Dumplings
Chapter 1: Mystic Brownies
Sophia, Blanche and Dorothy are on the lanai, relaxing in the sun. Dorothy and Sophia are playing gin and Blanche is tanning, wearing a pair of gaudy green sunglasses. Rose walks in, suddenly, carrying a notepad and pencil, with a determined expression on her face.
Rose: Hey girls! Whatcha all doing?
Blanche: I'm making sure that this European body is as bronze as a Greek Goddess. I need to look my best for my three dates I have tonight.
Dorothy: You have three dates in one evening? How can you manage that?
Sophia: Dorothy, this is Blanche we're talking about. Where there's a hole, there's a way.
Rose: Multi-tasking hasn't been one of my strong points. I'm trying to go over what I have to bake for this weekend's Girl Scout Bakesaleathon.
Dorothy: Well, you absolutely have to have cupcakes. Everyone loves cupcakes!
Sophia: How original. Rose making cupcakes. Why not just have Betty Crocker jump off the page and cat-fight Rose? Then we could take bets from the old geezers at the home and make some dough? What was I talking about?
Rose: How about Brownies? They're so delicious, and a lot of people like them.
Sophia: And everyone knows that Blanche knows everything in the "brown" department. Maybe she could help you out, Rose.
Blanche: Oh, Sophia. I don't know EVERYTHING, but I do know a hell of a lot.
Rose: I better get started if I want to have them baked by deadline. I have to cook 5 dozen by Friday.
Sophia: At least she has something to do. I have a date with Dorothy. Gees, she's as dry as a winter prune.
Dorothy: Ma! It so happens I have a date tonight. I met a very nice fellow substitute, and we're going to go to the park and listen to big band music.
Sophia: Wow! Big spender. Next thing you know, he'll be taking you on the bus as a chaperone, complementary, no tip included.
Blanche: Sophia, shut up! I don't wanna hear anything negative while I am beautifying myself.
Sophia: Beautifying? If you think Elmo is beautiful, well, I guess it is "in the eye of the beholder."
Blanche: What? Give me that mirror from my makeup case, Dorothy.
Dorothy hands Blanche the mirror with a twitching grin.
Blanche: Haaaaaaaaw! I'm redder than a rock hoe's pussy on a Christmas Eve!
Sophia: Glad Dorothy never has that problem. Hers is a nice flabby grey color.
Dorothy: Ma! You weren't supposed to spill the beans about "nuzzy's" color.
Sophia: Yeah. You got a good thing going though, pussycat. Your pussy may be grey, but your cat don't have rabies like Blanche's.
Blanche: What do I do? What the gosh damn hell do I do? I just gotta call my dates off.
Sophia: The day you say no is the day hell will freeze over.
Dorothy: You can rub some aloe on it, and take a cold shower. I'm sure you'll be fine for tonight. They probably won't care anyway, seeing that the "object" is just red, not functionless. Hahahaha.
Blanche: Dorothy, you are a heartless old cow. A woman of only thirty-seven, such as myself, should be admired by her friends. You just have the green eyed monster cause I'm so gorgeous and you look like the person they was gonna cast for Freddy Crougar, but then they decided not to. Huh!