Disclaimer: If I was the real author of Harry Potter, I would not be putting my work on a website with the word fan in the name.

A/N I have internet back...tentatively, I guess. I may post some things. This might be it. I'm not sure, at the moment

I am going to die. There is no other possible outcome of this situation.

How could I have let this happen? How did I let it go this far? Why didn't I try to stop him instead of running away?

How could I not try to save her?

I'm getting ahead of myself again. Just like I did three days ago. I have a lot to update you on.

First off, obviously, I didn't burn this. I Disillusioned it and hid it in a tree. I figured I would be lucky if I ever found it again, much less anybody else.

Second, I still love Draco. I don't know how, or why, but I do. And that is the cause of this whole mess. If I ever leave this forest again, it's likely to be him that kills me. And I doubt Avada Kedavra is painful enough for him.

Actually, never mind. I know it's not. I just saw that.

She was so young…

Alright, I realize that I'm not making any sense, here. I guess I have to tell you what happened.

About an hour ago, Draco told me to follow him. I, as always, with him, obeyed without question. He led me to the dungeons. I though we were going to his common room, like we normally do on Saturday nights. When we passed by the hidden entrance, I decided not to ask questions. I probably should have.

Nowadays, the dungeons are filled with the sound of screaming first years. It's horrible. Draco dragged me so deep that the shouts were beginning to fade into the distance when he finally stopped.

I was afraid that he was planning to chain me up. That he'd seen through the lies I'd been telling. Or that he had too much homework, again.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

When he opened the door, I immediately realized that the room was not empty. On the far wall, a little girl was chained. She had bright blue eyes and dark brown hair. She couldn't have been more than eight years old. As soon as she saw me, she began babbling quickly in French. I couldn't understand much, but I've been around Fleur and her family for long enough that I got the gist of it.

She was begging me to help her.

I managed to hold back the tears and keep my face impassive. It was hard. She was so pitiful…

Draco told me that she was a Muggle. Actually, his exact words were, "It's my Muggle." She was given to him as a reward for something. He wouldn't tell me what. He said he hadn't done anything to her, yet.

When he handed me a knife and told me to start her for him, I ran.

As I ran away, I heard a scream that was a little bit too high pitched to have been made by an eleven year old. I guess he couldn't resist torturing her, even to chase me down.

It was much easier than I expected to find this log, again, once I reached the forest. The knife is now buried in the end of it, in case I need it while I'm here. I'm keeping it close by, in case they find a way to track me down. I don't know how much use a little knife will be against a Death Eater, but it's still another weapon.

Ugh.

How did I manage to get myself into this mess? Why couldn't I have just cut her, like I was told, and be done with it? It's not like I changed anything for her by refusing. She's still hurting, and she's still going to die. It's not like I could have saved her. And if I'd just done it, I wouldn't be running away now.

And I would still be alive a week from now.

Oh—!

I just remembered that I had one of the D.A.'s fake Galleons hidden in the cover of this thing. The knife did turn out to come in useful after all. I used the Galleon to tell them about the girl in the dungeons.

Mug grl n dungns-G

After a moment, they wrote back.

G, tht rly u?-N

It was Neville.

Yes-G

Where u?-N

Forest-G

Y?-N

Hiding-G

From?-N

Draco-G

Y?-N

Wdnt hurt grl-G

We'l com get u-N

No! Save grl!-G

Where she?-D

It was Dean, this time.

Deep-G

He there?-D

Yes hurry-G

I stared at the coin for a few more moments, but they still haven't written back. I hope they'll be alright. Maybe they'll be able to save her.

Maybe.

I put it in my pocket so I'll feel it when they write back. Right now, I have other things to think about.

How am I going to survive to next week? Hell, how am I going to make it to tomorrow?

I wish Sirius were still alive. He could give me some tips on how to live off the land, out here. I have no idea how to survive on my own. If I don't find a way to get back to the Room of Requirement…

Well, let's just say I'd be better off going back to the castle. At least then, my family would have a body to bury. Even if it was a bit mangled.

Think, Ginny, think! How do I get back to the castle without anyone seeing me?

I could go in the dead of night.

No, I couldn't. It's hard enough to find my way through this forest during daylight. With my luck, I'd end up going the wrong way and wander into centaur territory. And the castle is locked up, at night. There'd be no way for me to get in. Not to mention that, even if I made it back and got in, they would definitely catch me. I would probably be the only student out of bed. I would have no crowd to blend in with. No inattentive people to talk with to make me look less suspicious.

I could try to get to Hogsmeade and try to get in through the Hog's Head.

No. I don't know how to get to Hogsmeade from here, first of all. It's not like I took a straight path here from Hogwarts. I got here by instinct. I guess I must subconsciously remember the way. Even if I knew what direction Hogsmeade was from Hogwarts (North, West, etc.), I have no idea which direction Hogwarts is from here. Nor do I know how far away it is, or what sort of mathematics I would have to do to find out which direction I would have to go to get there. And, even though I don't know exactly where I am, I know I'm deep enough in the forest that, to get to Hogsmeade, I would have to go through centaur territory.

That would be just as bad as doing nothing at all. No body would ever be found.

What's the worst that'll happen if I'm caught going back, honestly? I'm a pureblood, they wouldn't dare kill me. There aren't enough of us left for them to be willing to waste my life. If they were, Neville would have been dead ages ago.

Fuck, it's not working. I can't convince myself to go back. I'm not stupid enough. I know I'll die if I return. I fear death too much to go, even if it would be better to die there than here. I can't do it.

I've been found out. I've been discovered…

Slowly.

Maybe if I—

Oh, who am I kidding? There's an easy way out of this, there always is. There is an easy way to get back to the Room. One that doesn't involve trying to navigate through the Forbidden Forest in the dark or trying to sneak through centaur territory. I just can't figure it out. Something just won't let me. That something is the same something that landed me in this mess to begin with.

Draco. Of course.

Somewhere, deep inside my mind, there is a part of me that will do anything to please him. It won't let me see the solution. It knows his anger is justified. It realizes that, if Draco were to decide to take me, tie me up like that poor little French girl, torture me, and eventually kill me, he would be justified in doing it because I have betrayed him and I have lied to him solidly for months. That stupid part of my mind thinks I deserve it. The only thing keeping that part of my mind from taking over is Harry. Specifically, it's the part of my mind that will do anything to please him and loves him, which is much larger and more powerful than the part that will do anything to please (and loves?) Draco, which it would probably beat the shit out of if it started growing.

Too bad it won't beat the shit out of it now. It would get rid of this stupid block in my mind.

I won't survive unless I—

No.

I can't do it.

Ugh, why am I clinging to him like this? Why do I love the torturing, murdering, evil bastard? He's planning on killing me the first chance he gets, and I know it, and yet the thought of never kissing him again is almost enough to make me run back to the castle, right now.

Almost.

Why can't I just let him go and save myself? I know that I know how to get back into the castle. I just can't reach the knowledge.

Who needs memory charms when you can just do this to a person? Not only do I pose no threat, like this, but also I'm likely to drive myself mad before I get out of here.

Alright, Ginny, focus. You can do this. You can stop loving him. It's not that difficult. He wants to kill you. He wants to hurt you. He doesn't care about you. He never cared about you. He's evil. He's a Death Eater. He tortures and kills eight year-old girls in his spare time. He hates Harry. He helped kill Dumbledore. He's a coward. At the first sign of danger, he runs to his parents for help. He helped expose the D.A. to Umbridge, the first time. He cares about no one but himself. To him, I'm only an object with which to better other people's opinion of him. If it weren't for him, Harry would be here with me. When he gets angry, I end up covered with bruises and scratches, at the very least…

It's not working! Why did this have to happen to me?

Well, at least I have the answer to one of the questions from last time.

I'm definitely not a bad person. I can't even pretend to be, for very long. And that may have just cost me my life.

But now I have one more to add to the list.

I subconsciously refuse to allow myself to be happy.

Not that happiness would be easy to come by in a school with Severus Snape as the headmaster. But even if I could find a way to be happy, I don't think I would. Not when I feel this way about a Death Eater.

Ginevra Molly Weasley. Get a hold of yourself. Let go of him. You've done it with other people. You can do it with the evil bastard, too. This is a matter of life and death. You have a choice. Let go of Draco and live, or keep clinging to him and die.

Ugh.

Déjà vu.

At least I can write about my struggle, this time. Last time, it was the diary that I was clinging to.

It's always me, isn't it?

And I don't have Harry to save me if I make the wrong choice, this time. I have to fend for myself, now.

Why is this so hard? It shouldn't be. I know what he is. I know he's horrible. Somehow, I don't care.

I always thought those women who died because they stayed with their abusive husbands were stupid. I never thought that it might be hard to let go of them.

Of course, there is usually a front door for them to walk through. I can't seem to find anything but a seventh-floor window.

He's not even the love of my life, and I still can't leave him! Imagine if Harry was this bad…

I would have died a long time ago.

But this isn't Harry. This is Draco. I love Harry. Draco's just a fling. A dangerous fling. That was never going to last long. Or end well. I knew that. I knew it from the beginning.

So why did I connect him to me with steel cables instead of cotton threads?

Oh shit, it's starting to get dark.

I'd better look for somewhere I can stay the night before it gets too dark to see. If they search by sky, I should have somewhere with some overhead cover so I can light my wand without them seeing.

Alright, I've found a nice willow (the weeping kind, not the whomping kind) not far from the log. It's got good cover and some strong, low branches that I can sit on. I should be pretty safe from any humans who might be looking for me, here.

Anyway, back to the problem at hand.

It should be easy for me to let him go. It really should. I know what not doing that will do to me. Hell, there won't really be any of me left! Why am I doing this to myself? What is wrong with me? How could I be doing this to myself?

Okay.

Stop.

Breathe.

Relax.

It's going to be alright.

You can do this.

You aren't going to die. You will make it through this.

Alright, writing things down isn't helping me. I'm going to stop. Maybe that'll help.

Hopefully, I'll be able to think of something. If I do, there might be another entry in here. If not…well, you'll know what happened to me.

Anyway…

Bye.

A/N

I know this fic is mediocre at best, but I really like the whole Artificial Sun storyline, so I'm posting it anyway. This is not my best work. Feel free to flame.

There is another fic that explains how Ginny gets out of this mess. In fact, there are three more fics (well, really, technically four, but one of them is unfinished and really, really bad, and will never be posted), two of which I are ready to be posted, and one of which is finished in my notebook, but not on my computer. The three fics go together very closely, and so I can't post any of them until I can post all of them. I may even post them as a single, multi-chaptered fic, even though they are most certainly three separate fics, and not one.

Like I said, I know this is bad. Even so, I would still like reviews. Even if they're not nice, a review is still a review.