Jack was back, John was gone and now they had to avoid themselves, great. They were driving to a hotel to spend the night when Ianto got his first good look at Jack since he came back. His eyes and face were full of shadows, shadows that hadn't been there before. Somehow, Ianto got the feeling that jack had been away a lot longer than two months. As they were walking into the hotel, Ianto almost missed Jack flinch when the busboy brushed past him and touched his shoulder. Jack stifled the reaction in milliseconds and Ianto almost missed it, almost.
Owen didn't miss it, he saw the flinch and remembered the brief moment of terror that had flared in his bosses eyes when Gwen had confronted him physically. Owen had been watching Jack to see if he could figure out why he left, instead he discovered a vulnerability he had never seen before in his Captain. He didn't know what had happened to Jack but he was bloody well going to find out.
During dinner at the hotel's five star resturant, courtesy of the British Government no less, Tosh could feel Jack's eyes on her and when she glanced up she could almost swear she saw worry flash across his face. She watched for a moment as Jack's eyes flicked from face to face of the members of the team and she could almost feel his heart grow heavy. As the conversation droned on to the subject of Gwen's wedding she wondered if Jack felt out of place, as if he didn't belong anymore. She felt sorry for him and when she saw the pain in his eyes as he looked at Ianto she decided to forgive him for leaving but she still wondered what was causing him to act this way because it seemed to be more than just loneliness. Had John Hart said something to him about us? Or maybe something happened while he was away, or maybe it was just guilt for leaving. Tosh wondered. She hoped with all her heart it was the last one little did she know how close she was to the truth of it all and yet how little she could even imagine what her beloved Captain had been through.
As dinner continued and the group grew tired of her wedding talk Gwen thought she saw Jack's eyes close as if in rapture as he took a bite of food. That couldn't be right, he had only eatten a carrot. He must be trying to tune out her wedding talk, she concluded, carrying on with the meal and her completely onesided conversation.
When dinner broke up the girls went to have spa treatments and Ianto and owen went for massages. They invited Jack but he declined much to their surprise. He knew he couldn't handle any form of contact with another person at the moment, his memories of what had happened aboard the Valiant were too fresh. Images flashed in his mind of the Master, with his "toys", searing pain, death, the gasp of air as he returned knowing he had but moments before he died yet again. The loneliness of being chained alone and having to watch the world burn beneath him with only the distraught members of Martha's family allowed to be near him and the pain in their eyes as they heard him scream till his voice went hoarse over and over again. Jack snapped back to reality and as he walked to his room, his hand trailed along the wall stopping everyonece and a while to feel something, a knot in the wood, the smooth metal of a door handle. He rubbed a plant leaf between his fingers in passing, feeling the veiny rubberyness that told him it was alive, that he was alive. His eyes seemed to notice everything, the soft comforting beige of the hallway walls to the bright happy blue of the womans purse he had just passed. When he got to his room he stripped and went to the bathroom and turned on the shower, eager to feel the soothing warm water on his skin. As he stepped in to the rush of water he almost moaned with pleasure and closed his eyes and let it wash over his face gently. He stood there for hours and got out feeling more refreshed than he had in a long time and certainly more rested than a nap would leave him, he couldn't risk the nightmares that came when he closed his eyes and for once he was glad that he didn't need to sleep. When he laid down on the bed it felt so amazing that he was tempted to sleep but he knew if he did he would see the Masters face cackling, feel the pain and he was afraid he would wake back on the Valiant and this would all have been a dream, one that would torture him more than the Master ever could with his knives, burning metal or sick games because in this dream, if it was a dream, his team was alive, Ianto was alive.