A/N: Well, I'm branching out. This is my first story from the Harry Potter fandom. Right now all I have is the list of what future chapters will be. Some of them might change if I don't like writing 'em, but most will stay. When I'm done, I'll have a chapter for each of the following items on this list... it might take a while and they aren't gonna be in order. But for now, enjoy! The stories shall be epic! ;D

Stay bloody brilliant and properly amazing(:

-PJatOgirl

1. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

2. "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

3. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

4. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

5. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

6. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is not a clever moneymaking concept. It is tasteless and tacky.

7. Seamus Finnegan is not "After me Lucky Charms"

8. I will not reenact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall. Or anywhere else, for that matter.

9. I will not write all my essays in red ink and claim it is blood.

10. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

11. I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs that Santa Clause isn't real. The same goes for the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

12. I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwick's wand, hold it over my head, and laugh as he tries to reach it.

13. I am allowed to have a cat, toad, rat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a python, shark, leopard, or piranha.

14. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar. Neither do Sirius Black and Professor McGonagall.

15. I will not kiss Trevor.

16. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of negative one is.

17. Skiving Snackboxes are not a suitable gift for first years.

18. I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape's private chambers and hex his belongings. Nor am I allowed to charm or bewitch his belongings. Quite frankly, I should not be in Professor Snape's private chambers at all.

19. I will not mock Dumbledore with exaggerated limb movements.

20. I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my arm and tell everyone it's "the new Dark Mark"

21. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.

22. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

23. I will not refer to Umbridge as 'Queen of the Toads', even if she really is.

24. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt.

25. It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte".

26. Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.

27. I will not refer to hippogriffs as "horseybirds".

28. I will not borrow a prefect's badge for Peeves.

29. I am not Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor. Nor am I the Skivination Professor. I am not a Professor, at all.

30. I will not replace Madame Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice. I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro. It was not an honest mistake.

31. I am no longer allowed in the student laundry. Or the teacher laundry.

32. Nor am I allowed to ever cast an Invisibility charm again.

33. I am not allowed to eat Chocolate Frogs in Potions class. Even if I brought enough for everyone. Emptying a bag full of them onto Professor Snape's desk to prove this last is an unacceptable behavior.

34. Peeves may not countermand any of my professors' or prefects' orders.

35. Chemistry and Potions don't mix. Testing this last is not funny.

36. The proper way to report to Professor McGonagall is "You wanted to see me, Professor?" not "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence."

37. If someone's House Badge is green and mine is purple, it means they are in Slytherin. It does not mean "The Sorting Hat thinks they're dumber than me."

38. Professor Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums", nor does he respond favorably to "Sev", "Snapey-Poo", or "Debbie"

39. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

40. Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in June.

41. A wand is for magic only. It is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.

42. I will stop referring to Hufflepuffs as "vampires"

43. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"

44. My headmaster's name is Albus Dumbledore, not Gandalf.

45. Novelty or holiday themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.

46. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin House mascot.

47. There is no "Bring a Muggle to school" day and I should stop insisting that there is.

48. I should not ask Professor McGonagall if she has ever coughed up a hair ball while in cat form.

49. I am not to conjure the words "DRINK ME" onto the vial of any potion in Snape's classroom.

50. Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from the Phantom of the Opera.

51. I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Lord Voldemort.

52. I will not put books of Muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.

53. I will not greet Professor Lupin with "Nice Doggy"

54. I will not ask Professor Sprout where her Jolly Green Giant is.

55. There is not now, nor has there ever been, nor ever will there be a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of it, nor am I its founder.

56. When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, it is not advised to put "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts. It is probably not best to put "Lord Voldemort" either.

57. I must not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force"

58. Albus Dumbledore's proper title is "Headmaster", not "My Liege".

59. I will not send Professor Snape toothpaste, soap, or shampoo for Christmas.

60. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.

61. I really shouldn't sneak up behind Hagrid and yell "Surprise!" when he is carrying a Christmas tree to the Great Hall.

62. I will not refer to Professor McGonagall as "Catwoman", no matter how funny she would look in tight leather.

63. I must not dye the Death Eater's robes pink.

64. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.

65. Taking red paint and writing creepy messages on walls is not funny either.

66. I must stop referring to the Professors by embarrassing nicknames they acquired in their schooldays.

67. I must not substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.

68. Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying "The library has been closed for an indefinite period of time" amusing in any sense. Neither does Hermione.

69. Mad-Eye Moody knows his eye is creepy. He does not need to be told…again.

70. Umbridge will not melt if water is poured over her, so I can stop trying.

71. I will not levitate everywhere in a big pink bubble.

72. My professors have neither the time nor inclination to hear what I would do with six boxes of Sugar Quills.

73. No part of the school uniform is edible, and I must not make it so.

74. I am not allowed to use Silencing charms on my professors. I am not allowed to use Silencing charms on my prefects. I am not allowed to use Silencing Charms, period.

75. I may not offer to sell Hagrid new creatures. Especially if I actually have them.

76. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I may not use it.

77. I may not charm the words "Ferret Boy" onto Draco Malfoy's forehead.

78. Singing "99 Bottles of Potion" nonstop will result in detention.

79. I must not dare first years to eat bugs because they will always do it.

80. I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them. Especially not all of them at once.

81. Luna Lovegood does not have pointed ears, nor is she to be addressed as "Galadriel". Lucius Malfoy also does not have pointed ears, nor is he to be addressed as "Haldir". Severus Snape most definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstance is he to be addressed as "Spock"

82. I am not to sing "We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz" when sent to see the headmaster's office. I am definitely not to sing it when accompanied by house elves. Especially if they have kazoos.

83. I am not to hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout "I GOT THE POWER!"

84. I will not commit crimes and then say I was under the Imperious curse.

85. I will not insult people and later claim to have been given Veritaserum. I also will not give people Veritaserum.

86. I am not the reincarnation of Merlin.

87. Seamus Finnegan does not have a pot of gold under his bed. He does not have a pot of gold at all. I must not spend my free time searching for it.

88. I will not attempt to make Professor Trelawney's predictions come true.

89. Shouting random Latin phrases while waving my wand is not acceptable charms research.

90. I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.

91. The fact that there are three Unforgiveable Curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".

92. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

93. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

94. Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.

95. I cannot be a Heffalump animagus.

96. Professor Snape's proper given name is not "Princess Cutesy Glimmer McSparkles Chocolate" and I should not refer to him as such.

97. If I even look like I might sing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves!" I will be Obliviated.

98. I am not to tell Muggle-born first years that Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans taste better when one eats a whole handful simultaneously.

99. No matter how vast the uses and entertaining the results, I will not indulge in fun with duct tape. This goes double for superglue.

100. Nearly headless Nick does not approve of being called Casper the Friendly Ghost. Neither does the Bloody Baron.