He couldn't believe what he had almost just done. Staring at the pool of vomit on the ground, he slowly stood, his leg throbbing, his head spinning, his life upside down. He limped into the bathroom, turning on the shower, he undressed and walked in, the water burned his skin, but he couldn't make it cooler, he wanted to hurt. His eyes traveled to the razor on the ledge, his shaky hands grasped it, and made four more marks on his already cut arm. The bottom of the shower turned red, and he watched his blood swirl around. As he was walking out, he stepped with his bad leg, quickly falling to the ground. He laid his head down on the cold marble floor, his wet naked body shivering violently.
He woke up, once again, face down on the floor. This time there was no vomit on his face though. He crawled to his bedroom, climbing up and sitting on his bed. His clock stared him in the face, 10:00 am, time to start the day. He fumbled for the cane on his dresser, and found a decent pair of clothes to throw on, all the while in a catatonic state, his entire body numb other then the intense pain in his leg. On to another day at Princeton Plainsborough Teaching Hospital, the happiest place on Earth.
Wilson and Cuddy stood, quietly talking at the front desk when he walked in. He wondered if Wilson had shared his juicy gossip about House OD-ing and winding up eating his own puke. Judging by the two disappointed glances he got, yes. They probably thought it was an accident. He looked down at the floor as he walked away, ashamed, wanting to hide.
"Here," Cuddy said as she emphatically placed a bottle of Vicodin on House's desk, "so you won't have to steal oxy from anymore cancer patients." She turned away sharply and started to strut angrily out the door. He picked up the bottle, staring at it intently before throwing it across the room. The sound made Cuddy jump; she looked back at House who's eyes almost ripped a whole right through her.
"Well, what are you waiting for, get the hell out!" His eyes followed her as she left, and as she was out of sight he slammed his fists down on the table. He glanced over to see three curious eyes staring at him, then quickly going back to their paper work.
"House! House!" Cameron's voice brought him to a reluctant hault.
"What!" he yelled, ruder than he had planned.
"Umm," Foreman said awkwardly, "One of my clinic patients, really tough case, thought you might be interested. Are you?"
"I have his case files if you want to…" Chase gestured the manila folders toward his boss.
"Can't, I'm leaving."
"It's only twelve," Cameron said with a baffled look on her face, "you've been here for two hours."
"Well, why'd you become a doctor when you so clearly were destined to be a mathematician?"
Foreman rolled his eyes, "Where do you have to be?"
"I'm checking myself into rehab."
Three silent white faces stared back at him. Chase's jaw dropped all the way down to the floor. House just turned away and walked onto the elevator. They all looked at each other, "Okay," Cameron asked, "What the hell was up with that? I thought Tritter said the deal was off."
"Maybe House is going on his own," Chase offered, unconfidently. They all shrugged and started back toward their office. "What are we supposed to do now, think we can take the case with out him?"
"Yeah," Foreman snorted, "cause that has worked out so well in the past."
While he was sitting through the most boring two hours of his life, House saw Tritter peeking through the window. Some coke whore was standing in front of the room saying she needed to get clean for her baby. He wanted the pills so bad, having to be there listening to these idiots ramble on, made the withdrawl even worse. He shook back and forth in his seat, holding back, stiffening to stay still. He didn't want to look like a pathetic junky.
"You, why don't you share why you are here," he looked up, realizing the woman was talking to him.
He stood, "My name is Greg, and I am an addict. After an infarction in my leg, I started taking pain killers, vicodin. I am a doctor, and one of my patients was a cop who saw me take a pill, and I was rude to him so he 'investigated' me and found out a few of my scripts weren't legal, offered me a deal I wouldn't take. And to force me into taking it, my boss who was also my doctor, cut me off. So I stole a bottle of oxy and tried to kill myself. I took the pills with about a gallon of scotch so they didn't exactly stay down. This morning when I realized what I had done, I decided to change. I don't want drugs to be a part of my life anymore."
The rest of the members clapped procedurally and then the next person stood. Suddenly, he began to listen.
"Nice speech," Tritter said as he walked out the door.
"You know these things are called Narcotics ANONYMOUS for a reason."
"Yeah, so compelling story, you should really win an Oscar for that performance."
"You know what," House said, standing up straighter, "whether or not you choose to believe it, that was the truth, I don't need your validation."
"Everybody lies, even you."
"How original. Youre right, I do lie, but not about this, why would I come here, why would I sober up? I could just say I was clean if it was to prove something to you."
"It's people like you, who even their actions lie." House stared him down, then limped out of the building.
Cuddy laid in her bed, tossing and turning, replaying the same moment over and over in her mind. Those eyes, they burned a whole in her heart. He looked so hurt, so angry. What if he took too many pills on purpose? She sighed and stood up knowing she would never be able to sleep. Morosely, she trudged down the stares, never expecting what she saw.
"House! What the hell are doing here!" she yelled, hyperventilating, "How'd you get in?"
"Key under the plant, sorry to scare you," he said as he sat up on the couch, "I um, didn't want to be alone."
She nodded and smiled sympathetically, "Do you want some tea?"
"Sure."
She returned minutes later with two cups of tea, handed one to him and sat in the chair on the other side of the coffee table, silently sipping her tea. He followed suit. They glanced at each other understandingly and she stood up and sat next to him on the couch.
"House," she said as she put one hand on his thigh, "what's going on?"
"Nothing," he reached down to move her hand, revealing about a dozen scars on his forearm. She looked up, speechless, opening her mouth trying to find the right words to say. He answered her unasked question, "I hate myself, I've been cutting, and I tried to commit suicide the other night. God, I even failed at that," he stared at his tea and swirled it around in the cup, "and the worst part is, after all that, I realize that I want to change. And now I can't, if I had this 'epiphany' at any other time, I, I don't know, I guess it would have been fine. I would have Wilson helping me along, and I wouldn't be checking behind my shoulder for Tritter all the time."
"They are the reason you had this epiphany. It wasn't just because you were detoxing, or that your leg hurt. It was the fact that you were fighting with your best friend, and your life was being threatened. You never would have tried to kill yourself if you weren't under those circumstances."
"But I don't want to live, I have nothing, pretty soon I probably won't have my medical license."
"I'm sorry."
"I don't get why he would do this. I know I am a jerk but, no one has ever. I mean there was Volger but that wasn't like this. I actually have to take this seriously."
"The Volger thing was serious too, you are lucky I didn't let him fire you. And it wasn't all because you are the most brilliant doctor I have ever known, I care about you House, as much as it kills me to say it I do. And I stopped him from, but Tritter is from outside the hospital, I have no power over him, I can't save you this time."
"I never even realized how many times you have, or how many times anyone has. I always just assumed I was invincible," tears started to form in his eyes, she could see them watering up, "don't let me cry."
"What?" she asked quietly, her voice cracking.
"Please, please don't let me cry."
She stared at him, her own tears falling down like rain. He was too weak to hold back his emotions, he started to bawl as he leaned forward and kissed her. They fell down to the couch, their tea cups falling and crashing on the ground. He lifted up her night gown, over her head, she lay under him in only her panties, and then took off his own shirt. She reached down, undoing his belt and zipper frantically, pushing off his pants and boxers. His penis was hard against her thigh, she gripped it in her hands, causing him to moan with pleasure. He licked her waist, his tongue slipping under her panties, and moved upwards, taking time at each of the breasts he had desired for for so long. He got up to her neck, giving her a hickie she new would force her to wear a turtle neck the next day. She put her index finger under his chin, pulling him up until they were eye to eye, "Would you just get on with it already."
He smirked and gently slid off her panties, his fingers caressing her legs, smiling triumphantly at the way he made her squirm. Then he placed his hands on either side of her and gazed into her eyes intently as he thrusted inside her. She threw her head back, arching her spine, as everything became a blur and all she new was euphoria. She shifted positions so she was on top of him and finally they both collapsed.
The sunlight came in swiftly through the window as Cuddy opened her eyes to see a bare chest under her head, "Oh my god," she lifted his wrist and glanced at his watch, "Oh my god," then she realized in the midst of everything they never used a condom, "Oh my god," but then the biggest thing came into her mind and hit her like a freight train, she had just slept with House, "Oh my god," and it was amazing, "Oh my gooood!"
The last one woke him up, "You know, as much as I enjoyed hearing you say that over and over again last night, its sounding a bit redundant."
"Good morning House," she said mock-cheerfully. She went to get up but he grabbed her arms. She stared at him, and her pulled her toward him for a long passionate kiss, she wrapped her arms around his neck and rolled over.
She walked into work, sore from the strenuous physical activity House had put her through, but it was a good sore.
"Dr. Cuddy," Wilson said as he approached her, "Where were you yesterday?"
"Sick," she answered sharply, "I have…work…to you know, do. See yah."
Her high heels clonked as she unevenly walked to her office. She sat down slowly in her chair, grimacing with every movement. Wilson came into her office.
"Is there, something going on I don't know about?"
"What are you talking about?" she asked tiredly.
"House hasn't been here in a few days, and then you weren't here yesterday, and don't feed me that sick crap. What's up?"
"Nothing," she repied as she took off her jacket, not noticing the bruise around her wrist.
"Oh my god, what the hell happened?"
"Oh it was an accident, I am fine, is it me or is it like one hundred degrees in here?"
"I believe it's the turtle neck and pants that you aren't used to wearing, is it to cover up more bruises? Is someone hurting you? Is-is it House?"
"What? No! I mean yes, well sort of. It's kind of hard to explain."
"Try me."
"They are from House, but he wasn't hurting me."
"What are you--oh, ooooh, oooooooooooh. Ew!"
"And on that note, this conversation is officially over!"
She watched him walk out, slightly embarrassed he knew about what she and House had been up to. How did that happen anyway; one minute you can't stand him, the only feelings you have for him are professional, then one tear and you melt. Just like old times huh Lisa, when he was just so sad that Stacey left him, oh no, she thought, it is happening again. You have only one weakness, he just happens to be a jerk, albeit a ruggedly handsome jerk, but nevertheless a jerk. She kept thinking rehab would change him, that he'd be a better person off the drugs. The truth was, she wasn't sure what was going to happen.
The team sat, inarticulate and awkward; with their boss gone, they had no case, and nothing to talk about. Out of the blue he walked in, along with a scantily dressed Dean of Medicine, "Hey kids, miss me?"
"House," Cameron said questioningly, "I thought you were taking time off while you were in N.A."
"Been there, done that, all better."
"Three days and you are suddenly cured, that or Tritter got off your back."
"I am not cured, and this has nothing to do with him. Besides, Dr. Cuddy is here to make sure I don't do anything out of the ordinary."
"Oh, like something sane?" Chase asked sarcastically. Realizing House hadn't even paid mind to his comment he scribbled something down and handed it to Foreman, Is it me, or is he staring like straight at her boobs? He hasn't even attempted to be discreet.
Foreman read it and chuckled, They are kind of hard to miss.
Cameron looked down at the paper, shook her head and grabbed it. She viscously wrote something, Are all men pigs?
No, Chase responded, only the ones with eyes.
House cleared his throat, "Got something you would like to share with the class?"
They all looked up at him, nodding a slight, sheepish no, appearing like a class of three first grade students. Trying to avoid their bosses reading the note, they all picked up the case files House threw at them.
"The kid has a runny nose!" Foreman yelled, "When did we start treating colds?"
"Not him you moron, the mother. The one who is convulsing, hallucinating, and has a fever of 104."
"Oh," he said dumbly, before glancing at the other paper in the folder, "it's lupus!"
"It's never lupus!" House said as he began writing her symptoms on the board.
"C'mon House, she also has joint pain and a rash all over her face. It is lupus."
"Not according to the three ANAs they did at the last hospital. Now what else explains all these symptoms."
"Umm…" Chase said as he poured a cup of coffee "lupus."
"Fine, biopsy the kidney! When it turns out its not lupus you two are fired," they both hurried out of the room, Cameron sat down still, looking at House, "you too," he said with some asperity, "run along and make sure they don't screw up."
Cuddy put her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder, "Welcome back."