He nodded his head, but I knew he didn't understand, that he never would understand, no matter how much I tried. I held out my hand, needing to feel him, needing to feel the comfort that only he could give me. He took my hand, without hesitation, knowing what I needed, knowing how he felt when he first died. He pulled me into his arms, letting me smell him. I know it sounds weird, but his smell had always calmed me down. His smell reminded me of the forest, the musky smell, and then the clean smell of fresh fallen rain.
He wrapped his arms around me, and I wrapped mine around him. He asked me if I was ready to leave yet, I told him no. I needed to see that someone found my letter, that they would be okay, that they knew that I hadn't abandoned them, that I had to be with the man I love, the man that I had changed my vows for. I had changed the "Till death do you part" to fit how I felt, "Even after death do you part." The minster had smiled, but let me change it, that was the first time I had seen Jacob smile that big, but I saw it often after that.
He pulled me to the couch in our room, pulling me into his lap. I leaned against him, and we sat in silence for awhile, but I had to ask him something. Looking up into his beautiful big brown eyes, I asked, Jacob, what do I look like?
He smiled, and I saw the pure, unrated love in his eyes, Bells, he said, you look beautiful as always, you've been beautiful since the day you flirted with me at First Beach, even at my funeral, with tears running down your face, you were beautiful, still are.
I smiled again, and kissed him. He pulled me closer again, and I went to him, needing his comfort once again. I don't know if I'll never need it, need him. I reflected on my life, with Jacob's arm around me, waiting for morning. We had a good life together. You know that already, I won't bother you with it again, but it was good.
Lily came in at eight to wake me up, when I didn't wake up she started to panic. I had a brief moment of regret that it was Lily who found me, thinking of how she could lose her baby over me, before she took my pulse, and calmed down. She found my letter, and sticking it into her pocket, she looked around the room. I stood up, and walked a couple of steps closer to her, Jake right behind me. "Nana", she called out softly, I rushed forward, touching her shoulder to let her know that I was still here. She closed her eyes when she felt my hand. "Papa", she called out softly again, opening her eyes only to close them when Jake put his hand on her other shoulder. She looked blindly over to where I was, "Nana, we love you, always know that, you too Papa. I want you both to go now, you hear that, go; you both deserve to be happy."
I nodded my head, even though I knew she couldn't see me. Jake moved away, and I leaned in to kiss her check and wrap my arms around her. Jacob kissed her other cheek and wrapped his arms around both of us. Jake pulled away, and then I did, we stepped back, and walked over to the light. I know, it sounds stupid, but it was beautiful. We looked back when we heard Lily call out, "I'll gather every one and we'll read your letter, Nana, don't worry about us, I know how you worry, we'll be great, and don't worry about shock, we knew this was going to happen soon, we knew when James and I led you back to your spot yesterday. Everyone knew, we love you both, Nana and Papa. Now go, no one in this family, now or in the future will ever, ever forget you, I promise."
I ran to her and kissed her cheek once more, before joining Jake and walking into the light, leaving behind my family and loved ones, but leaving with the man that I loved more than life itself.
I'm crying again, I need to stop writing things like this.