Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: The rights of Grey's Anatomy are owner by ABC and Shondaland, I am just using the information for pure entertainment.
Summary: In 9x12, Arizona Robbins seeks out the help of her wife Callie Torres to help her with the Phantom Pain she is feeling in her leg while she's awake rather than Owen Hunt helping her like he did in the TV Show. ONE-SHOT
Back Story: In 9x12 (Walking on a Dream), Arizona began to feel the effects of Phantom Limb Pain outside of her dreams. Basically, phantom limb pain is feeling pain in a part of yourself that no longer exists. For Arizona that would be her left leg. In the episode, Hunt helps her to find something that works for her to get rid of the pain.
Author's Note: This idea came to me while I was re-watching that episode and thought it might be interesting to put Callie in the mix rather than Owen Hunt. Now, the concepts that occurred in the episode will be in this chapter however, I have edited them to fit with Callie being in the know rather than Owen. I've also changed and added things to it. So if you're reading a part and thinking 'it didn't happen that way', it probably didn't but it works for this fanfic.
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WALKING ON A DREAM RE-DONE
For the last several nights, Arizona had been having these terrible nightmares of different situations that had to do with the leg she no longer had. Things like it crumbling into pieces or it just falling off in the middle of a date. So much so that she would wake up in the dead of night in a cold sweat feeling like there were spikes in her left leg. No matter what she tried, sleeping pills or medication, the nightmares would return every single night. The only good thing about them was that her leg only seemed to hurt her when she was asleep. Until one day…
She was standing in the middle of an operating room assisting Dr. Cristina Yang and Dr. Alex Karev perform a pericardia stripping procedure on an African girl named Naya. At first, she felt fine, standing in the OR making sure Dr. Yang didn't do something wrong and stepping in if it was needed.
However, at one point, she wasn't sure when, she started to feel this pain in her left leg. Hoping with all her might, she wanted to believe that it wasn't the pain that she had been feeling at night. Maybe her prosthetic leg was just pinching her stump like it had in the past. However, not too long later she felt that sharp stabbing pain in her left leg and it most certainly was not her stump that felt the pain. It was her leg that didn't exist anymore. She wanted so much for it to go away. Of all places for it to hurt, it had to be while she was in surgery. A place she couldn't just up and leave otherwise she would feel weak. She'd feel helpless. It took so much time and effort for her to get to this place; she wasn't just going to throw it away. So she pushed the feeling to the back of her mind.
She used her right leg to try and ease the pain on her left leg but it just wasn't going away. No matter how much she ignored it, the pain kept coming back. It was almost as though she was back in the forest looking at the bone in her leg. The pain she was feeling was incredibly intense. So much so that her focus wasn't on the surgery anymore, it was on her leg. She could tell that Yang was having far too much fun with this surgery but she didn't care. Her leg was bothering her and she needed to find a way out of this room. It was like needles were being stuck into her non-existent leg. She needed to page Callie and get out of this room so that hopefully her wife could find a solution for her. Her job was too important to her for her to just crack and have to leave because of a limb that no longer exists.
Finally trying to focus back on the surgery she noticed that Yang was getting some kind of biopsy from the heart. This is my way out, she thought to herself. Yang said something about a gold mine but the pain was getting to be way too much for her.
Karev looked right at her and said something about Yang but it was like she couldn't process what people were saying to her.
"Are you alright?" He said looking a little concerned at how out of it she was.
Nodding, "Yeah," she was feeling anything but okay but she didn't want to let it be known that she was in pain because then her fellow's would coddle her and she didn't want to be coddled.
"Take that to path, STAT. Please." Yang said handing over the need to a nurse.
I'll do it. She thought before realizing she need to voice it. "Oh you know what, I'll take it." She looked at Karev, "Alex, you can take my place."
Karev looked at her confused, "The nurse can take it."
"No, I'd rather take it myself," she said as she walked toward the door practically ripping off her surgical gown and gloves before exiting the door and sitting on the bed right outside the door.
She gripped her prosthetic, feeling the pain coursing through her entire body. Something was wrong and she needed it to be fixed. Trying to focus her eyes she looked down at her pager and sent a quick page to Callie to meet her in the attending lounge on her floor. Once that was done she tried to collect herself enough to walk over to the closest nurse's station and ask them to take the needle to pathology.
"Hi," She looked at the nurse expectantly.
The brunette looked up from her work, "Can I help you Dr. Robbins?"
"Um, yes… Could you take this to pathology for Dr. Yang? She needs the results STAT." She asked trying to contain the pain she was feeling in her leg.
The nurse could tell Dr. Robbins wasn't doing well with the wincing here and there but she knew not to push it because she knew Dr. Robbins liked to be tough. "Sure, I'll get it there right now." She took the needle and headed toward pathology.
Arizona turned to head toward the attending lounge that she paged Callie to.
XXXXXXXXXX
Callie was standing in line waiting for her coffee from the coffee cart as her pager went. She didn't have any critical patients today so she looked at the page a little slower thinking that her surgery was pushed for something more serious. The page was from Arizona. She wanted to meet in an attending's lounge on the 2nd floor. Strange, I thought she was in surgery for a few more hours. She thought a little confused. Oh well. She shrugged as she grabbed the coffee with her name on it and headed toward the elevator.
Moments later, she walked into the attending lounge that Arizona paged her too. She noticed the back of Arizona. "Hey, you paged?"
Arizona turned slowly to look at Callie as she walked closer to her.
"Hey, what's wrong?" She asked noticing the tears in her wife's eyes. "Is it your leg again?"
Without a word Arizona nodded yes.
"Awe… I thought this was only happening at night?" Arizona shook her head from side to side. "When did it start to hurt?"
"While I was in surgery, the pain just wouldn't go away." Arizona said still feeling some residual pain in her leg even though her prosthetic was lying on the ground next to her. "Even now, I still feel pain and I don't want to bother you with this because we are just starting to get back into a groove but I can't—"
"Hey," Callie placed a hand on Arizona's shoulder. "Hey, it's not a bother. You know I only want to help you but I can only do that if you let me, okay?"
Arizona nodded again. "Okay."
Callie placed a kiss upon Arizona's head before getting up and walking over to closet hoping it would have what she was looking for.
"What are you doing?" Arizona asked confused by her wife suddenly getting up and walking away.
Callie opened the light brown doors and right inside the door was a body length mirror. "Yes, just what I was looking for." She pulled it off the hooks and brought it back to where Arizona was sitting.
"A mirror? Callie how is that supposed to help me?" She looked even more confused.
"It's supposed to trick your brain into thinking you have another leg. Here," she placed the mirror right between Arizona's legs facing her right leg. "See, when you look at the mirror, it makes you think that you have another leg. Does it feel like the pain is any better?"
Arizona finally pulled her gaze away from Callie and actually looked at the mirror puzzled. I think Callie might be losing it just a little… Her thought was cut off as she realized the pain was subsiding a little. "Oh my god, it does feel a little better."
Callie pulled a chair around to sit in front of Arizona. "Now this is just a temporary fix, we'll have to find what'll work for you. We could try bio-feedback or maybe heat, I even read an article once of a guy in Utah, I think it was, where he needed to stab his prosthetic with something to make the pain go away." A smile appeared on her face when she heard Arizona's laughter. "That may be the way you want to go but how about we cross that road if it comes down to it okay?" She placed a comforting hand on Arizona's back.
"Okay. Thank you Callie." She looked back at the mirror focusing on the reflection as the pain melted away.
XXXXXXXXX
The rest of the day went pretty smoothly after she sat with Callie in the attending lounge until the pain completely subsided.
That night Callie and Arizona went to bed like usual. However, not long into the night Arizona awoke from a terrible nightmare of feeling like she needed to cut her leg off. Blood was everywhere; scrapes were all over her legs… It was mind-numbing pain. "Ahhh…" She sat up in bed in haste, her breathing was heavy and the pain was way too intense. It was like she could still feel the scalpel hitting every nerve and every blood vessel cutting her leg.
She quickly looked over to see if she had woken Callie up. To her dismay, Callie was still asleep. I'll go use the mirror that Callie brought home in the bathroom until the pain goes away. She thought to herself as she grabbed her crutch that was leaning against the nightstand and used it to hobble her way to the bathroom alone. Turning back she made sure Callie was still asleep. Phew.
Sitting down on the bathroom floor after putting the mirror on the ground was a little bit tricky but eventually she was able to do it without waking up anyone in the apartment. After she was down on the ground comfortably enough, she moved the mirror between her legs like Callie had done for her the day before. The pain started to subside like it did before but with the pain subsiding, her eyelids began to droop. The tiredness in her body was taking over and before she knew it her head was rested on the wall and she was out.
The next morning Arizona was awoken by Callie opening the bathroom door and knocking the door into her leg. "Oh my god, are you okay?" Callie got down and took in the scene in front of her. "Wait a minute; did you sleep here last night?" She looked and saw Arizona crutch lying on the ground.
"Yeah, I did. I woke up from another nightmare. The pain was too unbearable so I thought if I could use the mirror maybe I could fall back asleep." She said noticing that she clearly did fall back asleep just not in the right place.
"It looks like it worked but why didn't you wake me?" She looked at her wife lovingly, "I could have helped you."
"I know you could have but I thought that I could solve it by myself." Arizona said honestly not being able to look at Callie.
Callie couldn't help but to let out a sigh, "Oh honey, I know you want to be independent but phantom pain isn't something you want to deal with by yourself." She used her finger to lift Arizona's chin to look at her. "And I want to help you, so let me help you."
Arizona looked into those chocolate brown eyes she fell in love with so many years ago, "I'll try and let you help me. I'm still getting used to the fact that I can't do everything."
"I know you are and eventually you will but for now—"
"I need help." Arizona finished Callie's sentence.
Callie nodded, "Yes. Now come on, let's get you up and get ready for work. We've got a big day ahead of us trying to figure out what will work for you."
XXXXXXXXXXX
Callie walked into a room with Arizona behind her that had a comfy chair facing what looked to be like huge projector screens. There was also a tech behind a desk, a bit behind the chair, that had two monitors on it.
"Callie what are we doing in here?" Arizona tried to hold back her confusion but failed.
Callie sighed, "We're going to try bio-feedback first. So come on, let's get you set up."
After a couple of minutes, Arizona had all the gear on and was sitting in the chair in front of the screens that had waves on it. It looked like she was sitting on the beach looking out at the ocean.
"What am I supposed to do Callie?" Arizona asked looking at the waves crashing against the rocks.
"Okay, the point of this is to train your mind to calm the waves so that when you feel pain in the OR you'll be able to think of this moment and calm the pain. Make sense?" Callie asked from back behind Arizona, next to the tech at the desk.
Arizona mumbled something incoherent and then answered, "I guess."
Within minutes, Arizona was getting frustrated because the waves weren't doing anything. They just continued to crash against the rocks. There was no change in how they moved.
"Callie, this is ridiculous!"
Callie walked out in front of Arizona as she pulled off her head-gear, "I know, but it should help once you get the hang of it."
"I can't stop the stupid waves! It's just not going to work. What else do you have?"
Callie pulled her hands out of her pockets and knelt down in front of Arizona. Arizona's eyes tracking her as she did. "Bio-Feedback is like this. I know it seems ridiculous but there have been many cases where it has helped. If it's the waves, I can change it. I have a waterfall or a camp fire." However, Callie could tell that Arizona didn't like the idea of Bio-Feedback at all because of the look on her face.
"Okay." Callie stood up and walked over to the tech. "Could you give us a moment?"
He nodded and got out of his chair and walked out the door.
Callie in turn took the chair and rolled it over in front of Arizona. "There are a few more things we could try." She said as she helped Arizona to take off the sensors monitoring her brain waves and placed them with the head-gear on the table to Arizona right.
Once free, Arizona looked straight at Callie, "What are we going to try next? I have surgery this afternoon and I'd really like to be able to beat this pain and survi—"
Arizona was cut off by Callie leaning in and capturing her lips with her own. For just a moment Arizona was caught up in the moment. She brought her hands up into Callie's raven locks and tried to deepen the kiss. Callie's hand on Arizona shoulder trying to stop herself from falling onto Arizona. Callie wanted to take it further; she wanted to maneuver herself onto Arizona without injuring the blonde so she could take full advantage. However, she knew that Arizona wasn't ready for that yet so she pulled away.
"What was that for?" Arizona looked at Callie in a daze still feeling the effects.
"I thought that maybe it could help with the pain. You know all the endorphins in the brain that come with kissing someone you love. So I thought I'd go for it." She couldn't help but to stick out her tongue to wet her dry lips.
"I love the thought and all but how would it help me in surgery?"
"You could think of me or this moment and maybe the endorphins would take over and you'd have no pain," she looked at Arizona hopeful.
Arizona looked at Callie narrowing her eyes, "Um… I don't think that'd be a very good idea."
"Why not?" She said with her winning smile. "I think it would be a great idea."
"Umm… I don't really want to feel horny while I'm in surgery." She could see the wheels turning in Callie's mind.
Callie's smile faltered, "Oh… that's a good point. Okay, well what about heat? Maybe we could figure out a way to heat your leg so that it could stimulate the nerves and dim the pain?"
"How exactly would we do that?" Arizona looked at Callie expectantly.
Callie tapped a figure against her lips in thought until she had what looked like a 'ah ha' moment. "What about one of those heating pads? The ones that sports players use when they need heat fast."
"Callie, my prosthetic fits my leg with no room for movement so something would not be able to fit in there." She said matter-of-factly.
Callie let out a sigh, "Well, then I'm not really sure what else we can that doesn't involve surgery and I know you don't want that because of your surgery today. So how about this, I'll cancel my ankle replacement and I'll watch your surgery."
"Callie I-"
Arizona tried to argue but Callie continued on, "That way, if anything happens I'll be there to help you in any way, okay?"
Feeling defeated, Arizona nodded her head, "Okay."
XXXXXXXXXXX
That afternoon, Callie was sitting up in the gallery reading a magazine while Dr. Yang, Dr. Karev and Dr. Robbins worked on the African girl. After about an hour or so, Callie was startled out of her focus on the magazine when she heard a cup being dropped on the ground. She noticed Arizona hunched over the table with the bucket of ice on it. Callie got up and made her way over to the intercom.
"What happened?" Cristina asked.
Alex jumped in, "Do you need me to step in for you?"
Arizona still hunched over said, "No, no," shaking her head as she walked back over to the patient on the table and grabbed the instruments again.
"Arizona, try and picture the waves," Callie said looking at the side of Arizona hoping that she could do this.
"I'm trying…." She was quite out of breath from the immense pain coursing through her body.
Cristina looked from the gallery at Callie down to Dr. Robbins, "Okay, what is – what is happening right now?" She asked confused.
"Just try and calm the waves…" Callie said as gently and as calmly as she could.
"These are tsunami force waves Callie." She barely got out as she was losing focus on the task at hand.
"Okay, I'm taking over for you," Alex said looking at Arizona.
"No one is moving. I'm stripping the intercardia for the papillary muscle. If I screw this up, I'll have to replace the mitral valve." Looking right at Arizona, "So don't move."
Ignoring Cristina, Alex looked right at Arizona, "I can switch out—"
"Just shut-up." She said a little harsh but she didn't care. "I'm at the beach."
Alex looked at her like she was nuts but as long as his patient was still alive, he didn't really care what she had to do to get through the surgery.
For now, thinking about the waves and calming them seemed to be working. Callie noticed the calm start to take over Arizona so she went back to sitting and picked up her magazine again.
XXXXXXXXXXX
After another hour, Arizona could feel the pain come back in full force. It was like little knives were cutting at her leg so much so that she didn't want to stand any longer. She had to get out of this room, out of this surgery. She turned to Alex, "I have to switch. Alex.." He nodded his head in agreement.
This got Callie's attention again and she got up and stood next to the intercom again just in case she was needed.
Again Cristina chimed in, "No one is switching. You're holding the mitral valve. So don't move."
"What's wrong? Are you sick?" Alex asked.
She was on the brink of collapsing from all the pain. She needed an out. Nothing was helping. She tried thinking about the waves but it didn't work, she even tried thinking about Callie but she got nothing. Then Arizona thought about what Callie had said the day before about reading an article about a guy who needed to shove something sharp into his prosthetic to make the pain go away. She looked round briefly and noticed an unused scalpel on the tray next to Alex. She turned to Alex, "Alex, take that scalpel—"
"What, what are you doing?" Cristina asked confused about what was going on.
"—And stab me in the foot." This was her last chance. If this didn't work, she was going to pass out.
Both Cristina and Alex looked at her like she was insane, "What?"
"It's my prosthetic that's the problem. I need you to stab me." Her breathing was getting erratic. If someone didn't do something soon, this kid was going to die because she couldn't keep still.
"What is wrong with you?" Alex was completely flabbergasted with the situation in front of him.
Callie's voice came over the intercom, "Dr. Karev, that is my wife down there and she is clearly in pain. So this is an order, stab Arizona in the foot!"
Cristina looked up at the gallery, "What? This is insane!"
Alex looked between Cristina and Arizona and decided he might as well do it. He didn't want Callie coming after him for not doing something. He grabbed the scalpel.
"Alex? Uh.. Alex?"
He got down to the ground and with all of his might stabbed the scalpel into Arizona's prosthetic foot before getting back up and looked at a completely shocked Cristina Yang. He just shrugged his shoulders at her.
Arizona was still trying to get her breathing under control when she finally looked down at her prosthetic foot and really processed the scalpel sticking out of her foot. It was like a realization came over her as her brain put two and two together making the connection that she didn't have a leg there. That it was just a prosthetic and all of a sudden the pain was subsiding. She let out a breath that she wasn't aware she was holding in as the feeling of relief washed over her.
"That's better, that feels much better," she looked between the confused faces of Cristina and Alex.
"Can we get back to the surgery now?" Cristina asked not really sure what just happened.
Arizona nodded, "Yes." She looked up at Callie and couldn't help but to smile.
Callie smiled to before moving away from the intercom and went back to her chair with her magazine.
The rest of the surgery went completely smooth with no complications.
THE END