Seeking Comfort

She had changed her hair. She walked with seemingly more confidence. House smirked. He knew she was just as broken as she was before, if not more. Her eyes gave it away, they always gave her away. They were glazed over, desensitized. He was watching her, reading her. Working in the ER bored her. From across the room, she caught his gaze. She was crying but not crying. Tears were coming down, but she wasn't even acknowledging them. Later that day, he seized her by the elbow and pulled her into an empty exam room. She wasn't prepared for his close proximity and when he stared at her, she almost collapsed right then and there. He brought his arms around her for a moment, relishing in the feeling of having her near him again. As soon as it had started it was over, and he was out the door. Cameron just fell back against the exam room wall.

Six Months earlier

"What do we do now?" Cameron asked in all seriousness.

"Well, some people like to cuddle, personally I had you pegged as one of them, but you seem a little…frazzled?" House winced waiting for the impending wrath. They'd had sex. They had known it would probably happen eventually, but now it was a problem.

"I meant-" Cameron started

"I know what you meant. We do nothing, I mean we can definitely do that again," House said gesturing to the bed, "We don't have to tell anybody or anything though." House waited trying to gauge her expression.

"That's good I guess. Well, I better get going. My shift starts in an hour." Cameron began gathering all her clothes in a hurry trying to get out the door and away from this awkwardness as soon as possible. He stopped her.

"Cameron I know you don't have to work. Don't try lying. Look, I know all your wildest dreams have come true in the last 2 hours but-" Cameron's snort cut him off.

House was being a cocky son of a bitch again. It was turning her on.

"Don't flatter yourself, I got here 45 minutes ago and this awkward post-coital bantering isn't exactly what I had been imagining."

"So you have been imagining this?" This man was impossible. Cameron turned to leave, but House grabbed her arm.

"Can we do it again?"

They were together, sort of. It had started out as sex, but they both knew it had developed into something else entirely, although House wouldn't admit it to himself. As the "relationship" progressed, stuff gradually wound its way into each others' apartments. Cameron kept her bare essentials in House's bathroom, and she had also graduated to keeping a drawer in one of his dressers. House's stuff was a little less hidden. In Cameron's apartment, CD's were strewn about in various places, a random pair of boxers littered the back hall, and her TV now had Tivo. But that was then, and this is now.

Present day

Cameron finally got a break from her shift in the ER. Today had been hard. She had lost a patient, a little boy. As if that wasn't enough, House had showed up again. He was watching her from across the room, casually leaning against the wall. She didn't even realize she had been crying until she tasted the subtle saltiness of a tear reaching her lips. She wasn't going to go back to him, not again. She had to make a clean break from him, totally move on. That sounded pretty ridiculous at this point. How could she ever forget House? She couldn't; that was the entire problem. Flopping onto an empty bed in the sleep lab, she let her mind be dragged back down that road again…

Four months earlier

Cameron was laid out on House's couch, laptop humming, desperately trying to catch up on his charting, and trying to finish an article she had been working on. She was getting tired and frustrated, the work was tedious and she really needed a break, but she wouldn't allow herself one. House had been trying to pass the time by watching General Hospital and listening to his ipod, but he was done waiting. He walked over to where she was on the couch.

"Have you saved your work recently?" House asked.

"Yeah just a second ago," Cameron replied distractedly.

"Good girl," and with that, House shut the lid of her laptop, barely giving her enough time to remove her hands from the keyboard.

"What the hell Greg?" Cameron was a little peeved.

"You've been working all day, and ignoring me all day. I didn't ask you to come over so I could be by myself." House moved her legs apart and lay down between them, his head resting on her chest.

"It's me time now, so just don't move for a while." He was placing soft kisses along her collarbone. Cameron just sighed. She ran her hands down his back, slipping underneath the hem of his t-shirt wanting to feel skin on skin. As his lips found their way to her neck, she wrapped her legs around his waist drawing him closer.

"Somebody has something specific on their mind," House chuckled against her skin, the vibrations causing Cameron to groan slightly.

"You started it." A breathless Cameron squeaked out. House pulled back a little to look at her. He gave her that little smirk. He knew he had her for at least an hour.

"Okay fine, but I have to get back to work right after!" demanded Cameron.

"Of course," House said his voice oozing with sarcasm. They clambered off the couch and made their way towards the bedroom. Cameron's laptop and article were forgotten for the rest of the night.

Present Day

House sat in his office, facing away from the glass door. The shades were drawn allowing him to slip into the soothing darkness. He had tried watching TV, listening to music, and playing video games, it was no use. He couldn't turn his mind off. Seeing her crying and knowing he had something to do with it was both sickening and almost pleasing. Sickening because he really didn't want to hurt her, and pleasing because it just proved she still felt something for him. He leaned back in his office chair and smiled to himself as a particularly fond memory sprang to the forefront of his mind. One more play through before he deleted the image for good.

2 months earlier

They were at her place. He had slept over again. The night before was pretty tiring. They had woken each other up multiple times during the night to make love. Since when was called making love? No, they had woken up to have sex, which was pretty much the only thing that was acceptable to wake House up for. Needless to say, when the alarm went off, they were both totally unprepared to get out of bed. Cameron groaned and began to move out of his embrace, but House held onto her tightly. He reached over her, yanked the alarm clock out of the electrical socket, and threw it onto the other side of the room. Cameron who wasn't shocked at his antics anymore just gave him a look of annoyance.

"That was very mature." House just laced his fingers with hers and said,

"It was the only way I knew how to ensure I was going to get morning sex."

"What makes you think destroying my alarm clock will get you morning sex?" House just rolled over on top of her and settled most of his weight on her, pinning her down. He pushed his scruffy chin into her neck.

"Please?" he peppered her neck with kisses, "please, please, please?"

"You know, begging isn't one of your more attractive qualities." Cameron ran her hands up and down his bare back, her nails leaving faint trails of red. House groaned in response,

"Don't start it, if you don't intend to finish it." House said in all seriousness, he didn't want to have to finish himself off…

"We're going to be late," Cameron argued, but it was impossible to think straight when she could physically feel his need pressed into her stomach.

"Come on Cameron," his thumb passed over her nipple, "bend the rules," he parted her legs with his knee, "you know you want to." He placed a kiss on her lips that could be almost described as tender. Cameron's mind was clouded. There was no way she could deny him now. She arched up and captured his mouth fiercely.

"I'll take that as a yes." House said smugly. Cameron didn't get to work until 10:30.

Present Day

Finally her shift was over. Cameron didn't really know how much longer she could work in the ER. Between the lack of mental stimulation, and House making his frequent guest appearances, she was tired from trying to do her job and keep up a strong front for House. All she wanted to do now was just get home, curl up in her bed, and sleep for the entire weekend. Hopefully by the time she woke up someone will have invented the time machine so she could go back and undo all of this. But would she really want to erase it all? Never, for all hell she was going through now, the good times were so worth it. That was House in a nutshell for you, suck you in then push you away. She had said she loved him a couple of times. He would always just scoff at her and change the subject and Cameron allowed him to because she didn't need his proclamations of undying love. Now, that was all she really wanted to her. No, she couldn't think that way anymore. As Cameron entered the hospital parking garage looking for her car, her mind traveled back to the night where things fell apart.

Less than 1 month ago

The pain was bad this time, as bad as it had been in a long time. All through work that day he had been heavily favoring his right side; rubbing his leg whenever he sat, and popping even more pills than usual. The others didn't seem to pay much attention, but Cameron was acutely aware of House's state. She hadn't been around for one of his worst episodes as anything more than a colleague, but there was a first for everything. There was a lull in the ER so Cameron made her way up to the diagnostics office. House's team must have been off with a patient because there he sat, alone in his office, his head resting on the crook of his cane. She tried to open to glass door quietly. His only acknowledgment of her presence was a quick glance in her direction. She made her way over to him and kneeled down in front of him, upon closer inspection, Cameron's degree of concern rose. He was sweating, his breathing was slightly labored and the other muscles in his leg were beginning to cramp. She slowly brought her hands to House's thigh and began lightly massaging the void. He let out a breath and leaned back in his chair, his head tilted back and his eyes closed. After a few minutes his pain had decreased a little, so he moved forward and stopped her ministrations by placing his hands over hers on his leg. Their eyes met. His blue orbs were searching her for something, pity maybe? He saw no pity, just pure concern and something else. His brow furrowed and Cameron could see that he wanted to tell her something, but he couldn't formulate the words.

"Well I need to get back downstairs…" Cameron kept him from saying anything. He nodded and she turned to leave. Once she was out of his office, Cameron let a small smile slip past her lips. He was letting her inside the steel trap that was his heart.

"Shit," House mumbled to himself after Cameron left. She was starting to claw her way inside him, and he was scared she'd make all the way in. He couldn't let her get too close, it wasn't okay. This wasn't just sex anymore. This wasn't just some fun game. He saw it when he looked in her eyes minutes ago: Love. It was small, only a glimmer, but it was still there. He was starting to feel the same way and that could not happen. He was a sinking ship, and she wasn't going to go down with him.

Cameron was worried, she was a worrier. Worry was what she was good at. She was afraid that with his pain he would drink himself into a stupor, overdose on vicoden, or something worse that she didn't want to think about. After some time, she said 'Screw it' and drove to his place. When he didn't answer the door, she found the spare key and let herself in. House was on the couch, vicoden and scotch within reach, TV on, eyes closed. When he heard the door open, he turned to look at the intruder.

"Why are you here?" House was angry. Cameron hadn't exactly been expecting a warm greeting, but he was genuinely annoyed with her presence.

"Thought you could use some company…" It was a horrible opening line and Cameron knew it.

"I was worried, I knew you weren't feeling good at work, I just wanted to make sure you were okay…" Cameron let her voice trail off, she couldn't meet his eyes.

"I'm fine, and you can leave." House turned away from her as if he thought that was the end of their conversation.

"You don't want me to stay?" Cameron was a little bewildered. Just this afternoon in his office, she was sure that she was breaking down his defenses and now she was getting the cold shoulder. Had she misread him?

"No I don't want you to stay! I don't need you or your goddamn pity."

"Greg, I'm not-" Cameron tried reasoning with him, but he wouldn't have any of it.

"Look," he said, "I know what you're going to do. You're going to try to pick me apart and save me. It isn't going to happen. I can't change just because you want me to."

"Who asked you to change? I haven't tried to change you!"

"But you will eventually. Just leave. This thing…" he motioned between them, "is over."

"Greg just-" Cameron was desperately trying to explain.

"Get the fuck out!" House instantly regretted the harshness of his words

She stood there mouth agape for a second, before making her way out the door. House just took another vicoden and long swig of scotch.

Cameron sat in her car for at least fifteen minutes before she could start driving. This was it. This was the moment she had been waiting for, the moment he would push her away. She had never expected it to go this far, to run this deep, and now the only thing she could feel was empty.

Present Day

House was in his bedroom. If he could just fall asleep he wouldn't be able to feel his leg for a couple hours until it woke him up again. Cameron was swirling around in his head. He knew it wasn't fair for him to keep showing up and jerking her around, but he honestly didn't mean to. He always had the intention of saying something to her, but every time he came near her, any words he had planned out in his head seemed completely insufficient for their situation, so he did what he always did, he ran. Now he couldn't sleep, he needed some kind of comfort or relief, and he only knew of one place to go.

Dragging herself down the hall from her bedroom, she made her way to the front door. Cameron tiredly opened it a crack to see who it was that could possibly know she hadn't slept well in days, and chose this opportune moment to disturb her. Leaning against her doorframe was House. Of course it was him. Just when she thought she was finally picking up the pieces, there he was. Cameron was taken aback by his appearance. He was obviously in a lot of pain, but then again, when was he not in pain? His eyes were bloodshot, he had more beard growth than usual, and he looked so tired. Without saying a word, she turned her back to him leaving the door open. Relief swept over House. He wasn't really expecting her to answer the door at all. He wasn't even sure he had the strength to deal with the emotions that fought in his chest whenever he saw her. He closed the door behind him and followed her into the apartment a pace behind. House started making his way toward the couch, anticipating an uncomfortable night and a sore body in the morning, when he felt her hand encircle his wrist.

"Your leg can't deal with a night on the couch." Cameron said groggily as she slipped her hand into his and led him to her bedroom. If she hadn't been so exhausted, her walls so unguarded, and her will so broken, she might have let him suffer on the couch. The feel of her small hand lightly tangled with his was bringing back those memories when his hands would wrap around hers and push them into the mattress while they were carried off by their passion. He swallowed passed the lump in his throat, nodded his thanks and tried to walk, but his leg was on fire. He stumbled and took her with him. He caught himself on the wall, effectively pinning Cameron between him and the side of the hallway. He stood there staring at her for a moment, eyes pleading, until she carefully slipped an arm around his waist and he draped his arm over her shoulders. Cameron shivered at his touch. Even though his body was rigid from pain and she was exhausted from pulling a double shift in the ER, there was still electricity between them that erupted whenever skin met skin. He sighed and allowed her to assist him. She was the only one who he would swallow his pride for, she knew it too. She knew how much it was hurting his ego to let her see him like this. When they reached the bedroom, they both took to their respective sides, pulling down the bedding. Cameron couldn't help but dwell on the odd feeling of domesticity that returned with this simple act. House sat on the edge of the bed and began trying to take off his jeans. He pulled his vicoden bottle out of his pocket and placed it on the nightstand. His leg was so bad it was making a simple task like undressing nearly impossible. Cameron, who had been nervously pretending not to notice, saw him struggling but hesitated. House had let her help him so far, but she didn't want to push it. She was afraid he would take her care as pity and Cameron was all too aware of how House felt about pity. After watching him fail to get his pants passed his marred thigh, she came around to his side of the bed and kneeled in front of him.

"Lay back." Cameron instructed.

"I am capable of doing this myself." House said through clenched teeth.

"You could have fooled me." House shot her a look.

"Just let me help you." Cameron's voice was edgy. She was too tired to deal with his stubbornness. House eventually complied. Cameron worked slowly trying to do the least amount of damage. When she got his jeans all the way off, she threw them on the chair in the corner, not bothering to fold them, a habit House had looked upon with disdain. Cameron returned to her side of what was once a bed they shared, slid under the covers and propped herself up against the headboard, awaiting some kind of response from House. He lay down on his back and in one movement, rolled over and laid his head on her stomach, his right arm draped around her waist, lightly gripping her side. Surprised by his action, Cameron felt her heart ache for him. He was obviously in a lot of pain and he had come to her to be comforted, even after everything that had happened between them. She started running her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp. He let out a breath he had unconsciously been holding and snuggled in closer, needing to feel the soothing warmth of her skin.

She evoked calm in him and he could begin to feel his tension ebb away. After quite some time, he looked up at her wanting to spit out everything he couldn't find a way to say her in this moment, but he just didn't know where to begin.

"Cameron, I…"

Cameron sensed his uncertainty and cut him off.

"Greg, you don't have to say anything-not now at least. Let's just sleep okay?" she tried to keep her voice soothing and low.

"I can't sleep, my leg…its bad this time, nothing is working." House admitted.

"Let's try this." Cameron said as she slid down flat and turned on her side, opening her legs.

"Uh, I'm flattered, but not exactly in the mood to do the nasty."

Cameron smacked him on the arm. This was just another reminder, pain or no pain, House was still House. His insincerity in moments like this was at times both endearing and infuriating.

"Ouch, okay fine we can have sex, but I'm warning you, you'll have to do most of the work." Ignoring his last comment, Cameron continued on without giving him a reaction.

"Put your leg between mine, the body heat will help the pain."

"Sure, nice cover." Nonetheless House scooted up closer to Cameron and turned on his side. He carefully placed his right leg between the two of hers. To allow this slightly awkward position, House held his left arm up by the pillow and Cameron instinctively lifted her head so his arm could slide underneath. Their faces were only inches apart. She had closed her eyes and was trying to finally get to sleep for the night, but she could feel his penetrating gaze on her. Without opening her eyes, she scolded his unusual form of voyeurism.

"You know," she said her sarcasm laced with sleepiness. "It's not polite to stare."

When House didn't come back with his almost automatic use of a witty retort, Cameron let her eyes flutter open. And for a while they just lay there, gazes locked, both of them revisiting other times, and wondering how they had ever reached this point. House for once was the first to look away. He shifted his body slightly, wincing at the pain in his thigh, and began staring at the ceiling. Not seeing her hazel eyes boring into him, he was endowed with a little more courage.

"I'm sorry." He said so quietly that if she hadn't been holding her breath she may not have heard him.

"For what?" There were a million things House could be sorry for. Cameron was just curious which instance he had deemed worthy of an apology.

"Everything," House said on an exhale, as if that one word would sum it all up. Slowly, as to not jar his leg, Cameron sat up and placed a feather light kiss against his coarse cheek. She didn't immediately pull away; instead she leaned into him and let her forehead rest against his. House let out a ragged breath and closed his eyes, captivated by her touch. It was her. It was always her. She was the only one who could ever have this effect on him. Slowly, she reached down between their bodies, running her hand down his neck, chest, and abdomen. Carefully she began massaging his aching thigh. House quietly hummed his appreciation and rubbed his left hand up and down her t-shirt clad back, encouraging her therapeutic touch.

"Thank you." He said simply after a few minutes. He guided her head down to rest on his chest. She closed her eyes and felt his chest rise and fall underneath her ear. He was unknowingly reciprocating the comfort she had just offered him. Her tired mind was mulling over everything that had transpired tonight. She let her fingers pick at imaginary lint fibers on his t-shirt.

"I miss you." She barely choked out the words without completely falling apart. She kept her head on his chest hoping he couldn't sense her sudden nerves. House smiled briefly at the sound of her voice, but sensed she wasn't finished so he refrained from commenting.

"I don't want to miss you anymore."

At this last admission, House stopped his ministrations on her back. What did that mean? She could hear his mind turning over her words; trying to figure her out. She sat up, looking down at House.

"I'm tired of this. Every time you come around I fall right back. I'm trying to move on, move forward. Just when I think I'm making some headway, you show up and you give me that look…and I'm right back to where I started." Although she was physically and emotionally exhausted, her voice was firm and full of conviction. She knew that she had his full attention now, and she had to get everything off her chest before he could run away again.

"For a while I didn't understand how you could still do this to me. But now I get it. You were it. You…." She couldn't find the words. "I never fell out of love with you."

At this House turned his head away. She continued to speak knowing how uncomfortable he was, but not relenting.

"I keep thinking that I'm finally forgetting what we had, and then we do this," Cameron said gesturing between them.

"Then when you leave, I'm left desperately trying to hold onto whatever you'll give me, which is never enough… I can't be this person anymore." Cameron finished and waited for any kind of acknowledgment from House. Eternities passed and House just continued to lay there, his mind consuming him entirely. Cameron was discouraged at his refusal to say anything, so she just untangled her legs from his and silently rolled over on her side; not facing him. House was lost in his own thoughts. He registered the loss of her body's warmth and wished it were simple enough to just wrap his arms around her and pretend nothing had ever changed between them. But something had changed. They had changed, they were different people than were before, but she still loved him. She had just admitted as much. House knew he felt the same way, but he just couldn't communicate it to her in the same manner. Even when they were together this barrier existed. She would say, "I love you," and he would always respond with, "You're not so bad." She understood that the two were equivalent and smirked at his ability to appease her, when if it were any other man she would be thoroughly disappointed. House gave himself away with little things. He never bothered with trivial things like chocolate and flowers. He would always leave her the LIFE section of the morning paper because he knew it was the only part she liked to read. Whenever they couldn't spend the night together, he would conveniently leave his t-shirt at her place so she could sleep with his smell. While they were watching television on the couch, he would sometimes take her legs, draping them over his lap and absently rub her feet, all without taking his eyes off the screen. Cameron noticed. These almost daily gifts were better than any flower arrangement she had received in a long time. But that was then. This is now. Now is the time after everything went to hell.

Knowing that he would never be able to express his feelings about her better than she just had, he rolled over to her and kissed the back of her neck. She shivered; then berated herself for letting him affect her.

"Ditto."

It took Cameron a second to realize what he had just admitted. She turned to face him about to say something, anything, but he stopped her. Cameron could see that he was choosing his next words very carefully.

"I don't want to miss you anymore either." Cameron cracked a weak smile and he reciprocated it with one of his own.

"Why does this have to be so complicated?" Cameron asked while wiping a hand across her face, wishing it could just take away all her fatigue.

"It doesn't." Cameron glanced over at House who was now propped up on his elbow looking at her. He began to lean towards her.

"Greg, what are you doing?" Without closing his eyes, he placed a soft kiss on her lips. It was so quick and Cameron was so surprised she didn't have time to react to him. House waited a beat and took her lack of response as an invitation to repeat the kiss. When he leaned in for the second time, her eyes slipped shut, and he felt her lips pucker and return his kiss. She felt him smile against her lips, his stubble creating a stimulating friction, that in turn made her let out a small giggle. At this sound, House pulled back to look at her, eyebrow quirked.

"Your scruff tickled me." She admitted rather shyly. In response, House rolled completely on top of her; his thigh screaming in protest but he didn't care. He settled his weight on his forearms and nuzzled his chin into the crook of her neck. The sound of her laughter was music to his ears, and the feeling of her body writhing underneath him even in jest, was a feeling that he had longed for since the moment he had lost it. She lightly pushed at his chest, and he eventually relented. She looked up at him.

"Can we please just sleep now and sort all this out in the morning?" He smirked at her.

"And people say I'm the avoider of important situations." House teased.

"I guess you rubbed off on me," Cameron said yawning. House carefully rolled off of her and returned to his side of the bed, away from Cameron.

"Hey where'd you go?" Cameron asked half asleep. House laughed to himself, and dutifully rolled back over to her and draped his arm across her waist.

"It's all about you huh?" House added with sarcasm.

"Mmhhmmm" Cameron drawled out in a semi-sleep state. House paused for a second before leaning towards Cameron's ear and whispering,

"I love you." Cameron replied with,

"Eh, you're not so bad." House just smiled.

The End