A/N: OK... no idea why I'm starting a new fic... but the fact that I haven't deleted it by now means that I might finally have an idea that could work. Feedback will be greatly appreciated, I've left the multi-chapter fanfic scene for so long that I'm out of touch. So yeah, please enjoy.

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Chapter One

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It had been approximately three hours since the sun rose, or so the clock by the bed told Hermione. She closed the one bleary eye she'd opened and snuggled back into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. Coffee would be nice, but that could wait for some more good rest.

Normally she was up a whole lot earlier than this, but the hen party last night had really tired her out. Ginny was finally getting hitched to Harry and so she'd invited all her girls to a night of good-natured fun before she entered the important stage of her life called marriage. Her 'fun' had taken them to five different bars and clubs. Hermione had really, really enjoyed herself, but even she, who was the designated Apparator and did not drink, was fully exhausted by the time morning rolled over. After Apparating all her friends home in one piece the first thing she did when she got home was to collapse onto the bed. Seeing as she was now stripped down to her underwear, Ron must have come home and tucked her in. She smiled at the thought.

She and Ron had been dating steadily since the downfall of Voldemort four years ago. Since they had been friends for so long their relationship as a couple was as comfortable as ever, albeit with new benefits. It was difficult to say that they were passionately in love with one another but Hermione was happy with what they had, which was stability, companionship and warmness. Occasionally, however, she felt that they were simply blurring the line between best friends and lovers rather than being one or the other.

Today was a Monday, which meant Ron had work and she didn't. It also meant that she could monopolize the entire bed's worth of blankets. Smiling groggily, Hermione tugged and was surprised to feel resistance. Come on, you stupid blanket, do your job and cover me... She pulled harder and this time shrieked in surprise when she felt somebody pulling back. Had Ron called in sick today? She thought she remembered hearing him leave in the morning, but maybe she had just been dreaming. "Ron? Shouldn't you be at work right now?" she asked, turning around with an expectant look.

The face that greeted her was at once attractive, shocking and downright repulsive - well, to her at least; she was sure most women would beg to differ. Sunlight tinted the hair that contained a million shades of pale gold, causing it to flare up like his own private corona. She'd always thought Ron's hair was beautiful under the sun, but this was a different kind of beauty. This one was almost... angelic.

Although, there wasn't anything angelic about the grey eyes that were currently fixed to her own. They were about as innocent as the dirty smirk on his lips.

"Good morning, Granger," said Draco.

The last thing Hermione remembered before she passed out was the look of pain mixed with relief on Draco's face as her ear-splitting scream died down in her throat.

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When she came to, Draco was slapping her face. "Granger. Granger! Dammit, wake up."

She turned her head away as his palm was about to connect again and responded with a stinging backhand of her own. "What the bloody hell are you doing here, Malfoy?" she hissed as he yelped in pain, clutching his face. "And what did we... what did you do to me?"

"I'll pretend you didn't just imply I was a rapist," he said, swinging his legs off the bed and standing up. Hermione had to look down to stop herself admiring his toned yet lean body. "In any case, I'm glad you're awake and back to your usual infuriating self. Though I can't say I've missed it," he added in a mutter.

"How did you even get in here?" she demanded. She always made sure to lock the doors both with bolts and magic each evening but since Ron had come home after her last night, she had weaved a slightly simpler charm for his convenience. But instead of Ron, it had brought in someone whom she had not seen since her Hogwarts days, and hadn't really wanted to ever see again.

Draco shrugged. "A simple matter of Alohamora layered with a few... extra magicks."

"Fine, but I don't care if you're homeless. You may have gone around to half the women in the wizarding world but you're not going to get any charity from me," she said, glaring at him. She began to dress herself discreetly under the covers as she spoke. Not that she really cared about what Malfoy thought - honestly, she didn't - but she hadn't gone to the gym in a while and flabbiness really wasn't attractive.

He stared at her then, and began to laugh. "Me? Homeless? Merlin, I always knew you were nuts, but Weasley must have really dragged down your IQ if you think that a Malfoy would ever be homeless." He shook off the last of his chuckles and glanced at the clock by the bed. "Anyhow, he should be here right about... now."

Before Hermione could ask who? she heard the doorbell ring. "I'll get that! You go hide in the closet," she almost shouted. Whoever it was, she really didn't want them to see Draco opening the door. Why is this happening? What's he really doing here? she thought as she almost fell over herself to pull on her jeans and get to the door at the same time.

Since the war ended, her life had calmed down and she, like many others, had slowly but painfully gotten over the losses. She relished peace and tried to have as little turmoil in her days as possible. However, although Professor Trelawney had long proclaimed her free of psychic sense, even without it Hermione could tell that waking up next to Draco for whatever reason was about to bring in some disastrous consequences.

And as if to answer her thoughts, Draco crossed the room smoothly and opened the front door. Hermione caught a glimpse of red hair and felt the biggest lurch in her stomach she'd ever had in her life. Frustrated tears came to her eyes as she made a last-ditch attempt to pull her jeans over her foot and stand up properly, but to no avail. Please, let it be Ginny, please...

From over Draco's shoulder, she could see the disbelieving look on Ron's face as he stared at Draco's face and then at her sitting on the bed. As was usual when he was angry, his face went pale, and then slowly began to color. "What the f-"

"Nice of you to join us," Draco drawled, putting a hand on the doorframe as if to emphasize his lack of clothing. "But it seems like you picked a bad time."

Ron's face was fully crimson by now and a vein pulsed dangerously in his neck. He ignored the other man in front of him and looked straight at Hermione, who had frozen like a deer in headlights. "What... is the meaning of this, Hermione?" he said slowly, the choke in his voice revealing his fury.

"Ron, this isn't what you-" she started.

"Oh yeah? Because it looks exactly like what I think!" he roared, causing Draco to step back a little in surprise. Ron took the chance to push roughly past him and stand face to face with Hermione, who had finally gotten dressed and was halfway to the door. "Hermione, you better hurry up and explain to me what's going on here. Why the fuck is Draco Malfoy opening the door to our house half-naked, and why were you hurrying to get dressed?"

She looked up at him, eyes wide. "I honestly don't know," she said in a low voice. The contrast between their speaking volumes seemed to strike Ron, and the vein receded back into his neck. She was glad he was willing to give her a chance to tell her side of the story before he jumped to conclusions - because the implications of the scene were definitely not in her favor. "I just woke up next to him. I could have sworn you came in early this morning before you left for work..."

"I told you last night before we left that I'd head straight to work from Harry's house today," he said flatly.

Shit, she thought, the memory pouring over her like a bucket of icy water. He did say that. Which means the one who put me to bed was... Draco? The idea of him taking off her clothes made her shudder, but somewhere in the back of her mind she recalled that his hands had been gentle. She shook away her thoughts and focused on the current situation. What she and Ron needed was some quiet time for her to explain, because anything else she said would only make her look more suspicious. The fact that she hadn't realized someone had entered their home unwelcome and the fact that she'd participated in a hen party the night before would lead anyone to assume that she'd been drunk, and therefore wouldn't have been in control of herself. So it was very much possible that anything could have happened... including her sleeping with a man she hadn't seen in nearly half a decade.

Sure, she had been assigned to be the one to stay sober since she rarely drank anyway, but Ron wasn't to know that. Ginny or the other girls could back her up, but after all those drinking games last night their hangovers probably wouldn't leave them until tomorrow. And she needed to explain herself right here and right now. Hermione flicked a glance at Draco and wanted to punch the smug look off his face. It was all his fault. Was this some kind of bad prank? It wasn't April, and it wasn't as if wizards celebrated April Fool's anyway.

Ron evidently took her silence as an admission of guilt, because he snorted in disgust and turned his back to her. "This is crazy. I had no idea you could make a decision as stupid as this. If I'd known you'd go so wild at Ginny's party, I would never have let you go."

"I wouldn't call it a stupid decision. In fact, I rather applaud her taste," Draco said lightly.

"Shut it, Malfoy!" Hermione and Ron yelled at the same time. They looked at each other and Hermione thought she saw a hint of a smile on his face, but in the next instant it was gone. She sighed mentally. It was to be expected; this wasn't something that could be simply laughed off, and even if they had a common foe it wasn't certain that they could make up during the process of opposing him.

Draco shrugged, seemingly unabashed by their harsh outburst. "Just expressing my opinion."

"Which nobody asked for," Hermione muttered. "And, not to mention, was totally inappropriate."

"Listen, Granger, I was complimenting you on your taste in sex partners," he snapped. "Can't you take it a bit more gracefully?"

She flushed angrily. "We were not sex partners, and I didn't exactly choose you!"

"Oh? But you seemed pretty comfortable in bed with me this morning. I didn't want to wake you up for round..." he cocked his head and pretended to recall the exact number of times they'd gone at it last night, "... five, was it? Just because you looked so peaceful."

"Ron! Don't listen to his rubbish!" Hermione pleaded of him, then turned back to Draco. "Would you just get the hell out!" she said shrilly, and began to walk towards him with the intention of pushing him out the front door herself.

"You're so cute when you're angry," Draco sneered, dodging her and glancing pointedly at Ron as he spoke.

And it seemed Ron could take no more of this, because at this point he made a low, irritated noise in his throat. Hermione turned her attention away from the aggravating man before her and could only gape as her boyfriend of four years then proceeded to stalk out the door, slamming it hard enough to shake the foundations of the house as he did so.

"Phew," said Draco, looking relieved. "I thought he was going to punch me. That would have been a hassle. Hey, Granger, since it's d-" Before he could say anymore, Hermione delivered her best right hook into his handsome face with the relish of a child opening presents on a Christmas morning.

What had he just done? Ron had walked out! Although, it wasn't if they had never done it before. Sometimes their arguments got so heated that they wanted a break from each other's presence. But just now, his exit had had a sense of finality about it that frightened Hermione. All the other times she had been certain he would be back, and he had come back, but this time she found herself unsure.

Infidelity had never been an issue with them. It wasn't something they really worried about, though of course like any couple there was a certain level of paranoia and suspicion. With today's events, she felt like she had betrayed him, even though it wasn't her fault and she had no idea what was going on. And there really wasn't anyone worse she could be found with in a situation like this - except maybe Harry, but considering he was engaged and due to be married next month, he wasn't really a viable option.

Draco staggered sideways from the force of the punch and glared at her, eyes smoldering. "You do realize that's going to cost extra, right?"

Although the idea of beating him up further was extremely tempting, she paused when she heard his words. "Excuse me? Me, pay you?" She snorted. "So I guess you're some kind of gigolo now, are you?"

"Look, show's over," he said, annoyed. "He broke up with you, so pay up."

"We didn't break up! He just stormed out. He'll be back," she said with some desperation.

Draco sighed and smoothed back his hair. "So you want me to make sure that you two break up for good?"

Hermione stared at him. "Uh... excuse me? Are you out of your mind?"

"What are you playing at, Granger?" he demanded. "You were the one who decided to employ my services. I hope you haven't changed your mind, because there's no going back now. I've sent you a contract and everything and you signed it. I don't care if you two made up, it's no concern of mine - I just did what you told me to do."

"Wha-? Who, me? Employ your... services?" She stared at him in confusion, her brain ticking away madly. "What kind of services do you offer, exactly?"

Had any of the girls last night mentioned sending a gigolo to her house to make up for the fact that she was not to drink? Whoever had done it must have either had an extremely awful sense of humor or was completely wasted and irresponsible for their own actions. She was one hundred percent sure that she herself hadn't contributed to Malfoy's invasion of her home. And, to be completely honest, if she was ever going to have a one night stand with anyone it would certainly not be with someone like Malfoy. She imagined the level of awkwardness would be enough to snap them both out of whatever stupor they were in before they even locked lips.

Draco looked at her for a long while before he answered. It seemed like he was finally accepting her bemusement as being genuine, and not simply an act. "Break-up services," he said softly, a sort of expression of horror creeping onto his face.

The same look was soon mirrored on Hermione's own face. Break-up services? she thought in bewilderment, wondering why it sounded so familiar. She wracked her brain and realized she had heard of them before, and seen the in ads in the Daily Prophet - offers of men or women who could be hired to pretend to be a fling or affair in order for the employer to break off an unwanted relationship. And for some reason or another, Draco was one of those... break-uppers. He had done his job fantastically and had now driven a nonsensical wedge between her and Ron.

Why was her life suddenly becoming so messed up?

"I don't believe this," she mumbled, falling against the wall onto her butt as her legs suddenly lost strength. "This is the kind of thing that happens in dramas, not in real life."

"Shit... you mean you weren't the one that contacted the agency?" asked Draco. He let his back slide down the wall opposite her and they sat face to face, staring numbly at each other.

Hermione's eyes were starting to redden; she blinked furiously several times to hold back the cryfest that would no doubt happen soon. But not before she kicked this bastard out of her house. She was surprised to find herself already plotting ways to make his life miserable, but then shook her head. What would Ron think if he knew she was resorting to such immature methods of revenge? No, she didn't want to forgive Malfoy; however he was not her priority at the moment. He could trip and die for all she cared - she stopped her hand from reaching for her wand to cast the appropriate curse on him for that purpose - but no matter what, she had to get to Ron and explain what this whole misunderstanding was about.

She thought about it a little more and realized that she would need Malfoy to accompany her, in order to confirm her story. She also needed him to tell her exactly what happened, which meant it would be some time before she could let him leave. Great, she thought. It'll probably take way more self-control than I have to stop myself from strangling him in the meantime.

"Okay listen up, you git," Hermione said authoritatively, causing Draco to start and suppress a smile at the same time. "You're going to explain this whole break-up deal to me, right now. And you're not leaving til you're done."

And to think, only half an hour ago she was still happily tucked into her bed, without a care in the world.

xxx-xxx

"Let me start by saying that this is not my real job," said Draco defensively. "I own a bar on Diagon Alley. I opened it shortly after the war."

Hermione raised an eyebrow to this, but indicated for him to go on.

"Anyway, two days ago someone contacted the agency to hire a male escort to help them break up their daughter's relationship. Apparently she was dating a Squib or something, and although the employer's family wasn't strictly Purebloods, they didn't want any Squibs in their family tree either. So they told me the address and I came here... opened the door with a few handy spells the agency taught me, and well, I think you can figure out the rest." He frowned. "But as far as I know, your parents know nothing about Squibs and Weasley isn't one."

"And I guess that wasn't significant enough to ring any alarm bells," said Hermione sarcastically.

Draco pinked slightly. "It was late, OK?" he snapped. "I wasn't in the mood to loiter around, I just wanted to get it over and done with. My bar's new renovations depend on this money."

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered. "So what was the address they gave you?"

"23 Mint Alley," Draco said. "Which, according to the numbers on the houses nearby, should be this apartment."

At this, Hermione stopped and stared at him.

He twitched. "What?" he asked.

"Unless somebody made off with the 'A', my door says '23A'. That's what," she replied coldly.

"Oh," was all Draco could say.

Hermione held back the urge to scream.

As she thought, it had simply been a ridiculous mistake on Malfoy's part, and now she was stuck with the consequences. Life works in mysterious ways, Hermione thought wryly, then mentally slapped herself for being amused in the slightest by this situation. Ron was still unenlightened about the truth so she definitely had no time to ponder on the ways that life worked.

Her work was only half done. Sure, she now had the story, and it wasn't as if Malfoy was going to lie about it even to cover up his own stupidity, but now she had to locate Ron. If she knew him at all, he wouldn't be at the Burrow. He hated the idea of running back to his parents in a time of personal crisis, so it was likely he was camping out at someone's house. And since most of their friends were the same people it would simply be a matter of contacting each of them until she found where he was.

"... ridiculous, but this is a humiliating mistake," Draco was saying.

Hermione blinked. She had been so deep in her thoughts that she hadn't realized that he was talking. Oh Merlin. What if I missed his apology? she yelled at herself mentally. The only thing keeping me from bursting into tears is the anticipation of hearing a real apology coming out of Malfoy's mouth!

"Pardon?" she said.

"I said, normally I would call your accusations ridiculous, but..." he sighed heavily. "I don't want to say this again."

"Come on. You made a what?"

Draco gritted his teeth. "... A mistake."

"Now that that's been established, what do you think comes next, Einstein?" she said, trying not to smirk. Not that he would know who Einstein was, but it was still enjoyable treating him like a 5-year-old child.

As expected, the name didn't register anything but a blank expression on his face, but the rest of her words soon caught up. "We fix it," he said, almost brightly. "And it is never spoken of again. Ever."

"Nuh-uh," said Hermione, wagging a finger in his scowling face. "You know what I'm thinking of. Begins with an 's', ends with a 'y' and has an 'orr' in between."

"I am not going to apologize," he said firmly, as if stating a fact. "I would shame the family name."

"Yes you are!" she shouted, causing him to shrink back in shock. "You just barged in here and ruined my life. Like hell you're going to get away with it without at least an apology!"

"I already said I'll help you fix it!" he yelled in return.

She laughed derisively. "You can't fix my life just like that. It's not that simple, Malfoy."

"Not like a single word will do any better."

"I can't believe you're being such a baby," said Hermione. "And I refuse to believe you're not the least bit remorseful about what you've done."

Draco sighed. It was true that he felt guilty, but the very feeling of guilt was still foreign to him and made him distinctly uncomfortable. Unlike most children, he grew up learning that apologies should not be waved around for every little thing. The word 'sorry' had never really had a stable spot in his vocabulary. If he bumped into someone, that was merely an accident and no direct fault of his. If he hurt someone's feelings, it was their problem for being so sensitive when they knew it was his nature to be harsh. To be sorry was to admit your own flaws, and he didn't like to admit his own flaws.

And the fact that he had victimized Granger, of all people, further increased his reluctance. Here was the young woman whom he had called Mudblood for most of their school life together. Now he was in a situation where he had genuinely wronged her and it was completely and utterly his fault. There really was nothing honorable he could do apart from lower his head and apologize. But still, the idea left a bitter taste in his mouth. There had to be something else he could do to make it up to her.

"Listen," he began. "I have a proposal."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Go for it."

"In addition to accompanying you to explain the situation to Weasley, I'll also personally make sure you two get back together."

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