Disclaimer: I own no characters or places. They belong to SquareEnix. I only own the plot.
In Loving Memory
Summary: I guess her shadow would always hang over us…
I know you are not all here…
No matter how much I want to deny it. No matter how much I try to believe that it is really me you are dreaming of, once you have said her name, I know I cannot have delusions anymore.
You toss, you turn, and you scream out her name in a desperate plea thinking that when you wake she will be here by your side, sleeping peacefully after you have spent half the night making love to her.
Oh yes, I knew what you two got up to on our little mission to save the Planet. You hardly kept it down after all. I could always hear the bed and your muffled shouts of ecstasy through the thin walls of almost every hotel we stopped at.
Are you disappointed when you wake up beside me in the morning?
Do you know that you are making me hate her for having such a hold over you?
I know that right now you are in one of two places. You are at either her church or his grave. Either way you will think of her somehow. Every damn thing makes you think of her eventually!
I reluctantly get out of bed and put on my dressing gown on just as you open the door. You stare at me for a good minute before you look to the floor with guilt. Yeah, you should be guilty! You should be guilty when you make love to me and you imagine green instead of brown eyes, when you say her name under your breath as you move in me. Do you think I do not hear you? If you do not want me to then you should say it softer or even better do not say it all.
It is strange. You never let anyone say her name if we discuss anything. Anybody who mentions her gets a death glare. But, hey, it is okay to say her name while screwing me! That is what it is, isn't it Cloud? It isn't making love because you don't even love me! I know you don't, no matter how much I wish it were different. You don't even look at me when we are in bed together. You close your eyes and imagine it is her beneath you!
Do I mean nothing to you, Cloud? Is she the only thing that matters to you?
You give a soft sigh and leave the room, slamming the door behind you as if I had done something to offend you!
Fine…have it your way!
I storm into the en-suite bathroom and fling open the mirror. The breath in my throat coming heavy and fast as I reach for the razor blade, holding it tenderly in my shaking hand.
I do not even think about it as I slash it across my wrist, the end so sharp I hardly feel it at all. The blood pouring onto the floor, flowing freely from my wrist fascinates me.
As everything goes dark only one thought goes through my brain.
I hate you Cloud Strife.
You can wish for Aeris Gainsborough alone!