After Bellamy caught Charlotte stalking Wells through the thick forest, Murphy's knife in hand, he beat himself up for almost getting somebody killed.
Even though it hadn't been his fault, merely that Charlotte misunderstood some of Bellamy's advice, Clarke could see that he hated himself for it. He didn't say anything, he gave no indication that anything was wrong, but there was something different. The way he held himself, as if he thought he could fall apart any second, and the increase in nightmares.
Lying in the tent next to his, Clarke knew that he barely slept due to the constant quiet noises which told her almost exactly what he was doing.
But when he slept, he had nightmares. Being riddled with guilt had taken it's toll, and after the incident with Charlotte he believed that he couldn't do anything right anymore.
Clarke had gone into his tent more than once, when the nightmares had gotten so bad she couldn't bear listening to him in that much pain.
He'd always been surprised to find her there, but he never told her to leave.
And she would never go, not until the morning.
She'd lost count of how many times they'd ended up spending the night together, Bellamy right up on the edge of his bed as to make room for Clarke, who always, some way or other, ended up resting her head on his shoulder or his chest. And she guessed that it had to be on reflex that he put his arms around her. They weren't dating, so it was just a matter of comfort.
But she couldn't come up with an excuse as to why the nightmares didn't come back when she was there.
Despite Bellamy's increased reluctance, Charlotte had latched herself onto him. Clarke always saw her shadowing him around camp, asking to help out, and copying Bellamy's mannerisms as much as she could. It made her smile to see how good he was with her, even if he wasn't doing it on purpose. The kid treated him like a hero and Clarke hoped, that beyond the false ego he had constructed in order to get through each day, that had sunk in. He needed to know he was needed.
Clarke had talked to Charlotte a couple of times, and she could tell the girl was good at heart. She was still furious at the kid for almost killing Wells, just after she'd forgiven him, but she couldn't hold grudges against children, for God's sake.
She was going to ask Bellamy out to a hunting trip. They needed more food, and she could do with a little help hunting. It was a skill they all needed, and she was lacking.
After an interesting conversation with a very bored Murphy, he finally pointed her to the weapons stored in the top of the dropship, a section that was locked up with limited actions.
When she got there, she hadn't expected to see Bellamy sitting on the floor with his back to the wall and his legs splayed wide, with Charlotte sitting somewhere in between his knees. He was leaning forward, over her back, and guiding her hands, talking gently. He was showing her how to strip and clean a gun.
Clarke's heart literally melted at the sight, and she felt a rush of brand new feelings, some of which making her weak at the knees.
He looked up, dark hair falling into his eyes as his features softened when he saw her.
"Hey, Clarke." He said, and Charlotte looked up also. Her hair was out of it's usual braids, and fell around her face. "Hi Clarke!" She said enthusiastically, and Clarke caught Bellamy smiling to himself.
"Uh.. hey guys," She said hesitantly, taking a minute to find her voice. "You look like you're having fun. "She said with a tender smile. "But I'm afraid I'm here to ask if we can go hunting." She said, turning to Bellamy. "We're running low on food."
He frowned and nodded, all seriousness now. "Yeah, uh, sure." He patted Charlotte's shoulder and stood up. "I'll go get a hunting party together. You stay, keep an eye on the camp."
"No,no." She stood in front of him. "I meant, just us. I could use a little help with my aim."
"Oh...uh.." Bellamy suddenly seemed bashful. "Yeah, sure. We better set out now, we want to get back before dark."
"I wanna come!" Charlotte said, springing up. "You can teach me Bell!"
"No, not yet Charlotte. " he said, turning to give her a stern but gentle look. "There's too much danger out there at the moment."
The little girl's face fell, and she looked down dejectedly, giving a faint nod.
"Hey." Bellamy said, kneeling before the kid so that he was eye level with her. "I promise, I will teach you. You'll be the most badass fucking hunter there can be." He said, and Clarke giggled at his colourful language, making him look over his shoulder at her and smile.
Charlotte was also grinning.
"I don't break my promises, kid. You know that." He stood and ruffled her hair, and she hugged him so hard he rocked back, making him laugh.
"Come on then." He said to Clarke. "We should get going. "
They had been walking through the forest in comfortable silence for some time before she spoke.
"Charlotte really loves you, you know that." She said with a fond smile as he lifted a branch so that she could duck under.
"Well...I guess. " Bellamy said hesitantly. "Its only really because I'm the only one that shows an interest. "
Clarke shook her head, making a strand of hair fall into her face which she pushed back. "No, Bell, she really loves you. She's constantly trying to be like you, it's sweet."
Bellamy shook his head. "No, you, uh, must be getting confused. That doesn't happen. "
"Yes it does!" Clarke protested and almost slipped, making Bellamy reach out and grab her waist to keep her steady, sending tingles down her side.
"It does, Bell. She's copying your mannerisms, the way you walk, your reactions to things. She's always looking up to you. It's adorable. "
"I...uh.." Bellamy sounded so hopelessly confused that she turned around to see his rubbing his neck and looking down bashfully.
She took his hands and he looked up in shock. She couldn't believe she was being so bold, but, to quote one of Bellamy's most popular sayings, well, fuck it.
He blushed. "Uh..."
"Bellamy, it's fine. " she said gently. "It's adorable, and sweet, and so good of you that you've taken her under your wing."
He shrugged and avoided her eyes. "I...why?"
"Because you're funny, and sweet, protective, caring, loving, brave." He was looking down but she could still see his widened eyes and the way he was shaking his head.
"No Bell, it's true. All of it. Everyone in the camp looks up to you, even though they don't say it."
He shook his head again. "No, Clarke-"
"Bellamy." She said sternly, making him look at her, and she pinned him down with her gaze, leaving him unable to look away. "It's true, all of it, and more. You're an amazing person."
He shook his head. "I...thats not right. I'm an awful person..." he said, his voice cracking.
She let one of his hands go so that she could grab his chin lightly, forcing him to look into her eyes.
"Bellamy, every single one of us would be dead if it weren't for you. All of us. You're just..." she let his gaze go, looking down with frustration and giving a punctuated sigh. "Just...why can't you see how fucking perfect you are!?" She said, love and anger mixing in her chest to make a storm which she felt would burst out of her.
She looked up with a frown, and he was still staring at her, a look of pure amazement in his eyes.
"I swear, if you don't start to love yourse-"
"Just stay still for a second. " He said, and the tone of his voice made her freeze.
Then they were kissing.
It started slowly, as if they were just getting to know each other again, but all of a sudden something snapped, and she had pushed him back against a tree.
Both of her hands had somehow ended up his shirt, feeling his lean torso, while his were wound into her hair, and they stayed like that, drinking each other in in a way that made Clarke dizzy.
It was minutes before they broke apart, panting desperately and staring into each others eyes, and in that moment more passed between them than ever before, chemistry causing a net of electrical sparks coursing between their gazes.
"Everyone loves you, Bellamy." She said, and neither of them blinked, searching their eyes and laying each other bare and open. "Charlotte loves you, all our friends love you, your sister loves you."
She swallowed and his breath caught as she stepped even closer, preparing to say something she hadn't even known was true until a few minutes ago.
"And I love you, Bellamy Blake."
He was still smiling when they got back to camp, holding hands firmly.
Octavia had gasped when she saw them, and when neither of them said anything she gave a small scream and clapped her hands, running to tell everyone.
They all had varying reactions, cheers from Octavia and Wells, who high fived and hugged, and a passionate shout of "FINALLY" from Murphy.
It was the first time Bellamy had looked genuinely happy since...
Clarke had never seen him like this before.
"Bellamy!" There was a squeal and then he was stumbling backwards, hesitantly wrapping his arms around Charlotte and laughing. "Hey there, kid. I... got something to tell you."
"You and Clarke?" The girl said, pulling back. When nobody denied it she grinned and hugged Clarke. "I knew it I knew it!" She said, sending laughter through the group of excited teenagers.
"I had no idea our relationship was such a public affair." Bellamy said as they lay in bed, and he traced light patters up and down her stomach.
Clarke giggled, nuzzling further into his embrace. "Apparently so."
Over time Charlotte only grew fonder of Bellamy, but she also seemed to grow an attachment to Clarke. It was nowhere near her hero worship for Bellamy, but they had seemed to get attached to each other.
The first time Clarke experienced her rushing into Bellamy's tent in the morning, they had been lying in bed. Bellamy was fast asleep, for once, and Clarke had absolutely no intention of waking him up. God knew he needed the little sleep he got.
She was content to lie there, tracing his features with her eyes, noting the way his black hair curled into his eyes, and the way that he shifted every once in a while, not staying still for long, even in his sleep.
She was staring at his chest and thinking of the warmth he gave off as he subconsciously pulled her closely.
She smiled, thinking about how much more he needed to take care of himself, but was interrupted as a blur exploded into their tent.
"Bellamy, Bellamy!" Charlotte squealed, but there was no need. The second his tent had been opened Bellamy had shot up, eyes half open and hair sticking all over the place.
Clarke had been pulled up with him due to the fact that she had been pretty much lying on him, and was now sitting on his lap.
He looked at her sideways with a smirk, and Clarke wasn't ashamed to admit that she almost swooned.
"What is it, kid?" Bellamy asked fondly, his voice deep aand growly with sleep as he rubbed one eye.
"I hit the target!" She said, bouncing up and down. "With the knife, I hit the target you put up! I hit the edge!"
Bellamy gasped and gave a huge grin. "Aw no way! I fucking told you you were great! Way to go, you're awesome!"
Charlotte grinned and laughed. "That's great Charlotte! " Clarke said, opting for the same level of enthusiasm without the bad language.
"You'll be a warrior in no time." Bellamy laughed.
"I'm not shit anymore, so maybe." Charlotte said, and Bellamy's eyes, which had previously been on the verge of drifting shut, widened. "Hey, no swearing. " he said sternly.
"But you do it!" Charlotte whined.
"That's not an excuse. " Clarke said. "He shouldn't swear, its awful. " She hit him lightly. "Bad."
Bellamy looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "Clarke, there's a child in the room, no need for you to reveal any kinks you have now." He said, lowering his voice towards the end so that Charlotte wouldn't hear.
Clarke gasped with shock and whacked him for real, sending him into a fit of laughter. "I can't believe you. "
They turned back to Charlotte. "Go on, carry on practising. You'll be perfect soon."
Charlotte nodded and ducked out of the tent. "And no swearing!" Bellamy called after her, receiving a faint "yeah!" In response.
Bellamy fell back onto the bed, pulling Clarke down with her, making her shriek and laugh.
After they had settled again Clarke said. "It's funny, it's like she's your kid?"
"Hmm?" Bellamy said, and the fact that Clarke was lying with her back pressed against his chest meant she felt the noise shudder down her whole body.
"It's like she's your kid." Clarke repeated. "You know, the way you interact and stuff."
"Our kid."
"What? " Clarke said, startled.
"Well, we're together, right?" He said, waiting for Clarke's nod. "Then everything that's mine is ours.'
Clarke fell silent.
"She's not our kid." Bellamy said softly, unimaginable emotion coursing through his voice. "But she's our kid." He finished with a laugh.
From then on Clarke noticed a definite improvement in Bellamy. The nightmares were slowing down, and Clarke was convinced that, slowly, she could, and would, piece him back together again.
They were together, right? So her love for him should be his, too. She was determined to give him everything she had, and knew without a doubt that, in a heartbeat, Bellamy would do the same.