I don't own Naruto but Kyeota is my own character and Saiya is my friend's character. Not the best story but I hope you enjoy! Please review!

"I want to play with the doll first!"

"No I want to!"

"I want to!"

"Kids go outside and play. Mommy is busy, hmm." Deidara turned the angry female clay to the smaller little ones and tried as best as he could to make the woman blob cross her arms. He smiled as he fantasized Kyeota yelling at their two kids with him chuckling in the background. It might happen but all he could do now is play house with the clay figures he had created.

At first Deidara had contemplated who to sculpt. He first thought of Saiya, Hidan, and their make-believe kids, but that would be suicide. Itachi was out of the question, Zetsu would just be strange, Kakuzu, too risky, Tobi not worth his time, he wouldn't have anyone to pair Kisame with, and Sasori wouldn't like being part of his art. He didn't even think about Pein (Leader) and Konan. All he had left was himself and Kyeota but he was afraid that she would see what he was doing and hate him. Deidara wasn't willing to risk their special bond.

So, without any idea whom to make or how to make them, he just grabbed some handfuls of clay and molded naturally without his hands-mouths. The aftermath: he had created . . . well, err . . . something. As far as he was concerned, he had a male, a female, and two Chuckies. Oh well, art was fleeting and he would destroy them later on. Or perhaps now. The twins scared him at night.

Deidara stood up and stretched. Tomorrow was going to be a long day and he needed his rest. Yawning, he started walking to his bedroom door, hoping for a bedtime snack. He had just reached the door when it opened miraculously on its own. He didn't have time to react as he was tackled by an orange and black blur.

"Deidara-san! Hidan is being mean to Tobi! Tobi is frightened and would like to hide in Deidara-san's room, pretty please?"

"Dammit you baka, get off, hmm." Deidara grumbled as he forced Tobi off and onto the floor. Deidara stood up and brushed himself off, disgusted. Tobi gazed up at him from the floor.

"Can Tobi stay? Tobi will be a good boy." Deidara blinked

"What? Oh, fine. Just be sure to leave when I get back, hmm."

Deidara shuffled out the door, not particularly thrilled at having a moron in his room. He looked back one more time and saw Tobi stand up and begin jumping on his bed. Frowning, Deidara closed the door and tried to forget about the damage that had yet to come. He was almost to the kitchen when Hidan ran by, huffing.

"Where'd that little fucker go?" He stopped in front of Deidara and grabbed his net shirt. "Oi, blondie, did you see Orange and Swirly?"

Deidara was half tempted to tell Hidan that Tobi was in his room, but he didn't. Hidan would surely rampage in there and tear more stuff apart trying to get to the little shit. He smirked as an evil thought crept into his mind.

"Yeah, I saw him. Last I checked he was on his way to Itachi's room, hmm."

Hidan grinned and took off. Deidara sighed knowing that when Itachi told Hidan the truth, Deidara would become a sacrifice. He walked on to the kitchen and put some ramen on the stove and watched it begin to heat up.

"You didn't tell him, did you?"

Deidara turned around and met Kyeota's deep blue eyes. A blush crept over his cheeks.

"Tell who what?" he asked. She frowned.

"Tell Hidan where Tobi was. You didn't did you?"

He snorted. "No, of course not. I told him that he was in Itachi's room, hmm."

"Oh," She began to walk away.

"Wait!" Kyeota turned back around just as Itachi appeared behind her and informed her know that they and Kisame had a mission.

"I . . . I, uh, don't remember, hmm." Kyeota looked at him for a moment before she followed Itachi out. Deidara swore mentally at his lame attempt of trying to tell Kyeota of how he really felt but that damned Uchiha was near. Not that Itachi would care if Deidara said anything but the concept of someone being there while he confessed his personal feelings toward someone who might turn him down was embarrassing. Especially Itachi whom he loathed and wished to demonstrate his art to.

Deidara walked back to his room forgetting why he had come out and what had come in. He opened his door, flicked off the light which he must have forgotten to turn off, and flopped down on his bed. He lay there for moment thinking about the recent events before telling himself repeatedly that it didn't matter because he would try again tomorrow, hopefully more successful. Deidara closed his eyes and sighed.

"Tobi?"

Deidara's eyes snapped open and glared around the room. "Tobi, what the hell?" He stood up and began to work his way across his room in the dark. After tripping over some of his cloths and maybe Tobi himself, Deidara finally made it to the light switch. He flicked it on angrily and eyed Tobi with a murderous look.

"I am trying to get some sleep, hmm. If you wish to be alive come morning, you will get out of my room before I rip out your spinal cord and strangle you with it!" Tobi looked up at him and blinked behind his mask. Then he looked over to Deidara's desk and pointed.

"Deidara-san plays with dolls like master Sasori?"

Deidara felt his face turning red, but out of embarrassment instead of rage.

"N-no, I just, um, no. There are differences. Sasori uses puppets as weapons and fighting utensils. He considers them art, hmm. I made those clay dolls quickly without too much detail so they can hardly be considered art until I make them explode, hmm, so I use them for different reasons. Reasons that you will never be told." Deidara stuttered out nervously. If Tobi found out who the dolls represented, he would tell Kyeota and, well, it was self explanatory.

"Tobi sees! Deidara-san uses them as personal pleasure!" Deidara smacked Tobi on the side of the head.

"Of course not, hmm! I just don't want you to know. It's a secret."

"Oh, Tobi loves secrets." Deidara sighed, relieved that he had finally tricked him into a new subject. Or not. Tobi clapped his hands suddenly. "Tobi wants to play dolls with Deidara-san!"

Deidara growled angrily.

"What! Hell no, get out of my room!"

"Deidara must if Deidara wished to keep dolls a secret. Tobi is a good boy!"

Deidara gaped. "You have to be kidding. You're a moron and I'm not doing anything with you. Ever!"

"But, Deidara-san's secret . . ."

Deidara groaned and turned around, not enjoying the blackmail. The last thing that he had ever imagined was for his day to end like this. Tobi, the rookie of the Akatsuki, was blackmailing him. Deidara swore mentally at the turn of events. Just how in the Nine Hells had Tobi managed that and how had he fallen into his trap? Was it even a trap or was it Tobi just being Tobi?

Deidara thought for a moment and came to the conclusion that this might not be so bad after all. One night playing stupid games with an idiot for making himself not look like an idiot in front of the entire Akatsuki. Perhaps it was for the best. His grin was feigned as he turned around to face Tobi.

"Sure, Tobi, I'll play dolls with you. I just want to be the parents, okay?"

"Tobi says OK!"

Deidara sighed with relief. Thank the gods that he could keep the symbol of Kyeota safe. Even though the symbol kind of looked liked a squashed ass with hair. Deidara picked up his two dolls and Tobi copied him with the children.

"Where should we start, Deidara-san?"

Deidara thought for a moment then said, "How about where I left off, hmm."

"Where was that at?"

"Well, Kye . . . um, the female and the kids were just being kidnapped by the evil Lord Orochimaru and were taken to his place in the mountains somewhere. They were used as ransom because Orochimaru wanted my awesome and terrible power, hmm. So basically I was about to storm the fortress and rain death and destruction upon it to free them."

"And Tobi gets a part, too?"

Deidara sighed. "Yes, Tobi gets a part. Two actually."

Tobi clapped his hands in delight and began to dance his figures around. Deidara stopped him angrily.

"If we're going to do this, we have to be serious, hmm. It has more meaning, then, and emotion."

"Ohhhhh. Tobi gets! Tobi is a good boy and is going to be serious." He lowered his voice on the last part which made him sound important and formal. Deidara blinked, amazed.

"Okay," he stood up and walked over to the bed and knelt down before it. "This is the home base and that," he pointed at the desk across the room, "is the fortress. Now, you put your people over there and this one of mine. Put them some place high. Good, now pretend their frightened and she comforts them, hmm. It's simple."

"Okay!" Tobi placed his three people up on one of the shelves on the desk and began to talk in worried children's voices. He soon switched over and made his voice sound like the mother telling them to hush. Tobi even added the affect of "If you don't be quiet, they will come in here and hurt us." Deidara nodded in approval and turned to his own character, himself.

"Okay, you can do this," he said as his clay person. "This is your family that you need to save and protect. How did you even let this happen in the first place? You must protect the ones you love."

Deidara made, with his hand-mouths (one can only take so much hideousness), the clay bird he creates before he maximizes its size. He put the clay person on the clay bird and flew off toward Tobi. Tobi made room for him as he came over and landed his bird on the floor at the bottom of the desk.

"I wonder how I can get up there?" his clay figure said. Tobi reached up and moved one of the clay children around.

"Help us! Someone!" he said in a high voice.

"Good God! I'm coming Coven." said the male clay figure. Deidara made his clay figure begin climbing the drawers that lead up to the main desk area. Once the person was there, he made it creep quietly over to the nearest empty shelf space. He ninja jumped it up onto the shelf and to the place where Lord Orochimaru was keeping his family. He unlocked the "door" and let his family out and embraced them. Tobi said the appropriate voices as did Deidara.

"Daddy!"

"Daddy!"

"Husband!"

"Children!"

"Oh. My. God."

Deidara and Tobi turned around and stared at the person in the doorway. Saiya stood there looking like she had just seen something utterly impossible. Maybe it was.

"What remarkable event is taking place here?" she asked with amusement and took a step into the room before she stopped. "I'm interrupting something, aren't I?"

"N-no . . . I, I mean, yes you were, hmm."

"Of course not, Saiya-san. We were just playing." Deidara and Tobi stated at the same time. Deidara glared at Tobi while Tobi ushered Saiya in. Saiya patted Tobi's head and apologized.

"I'm sorry, Tobi, but I think I'm leaving now. I've seen all I need to see." She turned to leave then turned around again. "By the way, Deidara, but you left your ramen burning on the stove." She grinned and walked away, closing the door behind her.

Silence.

"Tobi?"

Deidara stood in the middle of the room, head down. His breathing came in short bursts and his fists were clenched, squishing his clay man and one child.

"Toobiii?" Tobi asked cautiously.

"Tobi," Deidara said. "Why don't you make your merry little way out of my room before I FUCKING SUFFOCATE YOU THEN RIP YOUR HEAD OF AND STUFF IT DOWN SOME UNKNOWN WELL AND COME BACK FOR YOUR BODY AND CUT IT INTO LITTLE RIBBONS AND FEED THEM TO ZETSU!!"

Tobi squeaked and ran out.

Deidara unfolded his right fist and threw the clay blob against the wall. He sat down solemnly on the bed and hung his head. How? How could Saiya come in and ruin everything? It was going fine until someone decided to come in and tell him that ramen was burning. Ramen! Of all the things in this world it had to be ramen and Saiya. Saiya who would find this completely amusing and delightful would not keep it a secret. Oh, no. she would tell Kyeota and perhaps Kakuzu and Hidan. And then it would spread. But there was nothing he could do now. Except maybe take the ramen off the burner. The last thing he needed was to burn down the hide out while everyone knew he was playing with dolls. It was blackmail of course but no one would believe him.

He stood out and walked out to the kitchen. There, around the table, was Itachi, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Kisame. Tobi and Saiya were no where to be seen. He walked over to the burner and turned it off and dumped the ramen into the garbage.

"That was yours? Ech, no more preparing food for us." Hidan stated. Kakuzu didn't say anything, but his eyes followed the ramen as it fell into the trash. He grunted and turned back to his paper. Deidara almost made it out of the room when Tobi came flouncing in.

"Tobi is happy!"

Hidan snorted. "Great. Jashin has forsaken us all."

"Want to know why Tobi is happy?"

Deidara began to walk faster.

"Because the smelly ramen is finally off of the stove!"

Deidara sighed with relief and regained his posture.

"And because Deidara and I played dolls together!"

Deidara turned around and sweat-dropped as four pairs of eyes fell on him.