A/N This is Remus' perspective during his first/start of his second year (before his friends find out his secret) but can really be any time at Hogwarts.

thanks to my incredible new Beta autumn midnights. I owe you so much.

Disclaimer: British: Nope, JK Rowling: Nope, Own Harry Potter: If only!

Nobody wants to be friends with a werewolf. They see a werewolf, and they want to run, to look away from the scum that haunts the peaceful society they live in. They want to run screaming and tell everyone else what a monster the werewolf is. They want to protect their children and hide, even if the full moon is weeks away. They want the werewolf killed, slaughtered.

I don't really blame them.

I am a werewolf. I live and breathe the life of a werewolf, and have done so since the tender age of four, when I was bitten.

Others look at me, and they scream, they run, and they attack me once they find out what I am. I understand that; I understand that nobody wants to be near a werewolf, but even worse than being near one is being one.

Watching the fear in people's eyes as they look at me, hearing the whispered words behind my back, watching friend after friend turn their back on me after discovering what I am.

You have no clue of the pain each time a friend is lost, the humiliation I'm put through each time. The emotional struggle not to end it all just to get it over with.

You have no clue of what it feels like, living a life controlled by the full moon. It's like a twisted game of waiting, counting down the days, feeling terrified, edgy, emotional, and tired, and then that long night full of pain and thirst and blood; I recover from it and then the game starts all over again.

You don't know what it feels like to hear every single bone in your body break, snapping painfully and then reforming into something much more sinister. You don't know what it feels like to hear a bloodcurdling scream, only to realise that it is you making the horrible sound. You don't know what it feels like to listen as the screams turn to howls and feel as your mind is shoved out, allowing room for the wolf.

You have not a clue what it's like to not be able to eat anything, because you feel so nauseous and worried about the forthcoming full moon. To have to drag a body that doesn't want to cooperate around, because the full moon is coming.

You don't know what it's like to wake up after every full moon swimming in a pool of blood, only then to realise it's your own. To wake up in absolute pain, your body screaming for relief and with another layer of scars added to the countless ones you already have.

You have no idea what it's like to live this life, constantly on repeat. Constantly waiting for the moon to be full once more for another night of pain, of torture. You have no clue what it feels like to lie to your friends yet having the fear of losing them, the fear of them telling everybody, the fear of them making you leave Hogwarts.

You honestly have no clue what it's like to be a werewolf.

You have no clue what it's like to be me, Remus Lupin.