Succumbing to the Darkness
Severus Snape's life had always been a struggle with the dark. From his troubled childhood he had always seen the world through the eyes of someone much older than himself. He had always been much too jaded for a child.
It seemed as though he was always on the fringe of the light, wrapped in a cloak of darkness and peering out into the light, but it was always too bright. The brilliant glow was blinding, too much for his eyes. He always returned to the darkness seeking comfort and solace.
Severus would have faded long before but for his beacon his hope, his light. A seemingly unstoppable righteousness pervaded that spirit. His presence made everything seem beautiful. When he was around the light seemed not harsh and biting, but warm and comforting, things he had little experience with.
Looking back now Severus could admit he had idolized the boy, making him into a perfect being. After all a Gryffindor willing to outstretch their hand to a Slytherin had to have a heart of gold, right? Not like the rest of those self-righteous bastards who claimed to be ever so holy but shunned anyone who was different.
Somehow their petty rivalries seemed not to matter to him though. He was not blinded by the light, he gained wisdom from it.
When Severus had discovered their escapades he had not been the least bit surprised though anger and jealousy, he was loathe to admit, were the reoccurring motifs of his thoughts. He wanted to be included in their fun and games. He wanted to be accepted and cared for by him.He'd wanted his special boy to smile at him, to laugh with him, to be with him.
So he had followed them, using all his stealth and Slytherin cunning to avoid being caught. Despite his best efforts somehow the Black boy, Sirius had found him out, he had told Severus that the answer to all his questions would be answered if he just crept up to the tree and…
What he had found down that hole had changed his life. He had followed Remus, but soon found himself face to face with a beast. He had been horrified to see a spark of recognition, followed by a heart-wrenching misery, in those deep amber eyes.
Then, the beast took over. When the boy-wolf had lunged at him, nothing but his ingenuity saved him. The curse that he'd cast only had a short lifespan, but used on a magical creature (though he didn't want to think of the boy that way) its effects would be severely shortened. He spared only one look at the other occupant of the house before he turned tail and ran. That one glance though, completely crushed his world. He saw the wolf, yes, kicking and clawing to get to him, its prey, but he also saw the boy, struggling in vain to control this stranger in his body, to get it to do his bidding.
And it was then that Severus Snape received an overdose of reality. His young mind struggled to wrap itself this gross injustice. The one person of whom he had thought the world was just as flawed as or even more so than everyone else. It was then he realized it. Not that the world was devoid of good, but that the darkness always overcomes it, creeping in and slowly overtaking the light. The sun always sets; the flame of the candle always dies. And then, what is left?
Nothing but darkness.
Though he would not join Voldemort for many years, it was on that day that he made his decision. He'd decided that it was too tiring and much too hard to fight for something he now knew to be unachievable.
That day, he made the decision to succumb to the dark.
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