A. Note: Spoilers through Buffy 7x18 Dirty Girls (one with faith and Caleb the preacher). There are several subtle spoilers that you may not catch, but some like one in the first paragraph are not so subtle. This is not a poem, its more of Buffys thoughts at the end of the ep only a bit less agnsty then what it looked like she was feeling….. any R&R please!

You always hurt the ones you love.

(even if only by default)

By  Falcon-Rider

I led them there, into the trap.

My best fighters, all hurt. At least most of them are.

At least two of them dead, casualties of war.

A broken arm, knife in the chest… scrapes, bruises.

And there will be more.

Everyone warned me it'd be a trap. I didn't listen, naturally.

I try so hard, to lead and I don't, can't, take the pressure. So I fake it.

I push it down, the feelings.

I'm scared, alone.

I'm alone.

The slayer is always alone.

There's a reason, I know that now.

I guess I've known for a while.

I ignored that though, ignored it all.

They say love is my gift, where does jealousy fit in?

Oh well, can't be perfect… but I must.

I'm the leader, the General.

I can't be swayed, can't let emotions rule.

They look up to me, not to me.

At me.

They don't see.

No one does, except for two of them.

My friend. My Lo-partner.

My friend is hurt because of me.

His sight, his quality, disfigured.

His only gift, a true gift is taken away.

Because of me.

My partner the same.

Only hurt has come from our dealings.

His body, his soul, his demon.

All have hurt because of me.

I did it.

Forced it.

Pushed it to the edge.

I hurt him, and I couldn't deal with it.

My fault, everything is.

My Mess.

Everyone's hurt because of me.

I guess its true then.

What they say.

My life an embodiment of hurt.

And I'm the one supposed to be filled with love.

R&R

A.Note: I know, its not really my best, blame that on the paint fumes…. My wall is now blue instead of pink. :) I just had to write this after watching the new ep. I think its kind of what Buffy was thinking as she walked down main street. There are some subtle spoilers in here. (Jealosy at Faith after walking in on a half naked spike talking to Faith about being evil then good… and the time Faith stole B's Body…. And about Xander and the potientials.)