Phantasm
n. a creation of the imagination or fancy; fantasy
syn. apparition, dream, vision
The first thing Izaya notices is their distinct lack of a common anatomy.
They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, all sorts of colours and parts. Izaya is young and doesn't venture far, so he's certain he hasn't seen them all, and he's sure he doesn't want to. But from what he's seen of them so far, the extent of variation among their own kind is simply astounding in a disgusting way.
Izaya has seen some with multiple eyes, others with only one; some with a thick coat of fur, others with scales as skin; some with mouths large enough to swallow a building, others with no mouths at all and yet are still capable of speech - among many, many examples which Izaya doesn't feel like listing.
The most extreme end of the spectrum will have to be those with no shapes at all. Those are the kinds Izaya is most wary of.
It is precisely because they are shapeless that they are fluid. Like water, they take whatever form they please and whatever form puts them at the best advantage. Out of all their kind, these shapeless ones are the most unpredictable, their behaviours as erratic as the forms they can take. Near impossible for Izaya to read, to negotiate with, to escape effectively from.
And there's the other end of the spectrum - the ones that look exactly like humans.
Those are the kinds Izaya hates the most.
º•○º•○º•○
When Izaya is halfway through elementary school, his parents make a surprisingly quick return from the hospital, carrying nothing but two little bundles in their arms while still dressed to the nines.
"Izaya," his mother coos, "these are your sisters. Come on, say hello to them."
Out of genuine curiosity, Izaya obeys his mother for once and limps over to the door. She hands him the pale blue bundle she has been carrying, and Izaya takes it and cradles it in his bandaged arms, which he hides behind the long sleeves of his shirt. His mother doesn't question his choice of fashion in the blistering heat of August.
The baby in his arms is the picture of a perfect doll: round, chubby cheeks that are lightly flushed with natural scarlet; a nose that isn't too sharp and isn't too flat, just nice for a playful pinch; and thin, rosy lips that have parted slightly as the infant sleeps in peace. Izaya wonders about the colour of her eyes, and for some reason imagines them a roasted shade of golden brown, like the colour of dark, autumn leaves.
"This is Mairu, Izaya," his mother introduces him. "Kururi is with Daddy. Do you want to meet her?"
Izaya looks up from the bundle in his arms and over to the one in his father's, who hasn't muttered a single word to him since his return.
...Twins.
He doesn't even need to ask.
His father doesn't, either, as he steps forward and bends down to Izaya's height. Izaya peers over. Curiously, innocently, with the enthusiasm of a child. He sees a familiar face, lips parted in the exact same expression as that of the bundle's in his arms.
Kururi is just as beautiful as Mairu, Izaya thinks.
He's not alone in thinking that.
"...oks... ...cious..."
Izaya feels a foreign breath on the back of his neck. He doesn't need to turn to know there is a claw on his shoulder, nails trailing across it in an almost possessive manner.
"Your sisters look just as delicious as you do..."
Izaya hears a predatory sniff and avoids looking in its direction. He soon finds it an impossible task, for the canine snout has already drifted over to the bundle in his father's arms.
He tries not to blink when the misshapen creature returns to him to take a good, long whiff of Mairu's scent, and slowly twists its head, using its dull, olive eyes to stare at Izaya longingly, hungrily.
"Oh, they smell so good."
The thing whispers as it runs its green tongue over its lips.
Izaya pulls Mairu closer to his chest, and a part of him wishes he could do the same for Kururi. He attributes his sudden strange behaviour to his protective instincts as the girls' older brother, and isn't too appalled at the idea as he initially believed, though he doesn't deny that it is also because they're currently defenseless infants.
It's revolting, how the ravenous creatures seem to particularly enjoy preying on the humans who are helpless in their presence.
"Don't be so worried, Little Prophet. I won't do anything to them... Yet. After all, they're far too small for me as they are now. But give them a few more years, maybe even a decade... Then we'll be bargaining."
"Leave," Izaya says in a harsh whisper, his voice hoarse and scratchy from weeks of silence. I won't let you monsters lay a hand on my precious humans.
The beast chortles in amusement, as if it has seen the resolution in Izaya's heart. "Very well. I shall leave you be for now, Little Prophet. After all, what is a decade to an existence like mine? I will have my meal, but it can wait. I'm sure it will turn out to be quite the delicacy with time..."
With those words promising his sisters' fate, the creature darts into the shadows, leaving its foul aura and a menacing chuckle as proof of its presence.
Kururi wakes and cries. Mairu continues to sleep soundly.
º•○º•○º•○
Orihara Izaya loves humans. Always have and always will.
"It's so interesting, the way humans behave," he will answer if you ask him for the reason. "I can keep watching them forever, and I'll never tire of it."
And if you attempt to expand your questions further, at some point you will realise: Izaya is so quick in his replies, so certain of himself, that it is as though he has already predicted how the conversation will go and has crafted the perfect words to direct it in the way he wants it to.
As though even he himself is so aware of the peculiarity of his love that he is prepared for every possible question anyone can toss at him.
"It's not my love that is unusual. Rather, it is the target of that love that is," Izaya insists. "But then again, normality is subjective, wouldn't you agree?"
Indeed, normality is subjective. What is unusual for some may be normal for others, very much like how one's madness is peace to another.
In that similar vein, the way Izaya sees the world is unconventional to those who see differently, but for Izaya, it is already part of his everyday life.
Normality cannot be clearly defined. Thus, it is ridiculous to expect anyone, let alone Izaya, to explain their idea of normality and have that idea readily accepted when people can have vastly different definitions for it.
So Izaya is perfectly fine if the target of his love doesn't reciprocate his feelings. He's long accepted the possibility that nobody will understand his love as fact, and continues to live his life watching humans unhindered by the definite rejection. He finds that simply observing them is enough to feel connected, and so he is satisfied with this one-sided intimacy.
A normal life for Orihara Izaya is to be connected to human beings by being unconnected to them.
And it is through this disconnection that Izaya can so easily see the webs humans entangle themselves in, so easily find joy in anticipating - and anticipating correctly - the reactions of humans when just a single thread of this web is tugged.
The real question, then, is when.
"When did I realise my love for humans?" Izaya repeats, and then replies, with no hesitation nor emotion whatsoever, "Since the very beginning. Can there be anything else?"
Before he is asked to, Izaya quickly clarifies, "Don't get me wrong. Nothing happened to make me realise I love humans. I love them because of who they are. It's like how different things appeal to different people for different reasons. If you must insist something had happened, then that 'something' was coming to know about humans.
"So that's why," Izaya says, "I can't go with you, Ayakashi-san. You may think of me in whatever way you like, but it doesn't change the fact that I love humans. I want to be with them in my own way, and I won't let the likes of you take that away from me. Not today, not ever. So don't even think about interfering with their lives," Izaya warns monotonously. "It won't change anything except perhaps make me detest you more. You'll find it even more of a challenge to take me away, then."
...Interesting.
The rumours are true, after all.
Orihara Izaya loves humans. Always have and always will.
Of this, Izaya is very much certain. And now, so is the creature that has taken human form to speak to him.
As satisfied with the answer as Izaya is with his love towards humans, the spirit bounces away, its desire to claim and mark the boy for its own burning brighter than ever before.
º•○º•○º•○
"Is he going to be okay?" Izaya asks, gesturing to the unconscious Shinra lying on the floor and groaning with what sounds like bliss.
[He'll recover. It was just a punch, after all.]
The woman holds up her notepad, showing her written response.
Izaya gives her a polite nod, being mindful not to let slip anything hinting at the woman's inability to speak. She is quite the strange person too, to have such a peculiar fashion sense, but Izaya doesn't pay much attention to it.
[Well... You must be Izaya. It's nice to meet you.]
Izaya smiles. "And you must be Shinra's 'beloved', as he calls you."
The woman standing before him lowers her shoulders in a slump as though she is sighing. [He calls me that when he's talking to you about me? That boy really never learns. I always tell him not to get his hopes up, but he never listens. And now he's going around, calling me that.]
"Just goes to show how much Shinra loves you."
[I still can't understand him. There's nothing to love about me.]
"Are you sure about that? From what I've heard, Shinra loves every single thing about you. He's always talking about how special you are, but he mentions really strange stuff. Even I don't understand what he's trying to say."
The woman flinches. [...What, exactly, has Shinra told you about me?]
"Something about a corpse that never decomposes, I think. Or a zombie that has lost the upper part of its body. I would tell you more, but I believe you'd be more flattered if the details came from Shinra instead."
The woman doesn't reply. Her hands holding the pen and paper lower to her sides slowly.
Meanwhile, Izaya is busy observing. He watches her every move, like he usually does for the humans he meets, though unfortunately he can't have a look at her facial expression to have a better understanding of her thoughts. Her handwriting, from what Izaya has seen, speaks little about herself, appearing more like a good attempt at copying the style of typed words than actual human handwriting.
Then, finally, the woman begins writing on her paper:
[So... You know about me, then.]
Izaya blinks. This isn't the reply he was expecting. He had imagined the woman to laugh it off, take it as a joke, because there is no way that what Shinra said could ever be real.
Unless...
Deciding to play it safe, Izaya chooses his words carefully. "Well... Yes. If I am to believe in Shinra's ramblings, then yes."
[You don't believe him, then?]
Izaya shrugs. "It depends. Do you want me to believe him?"
The woman shakes her head, to Izaya's growing suspicion. [I don't know. It's not everyday Shinra brings a friend here. You must be quite special to him-] Izaya resists the urge to laugh and call foul. [-and I don't want to be the one who will frighten you away from him. At the very least, I want him to continue having you as his friend.]
...She really has no clue what Shinra is like. How ridiculous.
"So what are you, really? Are you like what Shinra says you are?" Izaya asks, even though he is almost certain of the answer. "If so, then he needs to brush up on his descriptive skills. You most definitely have an upper body. Though whether you're a corpse remains to be seen."
[You're not...afraid of me?]
"Not at all," Izaya assures.
[...Do you want to see for yourself?]
"Go ahead."
The woman hesitates. Then she nods.
And her stationery disappears into the black tendrils coming from her sleeve.
Izaya barely bats an eyelid.
And he doesn't even when the woman removes her helmet.
º•○º•○º•○
By the age of fifteen, Izaya is more or less aware of what is happening to him. And he doesn't enjoy it one bit.
Well, how can he, when the monsters not only plague him in the day but also start bothering him at night, visiting him in his dreams and turning them into nightmares?
As time passes by, Izaya has lost count of the number of times he's woken up from a particularly vivid dream to find one or more of those monsters lingering in his room. They would either be staring curiously and voraciously at him, or lying cuddled next to him in his bed, or keeping him immobilised by wrapping themselves around his body. Some would loom over him, wearing pensive or amused looks on their faces, and whisper in his ears:
"Did you like what you just saw, Child of Man?"
The only exception had been when he woke up from that dream he had of Shinra's supposedly headless beloved.
In that dream, he saw himself holding up her head. Her eyes were closed in peaceful slumber, even as his dream self held her cheeks and spoke to her and let her rest on his pillow.
Izaya remembers that dream fondly.
On another occasion, however, he dreams of her again, and this time he sees her standing over a towering pile of bodies. She is holding her head beneath one arm and wielding a scythe in another, the tendrils of shadows dancing in the non-existent wind - at least, Izaya feels no wind.
As Izaya approaches, he notices some unfamiliar faces in the pile. He sees a blond wearing a bartender suit, and then he sees a man with a beanie collapsed over a wrecked van. Then he sees three students huddled together, and a young couple lying in each other's arms, and many others he's never met before.
Izaya ponders about Shinra's role in all of this, and wonders if he will be joining that pile next.
Shinra's beloved turns slowly, her head twisting to face him. Izaya remembers those apprehensive mint green eyes when he first met her in middle school, but now they hold nothing but pity and sorrow as they gaze upon him.
Izaya can only watch silently as the humanoid monster holds out her scythe at him.
"Forgive me," she says; Izaya barely registers the fact it's the first time he hears her voice.
The moment the scythe cuts through him, Izaya awakens to the light of dawn's rising pouring through his curtains.
He doesn't remember dreaming.
º•○º•○º•○
"I don't like you."
"...Oh?"
Seated on the wooden table with his legs on the benches, Izaya opens one eye and gazes at the blond intently.
It is his first time meeting Shinra's childhood friend, whom he has heard much about, and Izaya believes it is the same for Heiwajima Shizuo himself, who has never met Izaya prior to today.
But within minutes - maybe seconds, even - Shizuo already declares his disdain for Izaya. That has never happened before with the other humans, who only find Izaya distasteful after Izaya plays a terrible trick on them. Even Shinra, the only human whose mind Izaya is unable to read and discern, finds Izaya nauseating and yet not evil or deserving to be disliked.
In this case, Izaya hasn't even done anything he considered rude to the blond, except giving Shizuo a round of applause for his display of his unusual strength. Perhaps that is what made Shizuo upset?
Nevertheless, it really is a pity.
"That's too bad," Izaya voices his disappointment, masking it behind a playful tone. "I thought the two of us would have a lot of fun together."
"Shut up," Shizuo says flatly, turning away.
"Don't say something like that, Shizuo-kun," Izaya replies tauntingly. If his usual methods aren't going to work out, then might as well use a different approach.
As Izaya expected, it works. Shizuo turns back with a glare, and a yell erupts from his lips as he darts forward and throws a fist meant for Izaya, who easily slips away with a leap. The table and bench splinter into bits and chunks like a flurry of an explosion. Izaya hears Shinra's "Whoa!" as he shields himself from the flying wreckage.
Izaya's feet makes a masterful twirl to escape falling into Shizuo's line of vision. While Shizuo is trying to find him, Izaya approaches from behind, knife ready in his left hand. His smirk widens when he sees an opening for an attack.
Just in case...
With a practised, fluid movement, Izaya swipes his knife smoothly over Shizuo's chest, leaving a large slash as the blond's blood flies into the air. Snarling, Shizuo jumps back, but he doesn't appear to be in pain.
...I see.
This guy is human, after all. Just physically stronger with a better tolerance to pain than most.
If he had been one of "them", he should be squirming by now.
Yes, I think I can have a lot of fun with him.
With those thoughts in mind, Izaya flicks the blood away and points his knife at Shizuo.
"See? Aren't we having fun?"
Little does he know just how wrong he is.
º•○º•○º•○
"Yes, yes! Coming!"
Shinra yells across his apartment. He hurriedly puts on his white lab coat and pats his hair to tidy it. He turns to Celty, who is currently not wearing her helmet, and she nods to assure him that he looks perfectly fine.
With his spirits brightened, Shinra rushes for the door as the doorbell rings again.
"Who is it- Oh, Izaya. Whoa, what on earth happened to you?"
"Shizu-chan happened," comes the cheeky reply. "Can there be anything else?"
"Ahh, well, I know the two of you aren't exactly on the best of terms, but... Did Shizuo-kun really do this to you?"
Shinra looks up and down his acquaintance from middle school, scanning his body to take note of all the injuries he can see.
Besides the obvious red mark on the right side of Izaya's face, his clothes are also torn, revealing cuts along both his arms, as well as a bleeding left kneecap. There's dirt and leaves all over Izaya's body, and...are those twigs in his hair?
"You know how the beast is like, Shinra." Izaya waves it off casually. "I was just taking a nice, peaceful stroll in Ikebukuro Park when he suddenly hurled one of the benches at me. It managed to send me flying straight into a tree, you know? It took me a while to get myself down."
"Sounds like you had a rough ride," Shinra says, sounding more cheerful than worried. "Well, come on in. I'll fix you up."
Izaya quickly removes his shoes and pretty much skips into Shinra's apartment as Shinra closes the door. When he heads to the makeshift treatment room where Izaya is most probably waiting, he passes by Celty who is sitting on the far end of the sofa, already with her helmet back on.
She's still a little shaken up about what happened five years ago, huh?
Sighing guiltily to himself, Shinra enters the room and promptly commences the treatment.
He starts with the most severe wound - the bold red mark on Izaya's face - as Shinra assumes it to be an aftermath of being hit by a flying metal bench. Then he goes on to wash and disinfect Izaya's kneecap.
Finally, Shinra begins treating the cuts on Izaya's arms. As he cuts away the sleeves of Izaya's shirt and prepares the antiseptic, Shinra hums thoughtfully.
"If I recall... You got injured pretty often even back in middle school, didn't you?"
"Hmm?" Izaya mumbles distractedly. "Oh right. Yes. I think I did."
"I always found it strange because you'd keep turning up in bruises and leaves, too. Our classmates used to joke about how clumsy you must've been, to keep getting yourself injured like that."
"Right, right."
Izaya obediently holds out his arm for Shinra to apply the disinfectant.
"Then it got worse during high school, after you met Shizuo-kun." Shinra laughs. "The two of you got into death matches every now and then, if I remember correctly. He nearly killed you on graduation day, right?"
"You mean the day he almost tore the entire school down just to catch up to me? If you consider that 'nearly killed me', then yes, he did."
Izaya is smiling as he reminisces but Shinra knows better than to believe it is because Izaya is recalling a pleasant experience.
"Speaking of which, you used to get cuts like these too," Shinra says as he continues to apply antiseptic wipes along Izaya's arm. "Shizuo-kun must have some kind of crazy aim to be able to hurl you into trees all the time."
"Of course he does. Shizu-chan's a monster, after all."
"Mm-hm. And for tree branches to make such smooth, even cuts... Ikebukuro must have pretty abnormal trees too, won't you agree? Should I bring in some samples to analyse?"
"Do whatever you want if it intrigues you so much."
"Haha, I knew you'd say that."
After finishing up with Izaya's left arm, Shinra begins work on the other, this time in complete silence. Izaya, too, doesn't say any more than he already did, and continues to watch Shinra quietly.
Maybe next time.
º•○º•○º•○
When Izaya was younger, he didn't really talk much. He's always much preferred listening to talking, and watching to listening.
Of course, while this mostly applies to humans, it also applies to the things Izaya sees and nobody else can.
Mostly because he can't help seeing them. They're impossible to miss, even the ones that look human. The same goes for listening, to a certain extent. As long as he appears blind to their existence no matter the content of their conversations, Izaya finds that they don't bother him, most of the time. Other times they catch his supposedly delectable smell and clamour to eat him like wild animals.
But since the decision to speak with them is entirely his own, Izaya gladly uses it to his benefit by not talking to them at all. Nothing good ever comes out of associating with monsters, after all.
The same can't be said of his sisters, however. Not exactly. In fact, they are stuck in a situation stranger even than Izaya's own blemished sight. It's not the sole reason they've turned out the way they are - Izaya doesn't deny that he's had a hand in the development of their twisted personalities - but it most likely contributed something.
Like calling a truce with invisible monsters and sending them after him - that's definitely not what Izaya would call an ordinary childhood.
The girls seem to think of it as harmless fun, but Izaya's the one who gets the last laugh; some of the sharper ones refuse to listen, while the others are dispelled after getting a taste of Izaya's switchblade. All without his sisters realising it since they can't see the creatures.
Even without them confiding in him, Izaya knows everything. From how Mairu would aim perfect kicks or punches and dispel whatever creature is lurking in the area, right down to the way Kururi's eyes would wander as she tries to capture and make sense of the distorted space or shadows she sees, being more aware of their presence than even Izaya himself.
His sisters have always been quite the force to be reckoned with.
Which is why, whenever Izaya thinks back to the day they were brought home, he finds even less of a need to concern himself with that beast that threatened to eat them. After all, Kururi would be able to sense its aura, alert Mairu in time, and then Mairu would beat the thing into submission, just like they always do.
In a funny twist of events, the one who is in danger here is Izaya himself. There's no doubting what the girls are capable of, and there's even less of a doubt that they would sic the powerful beast on him whenever they feel like it without considering the repercussions of their actions. Izaya is already preparing for that moment.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
So. Up to some youkai business again, I see.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Do you need a hand? I have extensive knowledge in that field, as you already know by now.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
After all, the one you and your sisters intend to deal with is quite the troublesome fellow...
Orihara Izaya
How kind of you to offer, but I'm going to have to decline.
Orihara Izaya
I'll deal with that creature myself. Just you wait and see.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
"Just you wait and see"...?
Tsukumoya Shinichi
If I didn't know any better, I would've thought you're a protagonist of some tacky shounen manga or something.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Should I start worrying about you suddenly turning into a Gary Stu and delivering cringe-worthy lines whenever you appear?
Orihara Izaya
Go to hell.
Orihara Izaya confirmed dead!
Despite the blatant hostility towards the other chatroom user, Izaya closes his laptop carefully, the edges of his lips curling into a thin smile.
Then he kicks the edge of the table and starts spinning in his chair. He can just imagine the looks on his sisters' faces when they see that their plan has fallen through.
º•○º•○º•○
Izaya can't stop the laugh escaping from his lips in time.
It triggers a series of giggles and laughter, each time lasting longer than before, with increasing madness and joy that only Izaya himself is capable of feeling. His entire body begins to tremble.
"Do you see now? Do you? Do you?"
Izaya starts to speak, addressing someone even though he is alone on the rooftop. If there is an intended audience for what he wants to say, they may or may not be listening, and Izaya wouldn't know. But at the moment, he no longer cares.
"Look at me!" he commands his absent audience, stretching out his arms as he raises his head to the sky. The sun is smiling upon him.
"You think of humans as weak? You think of humans as cowardly? You think of humans as your mere playthings? And yet! This is the outcome your actions have brought to fruition! Oh the irony, the sheer irony of it all!"
Izaya is met with nothing but silence.
"But still," he sighs, retracting his arms and moving his head back to its normal position, "I really have to wonder. What on earth were you even trying to prove all this while? That humans really are as weak and feeble as you believe? What's the point in that if my precious humans can't even see you? ...Well, whatever. I don't care. All that matters now is that you're out of my life at last."
The bubbles of laughter in his chest have died down, and so has the indescribable joy he felt just moments earlier. It is as though it were a sense of closure, some form of resolution on the matter that has been a burden on Izaya's body and mind since the day he was born.
"But this isn't over yet," Izaya whispers in a manner that is hauntingly just like the way the spirits and creatures that once preyed on him did. His smirk is as cruel and cold as his tone. "There are still more of you living among my humans in this city."
Izaya doesn't make mention of the names, and neither does he intend to. He has never been interested in anything non-human after all, so why indulge them with information and give them that edge over him? That is as good as betraying his humans, for Izaya has sworn long ago that only humans would have the privilege of making use of him.
It is because of this reasoning that Izaya doesn't let the invisible monsters in on what he plans to do, and so he keeps his heart and mind sealed with the comfort of knowing they can no longer touch him in the state he is in right now.
As he turns and heads for the stairs, Izaya briefly wonders how different things would be if he wasn't born with the gift he calls a curse - and quickly understands that it probably wouldn't change a thing.
He's lived his life being deeply in love with humans. He wants nothing more than to watch them forever, to stay connected to them for all eternity. The world is a simple place that has been made complicated by humans and humans alone. That is why nothing else can measure to the beauty and potential of humanity.
And that is why the world has no place for lowly monsters that already have their own world to live in.
Izaya rejects them with every fibre of his being, and in so doing he has rejected and denied ever possessing the disgusting ability he was born with. He doesn't let it affect the way he lives his life, because why surrender to conniving, irrational creatures that aren't even meant to be seen?
And now that he's finally broken himself free from the curse, Izaya is even more certain about one fact:
Everything about himself - every decision he makes, every aspect of his personality - has been his own making.
And if that is the case, then what he had done in the past, and what he's about to do next, should all happen regardless of whether he was born with that blemished sight. The monsters were nothing but a mere obstacle that Izaya had to overcome in order to continue on his predestined path - a path which he prophesied and created for, and by, himself.
A laugh is at the tip of Izaya's tongue as he once again takes delight in the knowledge of that freedom.
"Ahhh... It feels like I'm leading an entirely new life, even though nothing has truly changed. Like I've just been born again, but this time as myself. Yet it's not at the same time."
Izaya says this to no one in particular, but it's clear that he wants to make this moment, this day, known to the creatures that were once part of his everyday life.
For it is the day they have lost their only plaything. The only toy they could physically touch and mentally torment whenever they so pleased.
It is also the day Izaya turns twenty-one, and he vows to remain as such to carve this memory and uplifting sensation hard into his mind.
"I wonder... Who should be the first to hear my cry?"
Izaya smirks as he takes out his phone.
"Or better yet... When should I let my cry be known to my dear humans?"
He scrolls through his address book and stops at Mikajima Saki's name.
The opportunity presents itself when Kida Masaomi is seen walking in the streets of Ikebukuro a few weeks later.
With a group of people who are wearing bright yellow scarves following him.
º•○º•○º•○
Izaya skips his way home, humming a little tune he made up on the spot while holding onto a bag carrying a gun and bullets in his hand.
He has just met with yet another monster, one that has formed a sort of alliance with a high school student and is using her body as a vessel for its sealed form. The symbiotic relationship, or the parasitic relationship - Izaya can see it in both ways - disgusts Izaya to no end, to the point he would consider Sonohara Anri as the same kind of existence as the demon living inside her.
Izaya has read and heard much about that demon, which is considered an anomaly even among its own kind. It goes by the name of "Saika", and has its roots in Shinjuku, where it had once wreaked havoc in the times of Edo Japan. It had an intense obsession with humans and constantly tried expressing its love through music, but no matter how hard it tried, it could never get the humans it adored so much to hear its voice.
Folklore often speaks of its encounter with a human who could see it and never shunned it for being a spirit. The human described its song as beautiful and mesmerising, one that captured and soothed the human's heart like a mother's lullaby would, and the human frequently expressed their desire for Saika's song to be heard as well.
Those words were what gave Saika the courage to successfully attach itself to the human's sword and grant the human their wish by sharing its power with them. It had resulted in the situation not unlike that of the Slasher incidents in modern Ikebukuro, until time witnessed the murder of this human when the matter was brought to the awareness of the onmyouji.
Due to the grief at its loss, and the shock it had suffered when it saw how humans were capable of killing each other in such cold blood, Saika's power grew drastically. Instead of simply leaving its mark on the human soul, Saika could now directly alter the wills and minds of humans, turning them into perfect caricatures of the person it loved so dearly. They would be obedient children who would share that person's vision, would have a neverending thirst for their mother's sweet lullaby, and would never have to harm each other because disagreement would never exist.
It is said that Saika permanently sealed itself into that human's katana before the onmyouji could destroy it, and latched itself onto any readily available host body to continue spreading its influence, even until this very day.
"How absolutely repulsive," was the first thing Izaya had said, after he was done reading the tale.
He would never have imagined he would be meeting and declaring war upon that same repulsive demon today.
Yet Izaya is merrily hopping around with a cheerful smile on his face, as if he hadn't just done the unimaginable.
The reason for his good mood is simple.
It is because even a dangerous entity like Saika could do nothing to Izaya.
Even when Sonohara Anri attempted to mess up his depth of perception with the aid of the cursed blade, Izaya was able to bypass it and fight back.
Throughout the entire meeting, Izaya had maintained full control, for he wields not with the switchblade in his pocket but with his words, cautiously and purposefully.
He might have declared war on the demon, but Izaya knows the fight is already won. Saika loves humans unconditionally, just like Izaya, but its love had long spiralled out of control, taking a primordial and incredibly twisted form of self-centred, possessive hegemony. It is so desperate in having its existence known and its ideals acknowledged, and so deeply rooted in the belief that its love would bring a motherly sort of peace to all mankind, that Izaya can't help but spit on its parade.
It is a wake-up call to the reality that demons have no place in human society. And there is no better human to make such a call than Orihara Izaya himself, a human who successfully severed the connection he had to the putrid monsters without any external aid whatsoever - a connection that, as recorded in folklore and historical texts, was supposed to be irreversible.
Orihara Izaya is the living proof that demons will never have a permanent hold over humans. That is why Izaya knows he has already won the war.
His mood brightens as he thinks about his - and humanity's - victory.
And then it takes a complete stumble when Simon gives him a black eye and a serious lecture almost immediately after.
Izaya's mood sours further when he wakes up from his dream the next day. The haunting image of himself with red, glowing eyes is all it took.
º•○º•○º•○
"You have the strangest habits, I realise."
"Really?" Izaya asks as he dries his hair with a towel and stands atop a weighing scale. "Do enlighten me."
Namie doesn't bother looking in his direction, and simply tosses him one of his black v-neck shirts which flops onto the floor into a crumpled mess.
"Ooh, how scary. My own secretary has been spying on me."
"You wish. My first experience working overtime is enough of a reminder."
Namie hears her employer chuckle, and sighs. She reminds herself to demand a higher pay the next time something similar happens.
"Anyway how long are you going to be weighing yourself? Hurry up and take your dinner already," Namie says, resisting the urge to slap herself. She's a secretary, for goodness sake, not some domestic helper.
"Mm, just a moment."
As Namie returns to the kitchen to check on the soup, she hears a chair being dragged lightly across the surface. She turns back and sees Izaya sitting by the table, inspecting each and every one of her dishes.
Namie pays no attention to him, spending it all on the soup. She is about to have a taste when she hears her employer call out to her:
"Ne, Namie. Is this a whole grilled fish I see?"
"What of it?" Namie asks coolly, taking a sip.
"Oh, nothing much, really."
"Hm."
Namie turns and heads to the dinner table with the soup ready. She doesn't bother giving Izaya a disapproving look.
"I happened to wake up earlier than usual today, so I managed to get a fresh one. It was supposed to be for Seiji, but then you had to go and mess up my dinner plans with him. So don't complain and just eat it already."
"Don't misunderstand. I just find your decision to serve the fish in this manner intriguing. Aren't we having nabe tonight?"
"If it's bothering you that much, why are you even looking at it?" Namie says as she gets the hotpot started. "Ignore it and eat something else. It's not like that fish is the only edible thing on the table."
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Izaya laughs. It is the first time it sounds so fake, Namie realises.
"Of course I am," she replies nonchalantly, picking up her chopsticks and poking the grilled fish's eye with a bored look on her face. "After all, don't people feel good about themselves when they've enlightened someone?"
º•○º•○º•○
In the end, it turns out to be some girl he didn't remember at first.
But now Izaya would make sure she would forever remain in his memory. That look of utter contempt and apathy; the sharp edge of her voice as she spoke words of hatred and vengeance; the warmth of her body against his own when he embraced her. Izaya has committed everything about her into his memory, for she has reminded him of one very important fact.
That no matter how well he understands human nature, even Izaya will never be able to fully predict what humans are capable of.
This suicidal girl, who has decided to dedicate her entire life to make him suffer, has ironically rekindled his passion for humans which had been buried beneath his pursuit for life after death.
At this, Izaya laughs - still drunk from happiness - and pulls Manami into another embrace, ignoring the pain erupting from his side.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Let me go."
She hisses and shoots daggers at him, but Izaya is undeterred and pulls her even closer.
"I'm going to scream for help if you keep this up."
"Then scream," Izaya murmurs softly. "But before you go doing that, let's get something clear, ne? This place we're in is pretty far from civilisation, if you haven't already noticed. And even if we assume someone does manage to hear your cry for help... Well, who do you think is the most suspicious out of the both of us?
"It's you." Izaya smiles, as though deep in the bliss called love. "As far as the public is concerned, all they know is that the culprit responsible for my wound remains at large. So, what will they think when they see you together with a man suffering from such a stab wound...and a knife in your possession?"
Manami fidgets in her attempt to wrestle free from Izaya, seemingly having forgotten the gap in her and Izaya's fighting experience.
"...But you have a knife too," she replies calmly, after realising that if she wants to be released, it'll have to be on Izaya's terms.
"Compared to the one I have, yours is a better fit for the size of my wound. Did you realise that? ...Of course you didn't, you haven't even seen it. Though if you'd like, I don't mind showing it to you."
"You're disgusting. The absolute worst."
"Aren't you even the least bit curious? If you really do hate me that much, you'd want to see exactly how I'd suffer, won't you?"
"Not when you're willing to. That just makes it pointless."
"Now isn't that terrifying. It's making me fall in love with you humans even and even more. The extent of your cruelty, and the depth of your desire to make the person you hate the most suffer..."
Izaya chuckles, mesmerised.
"Ahh, it's all so spectacular."
Yes. You humans...are all so spectacular.
I can't believe I overlooked your beauty all because of some monster's head.
...But it's alright. I won't have to risk losing myself to "them" anymore.
Because I know.
My precious humans will find and drag me back. Whether they realise it or not.
Manami bites out a bitter chuckle. "You really are crazy."
Izaya only chuckles back and tightens his embrace.
The distortion that has been following them from the hospital vanishes from his sight.
º•○º•○º•○
The sky is bleeding black and shrouding Ikebukuro with an overcast of shadows, but Izaya's sight is clouded with the bright crimson red of the blood dripping from the wounds littered all over his body.
Not of his own, but of the silent beast standing before him.
They have both taken considerable damage from each other in this relentless fight, Izaya obviously on the receiving end for the most of it. He has lost track of which bruise was from running straight into the line of fire or from smashing through the windows, of which cut is bleeding from the glass piercing his skin, of whether he has any other broken bones or damaged organs other than the complete shatter of his arms. His vision is hazy, and he can feel his body staggering on the brink of total collapse, but Izaya steels and steadies himself.
He can't fall. Not right here. Not right now. He has just bought himself a few seconds' worth of extension of his life and he isn't about to waste it.
But even in the state he is in, Izaya will not use the valuable time he has left to run.
After all, he had already established his motive for doing this. For engaging the vicious fight with the Beast of Ikebukuro in the first place.
Back in that building, just moments ago, the windows of which Izaya had collided straight into... The place he was in when he made that resolve.
The resolve to exterminate the monster known as Heiwajima Shizuo.
And as he stares at that very monster right now, Izaya can't help but feel accomplished. More accomplished than he felt whenever his humans moved in the ways he wanted them to, than the times he's managed the impossible with his parkour and intellect.
More than he did on the day he lifted his own curse, even.
Because Izaya has just done all of that, and even more.
He has proven to the world that no matter how hard Shizuo strives to be human, he will forever remain a heartless, bloodthirsty monster that is undeserving of any love at his core.
...Even though I don't exterminate him in the end, this is enough.
As long as everyone is aware of his true nature... As long as humans stop loving him...
I have no regrets.
Silently, and seething with quiet, focused anger, Shizuo grabs the vending machine and holds it up.
For just a split second, Izaya thinks he sees demonic horns sprouting on the sides of Shizuo's head; horrendous, jagged jaws tightly clenched together in unspoken, inhuman fury; his human skin peeling away to reveal the monster he truly is lying beneath. His eyes are glazed with the tenacity and the sheer intent to kill.
Izaya spits out the blood curdling in his throat and smiles.
"...Do it, monster."
A world of pain engulfs him.
°•○°•○°•○
"You know, I was just reminded of something, when I'm watching you like this..."
[What is it?]
"...I think... Izaya can see things. Things that nobody else can."
Celty bristles at the mention of the manipulative man, but shrugs it aside and continues to ask:
[What makes you think that?]
"Hmm, well, there's this and that..."
Shinra contemplates.
"But I think I only became certain of it halfway through high school."
[What happened?]
"There was one particular school day when Orihara-kun came in late, you see. He normally didn't do that, unless Shizuo-kun happened to see him along the way to school and started a morning chase. But what was surprising was that Izaya turned up with a bandaged eye that I don't remember treating.
"When I went to ask Kyohei-kun about it later, he said Shizuo-kun arrived in school on time and didn't say anything about bumping into Izaya." Shinra pauses. "Izaya only came after lunch break."
[...Are you trying to say someone other than Shizuo was also targeting Izaya back then?]
"Exactly. And I don't believe it was a human, because for some reason, he didn't want me to help with his eye. I joked that it couldn't be that bad, but he insisted."
[Then what did you do?]
"I left," Shinra answers simply. "Well, it was more like I pretended to leave. I think I chided him or something before I did, though. Something along the lines of, 'If you're going to act that way, then don't ever look for me again when you need medical attention, even if you're dying from blood loss or having any medical emergency. I'll just leave you to deal with it yourself.'"
[...That wasn't exactly chiding him. It sounds more like you were threatening him.]
Celty shakes her "head". She knows she shouldn't be surprised, but for Shinra to be that blunt to someone he regards a friend... It really is no wonder most people don't want to associate with him.
She feels no sympathy for Izaya, regardless. He most likely knows about all of Shinra's bad qualities, maybe even more than Celty herself does, but he still chooses to remain Shinra's friend anyway.
"Ah, now that I think about it, maybe I was." Shinra smiles nostalgically. "Anyway, it did the trick. Orihara-kun asked to meet me after school the next day and took the bandage off voluntarily. In the end, I didn't really have to do anything."
...The two of them are so alike sometimes it scares me.
"Nah, I won't really say that. Unlike Orihara-kun who tricks people with his charm for his own amusement, I only did it from the standpoint of a doctor. Not that I was one back then, but still. Mutual trust is an important component of any kind of working relationship, after all. If Orihara-kun wouldn't trust even me, then there's no point in continuing any business with him. That's what I think."
Celty punches Shinra on the arm lightly.
[Don't read my mind like that.]
Shinra chuckles sheepishly. If she had a head, Celty would've sighed.
[And then? What did you see?]
"Nothing," is Shinra's answer.
Celty tilts her neck.
Shinra nods. "Yup, that's right. I didn't see anything. All I saw was Izaya's perfectly normal, perfectly uninjured eye looking straight at me."
[I'm guessing you told him that.]
"Haha, that I did."
There is a brief moment of silence before Celty begins tapping on her PDA.
[He didn't take it too well, did he.]
"Not at first," Shinra confirms. "In fact for just a short moment Izaya looked like he wanted to ask if I was joking. But in the end, he laughed the whole thing off and told me to forget about it."
[I see... If what you say is true, is that why I always sense an eerie aura from him?]
"That's possible. You might've been sensing whatever is haunting him."
[…No wonder he didn't look surprised when I took off my helmet. He's already seen things like me.]
"Actually, I think he was plenty surprised."
[Eh?]
"I can't be certain since I don't have his gift, but I think he saw something that nobody else does. Not even you, Celty."
Celty considers this briefly before typing out a response.
[...You're saying that he saw my head. Attached to me.]
"As expected of Celty! You figured it out so quickly!"
[It's not that hard to figure out.]
The shadow trailing from Celty's neck trembles with exasperation. Somehow the strong possibility of Izaya being able to see things - and by extension her missing head attached to her body - is a bit too much for her to take in. Though it does explain a lot about Izaya's almost unreasonable contempt towards things that are non-human.
Having to deal with things that are visible only to him for all his life, with no one he can confide in... It makes Celty feel a little lonely just thinking about it.
"Oh but Celty doesn't have to feel bad. Because, well, Orihara-kun doesn't see them anymore."
[...That's, uh, sudden. How can you be so sure?]
"He stopped getting strange injuries, for example. Oh and the way he carries himself, especially. He didn't look like it, but Izaya was particularly tense and guarded throughout middle and high school. But then all of that disappeared one day, which was also when the injuries stopped. There are a lot of other signs, actually."
[Shinra, what is the point in telling me all of this, really? There must be some reason why you think this is important for me to know.]
"Ahh, let's see..."
Shinra scratches the back of his head.
"Well, it's almost been a month since that happened, right? The day Celty-well, the day Mikado-kun wanted to end the Dollars, remember?"
Celty stiffens. Details about that day are still an uncomfortable topic to talk about, but she tries not to think too much about it and replies:
[Yeah? What about it?]
"That day... I told someone about Izaya's true nature. Nothing about his sight, though, but now that I've taken the time to think about it, I realised something else.
"I realised - Izaya never really lost that gift after all."
°•○°•○°•○
The past is an absolute truth that cannot be changed, no matter how one wishes for it to be.
Because the past is something that has already happened, it is impossible to deny that it did.
Even if it may have been littered with illusions and false impressions, there must be some semblance of truth in them for people to believe in the past to the point of centering their lives around it as though it were a god to them.
As the saying goes, "Once bitten, twice shy", people learn from past experiences and make sure they don't commit the same mistakes in the future. But at the same time, there are people who continue to make such mistakes despite knowing what has happened in the past.
These are the people who don't believe in history's teachings, instead directing their beliefs towards themselves or mankind - that ultimately, humanity is the only race capable of breaking free from the chains that the past has imposed on them.
Because isn't history constructed by Man in the first place?
After all, it is only because of the vast decisions that countless different individuals had taken that the world turned out the way it is today, isn't it?
That is why, Izaya believes, that only humans have the power needed to create their own future.
Or, at least, that is what Mikajima Saki thinks Izaya believes.
"You can't run from the past.
"So long as you continue to let yourself be haunted by it, the past will eventually catch up to you."
This is what Izaya-san once said to a particular teen who lacked the courage to face the past he left behind. Saki knows this because Masaomi told her once, and she brings this up again four months into Izaya's disappearance.
"Why are we even talking about that bastard anyway?" Masaomi groans, face falling the moment Saki mentioned the information broker's name.
"Because," Saki responds, smiling playfully, "don't you think it sounds like what happened to Izaya-san?"
Masaomi stares at her blankly. Then his eyes light up and he bursts into laughter. Saki just keeps smiling and huddles closer to Masaomi's side.
Neither of them would have realised the true meaning behind those words.
°•○°•○°•○
"Oh right, Orihara-san. I heard from the doctor that you'll be discharged first thing tomorrow morning. Isn't that wonderful? You're finally returning home."
"Ah... Yes, that's right. Thank you for your concern, Miyada-san."
"Haha, like I always say, you can thank me by promising not to overexert yourself. And by attending your appointed physiotherapy sessions. I won't be around to bring you there anymore, so you'll have to remember to come on your own. Alright?"
"Yes, yes, no need to worry. I do want to make a speedy recovery, after all. You'll be sure to see me around."
Izaya gives a light chuckle as he waves at the beautiful young woman casually.
Miyada Ineko has been serving as his primary attending nurse since his stay at the hospital in Minato. She has dazzling sapphire blue eyes, and her skin is unblemished though a tad bit on the pale side. She keeps her long black hair in a bun while at work which turns into a bushy ponytail when she gets off. Miyada also appears younger than most of her colleagues, though her actual age still remains a mystery even to Izaya.
"Honestly," Miyada harrumphs, tucking a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. "If you don't mind me saying, Orihara-san, sometimes you're just like a child."
"I'll take that as a compliment." Izaya smiles brightly.
"As you always do." Miyada sighs. "Do you never get offended?"
"Of course I do. But never with humans. I find that it's impossible to feel anything other than love towards humanity. That's why, no matter what anyone says about me, I'd accept everything as a compliment."
"...You speak using a lot of extremities. You must be pretty confident in that love you have for humans."
Miyada doesn't sound surprised at Izaya's bold, unblushing confession of love. She simply keeps smiling as she always does, and pours Izaya a glass of water.
Izaya accepts it but doesn't take a sip.
"Why yes, I am," he goes on to say. "Humans have proven themselves to be so captivatingly intriguing. They do the most interesting things when you give them the right push, or when they've been sufficiently driven to a crossroads of decisions. And since every human is unique in their own way, humanity's potential simply knows no bounds.
"That's why I wish I could watch them for all eternity. I want to see where that potential can take them."
Izaya's smile widens as he declares this, looking directly into Miyada's eyes.
"That's some love you have there. It's almost scary," Miyada says with a giggle. "I'm honestly very curious, having attended to you for these few months. You always say that you love people, but when did you realise that?"
"When, huh? That's quite an interesting question, Miyada-san."
Izaya turns to look at the scenery outside the window, swirling the glass in his hand lightly.
"Let's see... To be honest, I've loved humans for as long as I can remember. They just fascinate me so. I can't help but adore them. You know, like how people are usually drawn to hobbies and the like?"
"Hmm," Miyada murmurs. "Well, have you ever loved anyone individually?"
"Not at all. Though if you believe humanity as a whole is an individual by itself, then yes, you can say I've loved an individual. An entity known as humanity."
"So basically, you take an objective stance when it comes to human relationships, and that is how you can love all humans. Is that right?"
Izaya simply hums as he continues to stare out of the window.
There is a procession of dim, blue firefly-like lights dancing along the waves of Tokyo Bay, fluttering like the way tiny flames flicker in the wind and skipping playfully yet gracefully as though they have become one with the sea breeze.
Other than Miyada, the lights have been his regular companion since coming to the hospital. They never turn up in the day, but they always visit him in the night, drifting past his window in a choreographed performance which Izaya has a feeling is meant only for his eyes.
He doesn't doubt the lights' spiritual nature, and for some reason finds himself more accepting of the possibility than he would've liked. Perhaps because this is the first time he's seen the beautiful side of the other world, but then again the beauty of that world only goes so far.
If anything, it just makes them all the more unpleasant.
"Say, Orihara-san, there's something else I've been wondering."
"Hmm? What is it?" Izaya responds, turning away from the so-called spectacle to face Miyada.
"Has humanity...ever returned your feelings?"
With the smile still plastered on his face, Izaya replies, "No."
Miyada's brows furrow. "And yet you still love humans?"
"Yes. That is something that will never change."
"I see." Miyada beams. "You'd make a wonderful lover, Orihara-san. That level of dedication of yours is truly admirable."
"As is yours. From what I know, the man you hold dear doesn't return your feelings, yet you still continue to look out for him like a guardian angel. If I'm not wrong, you often visit shrines to pray for his safety, too."
Miyada's cheeks flush as she giggles softly; it's not the only answer she gives. Izaya makes no mention of the faint smell of incense coming from her.
"But still..." Miyada lowers her head. "Have you ever considered giving up on that love, Orihara-san?"
"The answer should be obvious to you by now. Why do you ask?"
"I've thought about it. Giving up on that person, I mean. But I realise I don't have the heart to. He's just too important to me, even though he has already hurt me many, many times."
Miyada pauses to play with her fingers, appearing nervous.
"But, if a rejection from an individual can already hurt so much, then a rejection from the entire human race...must hurt even more, doesn't it?"
Izaya doesn't reply. He simply watches the nurse with his usual smile, and gives the glass in his hand another light swirl.
"That's why I thought - won't we be happier looking for someone else who can truly accept us for who we are and love us back? That way, we won't have to face the hurt of rejection, right?"
"If you believe you'd be happier being with someone else, then you never really loved that individual in the first place," Izaya points out bluntly.
"Then... You would rather stay with humanity? Even though humanity doesn't want you around?"
"Of course. I'm happiest when I'm with my humans. It doesn't matter what they think of me. So long as I can keep on watching them, I'm satisfied."
"...I'll never be able to understand you," Miyada laments with a sigh.
"That's fine. I never expected anyone to anyway."
"...sama... ...rihara-sama... ...Orihara-sama..."
Unfazed by the weeping voice reverberating in his head, Izaya takes a glance out the window again.
The lights are drawing nearer to him with every passing second, slowly but surely congregating into a large ball of flames. It begins radiating halos of light at regular intervals as though it were pulsing.
"Why, Orihara-sama, why...? Why do you still not want to come with us?" the flames seem to ask.
"I already told you," Izaya answers calmly, quietly. If Miyada can hear him, she's showing no indication of it.
"But you can watch them together with us, from another world...for all eternity... Isn't that what you've always wanted?"
"Not if it means I have to rely on your power."
"And the Fae...?"
Izaya smirks. "I wanted to drive the monster back to where it belongs. Killing two birds with one stone, as you may have heard before."
"Cannot understand... The heart of a human is so hard to understand..."
Before they can get ahold of his body, Izaya swiftly pours the water on the flames. They dissipate and die away with quiet screeches that sound like the hisses of drenched ashes.
"Orihara-sama, why...? Even though we love you..."
"Love? Don't make me laugh."
Izaya smashes the emptied glass against the wall. He holds up a piece of it with a bloody hand, directing it at Miyada who simply watches on with sorrowful, glowing blue eyes.
The edges of Izaya's lips curl into a sneer.
"As if monsters like you are capable of that."
°•○°•○°•○
"But Orihara-sama... You seem to have not realised something."
"We know you love humans. And we know you hate us. Why else do you think you're still in the human world?"
"If we never considered your feelings, we would've already taken you away by now. Do you understand where we're going with this?"
"We love you. We really, really do. That's why we let you stay. That's why you haven't been taken away or eaten or harmed by anyone else, either."
"You don't want us around. We can accept that. But we won't stand by and see you get hurt...whether it's by humans or ayakashi alike."
"And this has gone far enough, Orihara-sama. The human world brings you nothing but suffering."
"That is why it is only with us, here in our realm, that you'll be protected... Do you realise that?"
"If possible, we wish it wouldn't come to this, but there's no other way now. It is because we love you that we are doing this, Orihara-sama."
"You said not to interfere with your humans' lives."
"But you never once said anything about interfering with yours."
°•○°•○°•○
"...So. Uh. How have you been doing?"
Izaya barks out a chuckle and waves offhandedly. "Never felt better in my whole life," he says, raising and stretching his arms.
"Tch. Don't start that."
"Start what, exactly? I haven't even done anything."
"That," Shizuo replies simply, frowning. "Lying, I mean."
Izaya's smile doesn't falter. "There's nothing for me to lie about, Shizu-chan. Don't you already know everything you didn't need to know?"
"What, is that it?" Shizuo asks quietly.
"What do you mean?"
Shizuo doesn't reply immediately. "So all along you didn't tell anyone because you thought it was something nobody needed to know about?"
Izaya scoffs as though the answer is the most obvious thing in the world. "You see it differently? I'm not surprised. Knowing you and your Neanderthal brain, however, I doubt you have the capacity to even understand what you've been told."
"Yeah, you may be right. No matter how Shinra and Celty tried to simplify it for me, I still don't really get some things."
Before Izaya can make a witty comeback, Shizuo takes a deep breath of his cigarette and expels the smoke right in Izaya's face.
"But if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that you're an idiot."
Appearing slightly irked, Izaya coughs and tries to fan the smoke away. "Really. Being called an idiot by a protozoan like you who doesn't seem to understand what second-hand smoking is. Have you no manners, Shizu-chan?"
"Doctor's orders." Shizuo shrugs, keeping the cigarette between his teeth. "Besides, you looked like you needed it."
Izaya wears back his smile, but his eyes - now clear and no longer unfocused - narrow slightly.
"Sounds like Shinra told you a lot."
"...You did, too."
"That wasn't me," Izaya is quick to clarify.
"Maybe not." Shizuo takes another deep breath and releases the smoke in a sigh. "But Shinra said that those things like to amplify someone's-"
"Shinra is only basing that off old folklore. There's no concrete evidence of it being true."
"Yeah and you'd know for sure, right?" Shizuo snaps.
"Of course I do. In case you've forgotten, I have had first-hand experience in dealing with your kind. Besides, you know Shinra. Though I won't deny his morbid fascination with the supernatural, the only monster out of the countless ones out there that truly has him enthralled is Celty. His knowledge of species other than Dullahan is pretty much limited to what has been told through folklore and myths."
"But the smoke works," Shizuo challenges, his temper close to flaring. "And that's supposed to be a myth, too."
Izaya laughs. "So? That's merely one of many, many others. It's not surprising if a handful turn out to be true."
"Oh and everything that has to do with you doesn't?"
"I told you, that wasn't me."
"You know what I mean, you damn flea. Stop changing the subject and answer me straight."
"About what? You're not being specific, Shizu-chan."
"Dammit I said to stop changing the subject, didn't I?!"
Shizuo tried. He really did. But with the flea being the flea even after all that happened, Shizuo's patience is running extremely, perilously thin, which is a miracle in a way. Those who know him might be surprised that he lasted this long in a conversation with Izaya, of all people.
Ikebukuro Park has been particularly quiet since their meeting, and goes quieter still when Shizuo grabs the collars of Izaya's coat and pulls him to his feet. If there had been people who thought about breaking the both of them up before a fight ensued, those people are already gone by now, disappeared into the crowd that scurried as far away as possible.
"...Well?" Izaya says, his voice barely above a whisper. "Haven't you been looking forward to finishing what we started?"
Shizuo blinks. "What-"
"So do it," Izaya echoes his words from two years ago. He is still smiling, but there's something different about it. Something Shizuo can't identify, but seeing it is enough to dissipate his anger.
If it had been back in the streets...in that place and time, Shizuo might have done it. In a state like that, blinded by nothing but fury, there's no telling what he is capable of doing.
But the citizens of Ikebukuro and Izaya have forgotten something. Or more like, the possibility of it happening has never crossed their minds.
So when Shizuo stops frowning and loosens his hold on Izaya, the informant finally makes an expression Shizuo is unfamiliar with.
"That's how it is, huh," Shizuo murmurs.
"...What?"
"You keep talking and laughing and all that shit, but you're really just scared in the end, aren't you?"
Izaya answers readily, "No, I'm not."
"Lying just makes it even more obvious, flea."
"What do I even have to fear?" Izaya asks with a smirk.
"Everything," Shizuo says. "The other world, what those things can do to you, how everyone would react if they know... But, above all that... You're scared of being able to see, of being yourself...right?"
Izaya glares, shooting a flurry of switchblades at Shizuo who would've grinned at the sight if not for how serious this conversation is.
There is no more pretending by this point. At least, that's how it appears in Shizuo's eyes.
"...That's ridiculous," Izaya mutters.
"That means I'm right, doesn't it?"
"No it doesn't. It means you're so off the mark I don't even want to respond to it. I can see that your brain has degraded even further below the level of a Neanderthal's in the time I wasn't around to provoke you. Should I start doing that again?"
"...Actually, yeah." Shizuo nods with a dry chuckle. "Yeah. That sounds like a good idea."
Izaya, however, does not look amused.
"You're probably thinking I've gone mad. I mean, I think I'm going crazy too." Shizuo sighs heavily and releases his grip. "Seriously, why did this have to happen... Things were a lot simpler when you were just an annoying flea. Now you're you, and I don't know what to think anymore."
Izaya chuckles darkly, bitterly. "You're right. Shizu-chan really is going crazy. You're even harder to decipher than usual. What brought this on, all of a sudden?"
"…Izaya," Shizuo says the name softly. Not 'flea', not 'louse', not 'Izaya-kun'. No shouting or vending machines involved. Just the quiet murmur of the other man's name. "I think... You're just like me."
Here too it's masquerade, I find:
As everywhere, the dance of mind.
I grasped a lovely masked procession,
And caught things from a horror show…
I'd gladly settle for a false impression,
If it would last a little longer, though.
- Faust, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
º•○º•○º•○
Phantasm - End
A/N: If you've made it this far in one sitting of this little monster, I salute you.
In case anyone is wondering if I wrote this because Izaya and Natsume share the same seiyuu, I will tell you honestly, you're not wrong. But to elaborate, the only real similarity in this setting is that they both see things, and even then Izaya's sight works a little differently, so it's not the sole reason I wrote this. I won't explain about the differences, that's for you to figure out haha.
Anyway, this oneshot is actually just a modified snapshot of a longfic I used to plan for. The idea is the same, except that it takes place in a Raijin AU setting, and the colour gangs and Celty are heavily involved. I drew inspiration from various sources and media (e.g. Mokke, Yozakura Quartet) about the supernatural aspects for both this oneshot and that longfic, so you can say this is a strange mixture of things that you're probably familiar with plus a little bit of actual Japanese mythology and my own input. It's always fun to watch, read and write the fantasy/supernatural genres because there's a whole lot of room for exploration and imagination.
If you find yourself getting confused or you feel like things are vague at certain points in this story, don't worry. It was deliberate on my part. XD Also, virtual cookies to anyone who knows Miyada's true identity. She's not a canon character in any media and is a full-fledged OC, that's the only hint I will give.
Lastly, I apologise if anyone, particularly Izaya, was OOC. I give no excuses for that other than my own incompetence in writing IC. I'll keep working on it.
Oh, and happy belated birthday, Izaya! This fic was meant for you but because of exams, I couldn't put it up on time ahaha...