A/N: First of all, don't read this if you haven't seen 3X22. And maybe don't read it even if you have. I don't know. This just sort of happened and it's pointless. And inspired also by Crash from You Me At Six. That's also where I got the title and maybe a couple errant lines. I hope you enjoy this (I'm gonna go with) drabble. Thanks for reading, please let me know what you think.
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Any of it. I've accepted that and you should too.
Something Second Guessed
He's got the letter in the back pocket of his jeans and this heavy feeling in his chest that's a little bit of burning and a lot of pressure and he'd really thought this feeling was gone but it came back so easily he's pretty sure it never actually left.
There was always something wrong here, it just took kind of a slap in the face for him to realize or to admit. He's not sure which.
He knocks on the door softly, which is stupid since he knows she's not home. Even if he didn't know 'cause she'd texted him, he'd know because he knows these things. He swallows hard. He kind of wishes he didn't know these things and honestly, before the door swings open, he's already fucking crying again. He sniffles. Maybe not. Maybe it was left overs.
"Finn?" Her dad says, frowning on the word. Not like that's anything new but it seems heavier, worse…like everything basically. "Rachel isn't home just now."
"Hey, um…hi Mr. Berry. I know she's not. Is the other Mr. Berry home? I've got something I wanna speak with you both about." He barely gets the words out before he realizes his first thought was right and he is crying again. Or he's going to. Whatever.
"Sure," he says, swinging the door out a little wider. "LeRoy actually just stepped out for a minute, but he'll be back soon. What can I help you with?"
"I can wait," Finn says quietly as her dad leads him through the house he could navigate blindfolded at this point. "I don't really wanna say any of this stuff more than once so I can wait if that's okay, sir."
"Okay, Finn," Hiram says, gesturing for the office/study thing Finn's never actually been in before. Well, shit, if he wasn't already uncomfortable he would totally be now. Knowing what's gonna come out of your mouth is the right thing to do doesn't make it any easier to spit out the words, as it turns out.
The other bad news is that back soon means he waits for about forty really, really uncomfortable minutes, his heart pounding out the words and trying to get them all organized so he can spit them out as quick as possible. The garage door opens and it buzzes through the whole house and cuts the silence, and he's glad her dad doesn't say something stupid about it being the other Mr. Berry returning. He knows that and really, stating the obvious isn't gonna help him out at all at this point.
The other Mr. Berry does that thing where he's walking past the room, caught up in habit, and then like he jerks to reality at the last possible second and realizes the two men are sitting in stony silence in the den. And the thing is, Finn knows her dads aren't really that thrilled about the wedding. And he knows LeRoy is definitely the less thrilled of the two parents. Not like it will matter here in about ten seconds anyway. But still, for that ten seconds, his muscles tense up and he sort of wishes Rachel was here to hold his hand—which would totally defeat the purpose.
"Here you are, " LeRoy says unnecessarily as he comes in and crosses the room to give Hiram a kiss on the cheek. He then turns to face Finn and wow do those two men make an intimidating picture sitting behind that desk, with one perched on the arm of a rolling office chair and the other in the rolling office chair. "Hello, Mr. Hudson. To what do we owe this…unexpected pleasure?" He glances at his husband, but is only met with a slight head shake and a shrug.
Finn runs his hands over his jeans and licks his lips. "I love your daughter more than anything," he says. He stands up just enough to get the stupid letter from Pace out of his back pocket and toss it onto the desk. "More than myself."
The two men share a glance and Hiram reaches out to snatch up the envelope. He's moving impossibly slow as he pulls the letter out and draws in a sharp breath when he sees the words. He hands the paper over to LeRoy and redirects his gaze to Finn. Before he can say anything, Finn starts to talk again.
"She wants to defer, to wait a year with me for some reason like that's gonna change anything." He leans forward, his hands around his mouth and his elbows on his knees. "I…I can't let her do that, but I need your help. Please."
"And what exactly is it you'd like us to do?" Hiram asks, sitting back in his chair hooking his finger in front of his mouth. Finn realizes it's almost exactly how he's sitting (just more kicked back) and he drops his hand because that's weird.
He lets out a shaky breath and licks his lips and he doesn't know why this is so much harder than he wanted it to be. "Um…she thinks…well…" he chuckles and it's not a laughing chuckle 'cause this is not funny and he forgot they don't know this part. "We have a time on Tuesday afternoon to get married. I don't think you knew about that, though."
He glances up at them and he can tell by their raised eyebrows they did not, in fact, know. And honestly? They don't seem that happy with it. He's not even gonna let them get a word out; after waiting for LeRoy for so long he isn't too sure he has time anyway. He partway stands to pull something else out of his back pocket and toss it on the desk where his rejection letter still sits.
The sheaf of papers he pulls out holds a train ticket. Just one.
"Anyway, it doesn't matter because I want her to use that instead. I'll drive her to the train station instead. And I think… well, I think if we do this any different, she's not gonna go." He sits back in the chair. "I'm…she needs to go there. You guys are going to the city for something anyway right?" He raises an eyebrow at them, knowing that's where they'll be. They have tickets, they'd been trying to get Rachel to go, and she's been refusing. That's why they were going to get married on Tuesday afternoon when her dads weren't around to protest. "She has things to arrange if she's going to NYADA in the fall and I can't go with her. But you can meet her there and help her set it up. Without me."
There is a really, really, really long silence. They know what he's saying and more importantly, what he's not saying.
LeRoy finally leans forward and carefully picks the train ticket up off the table and Finn notices all sorts of weird things, like the way the blood vessels in his hands make crooked lines along the back, or the way his fingers don't touch anything except the paper he's reaching for. Finn blinks and he can't really deny that he's actually crying now because he can feel it on his cheeks and it sucks. It all sucks. He's okay with this, he really is; it doesn't mean he's not sad about it. He glances out the window and wipes his cheek with the heel of his hand.
"Finn…we can't possibly…" LeRoy says.
"…you can't possibly believe marrying me is the best thing for her," he counters, his eyes still looking out the window. "And now, neither do I. I know her," he says with a sniffle and a nod. "This is how it has to be done. I need your help with this one last thing. Please."
He finally looks over to see them looking at each other and he knows what they're doing; he does that with Rachel sometimes, reads the look on her face and then he can hear her words in his head and knows what she's thinking. He really just can't think about that right now, though.
"Okay," LeRoy finally says, quietly. His only response is a firm nod and then he stands up. He pockets the ticket and the letter and then shakes their hands in turn, but only because they hold theirs out first. They walk him to the door, which is also a stupid formal thing because he knows his way around. Really, they follow him to the door and he doesn't look back because the thing is… he's not dumb. He knows they don't honestly give a crap about him as long as he's not standing in Rachel's way. They won't ask what he's gonna do instead of getting married, moving to New York, and cramming into the world's smallest apartment with his new wife and his brother. They don't care; they only care about their daughter and her future. His future was never really part of the equation for them, so they definitely won't ask about it right now.
He's just glad they don't celebrate or, like, thank him or anything insulting. He knows what he's doing, what he's giving up, and what she'll get in return—and honestly, maybe some time things will work out differently for. But truthfully, all he wants to do right now is lie down and surrender. He'll worry about some time and tomorrow when they get here.