Ok... Yu gi oh's not mine, although this plot is, but that's worth nothing. This is AU, Joey went with Yugi to Duelist kingdom and all the Serenity thing stays slightly the same, it's just after that things start changing, when the Merik saga begins, just so you'll know.

So! Im back with this little peace of fiction. I had originally written this like... years ago, so it is one of my first writtings, but stopped it. Mainly because of the many complaints about spelling and grammar, Im ashamed to say. Embarassment killed this. Unfortunately though, this little piece is one of my favorite stories, so I decided to retake it and, dare I say it, give it another shot. I basically just went over it, added a few things, took out a few, "fixed" this or that, but I didn't get like a beta or anything. I'd like to think it is at the very least readable, because when I saw it, I was really shocked and ashamed to see it really IS a deplorable reading. I hope you like it (and that I could get a beta).

Somethings you'll find here are this: Rape, raw stuff, incest, language, yaoi, lemon, angst (lost of that one) and darkness, lots of darkness... if you don't agreed on this terms please don't risk yourself and turn away and walk away from here, this is no sappy shit, although it is meant to end happily(if I don't change my mind in the fic making process), for whoever that wants to stay, please read and review...

Thoughts are in italics and bettween . R & R!

Prologue: Routines

Joey woke up with a groan, a sharp pain coming from his middle and lower body as he tried to stand up, that and the heavy, limp body of his unconsious father sprawled all over him. He sighed, realization and reality hitting him square on the head. So, his father had gotten drunk, again. And his father had raped him, again. And they had both blacked out, Joey from the pain and his father from the pleasure/alcohol mix, again. Joey hoped that at least this time his father hadn't tore him or something like some other times, it was Joey's first day of school and the first time he'd see the gang since they went on a summer camp he couldn't afford, and the sight of him bleeding from his ass due to his father's enthusiams on how 'fucking tight' Joey was, as his father so beautifully put it, was not what Joey wanted his friends to see on him.

With some effort, Joey pushed the broad men off him and struggled to stand himself, his legs trembling below him as Joey made his best to make his way to the small, filthy bathroom in the small, filthy apartment. Joey entered it, not even bothering to look at the impending misery around him and did a routine he was very well accostumed to: Entering the shower and turning on the water, Joey proceeded to examine himself, entering two of his fingers into his own anus, trying to find any torn or damages tissues with his touch; Much to Joey's relief he found none, and pulling his fingers out of himself, Joey thought he would've prefered to go to a hospital or at least use some lubrication, but that was out of question. Hospitals meant questions and lubrication meant money, two things he neither want to give nor have, so they were out of question. He was a bit shocked though, when he had found a rather small yet nasty bruise on his lower back, but didn't give it much thought, a little meeting with the outside world and a couple of days should take care of that, at least his face was neat as ever, he was thankfull that his father didn't have a liking of hitting him on the face, cause those bruises and marks would be a real bitch to explain.

Joey finished showering and exited the shower, continuing his routine he sat on the toilet, staring blankly at the floor, everything and nothing going throught his head, and dry sobs shoke his body, yet not a single tear scaped his brown eyes. He had already spilled too much of them to keep them at it over things that happened on a daily basis, so why even bother with that. Not to mention, sobs were easier to deal with, he only had to get himself under wraps and not deal with the usual red puffiness tears left behind on his eyes, a complete give away for Joey.

After some ten minutes of major sulking Joey stood up, going for the sink, took his toothbrush in hand and began brushing his teeth throughoutly. If he was to be present himself to the world, Joey would at least try and do it well. After some time spent on his teeth Joey washed up, grabbed a nearby towel and went out the bathroom.

He entered the living room, the sight of his still unconcious laying father on the ground next to the couch meeting him. Joey stared down at him for a while, his father hadn't take any of his clothes off while Joey had woken up naked, from his position Joey could see the nasty looking metal buckle of his father's belt and an indiferent memory came to him: so that was how he had gotten that bruise on his middle back! The damn thing had been rammed and hit against him all fucking night. Joey snorted, going to his room.

The moment Joey unlocked the door and entered his room he felt a sting of relief wash over him. This was his place, the only place Joey could actually relax and not think too much about anything, the one place he could say it had been untaninted by life and that somehow, God knows why, his father had never tresspassed. Joey was no fool though, he would never let himself fully relax anywhere, but at least he could relax a bit here. It was a really simple room though, poor to say the least, there was nothing much more than a couple of posters of duel monsters or musicians he liked, his school uniform and a couple of jeans and t-shirts inside a doorless closet, and mattress he called bed where he could at least take a brake from everything from time to time. Joey had a mirror hanging from a wall around here somewhere, but he never used it, not to look at himself at least, he didn't feel like puking anytime in his life.

Mechanically, Joey went to his closet and pulled out his school uniform, pulling it on as an adjustment to his usual rutine, today being the first day of school and this being his from-now-on-to-eight-months usual attire. Joey didn't mind much, he just wanted something to wear.

Settting himself infront of his mirror, Joey sat on his matress and focused his attention on his chin, a bowl of water next to him and razor blade in hand, he mechanically shaved himself clean. Joey probably knew he should've done this before putting on his clothes, a part of him told him, but he quickly put his though away; as long as he looked half decent he didn't care. In a matter of minutes he finished, not cutting himself, as usual. If he had at least a quarter of luck he had shaving into his life, he'd be jumping on and off the walls by now.

Standing up Joey looked at himself: his clothes, not wrinkled and clean, his shoes clean, old but clean, he didn't even try to look at his hair, that meant looking up and at somepoint the inevitable eye to eye connection with his reflection would come, and that was the last thing he wanted.

With a weary sigh he took his back and swung it over his shoulder, oppening the door and walking back to the living room, the sight of his father sprawled over the floor next to the couch meeting him once more. His father hadn't move an inch. Joey didn't care, and simply walked to the kitchen #father can pretty well die and rot in hell for all I care# he pondered as he decided to make some breakfast, and lunch for the both of them. Joey knew better than not to do lunch, last time it happened his father had gone out to find him, luckily he was on his way back home and the encounter was at night and in one of the dark alleys near the apartment building, for Joey didn't think the gang or anyone at the arcade would've taken in the sight of his father beating the shit out of him, then technically dragging him into the house to rape and keep on beating him into a bloody pulp very nicely.

He finished food and ate his breakfast in record time, the old man had stared shifting and moving in his sleep, and knowing the state his father would be in Joey was not to be there when that happened, so he made the meal as quickly as possible, also taking care of the dishes in impressive time, and walked out the door. As Joey stared at the hall that lead him to the outside world he did the last part of his rutine, the one that hurt him the most, that made him sob dryly more than the beatings and raping, or being tore or the almost constant pain in his ass... as he took a deep breath, he managed to get a confident smirk into his face, knowing he had done it because he could alredy feel the emptiness of it surrounding him. Cocky smirk and confident mask set in place, the last part of his rutine completed Joey Wheeler walked out of the apartment building, baring himself for another day of fake feelings and empty words.

End chapter one: Routines

I know, I know... oh my God, look at what she's doing to poor Joey, but don't worry, I swear I'll make it up to you... in later chapters... until then, I need inspiration so... please review... And also I promise later chapters to be longer.

Lots of purrrrs and love

Chibikitten