A Christmas Comm

by KevROB948

Tsume Hikari, your normal Canadian Jewish chick becomes quite a Scrooge during Holiday season. But then one night, she is visited by three ghosts who's goal is to show her why Christmas is ****ing AWESOME!

(A Christmas Comm)

An OptimalComms Fanfiction

By: KevROB948 and Wildstar25

Twas the day before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except Tsume, who was wide awake. "Bahumbug!" she shouted into the air. "I hate Christmas! All everyone does is cut down trees and sing songs. Besides, I'm freaking Jewish!" She looked out of her window, and saw a bunch of Shrimps getting ready for when Santa arrived.

She decided to go take a walk around town. Tsume walked down the stairs and said she'll "BEE ARR BEE!" She put on her coat and walked outside. She passed a grocery store run by Stephen Chapman. "THIS IS MY STORE!" he shouted. He was wearing a red shirt with red pants. Then he handed her two melons and forced her out of the store. "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" he said.

Then Tsume passed a restaurant called "SAM-OOO-RIE SU-SHE!" As she walked passed, a familiar person walked out of the place. "Hey Tsume!" It was Robman, who was holding a bowl of rice. "Merry Christmas!" Tsume felt offended. She pushed Robman off the side of the bridge that they were on, and Rob landed in a pond of fish. Then she kept on walking.

She spotted a twelvy trying to get his mother to buy him Modern Warfare 2. "I think you have enough of those games." said the twelvy's mom. "But MMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!" said the twelvy in a fitting voice. "All of my fwiends have dis game and if I don't have dis game I won't be able to pway with dem onwine!" "I don't care." said his mom starting to get pissed. "You've had enough. Why not play something else, like this game." She held up Kirby's Epic Yarn. "AW FUCKING HELL!" The twelvy was then slapped by his mother repeatedly.

As Tsume was walking home, she heard someone say her name. "Merry Christmas, Tsume!" said Optimus cheerfully as he ran towards her. Tsume then proceeded to punch him in the face. "OW! What was that for?" But Tsume didn't say anything, and kept on walking. When she got home, her mother was just about to leave. "Okay Kalia," began her mom. "Here, have some matches, pills, and why not? Have this gun." "Uh...mom?" said Tsume. "Well, I'm off now!" said her mom as she slammed the door shut. And now Tsume was Home Alone.

Later that night, Tsume was visited by a ghost that seemed very familiar to her. She was fast asleep until she heard the chilling voice of the phantom. "!" said the ghost. She woke up and saw it standing before her; though she felt the chill of its death-cold eyes. "Wh-what...what do you want with me?" said Tsume. "Oh I want much from you darling!" said the ghost. "Who are you?" "Was, you mean." said the ghost as it began eating an apple. "Uhh...K, Who were you then?" It threw away the apple core. "When I was alive, I was your friend, Emri Namida." "...Y-you died?" said Tsume. "Yes, yes I did." "...How?" "Oh, your penguin friend saw my name and decided to write my name in his Death Note." "Fucking KevROB." Tsume mumbled to herself.

"How do I know you're actually dead?" "Oh, so you don't believe me?" said Emri. Just then, she fazed through the floor. "How's that?" said Emri. However Tsume was too shocked to say anything. "You don't scare me!" said Tsume. "Oh, You Think You're Bad, Don'tcha?" said Emri who began to twist her head. Tsume was shocked at this reference. "Okay I believe you, but what are you doing here? Have you come to haunt me?" "No Tsume, for I am just a messanger." The ghost then grabbed another apple. "For tonight, you will be visited by three ghosts." "Three? Why three?" "Why not?" "Well...fine. But why are visiting ME?" "They are here to teach you something. They're here to teach you why Christmas is FUCKING AWESOME!" "H-huh?" Tsume said. "Farewell Tsume!" said Emri as she disappeared.

SAODN"KDBJVGW:SI ~ Tsume

Later that night, the first ghost arrived. "TSUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMEEEE!" said the first ghost. "K-KevROB?" said Tsume who was starting to get scared. "Yeeeesssssss! It is mmmmmeeeeeeeee!" "Why are you talking like that?" said Tsume. "What do you mean? I'm a ghooooooost!" "OK seriously dude, stop talking like that." "Kay." KevROB then got out of his ghost costume. "I'm the ghost of Christmas past." said KevROB while looking at his script. "And I'm here to show you how Christmas was in the PAST!" He clasped his hands together, and touched the floor. "Let's go!" Then they were transported to Tsume's house in (Address Withheld) 10 years ago.

"This was the first time Christmas was ruined for you!" said KevROB pointing to a younger Tsume and her mom. "Mom, when can we set up the tree?" said the younger Tsume. "Sorry Kalia," began her mother. "But we're Jewish. We don't celebrate Christmas. Also there is no Santa, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy and you're adopted." The younger Tsume just stood there, and then walked away slowly. "Do you see, Tsume?" said KevROB. "This was when Christmas was first ruined!" "...And this is showing me how Christmas was awesome how?" Tsume said. "Oh right." He clasped his hands together and they were transported to AMERICA!

"Now Tsume, it's time to watch these AMERICAN Christmas specials." He showed How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the Spongebob Christmas Special, a Johnny Bravo Christmas, and many other AMERICAN Chistmas specials. Tsume was now lying on the floor from the overabundance of cartoons. "Now, do you understand, Tsume?" said KevROB helping her to her feet. "Uh...no, sorry." "Well, I tried." said KevROB. They were then transported back into Tsume's room. "Hopefully the other ghosts can actually do something."

As he was about to leave, Tsume stopped him. "Wait! Can you atleast tell me who the next two ghosts are?" "Hmm..." said KevROB as he stroked his chin. "Alright, but only if you let me stay here for tonight." "Fine." KevROB began dancing like a Prinny. "The next two ghosts are..."

Has your son been a naughty little boy? A naughty, naughty little boy? Then let your son visit K. Santa. He'll give your child something he'll never forget. But hurry, Santa only comes once a year!

Call now to receive a special one in a lifetime Santa condom. You won't find these anywhere else!

1800-663-0069

Later that night, the second ghost arrived. "Hey there, Tsume." said the second ghost. "FFFFFFFFFF-" said Tsume. "AZ?" "Yeah, it's me." said AZ. "I'm the ghost of Christmas present apparently. "What's going on, Tsume?" said KevROB waking up. "Oh, hi AZ." "What's up KevROB?" "Not much, just thought I'd stick around." "So did she-" "No, she hasn't." "Heh..." AZ then turned to Tsume. "Anyway, now it is time for you to come with me!" And then AZ teleported Tsume to a party...at like 4 A.M.

AZ brought her to a party with all of the OC members...including Axman. Everyone was invited, except Tsume, because she's Jewish. They were all eating, drinking, having fun, and stuff. "Do you see, Tsume?" said AZ. "This is why Christmas is DERPing awesome!" However Tsume didn't feel the same way. "...Any reason I wasn't invited to this freakin' party?" said Tsume. "Oh-uhh...well..." Meanwhile KevROB was getting funky in the background with Axman and LinkSora. "It's because I'm Canadian, isn't it!" yelled Tsume. Suddenly everyone stopped moving, including DJ Tyler.

Tsume began walking out of the room, when AZ stopped her. "Wait!" he said. "If you go, who's going to help poor little Timmy?" Suddenly Optimus rolled in a crippled kid in a wheelchair. "...H-help me...please?" said Timmy. "As long as your not a smelly Frenchy, then I'm fine." Tsume stared at him menacingly. "And I have to help this kid, why?" "THIS WILL BE THIS CHILD'S LAST CHRISTMAS BECAUSE HE'S SICK!" said AZ. "AND IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBLITY FOR WHAT YOU DID!" "And this is my fault how?" said Tsume. "WELL...SHUT UP!" AZ said trying to sound smart.

Then they were teleported back to Tsume's room. "AZ, leave!" commanded Tsume. "Wait, why do I have to leave?" said AZ. "Because your mom." said Tsume as she kicked him out of her window. "Tell me Tsume," said Kev. "Yes?" responded Tsume. "How tall are you?" "Oh...well...I'm short." said Tsume embarrassed. "I'm like 5'1 and a half." "Really now?" said Kev. "Yeah." "Well, guess it's time for you to meet the next ghost. Hope you're ready!" However Tsume was beginning to worry.

Feeling tired? Stressed from all of your hard work? Then come on down to Ice Cap Zone, where we have everything you need to feel right at home. We've got snowboarding, the chance to win big by partaking in exciting minigames, and even the rare sparkling hedgehog. Top it all off with a bunch of killer robots created by some fat egg man and you're all set. So come to Ice Cap Zone, today!

Later that night, the 3rd ghost arrived on time. "Hey Tsume." said the 3rd ghost. "*GASP* HI STUN!" said Tsume who tried to hug him, only to end up running into a wall. "Yo Stun." said Kev. "Hey, Kev." replied Stungun. "Get on with it." commanded Kev. "Tsume, I am the ghost of Christmas future!" said Stun, who's eyes began glowing. "So we're going into the future?" said Tsume. "Well yes, but I was about to say that, thank you." Suddenly Shane appeared in front of everyone with a microphone in his right hand, and was about to sing. "And there's only one way..." "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET INTO MY ROOM!" shouted Tsume.

...IT'S JUST A STEP TO THE LEFT...

AND TWO STEPS TO THE R-I-I-GHT!

LEEEET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIIIIN!

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAAIN!

But before the reference could be done, Tsume kicked Optimus out of her window with ABOOT TO THE HEAD. "Let's go!" said Tsume impatiently. Then they were teleported into the FUUUUUTTTTUUUREEE!

*FAWA-WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH*

"Welcome to the future, Tsume." said Stungun. They were in a room with the other OC members, except everyone was older and taller. "So this is the future of OC?" said Kev. "So, what playthrough should we do next?" said the future Optimus. "How about a playthrough of Final Fantasy XVII?" said the Future M.B.M. "How about Halo 5?" said Future AZ. "Hey Kev, how about Mega Man Universe?" Future Stun said to Future Kev. Then the two of them laughed out loud.

"Look, I know we've finished 25 playthroughs already," said Future AZ. Then Future KevROB smirked. "But we've got to do something original." "I'm gonna see what's going on over at KFC." said Future M.B.M. "Well what do you know? GWRoxare finally got banned."

"Wow," began Kev. "We're the same as we are now." "Yeah, but where am I?" said Tsume. Then she noticed someone walking in. "Sorry I'm late!" It was Future Tsume who was exactly as tall as she was now. "Wait, WHAT?" shouted Tsume. "Do you see, Tsume?" said Stungun. "This is what happens to those who don't celebrate Christmas!" She fell to her knees. "Please Stun, I'll change! I'll change my ways! I'll start shopping for kids that don't deserve it! I'll sing songs until people chase me away!" "You'd better!" And then, Tsume's melons grew 3 sizes that day. (You know, the ones that were mentioned near the beginning? Huh? Remember? Do you? DO YOU?) Then he knocked her out with a bucket to the head. "Looks like the Tsumerry-go-around can keep on going!" said Future Optimus.

Later that n-*shot* "Oh Kalia!" said Tsume's mom. "Wake up!" "H-huh?" said Tsume rubbing her eyes. Then she looked outside. It was snowing, like always. "It's Christmas!" shouted Tsume who began to dance around. "W-What?" said her mom totally confused. Then Tsume ran out of her house and began running around town.

She saw a lonely tree in the middle of a snowy field. "Hello." said the tree. "Do you want to be my friend?" Then Tsume grabbed an axe from out of nowhere and chopped the tree down. Then she picked it up, and ran over to the nearest Gamestop (Or EB Games, since this IS Canadia afterall). She busted down the door and began taking every game she saw. She ran outside, and then was being chased by two familiar cops. "Oh yeah!" said the taller cop. "We're a' back!" "Let'sa go, bro!" said the other.

She began running down the streets at Sonic speed, until she saw Optimus. "Happy Chanukah, Tsume!" he said. But then Tsume vaulted over his head, and kept on running. Then the two cops began beating up Shane. "We got him, bro!" said the tall cop. "Oh yeah!" As Tsume ran home, she was stopped by a twelvy named Bimmy. "Happy Holidays, miss!" he said. Then she remembered what the ghosts told her. She picked up the twelvy, and threw him in the dumpster. A Christmas dumpster to be exact.

When she got home, she ran upstairs, and grabbed all of her homework. Then she fed them all to her cat. "Merry Christmas, Grim!" she said before she threw it out the window. She was having a wonderful time...atleast until she was crushed by a fridge.

Tsume woke up from her nightmare. "Wow, that was some dream!" she said. She went downstairs and ordered some Chinese food. Then she went back upstairs and got on the computer.

The End

Credits A Go Go Baby!

Tsume Hikari as: Herself

Tsume's mom as: Herself

Emri Namida as: Herself

Optimus216 as: Himself

KevROB948 as: Himself and the 1st Ghost

AZGamer as: Himself and the 2nd Ghost

Stungun44 as: Himself and the 3rd Ghost

Axman as: Himself

MexiricanBassMonkey as: Himslef

LinkSora as: Himself

Tyler as: The DJ

The Tree as: Itself

"The Great Gonzales" as: Cop #1

"Mr. Green 'stache" as: Cop #2

Akuzo912 as: The Twelvies and Timmy

Trisha Elric as: The Twelvy's Mom

G-Man as: Stephen Chapman

Created By: KevROB948 and Wildstar25

OptimalComms does not endorse child abuse...unless if it's funny. ;)