AN: Just something that came to mind while I was frustrated with another story. Thunderbirds are Gerry Anderson's and song lyrics come from "I've had my moments" by Emerson Drive. Enjoy!
I was coming to the end of a long long walk
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box
Under the E. Street Bridge
Followed me on to it
I went out halfway across
With that homeless shadow tagging along
So I dug for some change
Wouldn't need it anyway
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed
He said, You know
I haven't always been this way
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought
I couldn't do
Like that plane ride coming home from the war
That summer my son was born
And memories like a coat so warm
A cold wind can't get through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
Other than the sounds of nature, the jungle was quiet. The sun pelted down, as I walked along a blazed out path. The path lead to a cliff that overlooked the ocean. Most of us on the island liked to go there to watch the sunset. Though I had done so in the past, today I had no interest in the sun setting or rising.
Looking up from the path, I saw my destination. Within moments, I was standing on the edge looking down at the water below. It seemed so familiar. Just last night I had been standing on a bridge looking down at the water.
Scott, Virgil and I had gone to the mainland for a little rest and relaxation. I hadn't wanted to go, but they had kept bugging me about it. Said that I needed to get away from the island as much as they did. To make them happy, I had tagged along as they headed to the nearest city to do some bar hoping. Around eleven, I had excused myself, saying I needed some fresh air.
Really, I just didn't feel like having fun. Couldn't understand how my brothers could. The station was still a wreck although the house had finally been cleaned up and the glass wall replaced. My body ached, especially my back. Both of my hands still had bandages on them. With the pain medication I was on, alcohol had definitely been out of the question. Though as I stood on the bridge looking down at the dark water below, I was starting to think that might just be the easier way out.
I sensed someone standing beside me. Looking over I saw an old guy, in dirty, raggedly clothing. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the money I had there and held it out to him.
"Thanks," he said gruffly. "I didn't always live like this you know. Had a wife and son at one point. Good Lord took them in a bad storm some years back. Lost everything in that storm. Thought it was over, but well I'm still here. Yeah, I've seen better days but the hope that there are better days out there for me again keeps me going on. That was my Millie's attitude, no matter how bad things got, better days are always ahead somewhere."
I nodded, not knowing what to say. Here I was in good clothes and more than enough money to make it by, feeling sorry for myself and this old man with almost nothing was talking about hope.
Virgil had called my name then and I had looked in the direction of his voice to see him and Scott waking toward me. I had looked back to where the old man had been, but he had gone.
Now, I stood on this cliff in broad daylight trying to get the nerve up to do what I had planned on doing last night.
I stood there tryin' to find my nerve
Wondering if a single soul on Earth
Would care at all
Miss me when I'm gone
That old man just kept hanging around
Lookin' at me, lookin' down
I think he recognized
That look in my eyes
Standing with him there I felt ashamed
I said, You know
I haven't always felt this way
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought
I couldn't do
Like the day I walked away from the wine
For a woman who became my wife
And a love that, when it was right,
Could always see me through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
I could do this. I had to do this. I couldn't keep going. Living with the guilt of knowing that I had almost lead my father and brothers to their deaths. I knew the station had been hit by a missile. I should've sent out a warning. Like a coward though, all I had done was sent out a Mayday. I should've died up there that day. It was about time I met fate head on instead of trying to hide from it.
"John."
I jumped at the sound of my father's quiet voice. I hadn't expected to hear him or anyone else. Didn't think anyone else had even realized I had left the house area. I felt him put an arm around my shoulders.
"Quite a long ways down," Dad said quietly. I just nodded. "Something on your mind son?"
He knew. Somehow he knew what I was out here for. He couldn't though. I hadn't said anything suspicious to anyone. Hadn't even left a not like most people did. I hadn't wanted to risk someone finding it too early.
"No, just out for a walk," I replied trying to sound casual.
"Guess your lucky then, because I can't get what happened two weeks ago off my mind. That was a close one. When I heard Thunderbird 5 had been hit," Dad paused a moment. I looked over at him to see that he was staring out across the water, tears glistening in his eyes. "I just kept thinking that I couldn't lose you. Couldn't lose my rock. Ever since your mother passed away, I've always known I could depend on you no matter what. Don't know what I would do if I lost you too."
"Thunderbird 5 to Tracy Island, Mayday! Mayday!"
"I knew the station had been attacked. I should've sent you guys a warning but I thought if I did then you wouldn't come," I told him, finally voicing the fears that had been inside me ever since it had happened. Fears that I had only voiced to Virgil and then only once.
"I wouldn't have changed anything," Dad told me. "I would've come without hesistation," he continued echoing Virgil's sentiment. "You needed us. Nothing would've kept us away."
"But I almost got you all killed," I said still fighting back the tears.
"This wasn't your fault John," I heard him say, as he moved to stand in front of me. "John look at me," he said. Slowly, I looked up, seeing tears glistening in his eyes. Tears that I knew were mirrored in mine. "Stop blaming yourself. Let go of the guilt. You were the victim this time, pure and simple. Don't feel guilty for calling for help. For not wanting to be alone. All of us would've done the same in your place."
I looked away from him and down at the water below. Suddenly it didn't seem so inviting.
No matter how bad things got, better days are always ahead somewhere.
Maybe it was time to stop dwelling on the past and start looking for those better days.
"Can we head home?" I asked looking back at my father.
He simply nodded. Slipping an arm around my shoulders, he lead me away from the cliff and back into the jungle. Back toward our house. Toward those better days that lay ahead somewhere.
I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight
That old man tells his story one more time
He says
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I
couldn't do
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge
When a young man almost ended it
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit
And I helped to pull him through