A/N: Just a random dialogue one-shot that I had sitting around. Hope you like it!
"You packed yet, James?"
"Packed for what, Lily dearest?"
"Petunia's wedding. Come on James, I told you all this last week."
"Wait, it's coming back to me. Wasn't I drunk?"
"Er- maybe a little?"
"And is that why I agreed to accompany you to your sister's pathetic farce of a wedding where she'll be forever bound in holy matrimony to that utter walrus of a man?"
"Okay, fine. You were drunk and I took advantage. I'm an awful person. That's not the point. The point is that you agreed to keep me company during the joke of a ceremony and the ridiculous reception where I'll be terrorized by Vernon's horrid relatives. And of course Petunia. She never misses a chance to make me miserable. I hope she asphyxiates under Vernon on their wedding night."
"Ooh, good one. Very well, you've made your point."
"So you'll come?"
"Uh uh uh. I didn't say that."
"How 'bout this then? If you don't come I'll hide the map."
"Evans! You wouldn't."
"Oh yes I would Potter. And I'd hide the cloak too and get Sirius to obliviate me so none of us can ever find either of them. On second thought, scratch the obliviating part."
"That's probably a smart idea. If you hide the map and the cloak I'll hide that three foot transfiguration essay due Monday."
"If you hide my essay I'll castrate you and hide your balls."
"Now that's just disturbing."
"Good. You going to come?"
"No."
"Then I'll make sure you stay stuck in stag form during the next full moon."
"Then I'll burn your all your school notes."
"I'll hide your broom."
"I'll hide your knickers."
"I'll hide your trousers."
"I'll steal all your clothes."
"I'll pay Sirius to kiss you in the middle of the great hall."
"I'll pay Peter to moon you in the middle of the great hall."
"I'll withhold affection."
"So will I."
"Please. You couldn't go two minutes without some form of contact Potter."
"Oh yeah? Just watch me Evans."
"..."
"Quit staring! It's freaking me out. And maybe sort of turning me on. No, wait. Scratch that."
"Shan't."
"Screw you Evans."
"I'd love for you to Potter."
"Well, humph."
"Come on, just come with me."
"No."
"Please?"
"Shan't."
"Please?"
"Shan't."
"..."
"Damn it. No fair. Puppy dog eyes shouldn't be allowed."
"So you'll come?'
"Oh fine. You win. Again. I'll come to the stupid wedding. Out of abstract curiosity, do you think it would be anatomically possible for them to shag if they actually were a horse and walrus?"
"Dunno. You wanna find out?"
"This wedding just got interesting."
"You betcha."
"Well, what are you standing around for? We don't want to keep our experi- er Petunia- waiting, do we?"