Disclaimer: We do not own FMA, nor anything else mentioned in this story, except for Serenity and Sierra, and Jaguar and Christopher...and anything else you've never heard before... And we don't own the Batman Theme Song either...

Author comments:
"Hi we are new here." Sierra said.
"Sort of", Serenity said..
"And we are sisters."
"Sort of," Serenity said again.
"And no we aren't a muslim members of some freaky cult... We are American Christians. And We are Pro Bush!" Sierra said.
"Actually I hate politics." Serenity said.
"Anyways...Enjoy!!..." Sierra said.
"Wait shouldn't we tell them what the story is about?" Serenity asked.
"We already kinda did in the disclaimer. Abot FMA, a Jaguar, Batman theme song, our readers can use their imagination." Sierra said.
"Hey guys!" Jaguar said popping out of nowhere, "It's time for the show!"
"Okay here it is!" Sierra said.
"Sort of." Serenity said.

J Files

Chapter One Edward vs. Jaguar

Edward was standing in the dark. "Where the Heck am I?" He heard an evil laugh in the back ground. He looked around, "What the world was that?" he asked the darkness. Suddenly a bright blinding light turned on. And another evil laugh was heard. Edward another laugh it was cheerful and bubbly but some how very creepy.

"Hey look its Edward!" Sierra said.

"Well duh! He is the first contestant in..."

All the lights turned on. Edward saw that he was a large stadium like room.

"Edward vs. Jaguar!"

Edward rubbed his eyes, as they focused in on the room, or rather a stadium...And there was an audience and a bunch of people Edward didn't know. Then his eyes got big as he saw a bunch of people he did know...Like; Winry, who was holding large florescent cue cards with stuff written in orange. Al was there too, and people like the homunculi...

"What's going on?" Edward asked.

Then he saw a girl with long brown curly hair she wore strange clothing and had a microphone in her hand.

"Hi Edward!" Another girl said from behind the first girl, she had straight long dark metallic brown hair, she was the same height as the other girl with the curly hair.

"Who are you?" Edward asked.

"My name is Sierra! This is my twin sister Serenity!"

Sierra said looking very hyper, either that or one of those ditz blonde girls...

"Where the heck am I?" He asked again.

"You're the first contents on Jaguar Files!" batman theme song in the background

Edward looked around, "Where's that music coming from?" He asked. Serenity ignored his question and said something else...

"Alright the rules of the games are, me and Sierra make up the rules of the game along the way."

"It's 'Sierra and I." Said Sierra.

Serenity turned around.

"What?"

"You said it wrong, it's not 'me and Sierra' Sierra and I.'"

"I'll say it the way I want to, because I'm cool like that! And also because I'm the hostess."

"I'm the hostess too."

"No, you're more like the hostess's sidekick."

"Darn, I'll get my revenge someday."

"Yeah right."

"What are you doing?" Ed asked. He was just standing there, staring.

"Yeah okay back to the show, of which I am hostess!" Serenity said.

"And don't the forget sidekick, Me!" Sierra said. Serenity ignored her and continued her hostess job. "Stage one we put Ed in a cage!" She said. Serenity and Sierra move away to the side of the stage.

"Hey what do you mean a cage?" Ed asked. But Serenity didn't answer.

Then a giant cage fell from the heavens and he was trapped.

"That cage." Sierra said.

"That's no problem of mine!" Ed said, clapping his hands together.

Electric blue light appeared then fizzled out. Ed clapped his hands Again, but nothing happened.

"Hey what's going on?" Ed asked himself.

"You are in our game show, meaning we make up the rules."

"We're also the authors."

"Sierra, shhhh!" Serenity hissed at her.

"Oh right, no ones supposed to know about that, gomen onesan."

"Daijobu. Ano, dane wo Nihonjin buton tsukeru desu ka?"

"O gomen, watashi wa desu." A click sound was heard, "Sorry I leaned onto The Speak Japanese Button." Sierra apologized

"Again?" Serenity asked. "So what did I say anyways?"

"You said 'its okay, um, who turned on the Japanese button?'"

"Oh, okay."

"Will you guys stop chattering in Japanese, and tell me what happened to my alchemy?!" Edward yelled at them.

"Oh I forgot he was here." Serenity said.

"How could you forget? I thought you were in love with him?" Sierra asked.

"Shhhhh!" Serenity shushed Sierra.

Edward blushed when he heard that. Serenity cleared her throat, then spoke

"Okay, now release the Jaguar."

"Jaguar? What? Hey what about my alchemy?" Edward asked.

"See this button?" Sierra pointed to a great big florescent pink button. Edward nodded his head.

"It's an alchemy on and off button."

"What?!"

But at that moment a section of the floor rose up, it opened kind of like into a cave like thing. Smoke poured out, and pale blue cat eyes glared out.

"What the?!" Ed asked freaking out.

The jaguar pounced out, and landed on Edward's shoulders, flattening him, just like Alexander would.

"I'm your biggest fan." The Jaguar said in a high pitched voice.

"You can talk?" Edward asked.

"Of course she can talk!" Sierra said.

"No! I'm your biggest fan!" Serenity yelled, shaking the bars.

"NO! I am, I am!"

A large random crowd of rabid fangirls descended from the audience. They shook the cage screaming,

"I'm his biggest fan, No I am!!!"

"Um, guys we need to do the show." Sierra said.

But everyone ignored her. So she pushed a random white button. POOF! All the fangirls turned into little pink, purple and white fluffy little bunnies. They hopped away, frightened of the loudness the audience caused.

"Can I be human now?" A little blue and purple bunny asked with a high pitched voice.

"Oh, sorry Serenity, I forgot you were turned into a bunny too."

Sierra clicked the button again. POOF! And Serenity turned back to human...Well almost.

"Sierra, get rid of the bunny ears and tail." She told Sierra.

Serenity still had her Blue and purple bunny ears and tail.

"Right!" Sierra pushed the button again. POOF! This time Serenity was back to normal, well as normal as she gets.

"Now! back to the show!" She said into her microphone. "Jaguar! attack!"

"That was just strange..." Edward said.

"Yeah, human fangirls are just weird." Jaguar told Edward.

"And so are you." He replied.

"What did you say?" Jaguar asked offended.

"Um-" Edward started, but was interrupted by Serenity.

"I said, JAGUAR ATTACK!!!" Serenity yelled.

"Okay okay." Jaguar said.

Jaguar climbed off Ed, for she was still on him from when she first pounced on him.

"Cue; Jaguar growls." Serenity pointed to Sierra. Sierra held up over her head, a big cue card that was black with silver writting on it.

"I said, Cue; Jaguar growls!" Serenity said again.

Jaguar looked up, the cue card read on it "Jaguar growls".

"GGGRRROOOWWWLLL!!!" Jaguar growled really loud, shaking the cage.

"How was that?" She asked.

"Never mind, will you just get on with it?!" Serenity asked impatiently.

"That was a really good growl!" Sierra said with her thumbs up.

But she forgot that she was holding the cue card and so it fell onto her head, knocking her out.

"Sierra?" Serenity asked, but no answer came.

"Oh well, For the last time! JAGUAR ATTA-!" But Serenity was interrupted bye Christopher the director.

"Wait one moment." Christopher said.

He bent over next to Sierra and whispered something in her ear, then he left…

"Christopher says it's time for the commercial break." She said standing up, a big normal bandaid on her head.

"No commercial breaks!" Serenity yelled.

"Come on Serenity, It'll be fun!" Sierra said, still hyper even though she hit her head on the floor.

"Oh alright! Then Jaguar will attack!" Serenity said.

"We'll be write back after these pointless little messages that would mak life a happier place if they just imploded." Sierra said.

The audience applauded, then it went to the first commercial...