Who John
John and Who are making out in the Tardis, but John immediately stops to make a phone call.
"I need to call my twin brother." He dials the number. "Hello Sherly." He whispers to Who, "He's a trans." He starts talking to his twin again. "How are your wrists today?"
"They're fine John, but Matt was being a dick the other day. I decided to wear a bright yellow sundress, even though it was nighttime when we went out, I wanted to stand out. With high 6 inch yellow heels with my yellow colored contacts and yellow eye liner. Yellow is my favorite color. I worked so hard on my outfit and all he had to say was, "I can still see your penis."
"That's because you are a man, Sherloc! I'm a doctor, let me fix you!" Who yells in the back ground.
"Shut up Whoville, at least I don't live in a toilet!"
"It's a phone booth dammit!"
John ignores them both and leaves the phone to let them argue it out. He then goes to the window, watching as they move through space and time, but their arguing was starting to get to him so he decided to open the window, he needed the fresh air.
After thirty minutes of having to hear them yell about nothing, they finally make it to their destination, Mid-Evil Times, Who and John loves their turkey legs and music, it was like true old school rock, where it all began.
Stepping out of the Tardis, everyone begins to stare at them.
"They probably never seen two gay people before." Who tells John.
"Let's give them something to stare at." Says John. He then leans into Who sticking his tongue out and begins making out with him. They make out for about thirty minutes before they hear their stomachs.
"Let's get something to eat." John tells Who. Who follows.
They stop at many booths, most of them for beer, by the time to finally get to the food they are too drunk to even order their food. They start to laugh at all of the people's clothes and start to make out again. They start to take their clothes off and fall to the floor. They both play with their thingies before they make out again. John turns Who around and sticks his thingie into Who's but, they both orgasm. All the people clap.
After they get their turkey legs, they head back into the Tardis. Inside they find everything trashed.
"OMG! NOOOO!" Who drop down to the floor on his knees. "My dildo collection." He starts to cry as he curl up in a ball. John just walks over him to the bed. He start to look around for clues, he takes a magnifying glass out of his pocket. He finds something.
"This appears to be a tiny hair on the dresser, I should inspect it more closly." He walks over to his scientific station they have in the corner. He places it under a really bright light and searches for DNA, and he finds some…..it's his.
"It's mine but that's impossible…..Sherly."
"The dick must die!" Who yells.
"Not unless I kill you first." Sherly steps out from under the bed. "I bet you weren't expecting that Who, were you?"
"I wasn't expecting this."
"I told you so. While I was deciding to wear my red crop top, red and black striped leggings, and my yellow pumps, cause yellow is my favorite color, I thought today would be the perfect day to ruin your life. Starting with your shitty collection. Try to fix that." Sherly walks out of the Tardis and disappers into the crowd unseen.
"He will pay for this." Who gets up off the floor and goes to the time machine part of the Tardis and starts typing in numbers.
"What are you doing?" John asks.
"I'm fixing it." Who answers.
"Who don't, you'll ruin everything." John explains.
Who stops listening and just continues typing. After a few more keys have been hit, he presses Enter and the Tardis starts moving through space and time.
After only moments, they make it to their destination, John looks at the clock to see what time they are in. They went back 30 years outside of the apartment he used to live in.
"Who, what on earth do you think you're doing, are you mad!?"
"No, of course not, I was tested, but I am a doctor, and I fix things, and that's what I'm about to do." Who leaves the Tardis and enters the building. He goes up to the front desk and asks for the room the Wilsons are staying in, the man doesn't tell, but Who hypnotizes her into telling him. "They're in room 306."
"Thank you." Who has a devilish grin on his face.
He finds the room and picks the lock, he can hear people moaning in the back ground. He tip toes to the back room where the noise is coming from and he cracks the door open just a little. He then throws his voice to whisper into the man's ear. "Pull out. Pull out. Pull out." Who continues to say this until he sees the man pull out, when he does, Who leaves. He walks back to the Tardis and sees John start to disappear. "John! What is happening!?"
Before he disappears completely he says, "We're twwwwiiiinnnnssss."
"OMG. What have I done! NOOOOOOO!" But before Who could do anything to change things John and Sherly reappear.
Sherly walks up to Who and slaps him across the face.
"But how, he pulled out?"
Sherly says, "Bitch, she swollwed. Now take us back home."
Who just shakes his head and goes back to the time machine part of the Tardis and takes everyone home.
"You dick," Sherly says while she walks out of the Tardis.
"At least I use it!" Who yells back.
The next day Who went out to get the newspaper, he's friends with the mail delivery boy and he sends him the newspaper by a tiny Tardis instead of the regular way. Upon going back inside of the Tardis, Who sees a graffiti penis on the side near the door, under it says, "Fix this ass hole."
"SHEEERRRLYYYY!" He finally goes back inside. "This is the last straw, I'm going to kill him."
"Her."
"Oh shut up!" Who puts his clothes on, eats breakfast, then goes to find Sherly. It doesn't take him long since she lives right next door, wanting to be close to the only family she has left. Who pounds on her door with a gun behind his back. Sherly answers with nothing but a robe on. "How may I help the doctor today?"
"By dying." Who pulls out the gun and shots it at Sherly, the shot would have killed her, but she's been watching the matrix since 12 in the morning and she ended up dodging the bullet. Who takes more shots and Sherly dodges all of them. Who finally runs out of bullets…until he pulls more out of his pocket.
"But how did you—" Sherly never finishes her thought since Who finally shot her in the head
"I have a time machine." He does back to his house. "I fixed it."
John sees the blood on Who. "Did you just kill my twin? How could you?"
"Easy, I pulled the trigger." John starts to hit Who continuously, but given his morning so far he was not having it, so he shot John in the leg, he lost his consciousness and passed out, Who just continued on with his day plans.
It was five days until John woke up, and when he did he didn't remember anything. All he remembered was him and Who having sex during the festival.
"Oh my head, what happened? It feels like I've been shot in the leg. Where's Who?" John tries to get up but the fiery burning sensation in his leg keeps him grounded, so instead of walking, he decides to crawl in search of Who. He looks all around the Tardis calling his name before he nearly gives up, it was the moment he heard a familiar voice whisper to him, "He's outside," that he decided to keep trying. As soon as he opened the door, he saw Who filling up a hole.
"There are you, didn't you hear me calling you?"
"Oh, sorry, I didn't."
"I can't seem to remember anything since the festival."
"Is that so, well let me see what I can do, I'm a doctor, let me fix you."
Who walks to the Tardis while John crawls.
"Why are you crawling?"
"I don't know, my leg hurts like hell."
"What happened?"
"….I don't know Who." Who raises his hands in a defensive way, dropping the subject, but just as John was about to say something else he heard the same familiar whisper. "He did it." John just couldn't remember where he had heard that voice before, so he just let it go for the moment. They make it to the house and Who goes straight to work on helping John remember.
It's about an hour before Who gives up. "I give up, I can't fix it."
John hears the voice again. "Dumbass can't fix a broken nail."
"Do you hear that?" Asks John.
"Hear what?" Asked Who.
"Nothing, never mind." They go about their day while Who tries to describe their days since the festival. Upon hearing about his twin John asks about her. "Where is Sherly?"
Who looks a little surprised about the question and stalls to think of an answer. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..She's somewhere I'm sure."
John thought his answer to be quite odd, he never called her a she before, he's said man, she-man, bitch-boy, fuck nut, and asshole, but never she. "Are you alright Who, you seem a little odd?" Who doesn't say anything for a while before he looks down and grabs a huge ax from under the table they were eating dinner at. "Holy shit, what the hell is wrong with you Who."
"I know you've been fucking that she-man behind my back."
"What—" At that moment everything starts to click in John's head. "The turkey leg, it must have put rabbis in him and it's making him crazy. Who! Listen to me, fight it, you have to fight it out of you!" But Who doesn't listen, he just starts to swing the ax like a mad man while barely missing John. Luckily John is a black belt in all types of karate and he kicks him in the thingy real hard. Who falls to the floor and drops the ax. John picks it up and runs out of the Tardis. He thinks of where to go and decides to go to his twin's house. He knocks and knocks, but no one answers until he just decides to try and open the door. It opens because it's unlocked and he sees a circle of blood on the floor. Things start to click in John's head again. "Who must have killed her. OMG. I have to save her somehow." John leaves the ax at the house while he goes to look for his twin's body. He found the dirt spot Who was filling in a while again and starts to dig it back up.
After about an hour of digging into her grave with his bare hands (he couldn't find the shovel), he finally makes it to her coffin. He sees her bright yellow pumps and bright yellow dress, "Her favorite color is yellow," he mutters before he gets to her completely. He drags her out of the ground and starts to perform the Heimlich maneuver, Sherly then starts to cough up some blood. "OMG, John, Who shot and killed me, and I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen, and—and—and…how am I alive?"
" I don't—" At that point, Who comes up behind them and says, "Because dat dick too bomb. I was jealous and tried to steal it."
"You know, I'm tired of your shit, Who."
"Oh shut up, Sherly, I just gave you a complement."
"BUT YOU JUST KILLED ME!"
"But you lived." Sherly rolls her eyes.
"Whatever, I'm going home." Sherly gets up and dusts herself off and walks off.
Everyone lived….for now.