Miracle by: Dyani
Author's notes: Okay, this is my first DBZ fic, please have mercy. ^_^* This fic is a soliloquy made by Kuririn-san about Juuhachi-gou's death at Cell's hands. :'( It's kinda depressing, with a hopeful kind of message... ah... yeah. ^_^* So, enjoy!
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It's taken much too long
To get it right,
would it be so wrong?
To maybe find someone-
A miracle
And all you really need
Is everything you could never be
And so you'd give it all
For a miracle
The same thoughts flash by in my mind at a mile a minute.
I let her down.
I let my friends down.
With one bad decision, I may have not only... gotten Juuhachi-gou killed, not only did I let Cell reach a higher level by absorbing her, not only did I thereby force my friends to fight for their lives and others', but if Cell manages to beat them... millions of completely innocent people will die. All because of me.
Right after Cell absorbed Juuhachi-gou, I'll admit... I went a little crazy. Could you blame me? Well. I guess I could've chosen a better time and place for my mind to snap. I tried to kill Cell; I wanted to kill him more than I've ever wanted to kill anyone or anything else. What really bothers me is that I couldn't even put a scratch on him. Not even Juuroku-gou and I working together could faze him.
I don't know what I was thinking when I stomped that controller, either. It was selfish of me. I mean, I was painfully aware of the fact that she was going to die- my job was to decide how. If I didn't do something, Cell would absorb her and become more powerful. But then, how could I live with myself afterwards, knowing I had been the one to kill her? I was scared. Plain and simple.
She could have killed me then, in the moments after I broke the controller. I realize that now. It would have been all too easy for her. But for some reason, she didn't do anything. There was something... something in her face, in her eyes, that seemed out of place on a Jinzouningen. Yes, she was shocked, maybe even grateful, but there was something more.
Is there a trace
Inside her face
Of a lonely miracle
And so you wait
And lie awake
For a lonely miracle
I think that the certainty of her death had changed her. Since she had been awakened, she'd been perfectly calm and silently arrogant. She hadn't known fear, and that had kept her and the other Jinzouningen a level above us. It was almost as if Cell had scared some humanity into her.
Maybe that's a little farfetched. But something stopped her from killing me. Maybe the same thing that made her kiss me...
Oh, Kami-sama, what am I thinking?! That Juuhachi-gou could actually love me?! That couldn't happen. It's impossible! Dammit, I don't know what's wrong with me. Even if... she did have feelings for me, she's dead, so it's pointless to brood over her.
I already decided to fight in the Cell Game. I still don't know how I plan on hurting Cell now, when I couldn't even cause him to blink last time I fought him. But I feel as if not fighting- not giving it a try, at least- would be like giving up on Juuhachi-gou.
You never really know
What it is
Not until it goes
And if it comes again
It's a miracle
But what you miss is love
In everything below and up above
And she could bring it all
A miracle
Guilt prompted me to confess to Gokuu about my role in allowing Cell to reach his perfect form. Kami-sama, that man is too forgiving... I almost wanted him to get angry at me, to scream at me and to tell me how stupid I am. Instead, Gokuu, being Gokuu, smiled and told me I must have had a reason.
Yes, Gokuu. I did have a reason. I'm in love with the Jinzouningen who was created to destroy you.
In a way I'm glad I told Gokuu and not anyone else. I doubt they would be as open-minded as he. If the others knew what I'd done... Well, we'll just say I probably wouldn't be alive to fight in the Cell Game.
Hopefully, Bulma will have Juuroku-gou fixed in time for him to fight. I'm glad, now, that I made the decision to help him, no matter what unpleasant things Trunks may have muttered about me under his breath. Juuroku-gou is very odd, but despite his quirks he's a decent... well... Jinzouningen. It's good that he's decided to fight on our side. He seems to hate Cell just as much as I do.
I don't know what will happen, to me or to my friends. I don't know if Cell will win or not. I don't know if the memory of the beautiful Jinzouningen being killed will continue to haunt me. I don't know anymore.
But I do know one thing. No matter what happens, no matter what I have to do, I'm going to fight Cell. I'm going to do what I can to make him pay for his crimes. The vivid image of Juuhachi-gou imprinted in my mind will stay with me and give me strength.
And I'll never, ever forget her.
Ja ne, Juuhachi-gou.
All you wanted was a (miracle)
All you needed was a miracle
A miracle
And all you wanted was a (miracle)
All you needed was a miracle
A miracle
It's taken so long- to get it right
Could it be so wrong?
To maybe find someone
A miracle...
-"Miracle", Vertical Horizon