This is an AU loosely based on the musical The Last Five Years. There won't be a happy ending.

"Bring back the lies,
Hang them back on the wall!
Maybe I'd see
How you could be
So certain that we
Had no chance at all ."
- "Still Hurting" from The Last Five Years

"You were red and you liked me because I was blue
You touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky
And you decided purple just wasn't for you"
- "Colors" by Halsey

Year Five

It feels unreal, waking up in a half-empty bed. Trudging down to the kitchen to make coffee for one. Listening for the sound of the shower in the bathroom and then—silence.

She'll need to get Henry up in a little while, but for now, Regina flips through the mail from yesterday, placing the things that still arrive for Emma to the side. Emma's change of address still hasn't caught hold, it seems. Maybe Henry will be willing to take the mail to Emma. Regina would, but just the thought of seeing Emma—she still doesn't know if she wants to cry or scream or burn something down.

Maybe all of them. Or nothing at all because Regina is trying still, holding out for the hope that she can forgive, that they can get normal back.

She glances at the coffee pot and heads for the stairs. Another day, and she just needs to breathe through each moment.

Breathe and smile and pretend like nothing is wrong.

It's late when the knock on the door comes; Henry is already in bed, but that's how Regina planned it. There's no reason for him to be caught in the middle any more than he has been. She smooths down her shirt and takes a deep breath as she opens the door.

Emma gives her a small smile. "Hey."

"Hey," Regina echoes, curling her fingers around the edge of the door. "Come in."

"The kid's already asleep?" Emma asks as she walks inside.

Regina nods and shuts the door. "Yes. I thought we could talk in the study."

"Right, right." Emma starts to walk off with the same ease she had when this was her home, and Regina nearly cries at the sight because this was supposed to be forever and now it's not and she still doesn't understand.

She manages to keep control, though, and she follows after Emma; she curls her arms around her middle. Emma wanders around the room for a few moments before moving to the middle, turning on her heel to look at Regina.

"So, what d'you want to talk about?" Emma's eyes are bright in the dimness, and she's rocking on the balls of her feet, the same way she did before she kissed Regina for the first time, before she asked Regina to marry her.

"I want a divorce." It comes out harsher than Regina intended; she winces but keeps her eyes on Emma even as Emma shrinks down and down like the air has been sucked out of the room.

In a way, maybe it has been.

Emma swallows then nods her head. "Okay."

"Okay?" Regina curls her fingers into fists. "That's all you have to say?"

"I told you that we'd do whatever you want."

"Which means you're just going to let our marriage end?"

"You're the one who just asked for a divorce," Emma snaps.

"And you're the one who cheated, so maybe I shouldn't be surprised." Regina says, feeling the words stinging in her mouth. "You seemed in such a hurry to give up on our marriage that I shouldn't be surprised that you're happy about this."

"I'm not happy about it!" Emma runs her hands through her hair and says, "I fucked up, Regina, but that doesn't mean I want this."

"Then what do you want?"

"That's not the point. I just—I want to make this right." Emma sighs and shakes her head. "Just tell me how."

Regina looks away and breathes, thinks of her son sleeping upstairs, the open bottle of wine she left out for herself, the cold bed waiting for her later. She closes her eyes.

"You'll need to get a lawyer to represent you."

"Okay." Emma's voice is soft, and Regina watches her as she steps forward until she's right there, barely an inch away, so so close.

Emma lifts her hand and traces her fingers along Regina's jaw before leaning in and kissing her. Just the faint pressure of Emma's lips, then Emma lets her go, murmurs something about seeing herself out. Regina stands there and waits until she hears the front door pull closed; she wipes away the tears slipping down her cheeks. She stays there a few moments longer, breathes in and out. Then she walks out of the room, turning out the light as she goes.

Henry wanders into the kitchen, phone in hand, and Regina smiles at the sight of him.

"Still no news?" he asks, leaning across the counter and snagging a banana from the fruit bowl.

"Not yet." Regina watches him peel the banana and bite it in half. She glances again at her phone and sighs. "How do you feel about ordering pizza for dinner?"

He shrugs. "Whatever. When do the polls close?"

She chuckles. Polls, like this is some sort of major election. "Six. So they probably won't have the results until late tonight."

"Do you want me to stay up with you?" He grins and shoves the last bit of his banana into his mouth, talking as he chews, "You might as well have company while you pace around."

"As long as I don't have to drag you out of bed tomorrow morning," she says in her best stern voice, but there's already a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Aw, come on, I should get a day off so we can celebrate your win."

She shakes her head. "There's no guarantee, Henry. My…reputation still hasn't been forgotten."

"Don't worry so much about that, Mom. You're still the best damn mayor Storybrooke's ever had," he replies as he moves around the counter to grab a glass and fill it with water from the sink.

"What have I told you about listening to anything Emma says?" She tries to keep her voice light, but she can feel the tightness in her mouth.

Henry sighs and stares down at the sink as he asks in a quiet cracking voice, "Are you guys going to get back together? Or is this—is it really over?"

"Henry." She puts a hand on his shoulder but he shrugs out from under it.

"Mom. You can tell me."

She leans against the counter and says, "Emma and I have decided to get a divorce. There's nothing final yet, but she's getting a lawyer. I understand…I understand if you're angry with us."

He lifts his head and his eyes are dark as he says, "I'm mad at her. She cheated on you, Mom. She ruined everything."

"It's not that simple, Henry," Regina murmurs.

"It is." He pulls her into a hug, limbs long and awkward but firm around her. "She hurt you."

Regina tucks his unkempt hair behind his ears. Gods, he's taller than her; sometimes she forgets that he's not her little boy any more. "She's still your mother, mijo."

He juts his bottom lip out and then tucks his head against her shoulder. "You're my mom."

Years later, and those words still cut through her with a sharp, sweet sting. She should correct him, remind him again of Emma's place in his life, but the words die on her lips. Not now; she's always been selfish.

She forgets in those moments between waking and sleeping, that the little world she built over the last five years has crumbled. She stretches her arm out underneath the sheets, looking for long curls and a warm body, her beautiful sweet wife.

Every time, the bed is cold on that side and she is pulled abruptly into reality.

She lays in bed and tries to breathe past the weight on her chest, the weight that threatens to drag her to the bottom of the ocean until she finally drowns.

Emma comes to her office eventually. There's no way around it, not when Emma is still the sheriff because this is just doing her job. That's all it is. Regina clenches her fingers around the edge of her desk.

"Congratulations," Emma offers in a quiet voice, scuffing the toe of her shoe against the office carpet. "I knew you would win."

Regina forces a smile onto her face, a politician's smile, one that will eat her alive. "Can I help you, Sheriff Swan?"

Emma flinches and holds out a folder. "Just delivering some paperwork. You know where I am if you need me."

Reaching out, Regina takes the folder from Emma's outstretched hand and settles back into her chair as she flips it open lazily, staring down at Emma's messy scrawl on the forms, listening as Emma trudges to the door.

She almost calls Emma back. But the door closes and Regina is still in her chair.

Silence. She has forgotten how quiet it can be when she's alone.

It should be different. There should be shouting, kicked chairs, accusations flung back and forth. Not this neat and tidy scene where they are sitting side by side in front of a desk, looking down at papers that will finally end it all.

Lives shouldn't dissolve so easily, like sand castles when the tide comes in.

Emma picks up the pen first, signs her name quickly on the marked lines. Regina watches her, follows the slide of the pen along the paper, sees Emma Swan in spiky black ink.

"Is that all?" Emma asks when she finishes.

Emma's lawyer, Timothy, nods once, glances over to where Kathryn is leaning against the wall of his office.

"Regina, you still have to sign," Kathryn prompts gently, and then her hand is on Regina's shoulder, squeezing the slightest bit before drifting away.

It will be all over once she does this. Every promise, every soft I love you, early mornings curled up together in bed, weekends spent with their son, family dinners—it'll be gone, almost like they never happened.

But they did. They were married and now, as she takes the pen and presses it to the paper in front of her, they're not.