This is a story I don't tell very often; if at all. The last thing I want is for someone feeling sorry for me, but sadness is something I've always struggled with. What is happiness anyways? It all goes back to the Happy Days of youth where I met this bizarre kid. I suppose happy isn't the best way to describe it, but thinking back he was the first person in my life to truly make me smile, maybe it was love or maybe it was just another way the universe likes to fuck with me. Dangling happiness in my face only to snatch it away at the last possible moment. There are so many places I could start, but for your sake and not to bore you to tears like a certain person I know, that Shall Not Be Named I'll start here.
From what I remember it was cloudy out that day, I was 14 years old and I had just gotten back from another stupid therapy session. I took off my boots and ran straight upstairs locking myself in my room. There really wasn't anything special about it, but it was my room my own little fortress of solitude. At least here I didn't have to deal with all the fucking bullshit. Back then I was at my lowest and had no idea what life was, pointless it still is but it was so much bleaker back then.
I threw my jacket over my bed and put in my ear buds, cranking the volume up on my iPod. I reared my head on my pillow just staring at the ceiling. Even though the music was blazing in my ears I could still hear the thick burly voice pierce through the wood of the door.
"Stan, Stan Open the door come out here", it said.
Dude not again. I curled over onto my side closing my eyes. Why does he have to bother me now, I didn't do shit.
"Go away".
"Stan your mother wants us to have a talk".
"Fuck off", I remember telling him. Looks like I did it there though. I could hear heavy fists pound on the door. Why couldn't he just go away.
When I open my eyes that dickhead was in here with me. Then suddenly I felt a Range over take me for a second as I ripped the buds from my ears.
"What the hell dude get out of my room", I said as I pushed up against his chest. Who could blame me I had the right to be mad, this is my room nobody has the right to come into my private space.
"Calm down son", the ass said as he grabbed my wrist.
When I heard those words tears threatened to stream down my face, but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.
"Don't call me that, fuck off! You're not my dad and you never will be".
I felt it, his ring thud against my lip. The feeling was surreal. I touch my hand to my face, my cheekbone hot and swollen.
"Stan I didn't mean to".
"GET OUT".
I pushed him out of the room and slammed the door in his stupid fat face. Even Sparky seemed scared huddled in the corner. Oh my face it's so god damn sore, when I brush my fingertips on my lip blood smears on them.
"Come here boy". I plop on my bed, and Sparky jumps right onto my lap. I hug him. Oh Sparky you're my only real friend. Why did mom have to marry that jerk. Everyone hates me why else would dad leave. First dad leaves, Shelly can't stand me, Kyle my super best friend said I'm emotionally unstable.
Everyone, everyone I know leaves me you're the only one I can count on Sparky. As I rub my cheek against Sparky's soft fur I can't help but cry, the tears just slip out. Then I hear a knock on my door and the voice of my mom.
"Stanley I'm coming in".
I wipe away the tears with my forearm and Sparky jumps off my lap. I know my face still must be red. When she comes in I look down on the floor, like a lick puppy. I know what's coming she's going to side with him she always does. Mom puts her hand on her hip and frowns.
"Stanley why do you and Robert have to fight".
She doesn't even care about me anymore. Thanks a lot mom your son hurt here how you can side with him! She shakes her head and brushes my swollen face with the sleeve of her sweater.
"Stanley you know I care, and so does Robert, he worries about you".
"Well that's some way of showing it".
"If you would just stop acting so aggressive and listen to him I'm sure you two would get along".
"Robert" he's a jerk. Sure I want mom to be happy but, the guy a psycho. Mom and dad split about a year and a half ago, and she married this guy. He thinks he's so great all high and mighty Mr ex-military, he's not even a cop just some crappy mall security guard.
Me and Dad are still close I visit him and his girlfriend in LA, Sophie's nice. Yeah LA I know, but it's not dad's fault he couldn't be anywhere near mom it's just too painful for him. I could tell he still loves her the way his voice cracks up when he calls. I miss him.
She looks at me and sighs.
"Look honey me and Robert are worried. Therapy doesn't seem to be helping you. I pulled you out of school just like you asked, but you can't spend all your time cooped up in your room like some hermit; you need friends".
I know what she's thinking when she says that. But I don't need friends, friends are poison. That's why I asked to be homeschooled. I'd rather be alone than have friends, Kyle Kenny and Cartman said they couldn't deal with me anymore. With friends like that who needs enemies. But that's not the reason I asked to be homeschooled, oh I'm just kidding myself of course it is. I still love those guys, and I just couldn't bear to see them anymore. Walking past them every day with a lifeless expression on my face. Knowing they'll never accept me again. I'll never be able to make friends like them again. So I'm better off here alone, the last thing I need is for someone to betray me again. Friends who needs them.
So I curl up on my bed facing away from mom. But she isn't having that, as soon as I do she grabs me by the collar of my shirt.
"Oh no you don't mister you're coming with me".
"Come on mom let go I don't want to go anywhere just let me sleep".
But the next thing I know where in the car, and mom says she has a surprise for me. Oh boy a surprised, with my luck it's probably cancer.
We've been driving 10 minutes and I was about to ask her where the hell were going, but then mom's minivan pulls into the driveway of a familiar looking house. This place it's been on the market for months, someone must have finally moved in. And now I'll have to sit here for some reason while mom chats up the neighbors; "kill me now".
"Do we have to go in there, this is some surprise I'll die of boredom, I don't care who moved in I don't want to talk to anyone"!
"Don't use that tone with me. And this is a surprise, I'm friends with the family and they have a son just about your age. I think you know him".
Know him I don't know anyone. I haven't been to school in over 2 years how could I know him.
But I sigh and let mom have her fun. We walk up the long twisting driveway. It was starting to get dark due to the shorter winter days. 3 times I knock.
"See nobody's home can we go now".
"Just wait".
A second later a woman answers the door. I swear I've seen her before somewhere. She has a bob chestnut brown hair. Her nails are freshly manicured a bubble gum pink. She's wearing red high heels and a plain white apron wraps around her frilly dress.
"Sharon I've been expecting you, come in come in. Oh this must be your son. Aww isn't he sweet."
The lady kneels down just a little bit and rubs my hat pushing the rim over my eyes, she kisses me leaving an imprint of pink lipstick on my cheek. I frowned at her readjusting my hat.
I sit there in their living room, it looks like they just moved in because there's boxes everywhere.
"Sorry about the Mess Sharon we've been so busy trying to settle in. And Richard with his new job it's just been so hectic this week".
"Oh don't worry about it Leanne".
"Can I get you anything to drink? I've been told our coffee is to die for".
"Oh that sounds lovely".
"What about you, coffee hun?"
"No coffee gross dude", I pout crossing my arms over my chest.
"Stanley". Don't mind him he's just grumpy".
She laughs. "Oh that's alright. I'm glad he's here Tweek need someone to talk to, and your son seems like a lovely young man". Speaking of Tweek why don't you go upstairs and meet him while me and your mom talk".
Tweek? That's why she seems familiar. I used to play with him in 3rd grade when he was part of our group for a while. He moved away halfway into 4th grade. I'll admit I kind of liked him. I was even a bit sad when he went back to his group. He was pretty neat despite his constant shaking. But I'm still not happy, that moms trying to force me into making new friends, But I know I can't win And I don't want another argument on my hands. So I do as I'm told and go. I hear her call up to me.
"It's the door on the far right, Knock before you go in, Tweek Doesn't like surprises".
"Hello is anyone there".
I hope I don't get an answer, but a slightly nervous voice says.
"Come in I guess".
When I see him I'm completely shocked. Was that Tweek He looks completely different. He was standing by his window arms over his chest, looking out of the street below. He was tall, taller than me It might have been the scuffed up Leg high boots he was wearing, but I doubt it he still had almost three feet on me.
His hair was different to. It was shaved in a punk style Mohawk. He had a wife beater on and black green and brown army camouflage. When he turned his head to look at me I could see he had quite a few piercings too. He had three on his bottom lip one had a bat on it, another had a skull, and the last had a little robot panda on the end.
He looked so tired when he glanced up at me, deep bags ran under his eyes.
"Is that really you Tweek, You look pretty cool dude".
"I guess. Stan, right. You haven't changed at all. Err Still wearing that stupid hat I see".
"Hey I like this hat".
This whole situation seems so awkward. I look at him trying to make small talk. It's weird when I try to talk to people, especially people I haven't seen in a long time. Looking at him makes me feel bad. I always wanted to get to know him, but he's so different now. Tweek's actually done something with his life. While mine just stays the same, I'm even wearing the same clothes as 4 years ago. If only Tweek had stayed the same I would have had a better chance to know him, but now he's completely different. Cool confident he hardly shakes and stutters now.
I rub the back of my neck. "So my mom wants me to make more friends. I guess that's why I'm here. So what you wanna do? "
He walks over, and paces around me before and encircling his arms around the back of my neck. He leans close and whispers in my ear. "Let's ditch this place and get high".
"WHAT, we can't do that are moms are right downstairs".
"Nngh You're no fun Stany poo". He lets go of my shoulders and saunters over to his bed, clicking his teeth he goes. He collapses on the bare mattress in the middle of the floor.
"So, Stan you'll have to show me around town, it's been awhile man! Do it myself but I just got back, and I'm being home schooled. Which sucks ass".
He was so nonchalant about the getting high thing, and now he's offering for me to show him around town?
"I'm kinda in the same situation too".
"Gah. Seriously what the hell is your fucking excuse? I just got out of the hospital, how you can stand homeschool its torture man!"
"It's not so bad".
When I said that he leaped out of bed and closes the gap between us. His coffee brown eyes stare into my blue ones, and he crinkles his nose scratching at his freckled cheek. He pushes me a couple of times towards the door.
"Hey dude what gives". Without even showing any sign of warning, his fist crashes into my eye. I stumbled backwards on my ass, and smash the back of my skull on the door.
I don't even think twice about it, I shoot up and sock him in the mouth. He stands there a second wiping blood off his lip before spitting a wad of bloody saliva on the white carpet.
Tweek's On top of me now and is about to give me another black eye when the door to swings open.
"Tweek Get off of him", the boy's mother pulls her son off of me".
"This Guy a psycho".
"Sharon I'm so sorry, Tweek usually a good boy".
Tweek Looked To the ground shuffling his feet. He looked just like me when my step dad yells.
I don't know what possessed me to say what I said next, but the words were mine they came out of my mouth.
"No it's my fault, I started it.
Tweek looks up at me and kind of smiles.
The car ride home was quiet. I swallow nervously and ask.
"Mom, can I come back tomorrow. I want to visit Tweek".
Mom watches me Twist the canvas of the seat belt, and looks at my black eye.
"Really, why?"
"I think Tweek's neat", is all I said.