Two Wrongs Don't Make a Wright
Yo, GhostKing here.
So in case you haven't heard, I've been having a lot of writer's block lately. …Or would it be WRIGHTER'S BLOCK?!
Haha, I'm not even funny.
Anyway, all I've been able to do lately is a couple of oneshots, this being one of them as I have been introduced to about 6 different fandoms within the last couple of months. Along with Ace Attorney, I love Ghost Trick, so expect something about that soon as well. Maybe a crossover.
Onto this terrible story! I own nothing except my dumb ideas!
XxXxXxXx
July 20
7:18 PM
Wright & Co. Law Offices
"Yaaaay! We're really going to see the Steel Samurai?" The teen jumped with excitement.
"Yes…I still don't see what you like about a kids' show so much…"
A sharp pain in the lawyer's shin made him jump backward. "Ouch! Pearls!"
"Mr. Lawyer Bird Man, it is not just a kid show! It is Mystic Maya's favourite show, so it can't just be for kids!" The little 8-year-old girl put her hands on her hips and glared.
"…Bird Man?" Mr. Lawyer said.
"Ha! Good one, Pearly!" the teen, Maya, slapped her a high-five.
"My name is Phoenix…" Mr. Lawyer mumbled, but of course the other two were not listening. They were too busy rejoicing about the Steel Samurai live-action show coming up.
XxXxXxXx
July 20
7:30 PM
Outside Theatre
A bit later, the three of them were sitting around a hamburger joint outside the gates to the live showing. Maya, of course, had already eaten three hamburgers and half of Pearl's. It also didn't help that Detective Gumshoe had 'mysteriously' shown up to join them, resulting in four more burgers being eaten and a higher cost on Mr. Lawyer's—er, Phoenix's—bill.
"Thanks for the food, pal." Gumshoe said, jamming a couple of fries into his mouth. "There would be no way I could afford this on my own…I got another pay cut."
"Yeah, no problem." Phoenix muttered.
"So, are you going to the live show over there?" Gumshoe asked, pointing with a French Fry toward the gates.
"Yeah, if you stop eating."
"It's going to be awesome!" Pearl cheered.
"Ha, ha! I bet it will be." Gumshoe grinned and stood, gathering a handful of fries for the road. "Thanks again, pal! Have fun!"
"I cannot afford to keep feeding him." Phoenix sighed, motioning to Maya. "Especially when I'm feeding you as well."
"I don't eat that much." Maya said around a mouthful of hamburger.
"Hey, is that Mr. Guilty Pink Suit over there?" Pearl pointed.
Maya and Phoenix followed her gaze at the ticket booth, where indeed, a fancy guy with fabulous hair was currently trying to hide his face from the prying defense attorney and his psychic sidekick.
"Hey, it's Edgeworth! Hi!" Maya waved.
"Hi!" Phoenix waved as well.
Edgeworth quickly bought a ticket and vanished into the crowd, but not before he shouted, "My suit is not pink! It's salmon!"
"Ha," Pearl grinned.
XxXxXxXx
July 20
8:00 PM
Theatre Auditorium
"It's gonna start soon!" Maya was shaking with happiness. "I can't wait! This is going to be awesome!"
"Yeah!" Pearl cheered.
They didn't have to wait long for the action to start. It was indeed awesome. But Phoenix would never admit that, because he's a cool dude who doesn't fangirl over anything. Unfortunately, no good thing ever lasts.
…Everything changed when the fire nation invaded.
"Fire! Fire!"
Phoenix turned toward the source of the shout, which originated somewhere toward the front of the staggered theatre seats. A mob of people were running toward them and toward the exits, thick black smoke rising from the front seats.
"Pearls, hold onto me!" Phoenix picked her up and grabbed one of Maya's braids and pulled them out of the way of the oncoming crowd. The people stampeded past, in a complete panic and not making any logical decisions. The Steel Samurai people had stopped their performance and were evacuating as well.
"Ow, ow, ow…." Maya complained.
"What's going on?" Pearl asked in a worried tone.
"We need to get out." Phoenix turned toward the nearest exit, where it was clogged with people. "…Just not that way."
"Hey, it's Mr. Guilty Pink Salmon Suit!" Pearl grinned.
"It's not pink!" Edgeworth growled. "Now, this way! There are exits behind the stage!"
So instead of acting like reasonable people who were trying to get away from the fire, they ran toward it. Well, technically toward the stage. But by now, the fire had nearly reached the stage. Then again, they were not really reasonable people. I mean, you can't really argue with Edgeworth about anything without getting accused guilty and hauled off to jail.
"Hurry!" Edgeworth pointed behind the curtain. "The exit's back there!"
The four of them made it out alive. If they hadn't, then the story would end here. Perhaps that would be for the better.
"You were right, Maya." Phoenix said. "That was awesome."
XxXxXxXx
July 20
10:00 PM
Outside Theatre
"So, what happened?" Detective Gumshoe yawned. "I was looking forward to an early night."
"I don't know, you're the detective!" Phoenix declared.
"Oh, right. My salary's so low, sometimes I think I'm just the paperboy!" Gumshoe grumbled, raising his voice at Edgeworth, who was standing a little ways away.
"If I could, I'd lower it even more!" Edgeworth said. "Unfortunately, the law prevents it!"
"So make a new law!"
"Don't give him any ideas." Phoenix sighed.
The underpaid detective walked off, grumbling something to himself about blackmail and fancy-pants prosecutors in pink—
"It's salmon!" Edgeworth shouted.
XxXxXxXx
July 21
10:00 AM
Courtroom
The judge hit his gavel a few times. "Order!"
"Wait, why am I here? Who am I defending? What's going on?" Phoenix asked. "This story is poorly planned out!" Beside him was Pearl, who was trying to see over the tall D.A. desk.
"OBJECTION!" Edgeworth shouted. "It needs to move along. It's already too long and full of unimportant details."
"HOLD IT!" Phoenix said. "These details may make or break the case! Besides, I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing!"
"Erm, I don't mean to be rude, but—" the Judge started.
"HOLD IT!" Edgeworth continued. "It's simple. I call a witness. You question the witness. That girl sitting over there? I declare her guilty. Are we clear?"
"Yes…wait…" Phoenix blinked.
"Um, is the prosecution ready…?" the Judge asked.
"OBJECTION! You don't know if you will declare her guilty!" Phoenix turned to the defendant. "And besides, the judge makes that final decision!"
Sitting there was Lotta Heart, who gave a cherry wave. "Hi, Wright! Long time no see!"
"What did you do this time?!" Phoenix sighed.
"Is the prosecution ready?" the Judge asked again.
"Yes, your Honor." Edgeworth said.
"Wait, so you were at the Steel Samurai show?" Phoenix asked.
"You bet I was!" Lotta grinned.
"The prosecution would like to call the witness to the stand." Edgeworth said.
"Hey, you didn't ask if I was ready!" Phoenix objected.
"Overruled." The Judge said.
"The prosecution would like to call Ini Miney to the stand."
A rather airheaded and ditsy girl with red hair made her way to the stand, where she stood and grinned happily.
"Please state name and occupation."
"Um, like, um, I'm, like, um, like Ini Miney, like, yeah. I'm like, um, like, you know…"
"Witness, please speak English."
"Oh, like, um, I'm, like, sorry, um…"
"Please state what you saw." Edgeworth sighed.
-WITNESS TESTIMONY-
"Um, I like, um, like saw, like, you know, like fire, um, at, like, at…at, um, like, the stage! Totally! And, like, that lady, like, um, totally, like, did it!"
"You may now cross examine the witness." The Judge said.
"OBJECTION!" Phoenix objected. "…What did she even say?"
"Overruled."
-CROSS EXAMINATION-
"Um, I like, um, like saw, like, you know—"
"HOLD IT!"
Everyone dramatically turned toward Phoenix, who suddenly looked a lot less sure of himself. "Um…"
"Yes?" The Judge asked.
"We're waiting, Wright." Edgeworth growled.
"Um…Ms. Ini, I…uh…I can't understand you."
"Um, like, what?" Ini was still smiling like a ditz.
"Well…can you repeat yourself?"
"Phoenix, that won't be necessary. I can understand her." A voice said beside him.
Phoenix jumped and turned, like everyone else in the courtroom. "Mia?"
Where there had once been a little 8 year-old girl, there was now a tall woman in rather unfitting clothing. Giggles and whispers were heard around the court.
"What just happened?" Edgeworth looked confused.
"Is this what puberty is?" the Judge blinked.
Phoenix facepalmed. "Nice timing. So, what did Ini say?"
"She said and I repeat, 'I saw fire at the stage! And that lady did it'." Mia said.
"…All that gibberish for just two sentences?"
"Apparently so."
The Judge pounded the gavel a few times. "Order! Let the defense speak!"
"Ini, how did you know that Lotta did it?" Phoenix asked.
"Um, like, uh, I, like, totally, like, um, like saw her, like, totally!"
"She said she saw her." Mia said.
"This was found at the scene of the crime." Edgeworth held up a charred lighter. "Luckily, no one was killed in the blaze."
"That's a first," Phoenix said, "but….HOLD IT!"
Everyone turned to stare at him again.
"How do you know the lighter belongs to Lotta? It looks like it was engulfed in the blaze! It would have purged any and all fingerprints on it!"
"Because reasons." Edgeworth said.
"That is not an explanation!" Phoenix continued.
"Overruled." The Judge said.
"Are you kidding me…?! You get paid for this?!"
The Judge went crazy with the gavel banging again. "All right, we will take a 15 minute recess, because I've worked very hard today and I am tired."
"OBJECTION! You didn't do anything!" Phoenix said, but no one was listening. As he was saying this, Mia turned back into Pearl and shrank back to the size of an 8 year-old.
"Come on, Mr. Phoenix Bird Man! Let's go to recess!" she said, happily grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the room.
They were joined by Maya at the door, who showed equal excitement.
XxXxXxXx
July 21
10:10 AM
Courtyard
Pearl and Maya gleefully slid down the slides, laughing and giggling. Ini was building a sand castle, still being as ditzy as before, and Lotta, Phoenix and Edgeworth were sitting on the swings, not looking very happy.
"I hate summer and I hate recess." Edgeworth said.
"Yeah, it must make you really hot in your snazzy pink suit." Lotta said.
"It's SALMON!"
"I was just thinking…" Phoenix said. "Edgeworth, how did you know about the exit behind the stage?"
Edgeworth turned a shade of pink—er, salmon—to match his suit. "Because…reasons."
"That's not a good reason."
Edgeworth hesitated and directed his gaze at the ground. "I…was getting autographs. When I was backstage, I saw the door."
"Did you see anyone else use this door?" Phoenix asked.
"No."
"Do you think someone may have used the door to make a quick escape? Besides us?"
"Maybe."
"Hmmm." Phoenix thought, stroking an invisible beard.
XxXxXxXx
July 21
10:25 AM
Courtroom
"The court resumes the trial," the judge said. "Now, would the defense like to continue cross-examining the witness?"
"Yes, and I have evidence that Lotta didn't set the theatre on fire." Phoenix said.
"Oh? Then please show the court." The judge sat back in his high and mighty chair, looking bored. Under his breath, he muttered, "This might take a while."
Phoenix went through the evidence, which consisted of the lighter and nothing else. "Um…Mia…?"
"You're a moron." Mia said. "Goodbye."
"No, wait! Don't leave me!" Phoenix cried, but it was too late. Pearl was now giving him a strange look.
"Mr. Lawyer Bird Man, why are you sad? Was Mystic Maya mean to you?"
"Mr. Wright, we're waiting on the evidence." The judge yawned.
"Er…" Phoenix muttered. "I…I have this! TAKE THAT!"
"OBJECTION! Mr. Wright, that is your attorney badge." Edgeworth facepalmed.
"…So it is."
"I'm going to have to penalize you." The judge said.
"Mr. Bird Porcupine Lawyer Man, I can help!" Pearl jumped up and down, tugging on Phoenix's pantleg.
The judge banged the gavel a couple of times. "All right, this concludes the cross-examination!"
"OBJECT-SHUN!" Pearl screamed. Everyone in the courtroom whispered and giggled at the cute little girl who was fiercely trying to use Phoenix as a ladder to stand on the desk. (…Or, would that be step-ladder?)
"Pearl, get off! This is a courtroom, not a playground!"
"Mr. Santa Claus, wait! I have an object-shun!"
"OBJECTION! Your Honor, this unacceptable…!" Edgeworth started.
"Overruled! Let the kid speak! This should be good." The judge grinned. "This case is stupid anyway."
Pearl succeeded in climbing onto the desk, where she shot a piercing gaze around the courtroom. "I have poof that Ms. Big Red Hair Lady didn't set the Steel Samurai on fire!"
"Ms. Big Red Hair Lady…?" Lotta grumbled.
"Proof? You have proof?" the judge grinned. "Then, let's hear it."
"Mr. Pink Prosecutor Guy saved us from the fire, because he knew where the door behind the show was! He was back there because he wanted autographs!"
"OBJECTION!" Edgeworth shouted.
Everyone stared at him.
"…It's not pink, it's salmon…" he muttered.
"Overruled. Let the little lady continue her testimony." The judge said.
"So maybe he saw something really important!" Pearl said.
Everyone turned toward Edgeworth, who was hiding his face and trying to avoid recognition. His secret was out. He liked the Steel Samurai. Life had ended for him.
"Yeah!" Phoenix laughed nervously. "Maybe he did see something!"
—Witness Testimony—
"…" Edgeworth said. "I did see something. There was a man smoking a cigarette in the front row, nearby Lotta."
"Hmm…" the judge said.
"What the heck happened to this trial? Can we get a new prosecutor for the prosecutor? Is this even legal?" Maya proclaimed loudly.
"Of course it is." Phoenix assured. "I think…"
"Is there a prosecutor in the house?" the judge laughed.
"Yes, actually. You foolish fools are doing foolish things. I would have taken over long ago for you fools, but I never had the chance." From the back of the room came a girl with blue hair and a fancy costume carrying a whip.
Phoenix promptly hid under the desk.
"Ah, Franziska von Karma. I'm glad you're here." The judge said, looking mildly scared.
"Wright, stop hiding and face me!" she yelled.
"Mr. Bird, the scary lady is scaring me." Pearl whispered.
Phoenix shakily stood and lifted Pearl off the desk, placing her safely out of reach of the whip thing. He gave a terrified grin and said, "H…hello…"
"Er, now on to the cross-examination…" the judge said.
—Cross-Examination—
"There was a man smoking a cigarette in the front row, nearby Lotta." Edgeworth said.
"HOLD IT!" Phoenix shouted. "Did you know this man?"
"No, I did not. He looked to be just another fan."
"OBJECTION!" von Karma shouted. "Arsonists can appear to look like everyone else."
"What if it wasn't an arson? What if it was an accid-AAAH!" Phoenix jumped under the desk as von Karma wound up to slash at him with the whip.
"Yeah! It could have been an accident!" Pearl piped up.
The courtroom was abuzz with chatter. The judge slammed the gavel a few times before everyone finally shut up. "Order! Order!"
"HOLD IT!" von Karma shouted. "How do you explain the lighter, fools?"
"It was either planted there, a coincidence, or just forgotten!" Phoenix said from under the desk. The hailstorm of whiplashes that sounded above the wood following his statement was a chilling sound.
"Yeah!" Pearl said.
"Hmmm…the defense brings up a valid point." The judge yawned.
"No, he is a fool. And you are a fool. You are all fools." von Karma stated.
"Can you explain it, then?" Edgeworth asked. He quickly dodged the oncoming strike from the rather aggressive prosecutor.
"It is the arsonists' foolish weapon!"
It was then that the lights in the courtroom shut off, plunging the place into darkness. Everyone shut up for a split second before loud talking and screaming broke out.
"Well, court dismissed. The defendant is not guilty, the end." The judge left along with the other people.
"Whoo! We won!" Phoenix cheered.
"FOOL!" von Karma shouted.
"A WINNING fool!" Phoenix said.
"Mr. Bird Lawyer Man, I sense anger from that scary lady, and she's coming this way…" Pearl squeaked.
"No problem. MAYA! LOOK! THE STEEL SAMURAI!" Phoenix shouted.
With a fangirly scream, Maya ran toward the defense desk, in the process running over von Karma. "WHERE? WHERE?!"
"Outside the courtroom! Come on!" Phoenix grabbed Pearl and ran, laughing the entire way.
XxXxXxXx
The end.
Maybe I'll write a serious story for this eventually, but for now, this is what you're getting. I wrote this at school instead of watching House M.D.. Before finals, teachers just don't do anything and let us watch medical dramas. Hurray.
Hasta la Vista, Readers!
Lordoftheghostking28