Complacent
Summary: Touko contemplates her relationship with N as she rides the ferriswheel. Did she make the right decision?
Shipping: Ferriswheelshipping
A/N: I've kinda missed fanfiction...but I know I won't get around to updating any of the other 50+ fanfics I have in who knows how long. So...I just decided to write a quick oneshot since I'm on break. :)
"One ticket for the ferriswheel please," I say, dumping some crumpled dollars and a few Pokecoins on the counter. A tired looking woman behind the glass counts my money with squinting eyes before shoving a thin slip of paper in my direction with her grimy fingers.
Taking the ticket, I shove my hands into my pockets and let out a breath of hot air; I shiver. Perhaps wearing shorts and a tanktop was a bad idea when the weather is so chilly. I sniff, and shuffle awkwardly through the sparse crowds in the theme park. My eyes flit here and there as I inspect the people around me. They're all zoned out—no one seems all that excited to be here. I can't help but sink into the overall vibe myself since I'm not feeling particularly happy.
It could be worse, I tell myself. Passing by some vendors with their cooling foods on display, I wonder how long the carnival items have been sitting out. Three hours? Four? No one is buying since no one is hungry.
My throat tightens and I hurry on, ignoring the scent of dry funnel cakes and old cotton candy. I don't have much time here anyway, so I shouldn't meander on pointless things. I have a goal coming here; it'd taken me weeks to scrounge together enough money to get in to the theme park and I intend to use the ticket wisely.
My eyes rise as I approach the tallest attraction, and my shoulders slump. It seems domineering rather than inviting—it's an unpleasant feeling. Scampering through the courtyard surrounding the ferris wheel, I duck my head and hold out the ticket. I don't want anyone to recognize me. It was a relief that the woman before cared less who I was and only wanted my money.
"How many times 'round?" the male asks me lazily. I pull my cap down a little, hiding my face further.
"However many times five minutes can cover," I reply, and dart into a pod before he can say anymore. I'm the only one on the ride and I'm okay with that. Maybe then I can disappear for a while and not think of all the mistakes I've made recently.
Collapsing onto the hard seat of the pod, I lean my head against the window as the ferris wheel lifts me into the air. But that's impossible. I have wronged so many. I have done something that's irreversible.
Closing my eyes, I purse my lips and try to blanket my mind in empty thoughts. I don't want to feel anything. If I do, then I'll break. And if I break, then there's no way that I can fix the problems at hand.
N...
My eyes prickle but I furiously wipe them with the back of my hand. No. I am not going to allow myself to be as selfish as to cry after something so terrible has happened to others. It's my fault, so I deserve every last bit of the hurt that's stabbing into my heart again, and again. I'm a little surprised; no one has shown their contempt for my actions.
I've done the unspeakable thing as to separate people and Pokemon forever. Now that N is King, we all must bow down to him. If I hadn't bent so easily for him perhaps this wouldn't have happened. Why did I think that backing out of the last fight was a good idea? Why was I such a coward. Now I'm trapped in a prison I'll never be able to escape. I know it. Everyone knows it. I gulp. N knows it.
My eyes open and I glance out at the twinkling lights of the theme park as the light of the sun disappears, plunging Nimbasa in darkness. Putting a hand over my heart, I tighten my fingers into a fist. My chest hurts—badly.
I hate this feeling. But there's no way I'll do anything about it—I'm weak. Always have been, always will be. The ride comes to a screeching halt and I'm kicked off the seat and onto the floor. The pod lowers rapidly and I feel my heart start to race. I just lie there as the ferris wheel comes to a halt and close my eyes. I knew it was coming, didn't I?
The door slides open and I hear a couple soft steps as someone enters the pod. I know who it is without having to look.
N.
A delicate hand takes my shoulders and helps me to my feet. I keep my head bowed until his slender fingers tilt my chin so that I'm forced to look at him. His deep green eyes blink down on me. I don't move. Resistance is pointless. I'm already his—he's taken me as his own. His trophy for becoming King.
"Touko..." he says, his voice soft. "I told you that you weren't allowed to leave my side. Why are you here alone?"
My mouth is dry as I just stare back at him, my eyes wavering. For a moments peace without his presence hovering over me? To breathe for the first time in months? To escape even though there's no way I can? I try to break away but lose the nerve immediately; it shrivels up like a dead leaf.
"You can never leave me Touko," he says, a smile creeping across his face. A chill travels up my spine and I feel weak in the knees. "It's time to go back. Never do this again." His hand traces its way down from my chin to my arm before he grips it tightly. I don't make a sound as he pulls me into him. What can I do? There's nothing I can do.
I've lost the one chance I had at saving Unova, and I did it because I had such a silly wish as to be loved by a man who I thought cared for me too. Now I'm a shell, and there's no desire in my heart to fight. I've given up. N drapes a coat around my shoulders and steers me through the theme park and towards an entourage of Plasma grunts.
Glancing over my shoulder, I take one last look at the ferris wheel. It's glinting in the darkness. Then we round and corner and it's gone. My heart sinks, and I bow my head. N runs his hand up my lower back and pulls me to him. His face grows close and I close my eyes.
"Touko," he breathes, his green tea scent overwhelming my senses. "You can never leave me."
I go limp.
No, I never can.
A/N: What if Touko lost her confident spark? What if she became a shell of a person? Those were the thoughts I had before writing this oneshot. If there are any mistakes I apologize—I simply wrote this in 30 minutes and I'm not feeling well.
Have a good day, darlings.
~Misty/Ms. Ketchum