring his small neck a beeping sound ensued behind him. The Irken turned around and peered at the screen of one of the computer monitors. He read it aloud. "Door… bell. Drat. I'll have to get it myself. Those stupid robotic parental units are still being repaired from the damage over my horrific and dashing adventure with the horrible cow-pig monster bent on eating all waffles of the world. He would not get my waffles!"
So Zim grabbed his, black, cow-like wig and his blue, human contacts, as he ran from his communications room to the elevator. He put the disguise on as he was carried up the floors to the base top level and ejected out of the toilet.
Zim straightened his wig and then crossed to the door. He opened it and then was staring into the face of a rather strange looking girl. She had black hair in front of her left eye and then she had the rest of it tied in a ponytail behind her head. Headphones were on her ears and she had a very dark looking outfit on, consisting of a black pair of pants, a black shirt with a gold design in the center and a sheath with a sword sticking out of it on her back. She looked quite strange for a normal Earth student.
"Hi, I'm Ahva," she said, outstretching her hand.
Zim didn't take it but she just shook that off and pulled a flier out from the pile that she had in a bag. "Here. There's going to be a badminton teaching session and tournament at the local gymaporium. So all kids from the skool are invited to come and have a good time there. You'll come, won't you?"
Zim smacked the paper away and it floated, lightly to the ground. Ahva watched as it fell. Then her eyes peered back up to Zim who had his hands on his hips and his brows lowered. "Zim has no need to attend your pathetic Earth game event. I have better things to do than play 'badminton' with filthy, human, pig-smellies."
Ahva's brows went low. She grabbed Zim by the collar and pulled him right up close to her face. "You will come to the badminton game," she said in a demonic voice. "And you will attend my teaching session and you will play against other pigs and you will like playing with other pigs. Got it?"
Zim lightly nodded, too scared to do anything else.
"Great! The information is on the flier," Ahva picked up the one that Zim had dropped and passed it back into his quivering fingers. "Tell your friends, ok?" Then she turned and walked to the curb.
Zim watched her hop onto a, rather large, basket on the back part of a bicycle. The person that actually rode the bike was a shorter girl with brown hair down to her waist, torn, blue jeans, an army shirt on and thick shoes with metal all along the bottom on. She pushed off from the ground hard and rode down the street with Ahva on the back, waving at him.
The Irken closed the door and looked at the paper.
"…Badminton…?"
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EB: Yeah. So I wrote this chapter and Ahva's going to write the next one.
Myst: We're doing this thing where one of us writes a chapter then we send it to the other and she writes the next one.
EB: Obviously there are no reviews to acknowledge but, hopefully, there will be some later.
Myst: Read on meh bruddas and be careful passing by the next fire hydrant. They'll eat you alive you know.