It was over. It was really, really, over.
Checking once more the stitches, TJ nodded weakly to the silent, deadly pale Chloe and half-blindly stumbled to the door. Once out, she collapsed against the door, dry, near hysterical sobs heaving her body.
Young tore himself away from the door and made it out of the infirmary. Passing TJ, he tried, tried so very hard to stop by, touch her, tell her she had been great.
But the dazedness that had seized on him ever since the surgery began, wouldn`t loosen up, wouldn`t let him speak, hardly let him breath.
Rush`s control had snapped after about 30 seconds of the operation. Scott collapsed almost immediately, and then it was Young with Greer that had to practically fight the strapped down man, to keep him safe.
He lost consciousness about three minutes into the operation and never regained it to the end.
Those three minutes - Young had been reliving them ever since.
And he knew that so would Rush.
And he needed a drink.
He needed it badly.
He tried not to think about what Rush was currently needing. Probably, nothing.
An hour later he discovered himself in the infirmary. TJ ( composed and calm once more) briefly glanced at him.
" How …."
" He `s gone into shock" she said tonelessly. " There is not much I can do to help him."
Young nodded.
"He has made it once, " he said heavily.
"He has."
They both kept silent after this.
Until there came a barely discernible moan from the bed.
Hastily TJ leaned over Rush.
" Hey," she whispered.
His eyes widened slightly, focusing, then his right hand moved slowly towards his chest, in what, Young realized with a pang, was a feeble attempt to shield himself from further pain. He relaxed in a minute, drifting away to unconsciousness once more.
TJ tensed, and Young knew she had read Rush`s gesture as clearly as he did.
Young forced himself to move to the door and out. Reaching his own quarters, he opened the door, stepped inside and, seating himself on the bed, put his face in his hands.
He would never tell Rush how sorry he was.