"My best friend has started cutting."
"Her best guy friend told her to draw butterflies up her arm, and name them after people she loved, so she wouldn't kill the butterflies."
"He gives me hope for helping my friend to get better."
Antonio Fernandez Carriedo set his brown paper lunch bag down on his usual table in the cafeteria and immediately noticed that something was wrong.
If you were to repeat the above sentence to either of his best friends, Francis Bonnefoy probably would have asked if you were talking about some other Antonio, and Gilbert Beilschmidt would probably have laughed in your face... that is, until you mentioned that Antonio had noticed that something was wrong because Lovina and Feliciano Vargas were not at the table. Then they would both have nodded and said something along the lines of, "Oh, of course."
In truth, the table that day - the first day of the new semester, just after winter break - was far from empty. Antonio, Francis, and Gilbert were all there, joined by Elizaveta Héderváry (who insisted she was only there to see her adorable Feliciano), Roderich Edelstein (who made it quite clear that he was only there to protect Elizaveta from Gilbert, not that she needed the protection), Ludwig Beilschmidt (who was there both because Feliciano had begged him to sit with him at lunch and to keep an eye on his rambunctious older brother), Kiku Honda (who was friends with both of the Vargas siblings, though Lovina insisted that he was only Feliciano's friend) and Annabella Closson (who had taken to sitting with them at lunch to work on a class project with Lovina two years previously and had never quite broken the habit). The two Italians were the only ones who were missing, which was in and of itself bizarre as they were generally the first ones to the table.
"Have any of you seen Feli and Lovi today?" Antonio posed the question to everyone at the table, but Annabella was the first to answer, brushing a few strands of blonde hair out of her eyes and readjusting the ribbon she used as a headband.
"Yeah, they showed up late to first period this morning." She poked idly at the mass of whatever the cafeteria had decided to pass off as food that day and wished that she hadn't left her lunch sitting on the kitchen counter at home. This drew a slight frown from Ludwig.
"Feliciano was late?"
Annabella nodded. "Yeah, but they had a note." Then she smiled and poked the much taller boy's arm with her fork. "So don't worry! He's not in detention."
"Then where are they?" Elizaveta questioned, leaning forward just the slightest bit. Annabella shrugged.
"I'm not sure, I haven't seen them since then. But I know they're here somewhere."
For a moment it looked like Ludwig might leave the table to go look for the Italian siblings, but he was interrupted by a "Ve~ Sorry we're late!" accompanied by a figure that was unmistakably Feliciano sliding into his lap. He immediately froze, his cheeks flushing a light pink (which darkened considerably when the sound of his brother chuckling reached his ears). "Sorella was having some trouble with her locker."
The expression on Lovina's face was a combination of embarrassed and pissed off - not an altogether uncommon expression, for her anyway. "Th-that locker's had it in for me since day one, dammit!" She huffed. "It wasn't my fault... and get off his lap, idiot, you're gonna give people the wrong idea."
Feliciano tilted his head to the side. "Ve?"
His sister's palm met her forehead with a distinct smack. Annabella giggled and reached up to tug on Lovina's arm and pull her into the seat next to her. "Just sit down and eat!"
"But the idiot-"
"Eat, cherie," Francis interjected, his voice almost a purr. Lovina fixed him with her usual if-you-say-something-perverted-I'll-stab-your-guts-out-with-a-spork glare, which he was so accustomed to that he had ignored easily as he continued. "Ludwig and Feliciano are experiencing the wonders of l'amour. You should rejoice, should you not?"
It was harder to tell whose face was more flushed - Ludwig's from embarrassment, or Lovina's from rage. Feliciano, of course, either didn't understand what Francis meant, or didn't care.
(In all honestly, the latter was much more likely.)
"Lovi~" Now Lovina's face was definitely more flushed, as Antonio had draped an arm around her shoulder and was leaning in - way too close for her comfort. She hissed and tried to pull away, but just couldn't seem to shake him off. "I brought paella today! Do you want to share~?"
"Hell no," She grumbled. Ludwig, who was now attempting (and failing) to convince Feliciano to get off his lap ("Feliciano, really, you can sit next to me..." "But Ludwig's lap is so comfy~!"), spared a brief moment to inwardly thank the Spanish teen for distracting the overprotective older sister from the fact that he and her brother were much too close (now if only Roderich was able to distract Elizaveta from the same fact, and keep her from snapping candid photos of the pair with her cell phone). "I don't want your shitty whatever-that-is. I've got pasta to eat at home."
Antonio blinked, noticing for the first time that Feliciano had brought his usual lunchbox, but Lovina hadn't brought anything at all. "...at home? But don't you usually bring it with you?"
"I didn't feel like it today." She scowled at the absolutely puzzled look on his face. "What's with that look? It's not that fucking strange."
"...actually, it is," Kiku murmured. Lovina yelped and clutched at Antonio's arm, not having noticed Kiku right away when she and her brother had arrived at the table. This caused a small smile to tug on Antonio's lips - and he didn't stop smiling even after the younger girl realized what she was doing and dropped his arm like a hot coal.
"Wha- No it isn't, dammit!"
Kiku merely raised an eyebrow, and she squirmed a little in her seat before Annabella giggled again and reached over to ruffle her hair.
"If you don't want to eat Antonio's food, you can have some of mine!" Lovina's frown lessened just a little, until she noticed the cafeteria tray in front of her friend. Then she outright scowled and shook her head violently.
"Ew! I am not eating that shit."
Annabella pouted and pushed the tray towards her. "Oh, come on! It won't hurt you."
"Yes. Yes it will. If I put that crap anywhere near my mouth, my stomach will fucking revolt and I'll be sick for a week. Why the hell are you even eating that?"
"Ve~ Doesn't your brother pack your lunch, Bella?" Feliciano questioned from his spot on Ludwig's lap. The flustered German had not yet managed to convince him to get off, which pleased both the Italian and the Hungarian who was still taking pictures.
"Yeah, he does, but I kinda forgot it today." She sighed and jabbed at a particularly foul-looking lump of what was probably some sort of instant mashed potatoes. Lovina pursed her lips, giving the tray a displeased glance before turning her head to glare suspiciously at the ladies serving up the food in the lunch line. If they managed to poison her... acquaintance, Annabella was definitely not her best friend, in the same way that Antonio wasn't her... Nevermind! The point was, if Annabella got food poisoning because of the shit they were trying to pass off as lunch, the cafeteria workers were definitely going to regret it. "So I had to buy it today. I kinda wish I hadn't, though."
"You can share the paella with Antonio," Lovina muttered.
"But, Lovi!" Antonio protested. "I wanted to share it with you."
The brunette was lost for words for a few moments, but then she slammed her hand down on the table and glared at him, full-force. Forget what she'd decided just moments earlier, the lunchladies weren't going to be at fault anymore. "What the hell! I don't want your crap food, so share it with her! If she eats that shit and gets sick, I'm holding you responsible, bastard."
Antonio didn't respond right away, which just served to infuriate Lovina even more. She opened her mouth - most likely to insult him again and tack on a few threats of bodily harm - but before she could even get a word out, he beat her to it.
His eyes were locked on her left wrist, which was no longer covered by her sleeve as it had shifted upwards just slightly when she smacked the table.
"Lovi... what's that?"
"What's what?" She huffed, drawing both arms back and folding them across her chest. His eyes followed her arms and lingered on them, and before she could react his hand had shot out to grab her wrist and pull it towards him. Lovina snarled and tugged her arm back. "Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing, you jackass?"
It was Feliciano's sharp intake of breath and his "Antonio, wait!" that drew the attention of the others at the table to the situation, and not Lovina's outraged cries. After all, Lovina making a fuss was nothing out of the ordinary. What was out of the ordinary was the younger sibling attempting to intervene, and Antonio not paying him the slightest bit of attention.
The Spaniard was too busy rolling up Lovina's sleeve - or trying to. She definitely was not making it easy for him, as she was now all but thrashing in an attempt to make him let go.
"Fuck you! Let go of me! I mean it-! I-if you don't let go right now I'm going to-!"
Her tirade was cut short before it had even really begun by a hand sliding over her mouth. She narrowed her eyes and glared up at Francis - whose expression was utterly serious. The hand that wasn't over her mouth came to rest on her shoulder, holding it in place. The Italian girl let loose a stream of muffled curses and tried to lurch backwards in lieu of just waving her arms, but was stopped by Gilbert, who had wrapped his arms around her waist to keep her still. "Stop struggling! You're being really unawesome right now."
"Oi, what are you guys doing?" Elizaveta stood up from her seat, alarmed, her phone left open on the table. "If this is some kind of joke it's not funny - you know she doesn't like that!"
"I assure you, this is no joke," Francis murmured, and the Hungarian girl put a hand on her hip.
"You have thirty seconds to explain what you're doing, then."
But they didn't need thirty seconds. They didn't even need five. Two seconds after Elizaveta had spoken, Antonio had managed to force Lovina's sleeve up and Annabella had let out a sharp cry. The group's eyes zeroed in on what had drawn such a reaction out of her, and Lovina intensified her struggling, suddenly even more desperate to get away.
Vertical lines a few shades darker than her skintone ran from where Lovina's wrist met her hand to about halfway to her elbow, following the vein. They didn't look deep, but when Antonio lightly ran a finger over them, Lovina hissed and couldn't hide a wince. "You bastard, stop that." The words were muffled by Francis's hand, but she was pretty sure that her tone of voice would get her point across.
"Lovina." The girl's eyes widened and she was stunned into silence by Antonio's use of her full name. How long had it been since he'd called her by anything other than that stupid, cutesy nickname or mi tomate or Lovinita or anything else? He hadn't used her full name in years... "These are... these are scars."
His voice was slightly hushed and tinged with disbelief. Lovina gave him a look that plainly read "No shit, Sherlock," before frowning again and turning her head away from him, only to be met with a concerned frown from Annabella.
"Why are there scars on your wrist?" The girl whispered. "Lovina..."
Lovina didn't respond, and redirected her gaze to her feet. Feliciano squirmed uncomfortably on Ludwig's lap.
"Did you know about this?" Ludwig's voice was barely audible - only just loud enough for the Italian boy to hear him. Feliciano met his eyes briefly before nodding, not trusting himself to speak. Ludwig glanced over to where Gilbert and Francis were still restraining Lovina. Elizaveta was staring in shock, a hand brought up to cover her mouth, and Roderich was glancing from her to the elder Italian and back. Kiku looked surprised and concerned as well (and seemed to be wrestling with himself, most likely about whether or not to say something). Annabella was still whispering urgently to her brunette friend, trying to get her to speak. And Antonio...
He couldn't seem to tear his eyes from the scars on Lovina's wrist.
Slowly, he brought his finger up to trace the scars again, and Lovina's reaction was the same - she flinched and hissed out a stream of obscenities that was muffled by Francis's hand.
"How long has this been going on?" Ludwig murmured to Feliciano. The boy squirmed, glancing nervously from his friend to his sister.
"S-Sorella doesn't want me to talk about it... She'll get mad if I tell you..."
Ludwig ground his teeth, and Feliciano whimpered. On the one hand, Lovina would be mad if he talked, but then if he didn't Ludwig would probably get mad too, he already looked mad, and...
"Bastard, stop touching them!" Feliciano was startled out of his thoughts by his sister's heated snarl. Lovina had managed to get Francis to uncover her mouth by biting at his hand, and now she was yelling at Antonio - which would have been normal if not for the fact that her wrist was scarred and he seemed to stunned to do anything other than stare and run his finger up and down the length of them. He seemed to be trying to convince himself that they were real - though he would have much preferred for them not to be.
"...Lovina..."
Antonio's voice was much quieter than usual, even more quiet than it had been when he'd stated the obvious.
"Sh-shut up! I don't want to talk about this with... with any of you! Can we drop this and finish our goddamn lunches already?"
"No, we can't!" And suddenly, Antonio's voice was loud again - louder than Lovina could remember it ever having been when he was addressing her. She shrunk away from him (into Gilbert's arms, not that she really seemed to notice), but he leaned forward, his eyes wide and earnest. "We can't, because you're... you're hurt, Lovi! And you did it to yourself... And these are recent... And you just want us to act like nothing's wrong...? You could have... You could have k-killed..." He couldn't seem to get the words out.
"You could have killed yourself." Gilbert's voice was flat. "You knew what you were doing - you could have died."
Lovina winced, and attempted to elbow him in the gut. He didn't seem to notice.
"Lovina, cherie..." Francis removed his hand from her shoulder and brought it up to lightly brush against her cheek. Predictably, she snarled at him. "You know that hurting yourself is not a good thing... don't you?"
"It's severely unawesome," Gilbert added.
"Why the fuck do any of you care?" Lovina hunched her shoulders. "It's not like-"
Before she could finish, Annabella cut in. "We care because we're your friends! We don't want to see you hurt."
"If it had been someone else doing this to you," Kiku murmured, raising his voice just loud enough for the irate girl to hear him, "We wouldn't allow them to get away with it... but as you're doing this to yourself, we need you to stop. We don't want you to be in pain."
Lovina frowned and turned her head away from the Japanese boy. Kiku sighed.
And a moment later, Lovina yelped as the sensation of wet ink meeting her skin jolted through her. Antonio's grip on her arm tightened to keep it steady as he sketched out some sort of design on her arm.
"What the hell are you doing?" She demanded. Antonio looked up to meet her questioning glare with a sad smile.
"...butterflies, Lovi..." He tilted her arm up so that she could see. Sure enough, he'd drawn a pattern of butterflies going up her arm, starting from the base of the scars and going all the way up to her elbow.
"B-butterflies...? What the fuck...?"
Antonio blew lightly on the butterflies to speed up their drying, and Lovina squirmed. Then he pulled her arm to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to her wrist - and she outright shrieked.
"Name them after people you love." He locked eyes with her again, and she scowled. The butterflies on her arm weren't the only damn butterflies around. "I know you have some people you love - even... even if it's not me." The disappointed tone in his voice was almost enough to make her feel guilty. Almost, but not quite. "But... you love them, and you don't want to kill them, right? So even if you want to hurt yourself... don't do it anymore, Lovi. Please. Because it's not just you you're hurting anymore. If you cut yourself again, you're killing the butterflies."
Lovina gulped.
"Y-you... B-bastard, what are you saying...?"
"Lovina... when you hurt yourself, you're also hurting the people you love. Por favor, don't do it anymore..."
The brown-haired girl stared down at the butterflies on her arm, then awkwardly glanced to the others around her. Antonio, Francis, Gilbert... Feliciano, Elizaveta, Annabella, Kiku, Roderich, even that potato bastard, they all looked worried. Her stomach clenched uncomfortably, and with a sudden burst of strength, she jammed her elbow into Gilbert and managed to break free from his hold. And before anyone else could react, she was halfway across the cafeteria...
...and then she was out the doors, leaving behind her bewildered and thoroughly concerned group of friends.