Okay, so... Usually, I do only write Caryl, or oneshots from Carol's point of view (on a different account), but you know, I really like the dynamic of Carol and Rick and I wanted to do something along those lines, whether this turns out shippy or not (Carick leaves me conflicted, so we'll see, haha!). I haven't exactly done a successful fanfiction, I tend to struggle with keeping a story going, but hopefully, I'll be able to get at least a few chapters of this done, and hopefully, you guys will like it! Anyway, this one may be short, but I suppose its sort of an introduction, if you will. I'm just setting myself the scene and situation. Apologies if it sucks! Haha!
Keeping Time
An understanding had been met, that day. When she'd made her way through the cluster of trees, her hair still thick with the dirt orange clay she'd used not long ago to disguise herself, to become invisible, and had followed the sound of her family's voices, those who she'd just saved. She'd been greeted by the tight envelope of Daryl's embrace, the one she knew would always have her back, would always welcome her. But then when she'd looked up, seen the group's trusted leader, she'd been unsure how he would react.
When he'd sent her away, upon the revelation of what she'd done to Karen and David, she'd understood his decision, but what he'd said, what he didn't understand had hurt her. He didn't see why she'd done it, and if he was their leader, that was something he ought to be able to understand, she thought. In this world now, you couldn't sit in the background and wait for things to work out. As for what he said about not having her around his children... She tried not to think about that. But when he too had locked his arms around her, like he was glad to see her, and that he'd approved of her actions in saving them from Terminus, Carol knew it was okay, he understood now, at least she hoped so.
Since then, he'd seemed to look at her in a different light, almost as if she were a leader, an equal to him. Like he trusted her initiative, and to make decisions... But, she didn't know how she should really feel. After all, the space in between her being exiled and her saving them from Terminus had been full of hardships, ones that had definitely affected her, changed her.
Being in Father Gabriel's church, seeing the reminders of the guidelines she used to live by, the faith that she used to have, that had been part of her comfort during her life before the turn, it had made her think about what she'd become, what she'd done. And that heavy burden that was laying on her shoulders, of what had happened at The Grove, with the girls... You didn't get to save people, not all the time, not anymore. Everything that had happened was trying to consume her, and she was keeping it at the back of her mind, not focusing on it, she couldn't let her walls down, couldn't let it break her.
As the group were gathered in the church one night, she'd distanced herself somewhat, rather lost in her own thoughts, and while Rick saw her, he couldn't help but feel like he should maybe do something, even if it was just to consult her, speak to her. He handed his daughter off to Tyreese, and went over to her, setting himself down on the floor, letting his back rest against the base of the seating behind him, opposite her.
Carol's eyes flickered up to meet his, when he sat down, and she offered him the smallest hint of a smile, before she glanced over at the others, and then back at him. "You know, when we were split up, Tyreese took good care of her." She stated quietly, referring to his baby daughter.
"No..." Rick kept his voice low and shook his head, looking back at her. "Well yeah, I don't doubt that he did take good care of her but you were there too, and I know you did your part." His comment was sincere, honest. Despite what he'd told her before, about how he wouldn't trust her with his children, wouldn't have her there. He'd realised he was wrong about that.
The woman simply pressed her lips together, she wasn't going to deny that she didn't, but she wasn't going to break into happiness and thanks either. "There a reason why you came over here?" She asked, she'd assumed that it had been obvious that she'd been wanting to sit by herself.
"There a reason why you're distancing yourself from everyone? You saved us. Because you're part of us, our family..." He knew that what he was saying was probably contradicting his actions, back on that run. "We need you." Probably his way of telling her that he needed her around.
You see, the thing was, from Rick's point of view, even when he had sent Carol away, when he'd driven back to the prison, when he'd proceeded to tell the others of his decision, he had to ask them and himself if he'd made the right choice, if they would have done the same. There hadn't been one moment in which he was one hundred percent certain of his decision. Carol had been there from the start, he remembered the woman back at the Atlanta camp, who was quite literally her husband's shadow, with a child held close to her. This was a woman who'd spend rather a lot of her pre – apocalyptic life surviving, and had then gone on to lose every bit of her family, every bit of who she had been her entire life, in a sense. Well, who she'd been told she was. He knew for a fact that this strong woman, this woman with courage and sense had been there all along, just the circumstances of her marriage prevented her from seeing that. She was the woman who had been somewhat of a rock to his wife when he shut her out, had been there to watch over his children when he was grieving, and had always done her part for the group. When he sent her away, implied that she was not part of this family, he'd made a mistake, a big one. Rick had come to realize that he needed her in this group. In this world, you could lose anyone or anything, at any time, you needed people you could trust, and while he wasn't sure about what she'd done to Karen and David, he was sure that he did in fact need this woman. This was Carol. Carol. She belonged with them.