"I hate you both."
Addison was wedged between Derek and Mark in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. It was her and Derek's third Christmas together as a married couple and she'd somehow allowed Mark to convince them that his parents' cabin in Colorado was a great idea.
What he'd omitted from his persuasive speech was the fact that they had to hike for an hour to get there.
"Aww, Addi, don't be so mean," Mark said. "We're warming you up."
"It's your fault that I'm cold!" Addison said, her voice rising. "I could be at home right now, in front of an actual fire--"
"It's not my fault! You had the matches and you fell in the water."
Addison pressed her cold nose into Derek's neck. "Shut up, Mark. I hate you so much right now."
"And me?" Derek asked, moving a little closer to her body. Truthfully, it was almost impossible to move any closer. Addison was pressed between them like a Derek-Addi-Mark sandwich.
"Especially you," Addison said. "You're the one that convinced me that this was a good idea."
"I thought I was the deciding factor," Mark huffed indignantly.
"You--" Addison was in Derek's flannel pajamas because, part way to the cabin, she stepped on what she thought was ice. In actuality, it had been water covered in a thin layer of ice. She fell into the water and got completely soaked, along with her bag that contained all her clothes. "Shut up. Seriously, Mark. I think, if you weren't needed right now, I could actually kill you."
Addison felt Derek's laughter and decided she honestly hated them both. "I want a divorce after this," she decided. "I want alimony and I want the apartment. Oh, yeah. And I want Christmas with your family."
"We're not sharing my family," Derek said. "But you can have custody of Mark."
"No way. You can have him."
"Hey. I'm a grown man, and I can take care of myself."
"Then why did my sister call and ask why you kept coming to her place for dinner when we went on vacation over the summer?" Derek challenged.
"Yeah. Why do we have to supply your food?" Addison asked.
"Okay, okay. If you two get divorce, you can have split custody. I'll spend Christmas with Derek and Easter with you."
"What about Thanksgiving?"
"Sorry, but Thanksgiving's for family. I'll be spending that with Mama Shepherd."
"You know," Derek said thoughtfully, "I think I'm feeling a bit insecure. You're not really going to divorce me, right?"
"Damn right, I am. If this isn't grounds for divorce I don't know what is." Addison smirked into Derek's chest, but she stiffened when she felt a hand sliding up her shirt. "Mark."
"Sorry. My hand slipped."
Derek glared at Mark. "Hands to yourself."
"Sorry."
"Definite divorce."