How to Win Friends, Influence People and Steal the Throne aka The Secret
Diaries of Duke Roger of Cont`e
From the desk of the late Duke Roger of Cont`e:
April 30th through May 5th 420 H.E.
~
April 30th Year 420 H.E. (Human Era)
Dear Diary,
Today I shall begin my plan to steal my uncle's throne in ernest. I shall try to first do away with my cousin Jonathan. No one would suspect any plots to kill a not even ten year old prince by his cousin, so I shall strike there. I will come to the palace under the pretense of teaching the young prince how to ride a horse. I will tack the pony and plant a burr under the saddle so the second Jonathan gets on he shall be off again and hopefully be trampled by the pony.
Your Evil-Highness, Duke (Soon King) Roger of Cont`e
~
May 1st Year 420 H.E.
Dear Diary,
Damn the palace hostlers. Damn them, damn them damn them. When I got to the palace there stood Jonathan in the practice yards holding his pony's reins. I couldn't very well slip the burr under the tack then, so I shall bide my time and build up everyone's trust until I have them eating out of the palm of my hand and then I shall strike again... A stampede maybe? Yes that would work well. But how to pull it off?
Your Temporarily-But-Not-For-Long-Defeated-Evil-Highness, Duke Rodger of Cont`e
~
May 3th Year 420 H.E. (That seems an awful lot like hehe doesn't it? Memo To Self: Must remember to use the era abreviation as an evil chuckle...)
Dear Diary,
Have figured out plan for stampede. Is as follows:
1. Recruit gullible stableboys
2. Instruct them in their jobs
3. Run away to Carthak and pretend to be studying there
4. Magically signal stable boys to start stampede when Jonathan enters the field to retrieve his pony
5. Come to funeral
Perfect is it not? Now all I need to do is plan my wardrobe for the funeral... The black tunic with purple hose and shirt? No, too "I'm going to be King of Tortall in five years" for my soon to be late cousin's funeral. No red, that would be too incriminating. Black hose, black tunic and midnight blue shirt? Yes! I have my evil outfit. Now I must go see to recruiting some disillusioned possible stable boys from the Corus slums who will do anything for money.
Your Soon-To-Be-Evil-Highness, Duke (soon to be Evil Emperor) Roger of Cont`e
~
May 5th 420 H.E.
Dear Diary,
I hate the slums. Too many theives, beggers, and hookers. Especially the hookers. I mean I don't swing that way, I never have and have all those prostitutes hanging all over me, it was horrible. I gave them a coin so they would just go away and they thought I wanted to get laid by them. Then the rest of my money was stolen by some thieves, who were in my opinion very handsome for all their thievery. Without my purse I was not able to make any bribes to convince those waifs to help me in my plot. Suprisingly though I did get a few wretches to complyand they shall be coming to the palace tommorrow at nine-o'clock to recieve their instructions, negotiate pay and to tell me where to send their pay. But it is horrible! My favorite tunic, which happens to be my most expensive, was ruined when a flithy begger who looked like he had just rolled in horse dung grabbed it and split the seam. Now my sapphire, silver and black velvet tunic is all muddy and ripped up the side. Even if I send this one to the tailor's for repair it will only be good for fencing pratice and other endevors where one gets all sweaty and dirty. So now I must go toUpper Corus and see if I can find some what suitable replacement although I do not think it is very likely.
Your Disguisted-As-Well-As-Dirty-Soon-To-Be-Evil-Highness Duke (I will be King I really will) Roger of Cont`e
A/N- I needed a comedic release. A really big comedic release. I will continue if you want me to, I'll even make the next chapter a lot longer. I will try to get up the next chapter of The Traitors in our Midst but I'm at a bit of a metal/writer's block. Maybe some reviews would help. For either this or Traitors. Thank you very much.
From the desk of the late Duke Roger of Cont`e:
April 30th through May 5th 420 H.E.
~
April 30th Year 420 H.E. (Human Era)
Dear Diary,
Today I shall begin my plan to steal my uncle's throne in ernest. I shall try to first do away with my cousin Jonathan. No one would suspect any plots to kill a not even ten year old prince by his cousin, so I shall strike there. I will come to the palace under the pretense of teaching the young prince how to ride a horse. I will tack the pony and plant a burr under the saddle so the second Jonathan gets on he shall be off again and hopefully be trampled by the pony.
Your Evil-Highness, Duke (Soon King) Roger of Cont`e
~
May 1st Year 420 H.E.
Dear Diary,
Damn the palace hostlers. Damn them, damn them damn them. When I got to the palace there stood Jonathan in the practice yards holding his pony's reins. I couldn't very well slip the burr under the tack then, so I shall bide my time and build up everyone's trust until I have them eating out of the palm of my hand and then I shall strike again... A stampede maybe? Yes that would work well. But how to pull it off?
Your Temporarily-But-Not-For-Long-Defeated-Evil-Highness, Duke Rodger of Cont`e
~
May 3th Year 420 H.E. (That seems an awful lot like hehe doesn't it? Memo To Self: Must remember to use the era abreviation as an evil chuckle...)
Dear Diary,
Have figured out plan for stampede. Is as follows:
1. Recruit gullible stableboys
2. Instruct them in their jobs
3. Run away to Carthak and pretend to be studying there
4. Magically signal stable boys to start stampede when Jonathan enters the field to retrieve his pony
5. Come to funeral
Perfect is it not? Now all I need to do is plan my wardrobe for the funeral... The black tunic with purple hose and shirt? No, too "I'm going to be King of Tortall in five years" for my soon to be late cousin's funeral. No red, that would be too incriminating. Black hose, black tunic and midnight blue shirt? Yes! I have my evil outfit. Now I must go see to recruiting some disillusioned possible stable boys from the Corus slums who will do anything for money.
Your Soon-To-Be-Evil-Highness, Duke (soon to be Evil Emperor) Roger of Cont`e
~
May 5th 420 H.E.
Dear Diary,
I hate the slums. Too many theives, beggers, and hookers. Especially the hookers. I mean I don't swing that way, I never have and have all those prostitutes hanging all over me, it was horrible. I gave them a coin so they would just go away and they thought I wanted to get laid by them. Then the rest of my money was stolen by some thieves, who were in my opinion very handsome for all their thievery. Without my purse I was not able to make any bribes to convince those waifs to help me in my plot. Suprisingly though I did get a few wretches to complyand they shall be coming to the palace tommorrow at nine-o'clock to recieve their instructions, negotiate pay and to tell me where to send their pay. But it is horrible! My favorite tunic, which happens to be my most expensive, was ruined when a flithy begger who looked like he had just rolled in horse dung grabbed it and split the seam. Now my sapphire, silver and black velvet tunic is all muddy and ripped up the side. Even if I send this one to the tailor's for repair it will only be good for fencing pratice and other endevors where one gets all sweaty and dirty. So now I must go toUpper Corus and see if I can find some what suitable replacement although I do not think it is very likely.
Your Disguisted-As-Well-As-Dirty-Soon-To-Be-Evil-Highness Duke (I will be King I really will) Roger of Cont`e
A/N- I needed a comedic release. A really big comedic release. I will continue if you want me to, I'll even make the next chapter a lot longer. I will try to get up the next chapter of The Traitors in our Midst but I'm at a bit of a metal/writer's block. Maybe some reviews would help. For either this or Traitors. Thank you very much.