PART ONE
CHAPTER 1 - Geordie La' Forge
"Hit me with another." said the obviously drunk Wizardly Gentleman to the bar keep. "Sir, I've think you've had enough Butter beer." said the kindly old man. "I'LL SAY WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!" the drunkard exclaimed, as he pulled out his .45 birch wood wand. "Whoa sir, I think maybe we ca-" the bar keep started to say before his skin disappeared and was curtly replaced with fire. The drunkard then assumed role of the bartender, meanwhile all the regulars of the bar acted as though nothing happened. The bar door opened as the late bartenders wife walked through the door and assumed the position of a wall mounted muskrat. "Hey what's with her?" asked the token black wizard. "Oh don't mind her...she's just expressing her true artistic talent." said Generic Filler Character In a Novel/Novella. "Oh good, I thought she was autistic." said Black Man while being stripped of rank/name/social standing/rights. "No, I am" said the retard, but no one was listening to it...because IT didn't belong in public.
CHAPTER 2 – This Time Its Personal
This is where we jump the story over to our main protagonist, who is currently overdosing on methamphetamines. "Oh god, no more "wizard's potion" for me at those frat parties!" farted Garry Sodder, our hero and 46 year old Hogwarts attendee. If asked why so old, he responds by saying "Why so GAYOLD!" thus giving the asker their answer, and then some *wink*. "Well I need to take a piss...on...myself..." he said JUST as a jellyfish popped out of Will Smith and his dead acting career's bathtub and stung him. As he opened the bathroom door, just at that moment a million light years away a star exploded, spelling doom to thousands of planets. But not Earth, because that plot point would be exciting (erotic even) After taking the world's most tedious urination ceremony, Garry decided it was time for his monthly magic refill. He sat on his mite infested futon, and began to furiously call forth the spirits of magic with all his might. He throbbed with power to the point of insanity. Then when it was more then he could bear, he exploded with magical energy all over his shirt. "Man if this was a fan-fiction about sex or Goths or some shit, I'd be so pissed." He said to himself in the mirror while putting on lipstick and fishnets.
CHAPTER 3 – The Tacos In San Antonio Rule!
After a very bland breakfast of 3 day old grilled cheese sandwich livened up with a bit of Branston Pickle©, Garry decided it was best to go to school after 357 days of being an "artistic recluse." As he exited his dorm, he walked into the common room. Ignoring all of the douches playing "douche" chess he immediately went to the craps table to whittle away his sheckles or whatever the hell currency J. K. Rowling pulled out of her ass. "Hit me." Garry said, while ordering his favorite drink the non-important-to-the-plot-line-drink-but-I'll-make-several-references-to-it-in-the-story. "Sir, I think you are referencing to the game of blackjack", the craps table operator said. "Just hit me jackass" Garry said while eating the dice. "Sir, I don't think you can eat the dice…" the operator said just as Garry was swallowing the dice, whole…without a chaser, BIATCH! As Garry finished he stared down the operator and said, "What do you think of that you god damn son-of-a-mudblood." The horrified operator looked at him and exclaimed "Hey, get the fuck out of here!" Garry looked at the operator, spitting out his half bent cigarette while unsheathing his black .44 cedar wand , and whispered "Cliffhanger ending…bitch…"