Despite having gone through his transformation for years, Remus Lupin was tired. He was tired of the pain, the scars, and the stares he received after each full moon. But most of all, he was tired of feeling different. He wanted nothing more than to be like all the other thirteen year-old students excited to make their way down to Hogsmeade. Instead, he remained in Gryffindor tower, watching his peers tromp through the freshly fallen snow.
"Moony, aren't you coming?" James' sudden question made Remus jump a bit; he hadn't heard his friends come up behind him.
"No, I-I'm feeling quite tired…" Remus thought about lying to say he had some essay to write, but couldn't bring himself to do it. On top of everything else, he was tired of always having to lie.
Sirius noticed something was off with Remus; he didn't make up an excuse for not going to Hogsmeade, his eyes were redder than usual after his transformation, and he seemed almost defeated. "Oi, mate… You alright?"
Remus turned slowly to face Sirius, contemplating what he should say. "Don't worry about me. Please. I'll be fine, you should all be down there with everyone else." He forced a small smile. "Go have fun, for me."
Peter had been skulking in the corner, unsure what to do or say. Of course he wanted to head to Hogsmeade, but without his group of friends he would be alone. Always determined to prove his loyalty to his friends, he piped up, "We couldn't leave you here. We're your pals, Remus." Through his nervousness, Peter managed a smile and inched closer to the dejected boy by the window.
"Peter's right," James said suddenly, causing Peter to jump at the unexpected compliment. "Even if we did go, we wouldn't have nearly as much fun without you." Remus gave him a long, sly look. "Well … we certainly wouldn't have as much fun without breaking a few rules." James grinned and Remus chuckled lightly, knowing it was true.
"So what do you say—will you brave the cold with us? Or will we have to stir up some trouble here while we have the place practically all to ourselves?" Sirius smiled a wolfish grin, eyes glinting.
Remus smiled in spite of himself, unable to be anything but happy around the best friends he'd ever known. "When you put it like that, I suppose I must lead you all out of here for the sake of Hogwarts."
His friends all laughed, glad to see some humour appearing after a dismal day. Sirius tossed Remus a hat, James handed him a thick coat, and Peter picked up a nearby scarf to chip in. The three bundled up their friend and quickly made their way out of the Common Room.
When they were away from Gryffindor Tower, Remus' smile became a bit stiff, almost frozen onto his face. When they began their descent down the third staircase, it fell into a small lift in the corners of his mouth. And when he could make out the doors that would take them outside, Remus' face fell flat. He suddenly dropped to the ground silently and began untying his shoelaces.
"What are you doing down there?" James cocked his head quizzically. Sirius and Peter were also turned and waiting for Remus to continue. Remus looked up sheepishly from his laces. "Ah, just tying your shoes. Well, come on!" James grinned and hurried back around. "Last one outside pays for the entire day's outing! Come on, Remus!"
Peter ran off behind James, genuinely concerned about the completely empty threat. Sirius made to turn around but paused when he heard the laces fall out of Remus' hands onto the floor. He stood facing the other way for a moment, waiting for Remus to begin. He continued waiting for another half-beat before slowly turning back towards Remus. He was still sitting on the ground, both shoes untied, with his head hung low.
Sirius took a step towards him, slowly, and when Remus didn't look up, he took another. He repeated this process of taking a step, waiting for a reaction, and carrying on until he was beside Remus. He gingerly sat down beside his friend and waited, just a bit longer, to see if he would say something first. Unfortunately Remus had been inside his own thoughts so deeply, he hadn't noticed Sirius' presence at all.
"Mate?" Sirius whispered. Remus jumped, finally noticed Sirius beside him, and flushed slightly. He'd been caught off guard twice today by his friends and couldn't get used to the sensation. "It's just me, Moony. I've been waiting for you to tell me what's wrong."
"Don't be silly, nothing's wrong," Remus replied before even thinking what he was saying, and who he was saying it to. He groaned and Sirius chuckled.
"At least you can admit you're a dreadful liar. Now, out with it. What's the point of having best mates if you can't tell them when something's troubling you?"
Sirius had leaned in to face Remus head-on as if by staring directly at him, he would gain some mysterious insight. The thought made Remus want to laugh … so he did. The confused expression on Sirius' face only made Remus laugh a bit harder, distracting him from his thoughts. It was a moment of delight and Remus clung to it before, sooner than he would have liked, his mind returned to his less cheery thoughts and his face clouded over. Sirius' confusion changed to a small frown.
"No, I much prefer you having a good laugh at me. Don't start up again with this despondent look. Especially when you won't answer me!" Sirius grabbed Remus' shoulder and forced him to look him full in the face again. The concern Sirius showed touched him and he decided if there was anyone to talk to, it would be Sirius, and it would be now.
He sighed heavily. "It's hard sometimes, Sirius. It's really hard wanting to be like everyone else and knowing I'm not."
"But you—" Sirius attempted to interrupt, but Remus cut him off.
"Let me finish. I would like nothing more than to run around carefree and have a good laugh in Hogsmeade, but I'm worried; I'm always worried. Sirius, I am always worried someone will find out about me," Remus stopped suddenly. He felt his lower lip tremble slightly. Wanting to avoid some sort of emotional breakdown he looked away and turned inward.
Remus felt a hand rest gently on his shoulder and pull him back around. He allowed himself to be turned and found Sirius was smiling. The unexpected emotion startled Remus. Sirius' grin only widened.
"Look mate, we're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all. You can trust me when I say that, and when I say there are some real monsters out there in the world. But you, my dear friend, are not one of them. I know you feel otherwise sometimes, but you're wrong. Simple as that." Sirius stared at Remus, his smile stuck on his face.
Slowly, Remus' mouth twitched up at the corners until it became a small smile. In a quiet voice he said, "Thank you."
"Anytime, Remus. Really."
Sirius hopped up. "Shoes all tied, then?" He offered his hand to Remus.
Accepting the help, Remus was pulled to his feet. "Yeah, they're fine now I think."
With that the two hurried off to catch up with James and Peter laughing and talking loudly. You know, like thirteen-year-olds normally do.