A/N: Hey guys! I wrote this oneshot story over a few days. I wanted to make sure I completed it before the show came back on Tuesday. A couple of things to tell you. On Tuesday this week, it's my birthday, Nov. 13, so if you follow me on twitter, stop by and say hi. I'm always up for a chat. I'm extremely happy there is a Snowbarry episode coming back a week from next Tuesday. That is Nov. 20th, when 5x06 "The Icicle Cometh" airs. It's a Caitlin centric episode and I will be there. Hope you guys will too, I might live tweet on my twitter SnowbarryTalk. Feel free to join me 2 weeks from now for the episode. I hope you guys like this one. This has Nora in it but Caitlin is in the story as well. I also had fun writing Joe in it, I feel like the show does not write Joe realistically, so I tried my best to portray him the way people really act when you confess some serious matters, same with Caitlin. As always, I try to rewrite what the show has done to our characters. Let me know what you guys think and if you want more rewrites in the future. Also, I'm writing a new Snowbarry Christmas story so be on the look out for that coming soon. If you guys watched Danielle's Hallmark movie "Christmas Joy" it's very similar to that movie. OK guys, sorry this was long, tell me what you think of the story! Bye all! :)
Nora Allen had trouble sleeping the night of the confession she dreaded having with her mother. Who would have thought it would be this hard to face her again, knowing what she did and how her past self refused to listen to her side. Nora gulped as she tossed and turned. She was tired of crying and she knew she had to stop. But she couldn't. She was holding back a lot of repressed anger toward her mother that just exploded.
The worst of it was her father. All her life she had wanted to know him. To find him. To talk to him. To be near him. And she thought her dreams were a reality the moment she walked inside Grandpa Joe's house. Turned out, she was better staying here than in the new loft. She hated that her own parents turned on her, it wasn't right. Barry didn't even ask her what the reason was; he just automatically sided with her mother.
She shoved the covers off her body and stood up with a heavy sigh. She wasn't getting anywhere near the relaxation that she wanted. She thought about speeding to the fridge but she rarely did anything at a normal non meta human pace. She walked slowly to the fridge and hesitated before turning away. She looked to the tea rack and picked out an herbal choice. As she got the mug ready she turned on the silent kettle. Two minutes waiting for tea felt like an eternity. Not when you can move as fast as the speed of light. She could vibrate it steaming hot if she wanted to but then she stopped herself realizing the right way to make tea.
Somehow the slower she did things, the more pain she felt, it didn't feel normal, being human; because she wasn't ordinary. She was extraordinary and she knew it. It wasn't right that only she knew it and no one else. "Never meet your heroes" people say; nothing has ever made more sense than those four words.
She realized the water was finished and calmly poured the steaming liquid into the mug. The aroma was getting to her senses. She was feeling things in real time and it didn't hurt, not for a moment. Flashtime can't solve everything. She chewed on her lip as she brought the mug to the small kitchen table and sat down in silence.
She was getting nowhere being here, she thought she had it all figured out. She thought that by helping her father, saving his life in punching that satellite that she would find her place in the world. Maybe keep her in a world where she belonged. In her father's world. She felt the scar imprint with her on her chest and cried again, losing track of how many times she felt warm tears falling down her cheeks.
She'd heard footsteps coming down the stairs and wiped any stray tears that fell from her face. She heard low coughing and immediately knew who it was.
"Hi Papa Joe." She smiled thinly.
"Nora. What's going on honey? Everything alright?" Joe asked, making his way to get some water.
Nora shrugged, "Yeah, I guess. It's good to have my family around."
Joe stopped mid-drink and walked over to sit down slowly next to her. "Are you sure you're alright Nora? Anything you wanna talk about? Ask?"
"I feel like if I talk more about the future it could be bad." Nora gulped.
Joe raised his eyebrows knowing she was partially right, but still, he wanted to help. "That could be, so don't talk about the future. Talk about what's going on now."
Nora looked up from her hands holding the mug and tucked her hands nervously under the table.
"I don't know where to start. Was my mom...Iris, was she always like this?" She bluntly asked him.
Joe's eyes narrowed, "What do you mean like this?"
Nora gulped a second time, "Cold, unreasoning, detached?"
Joe took in a deep breath, the honesty came dripping from his words. "Iris can be out there sometimes, it's not easy to handle her, but cold? Detached? Unreasoning? That doesn't sound like the Iris I know and raised." Joe surmised, perplexed at what he was hearing.
"You wouldn't."
Joe twitched, "What?"
Nora realized what she was confessing and calmly took a breath. "I used to think my mom could take care of me when dad left. I didn't think—know it would turn out this way. When I traveled to now, I knew I was going to meet her again, but, I didn't think, I don't want to think, she would never change. She did..." Nora paused as she held a hand over her mouth, keeping her emotions back.
Joe reached his hand, holding her free one. "It's OK, take it slow."
"She didn't want me to be me." Nora blurted out, almost raising her voice. "She...stopped who I was. I didn't know who I was, but she did and didn't want me to be...like dad, like more. Better. Stronger. I could have done so much for everyone. She did it to control me."
"Iris did what?"
Nora couldn't say more. It was getting increasingly difficult to speak the more she tried. All she did was remove his hand from hers and pulled back her T-shirt to reveal the scar that held the proof she needed of her mother's unspeakable act.
Joe thought his eyes were deceiving him but he looked again. It was a scar, red and permanent, almost as if it just happened recently. Scaring from a surgery, Joe's shocked eyes stared back at her, asking her what he believed wasn't true.
"Nora?"
"Mom put a chip inside of me, dampening my powers, keeping me in the dark my whole life to who I was. I—Papa Joe, please understand, I told her this today and—oh my god." She stopped talking when she flashed back to the confrontation between her parents.
She couldn't believe it still happened, it felt like a nightmare. Her life ending all over again. Joe was going to support his daughter, she could anticipate it, her mother is never wrong. She was bracing herself for what he was going to say next.
"I believe you Nora. I love you. I will never understand why my own flesh and blood would do this to my granddaughter. I can't understand it. You don't need to feel scared anymore, you're safe. I can't believe, I can't believe you went through that. It's unheard of."
Nora took the tissues Joe offered and wiped her eyes as best she could. "This reminds me when my friend was disowned by her family because she...was different too. She loved someone she shouldn't. It's not right, taking away who you are, your identity. How could I live like that? Knowing what my mother did? To protect me?!"
"How could she think that—?"
"I don't know. She said she would have a good reason without knowing what it is." Nora cried.
Joe tried to process everything going on, but one thought bothered him. "Does Barry know?"
"No, he never gave me a chance to say it. He came in the labs and overheard us talking. Mom wanted to hide it from him but I told him exactly what she said. I was going to tell him the reason she did it when...he...he said it doesn't matter what the reason is."
Joe paused for a moment to look down and think of just how all of this was even making sense. He couldn't, he didn't understand how his children, Barry and Iris, who he raise side by side each other could behave this way.
"None of this sounds like the Barry I know. He would want to know why. He became a CSI to understand why things happen the way they do. It doesn't make any sense. Not my Barry, not my Iris. This is...this is unheard of." Joe commented a second time, still incredulous of Nora's confession.
"Papa Joe, I'm so sorry..." Nora felt bad for traumatizing her grandfather but she honestly couldn't keep it in any longer.
Knowing her days are probably numbered she accepted it as her fate and cried into her grandfather's arms as he cradled her back.
She felt better getting everything out in the open and Joe offered to stay with her until she fell asleep. It was late after all and she had to get up to face the dread of the next day.
Nora woke up the next morning with some new thoughts and she wasn't sure what to do with them. Having the talk with Joe last night had made a lot of difference. She felt relieved, less angry, more accepting, possibly forgiving. And she hardly thought she could ever forgive her mother for violating her genetic fate like she did.
She heard voices downstairs, gathered herself up and put on her slippers. The voices were hushed and compassionate, two people having a civil conversation. Nora wasn't used to that in a long time. Living with her unbearable mother made her afraid of conversations all together. Nora nevertheless found herself walking closer to the voices.
It was her Papa Joe and Cecile. It was a nice image to see. This is what a family should look like. It's just unfortunate her mother had to be the most selfish person ever. If anything, that is the opposite of what being a mother should be. A lot of people here in central don't really know this but in the future, families are torn apart. You have to look for idols and inspirations, not always are they related to you. For Nora, it was Barry, even though she never knew him, she loved him. Now she wasn't so sure how to feel about everything.
If only Barry was more like Papa Joe and Iris like Cecile, she wouldn't have to struggle to find a real family.
"Hey guys, good morning." Nora greeted from the end of the stairs.
Joe and Cecile looked up as Joe waved his granddaughter over to come and sit down.
"Hey baby, come and have some breakfast. Cecile was about to leave, we were just talking about you."
Nora smiled, it reached her eyes, the way he said it, it seemed pleasant. "Good things, I hope?"
"Actually," Cecile started with a beaming smile, "We were just saying it was great to have most of the family here. With Jenna Marie, she could use more bonding time. It's nice that you're here Nora. We wouldn't have it any other way."
Joe looked between the two most important women in his life now. He remembered what Iris did to Nora and still haven't forgot the trauma and pain his own daughter caused his granddaughter. He could still see it in Nora's eyes, she was trying so hard to get by through the moments. He couldn't imagine if he had to go through the same thing Nora did, he probably wouldn't be as brave.
When Nora looked at him he gave her a warming smile and she returned it as he held out his hand for her to take.
"Absolutely," Joe echoed. "It's nice for family to be together in the house."
Nora gave a sad smile but she still meant it. "Yeah, I think so, thank you guys so much for giving me a place to stay. It means the world."
Cecile jumped up and checked her phone for the time, "Oh gosh, I gotta go. Sorry, but I'll be back soon. Paralegals are calling me."
Cecile kissed Joe and Nora before walking out in a rush. Even Joe had to laugh at how fast she boomed out of the house.
Nora gave Joe an amused look, "Are you sure Grandma Cecile's powers are only telepathy?"
Joe shrugged. "Couldn't tell ya. How are you doing kid? Feeling better from last night?"
Nora nodded, "Yeah, a lot. It felt good to have someone listen to me and not judge for once."
"I'll always be here for you baby, as long as you're here. Come talk to me any time."
Nora was about to speak when there was a knock on the door.
They shared a look and Nora stood up to go answer it. She opened the door and gave a surprised smile.
"Hey, Caitlin, how are you?"
Caitlin was fully dressed in her MD coat ready to run back to star labs. She had a concerned but caring smile on her face.
"Good morning Nora, is Joe around?"
"I'm in here, come on in Caitlin." Joe almost yelled from the kitchen.
Nora moved aside so Caitlin could come inside and closed the door behind her.
"Everything OK?" Nora asked her.
Caitlin waved her hand as if it was nothing, "Yeah, Joe asked me to bring him some pain medicine. I was really worried when he called me, but I'm glad he spoke to me before anything got worse."
"What's wrong with Papa Joe?" Nora asked curiously.
"It's nothing hun, Caitlin just brought over something to ease the pain. Nothing major." Joe commented as Caitlin gave him the medicine she held.
Nora watched as Joe took some capsules with a glass of water and sat down afterwards. "Thanks Caitlin."
Caitlin sent a smile and nodded his way. "Let me know if you need more. I'm always on call."
"Well I'm gonna lay down a bit. Let me know if you need anything OK baby?" Joe stood up and kissed Nora on her head before walking slowly upstairs.
Nora took a seat, something was bothering her and it went beyond what her mother did. The way Caitlin treated Joe, actually, more the way she treated people in general, Nora wished she had experienced that growing up. Instead, she was cursed with someone who constantly thought of herself and not her own daughter. Caitlin would make a great mother some day.
"Nora, are you alright?" Caitlin asked as she took Joe's seat across from her.
Nora's face shot up suddenly, "Oh, yeah, umm, just, it's nice to see people be nice to each other. I know you're a doctor and all, I know that Grandpa Henry was one too, but you really care about the people you help. You listen to them."
Caitlin smiled as she tilted her head. "It's my job, your father is the same, well, more or less sometimes truthfully."
"What do you mean? Barry, my dad, he wasn't a hero?"
Caitlin realized she was revealing something that may hurt Nora and she didn't want to do that, but Nora still had the right to know the truth. At least from Caitlin's perspective.
"Barry is a hero; he'll always be a hero. Just, sometimes he prioritizes his life maybe to one person only. Perhaps he feels if he loses that person, he'll be alone. But he won't be. He has his family, me, Cisco, Joe. One person shouldn't dictate how you live your life. I'm sorry I shouldn't be saying any of this." Caitlin said, looking down.
"No, Caitlin, I want to know. So much has been kept from me. My whole life, let's just say I've had to scramble to find the pieces myself. I wish someone would tell me the truth, and you do that. Please, tell me who my dad really is."
Caitlin sighed, wondering where she should start. Nora begged her to tell her the truth and she was finding it hard to lie to her, the same way she found it hard to lie to Barry. They almost the same eyes just now.
"Barry is a brilliant scientist. He has a big heart. He's reckless, at times detrimental in his choices. He has been in love with your mother all his life. But, your mother loved someone else, deeply. Eddie Thawne was a good man; he reminded me a lot of Ronnie, my fiancé. I felt really bad for Barry, he was in love with someone who always choice someone else. I told him not to interfere with their relationship many times, but he never listens. Your father is very stubborn; he does almost anything he wants and at times forgets how much that affects people. But we forgive him, even if he wants nothing to do with me or Cisco and only uses us when it's convenient or when it comes to Iris."
Nora's eyes were bulging by the time Caitlin finished. She looked almost in tears as she stared at Nora with a hopeless but caring smile. The same smile she used when she treated a patient.
"So...wow. I really did come all this way for...nothing. I truly thought my father from what I learned in the museum was the best hero ever. He is renowned in my world. If only everyone knew the truth, I wonder, would they still revere him?"
"I don't know, I honestly don't know."
Nora nodded, that was enough of an answer, she didn't need to say yes. She was tired of being lied to, hearing the truth felt strange, foreign, but good in spite of how much it stung.
"Figures."
"Nora, I still love and respect your father. I just feel that—" Nora interrupted Caitlin.
"Respect? Love? How could anyone still care about someone so selfish? Everyone else be damned. That is not a hero. Are these people really my parents? Especially after what my mother did to me." Nora said, barely, touching the scar over her T-shirt.
"Do what? Nora, what's going on?"
Sooner or later people were going to ask, the more people she told, the more support she may have against her own flesh and blood. She wanted to take that risk.
"My mom put a chip inside my body to dampen my powers, I told her everything. She said even without knowing the reason that she had a good reason to violate me like that. I told her why she did it. She said...nothing to me. My father overheard us. Mom wanted to sweep it under the rug but I said no, I was tired of the lies and secrecy. My dad wouldn't hear me out. He blindly supported my mom over me. He didn't even listen to the real reason. He doesn't know who she is. I still can't...believe that. I looked up to him for so long. I don't know who my parents are."
"Oh god, I'm so deeply sorry..." Caitlin came close to her and pulled Nora into a hug as she cried on her shoulder. She could relate to Nora's situation more than she cared to say. But this wasn't about her. She saw herself in Nora, oddly, she found her own eyes become watery.
"It's OK, I'm so sorry that happened. I can't imagine what you're feeling. I understand." She said softly as Nora pulled back, Caitlin moved her chair closer to Nora as she held her hands.
"Thanks Caitlin, I'm sorry I—it's just been too much for me. For first time I haven't been allowed to really feel anything. My mom is so oblivious."
"If Barry doesn't know, you should tell him. Tell him exactly what you told me. Ask him to listen to you, when Iris—your mother, isn't in the room. Maybe without Iris around, Barry could just listen. He's done that before. You have to tell him, he deserves to know."
Caitlin was right, Barry never actually heard her out. But she was afraid he wouldn't give her the chance. Your mother is always right. Those words still haunted her all these years. It's something Iris said when Nora was around. She seemed to think she was acting in Nora's best interest. The truth was...
"I know, I will, I feel like I have to. I came back for a reason and I don't want to regret it."
Caitlin smiled gently in her direction, she gave a nod and contented sigh. "You're doing the right thing. Some mothers don't always understand their daughters. They choose not to."
Nora noticed Caitlin herself was looking sad as she said that. "Caitlin, are you alright?"
"Yeah," She said, adjusting her sleeve. "Why do you ask?"
Nora shrugged. "Just the way you said that, mothers don't always understand, it like you're speaking from experience."
Caitlin sighed, "I guess I do in a way, my mother isn't exactly the nurturing type. It's been hard over the years to connect with her, even with my own struggles, I mean, my powers."
"Oh, so you know what it's like? Well, it sucks; I wish I had a mother who cared about me, not herself. Sometimes I don't even think she cares about herself. I guess you guys don't really know what happens in the future."
Caitlin smiled sadly, "The less we know the better. It doesn't sound good to me. All we can change is now. I guess that's a little weird to say to someone who knows what's gonna happen."
"No, it's not. It's pretty clear." Nora sent a smile back.
Caitlin returned the gesture, "You know, Barry told us something about you."
Nora's eyes bulged out. "Oh, what-what did he say?"
Caitlin shook her head. "It's nothing bad at all. He loves you no matter what."
Nora slowly nodded as she pieced what Caitlin said together. "Oh, yeah, oh yeah, umm. Spencer, yeah," she paused to take a sharp breath, "I'm glad dad feels that way, mom on the other hand..."
"She'll come around. Secrets shouldn't stay hidden, it's who you are, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Take it from me; keeping something in, it can tear you apart. There was a guy I used to...well, let's just say, I thought it was going to be something. But I realized it was maybe nothing, so I buried it and it's hard to live with that weight on my shoulders. There's not a day that goes by that I don't regret saying something; and now it's too late. Who knows what could have happened? I guess I'll never know, maybe it's best."
"Caitlin," Nora started, "Caring around any secret isn't the way to live. Take it from me, my life. My mother, everything I've known to be true about me, it's all been torn apart from secrets. I had to claw for the truth, literally." She said, touching her scar. "You should tell him, whoever this guy is, tell him how you feel. Don't be like my mom. I know you're nothing like her."
"I mean, I guess..." She trailed off.
"Caitlin, take control of your destiny."
Caitlin took a moment to take in what Nora said. She was right on every level. This secret was eating her alive the more she kept to herself. All those years of telling herself she didn't need to make things right and tell the truth. All the advice she gave to others to inspire them to become better, she seldom took those words for her own life. Now she was considering it. For the first time in a long time she was thinking about her needs, they mattered, didn't they?
Caitlin smiled warmly as she cleared her throat and then checked the time. "Oh wow, I have to go. Are you gonna be alright?"
"Yeah, I should be. Let me know if you guys need anything? I'd love to help out any way I can."
"Of course, keep your phone on. Take care of yourself Nora." Caitlin said, about to turn around when she heard Nora stand up behind her.
"Caitlin?"
Caitlin stopped and held the door as she looked by at Nora with concern.
"Don't let secrets tear your happiness apart like it did to me." Nora confessed, holding her head high.
Caitlin nodded seriously and sent a slight smile her way. She waved goodbye and closed the door.
Nora turned around and when to go sit down on the couch, she felt something sting her suddenly, then a weightless feeling came to her. She could feel the numbness in her hands as she lifted them in the air, her eyes narrowing as she tried to find where the pain was.
Her hands were blinking in and out of focus.