Feelings you'll never know

A/N: I have absolutely no recollection of writing this. Found it on my hard drive this morning and decided to post it. Well enjoy.

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( Sasukes POV)

Everything will be ok, its all over now, you can get over it…

Their voices keep echoing endlessly in my head. Why do they try to help when they cant? Why do they keep trying to get in? And they really aren't trying all that hard, just a few. I never have asked anyone for help. But now Sakura, naruto, and even Kakashi have been worrying over me. So what if I don't eat some days, or don't sleep, and sometimes carve my skin up so much that it hurts to move?

In the end this will make me stronger. Right now I am weak and cant take it. It's the anniversary of my parents, and everyone's death. And the death of my soul. And they were all killed by my brother, Itachi. And I loved him once, loved him more then anything. And he went and did that! How could anyone do that the their family. And why did he let me live? Why me? Why me? WHY ME? What the fuck did I ever do! NOTHING! This fate is worse then being dead. If I was dead, all the pain would be gone, I wouldn't have to live this loveless life all alone, wondering.

So why do I have to go through all this shit with no help! I know my friends want to help, but I don't want them involved. Yes they are my friends, and I love them, though I will never express it. To me they are my family and they will never know it. Because everyone I love will go away and leave me alone, crying in the dark. And why would I want to put them though all that and make them listen to my problems. I know they want to help, but I just cant talk. So many times I have tried to open my mouth to say something, but it never will come out. So I will just shut up and be this cold, cruel, uncaring bastard that these people seem to love. Let them love the outside, the shell of me; without ever knowing the feelings raging deep inside. The feelings tearing me apart. The feelings that are slowly killing me inside.

But on the inside I am starved for love, and crave some human touch. I want to be loved, I want someone to tell me they love me and not betray me. But I know, I cant have that, because my destiny is shit and nothing good can ever come into this pathetic life of mine and I will forever be trapped inside the icy bars of the cage of my soul.

I am going to become strong. Then I can kill him. And then I can die too. That seems like my only way out. When you live to kill someone death will come to you early as well. I have thought about suicide so many times, and tried it so many as well. Once I came so close, but somehow I lived and no one found out. It seems like I must live until I kill him; like some other worldly force binding me to this earth. It would be nice to die and join everyone I loved in the afterlife. I wonder if there is an after life, or once we die we just go out like a delicate flame on a candle.

But I cant die now, I havnt killed him yet. Only then can I die. Once that is done I can fall into eternal sleep. When I die, I wonder if the people who say they care will be sad, I'm sure Sakura and Naruto would be crushed, ironic in a way. the last pain I ever cause will be to the only people who really loved me. I don't know if I will tell everyone I love them before I die. But they should know that I do.

Because I never miss a practice session so I can see them everyday.