Hey people, this is my first songfic! I heard this song and I thought that it so fitted Alex, so here it is.
Disclaimer: I am not Anthony Horowitz or Dead by Sunrise. I own neither Alex Rider nor Crawl Back In. All I have left is my dignity.
Sometimes I look at my own face
And I don't know who I am
No longer am I the innocent, Alex Rider, star of the football team. My eyes are dull with sights no man should witness. I've played so many parts, fooled so many people, but now I've fooled myself. Am I really the haunted boy that stares back in the mirror?
I see a piece of everyone I know
Buried underneath my skin
Red. My hands are stained with blood that no amount of scubbing will ever wash away. So many people dead. All because of me.
I don't wanna be like them
I wanna crawl back in
Why can't things be like before MI6 ruined my life. Why can't I be free?
It's hard to think of anything
That I haven't heard before
You'r never too youg to die...I intent to torture you Alex... You can't hide from me child...
I hear these voices in my head
They could be mine but I'm not sure
Constantly in my head. They never go away. I see them but they're not there. Or is it me that's not there? I can numb the pain, but the voices never die. Why can't I be left alone?
I hear them telling me who they think I should be
Why won't they leave me alone?
I'm just a child... Nobody my age should witness what I have...Killed like I have...Why then do they insist on ripping apart my soul piece by piece until there's nothing left? I just want to sleep.
I can't deny it, I try to fight it
But I'm losing control
Spying's in my blood. I try to block it out, but I can't. It's who I am. I can't gop anywhere without looking for exits, weapons, enemies... I'm becoming paranoid. Why?
I don't wanna be like them
I wanna crawl back in
I watch my former friends in the park from my window. They're kicking a ball around, not a care in the world. I want be like them, not a cold-hearted spy, but I can't. Not anymore. Even if I could there's no room for 'Alex the Druggie'.
Don't wanna lose my innocence
Don't want the world second guessing my heart
I should be a child, worrying about homework, and the next match, not dodging assassins and stopping megalomaniacs. I don't want all these rumours. I'm not a druggie. I'm not in a gang. Why am I so alone?
Won't let your lies take a piece of my soul
Don't wanna take your medicine
I wanna crawl back in
I want to quit, I really do, but their too manipulative. They always have a way to threaten me. I try and fight, but what's the point? I just want to go to sleep.
Sometimes I lie
How many times have I lied. It used to be a rarity that I would lie. Now it seems to be a rarity when I say the truth.
Sometimes I crawl
Sometimes I feel like I wanna die
The pain is just too much. I see them. Major Yu...Julia Rothman...Nile...Ash.. They haunt me. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I try and numb the pain. I just want peace.
I don't wanna be like them
I wanna crawl back in
I'm becoming what I never wanted to be. I'm losing emotion. Lost behind the mask. Am I really still here?
Don't wanna lose my innocence
Don't want the world second guessing my heart
I'm lost. I should be dead, but I'm not. I should a child, but I've seen too much. Everyone that stood by me has either turned their backs, or is dead. I'm an adult in a child's world. Ironic huh?
Won't let your lies take a piece of my soul
Don't wanna take your medicine
I wanna crawl back in
I've had enough. I can't take it anymore. I'm dead inside, this will just make it final.
I wanna crawl back in
I wanna crawl back in
Finally... nothing... just darkness. ...
...Just...
...peace...
Feedback would be nice ;) Hope you liked.